UFC Fight Night: Makhachev v Moises, Reneau v Tate.

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Hammer House: Stinger Splash Zone > UFC Fight Night: Makhachev v Moises, Reneau v Tate.

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Brut: Aug 21, 2007

Broadcast is live, fights should start soon.

CommonShore posted:

Uggghhhh I don�t wanna. But I will, because this is the exact kind of card that these posts are good for. So I�m going to break down Fight Night: Makachev vs Moises. Again, I listened to Jack Slack already this week, so I won�t be able to avoid having his analysis seep in, instead of the reverse, which is what usually happens Mr. Slack who I know is reading this because he�s secretly a goon.

All of this will be on ESPN/ESPN+

Main Card
Lightweight Islam Makhachev vs Thiago Moises
This is a lightweight Coming of Age story. Unfortunately, it should have happened on last week�s PPV where people would actually get to see the fighters, instead of on a card where nobody will. Though now they get a 5 round fight. This fight is an argument for making the prelim headliners 5 rounds. Do it, Dana. And pay me money for the idea and to be the UFC matchmaker. And quit your job and go away forever. See? I can�t even stay on topic with this card.

Makhachev is Khabib�s prot�g� and dietician. He�s like Khabib with a bit better striking, and a bit worse grappling. He has one career loss, getting clipped by Adriano Martins, who is a forgettable Brazilian kickboxer who actually can hit, so it�s essentially a puncher�s chance loss. His last fight he completely smeshed Drew Dober. Thiago Moises is the opposite of Drew Dober: a Brazilian who can grapple. His best UFC win is probably a cool achilles lock win over Michael Johnson, but he has beaten Bobby Green and Alexander Hernandez since then.

Bantamweight Marion Reneau vs Miesha Tate
mom fight mom fight Mom Fight Mom Fight MOM FIGHT MOM FIGHT! Actually it�s not that exciting. Reneau is at 44 the oldest woman ever to fight in the UFC at 44. She�s a gym teacher who has some decent wins in a long career but who is also on a 4 fight losing streak. She has never been finished. She mostly rassles and punches at people. Miesha Tate is only 34, but I think that still makes this the oldest women�s fight in UFC history. She�s the former champ and a major pioneer of the division, but she was also retired for 5 years doing ??? for ONE. She was mostly a wrestler too.

Lightweight Jeremy Stephens vs Mateusz Gamrot
Stephens is the most overrated KO artist in the game, because they call him that but he has like 6 finishes in 30 UFC fights. Last time out he didn�t even get out because he assaulted and injured his opponent at the weigh in. OH WELL. He�s on like a 5 fight winless streak. I really don�t hate him that much, but they should just permanently move him to #16 in the rankings and change his nickname to �The Gatekeeper.� Gamrot is a polish prospect who is 1-1 in the UFC. He TKOed Scott Holtzman in his last fight. Oh, he went 7 minutes against Garry Tonon at ADCC so he�s probably going to choke Stephens out unless he does something stupid and gets punched. Acually, Stephens is a competent counter wrestler. It�s almost as if this fight represents some kind of test and barrier to Gamrot�s future advancement in the division

Middleweight Rodolfo Vieria vs Dustin Stolzfus
Viera is the greatest jiu jitsu guy ever. Or something. He also gassed like a chump in his last fight and got choked out by a purple belt. Stolzfus (I can�t type his name correctly even if I�m looking at it) is a DWCS guy who lost his debut to Kyle Daukaus. His record says �Grappler,� so this is probably an alley-oop for Vieria but maybe he�ll snatch defeat from the jaws of victory again.

Yeesh.

Gabriel Benitez vs Billy Quarantillo
This fight should fukken rock. Benitez is a Mexican brawler from AKA who is said (by his coaches) to be p4p one of the hardest kickers in the sport, recently KOing Justin Jaynes in December. Billy Quarantillo is a good wrestler who has been in some fun as poo poo fights, too, coming off his first UFC loss, to Gavin Tucker.

Prelims
Welterweight Daniel Rodriguez vs Preston Parsons
Why isn�t Rodriguez getting a spotlight? He has wins over Mike Perry, Tim Means, and others. He�s a scary looking dude who punches people. Is there some other guy who looks like him, though, who has been also on a tear? Preston Parsons is a debuting late replacement with lots of strangles on his record, and an early career loss to Mike Perry.

Strawweight Amanda Lemos vs Montserrat �Conejo� Ruiz
Big Tatty Goth Girlfriend is back. Ruiz is a Mexican wrestler who won her last fight by scarf holding her opponent for 3 rounds and then getting into a yelling match afterwards. It owned. Before that she was lined up for an Invicta title shot. She has finished several fights from scarf, actually. Lemos is a Brazilian who is on a 3-fight streak, including a decision over Mizuki and a KO of Livinha Souza, which was pretty sweet actually. This might be good, or at least funny.

Bantamweight Khalid Taha vs Sergey Morozov
??? Taha is German and his only UFC win is a KO of Boston Salmon. Morozov is Kazakhstani and his only UFC bout is a loss to Umar Nurmagomedov, who is an undefeated uber prospect.

Bantamweight Miles Johns vs Anderson Dos Santos
??? Johns is a 11-1 / 2-1 UFC DWCS guy whose most recent win was a POTN KO of Kevin Natividad. Dos Santos is a 21-8 / 1-2 Brazilian with a loss to a guy named Nad

Flyweight Francisco Figueirdo vs Malcolm Gordon
Figgy �Thong Song� Smallser is Deivison�s younger brother. He�s 1-0 in the UFC with a decision win over Jerome Rivera, who we saw get his head twisted off last weekend. Gordon is a Canadian TKO guy, 0-2 UFC

Heavyweight Alan Baudot vs Rodrigo Nascimento
Nascimento is a DWCS guy who got KOed by Chris Daukaus in 45 seconds. Baudot is a French/Canadian (not French-Canadian) TKO guy who got into the UFC as a late replacement off of some strange DQ win and then got beaten up by Tom Aspinall.

# ? Jul 18, 2021 00:22

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 13:05

CommonShore: Jun 6, 2014; A true renaissance man

Johns vs Dos Santos was scratched because someone got loving covid

# ? Jul 18, 2021 00:26

Jerusalem: May 20, 2004; Would you be my new best friends?

Well... that was certainly a fight involving two fighters, I guess.

# ? Jul 18, 2021 00:51

hrollins: May 20, 2003; Radio Friendly Unit Shifter

Jerusalem posted:

Well... that was certainly a fight involving two fighters, I guess.

I think I would've rather watched him play Fortnite

# ? Jul 18, 2021 00:58

Brut: Aug 21, 2007

Gordon's cornerman found Conor's coke stash that was apparently left behind last week and is now on all of it at once, lmao.

# ? Jul 18, 2021 01:19

CommonShore: Jun 6, 2014; A true renaissance man

Brut posted:

Gordon's cornerman found Conor's coke stash that was apparently left behind last week and is now on all of it at once, lmao.

Too soon

# ? Jul 18, 2021 01:29

Digital Jedi: May 28, 2007; Fallen Rib

By the end of the night the Gaethje Chiesa commercial will be played 6000 times

# ? Jul 18, 2021 01:31

Brut: Aug 21, 2007

CommonShore posted:

Too soon

What?

For real his cornerman was talking a million miles an hour, probably none of it got on the ESPN broadcast.

# ? Jul 18, 2021 01:40

Brut: Aug 21, 2007

Holy poo poo Morozov's coach is talking to him in this amazing mix of mostly English, some Russian and some Judo terms.

# ? Jul 18, 2021 01:45

CommonShore: Jun 6, 2014; A true renaissance man

Brut posted:

What?

For real his cornerman was talking a million miles an hour, probably none of it got on the ESPN broadcast.

His original coach who they were talking about at the beginning of the fight, Shawn Tompkins, was renowned for massive cocaine consumption and died young of a heart attack

# ? Jul 18, 2021 01:51

Brut: Aug 21, 2007

CommonShore posted:

His original coach who they were talking about at the beginning of the fight, Shawn Tompkins, was renowned for massive cocaine consumption and died young of a heart attack

Oh holy poo poo I had it muted between the fights and didn't hear any of that, I thought I was just making fun of Conor. gently caress.

# ? Jul 18, 2021 01:53

CommonShore: Jun 6, 2014; A true renaissance man

Brut posted:

Oh holy poo poo I had it muted between the fights and didn't hear any of that, I thought I was just making fun of Conor. gently caress.

don't worry Shawn Thompkins died like 10 years ago

# ? Jul 18, 2021 01:59

Brut: Aug 21, 2007

Anyway this Morozov guy loving owns, I didn't expect him to speak English at all

# ? Jul 18, 2021 02:00

Quid: Jul 19, 2006

Lemos stop seemed a little early

# ? Jul 18, 2021 02:15

individual865: Mar 26, 2007; Life on the outside ain't what it used to be.

yesss, a walid ismael promo.

# ? Jul 18, 2021 02:16

Troy Queef: Jan 12, 2013

individual865 posted:

yesss, a walid ismael promo.

FIRST HOUND KNOCKOUCH, SHE WILL BE SHAMPION

# ? Jul 18, 2021 02:17

Lone Goat: Apr 16, 2003; When life gives you lemons, suplex those lemons.

CommonShore posted:

His original coach who they were talking about at the beginning of the fight, Shawn Tompkins, was renowned for massive cocaine consumption and died young of a heart attack

I will forever have scorn in my heart for Shawn Tompkins for having Mark Coleman box against Randy Couture.

# ? Jul 18, 2021 02:21

Digital Jedi: May 28, 2007; Fallen Rib

Quid posted:

Lemos stop seemed a little early

https://streamable.com/1dje62

Nah I don't think so. Her popping up and backing up she didn't seem like she knew where she was.

# ? Jul 18, 2021 02:21

Deathlove: Feb 20, 2003; Pillbug

I'm just kind of watching this out of the corner of my eye but

Brut posted:

Rodriguez...is a scary looking dude who punches people.

it's true! it's very true.

# ? Jul 18, 2021 02:47

hrollins: May 20, 2003; Radio Friendly Unit Shifter

Bryan "toxic relationship" Caraway

# ? Jul 18, 2021 02:52

Snowman_McK: Jan 31, 2010

I remember really disliking Benitez on TUF Latinamerica so I'm enjoying this on two levels.

I don't remember that many fights getting stopped in that position. Off the top of my head, I can't think of any.

Snowman_McK fucked around with this message at 03:29 on Jul 18, 2021

# ? Jul 18, 2021 03:24

beep by grandpa: May 5, 2004

This is a great fight although both mens health bars are flashing DANGER rn

# ? Jul 18, 2021 03:29

G-Hawk: Dec 15, 2003

As advertised

# ? Jul 18, 2021 03:30

beep by grandpa: May 5, 2004

all these fuckin modelo ads finally worked, i love coronas and now i wanna try one lol 👀

# ? Jul 18, 2021 03:36

Eat This Glob: Jan 14, 2008; God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. Who will wipe this blood off us? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we need to invent?

Lone Goat posted:

I will forever have scorn in my heart for Shawn Tompkins for having Mark Coleman box against Randy Couture.

oh no. as far as fight results go, that one hurt. anyone recall the total goon betting loss on that one?

# ? Jul 18, 2021 04:04

Eat This Glob: Jan 14, 2008; God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. Who will wipe this blood off us? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we need to invent?

Holy poo poo made it look easy

# ? Jul 18, 2021 04:20

hrollins: May 20, 2003; Radio Friendly Unit Shifter

LIke a hot knife through butter

# ? Jul 18, 2021 04:21

beep by grandpa: May 5, 2004

rootin for meisha tonight, hopefully this isn't sad but it has the possibility to be sad for either fighter. i hope it's not sad.

i wonder what the record for highest combined age of fighters in the octagon is cause this is gonna be up there

# ? Jul 18, 2021 04:23

Jerusalem: May 20, 2004; Would you be my new best friends?

"I'm retired, don't be beating me up in here!" haha

# ? Jul 18, 2021 04:23

Digital Jedi: May 28, 2007; Fallen Rib

Bellator about to get the hardest hitting 145er

# ? Jul 18, 2021 04:28

wilderthanmild: Jun 21, 2010; Posting shit; Grimey Drawer

beep by grandpa posted:

rootin for meisha tonight, hopefully this isn't sad but it has the possibility to be sad for either fighter. i hope it's not sad.

i wonder what the record for highest combined age of fighters in the octagon is cause this is gonna be up there

I'm pretty sure this is the record for UFC at least. Bellator has had quite a few fights with guys who have been long out of the UFC for name value, so maybe they have a 40+ year old vs 40+ year old fight.

I'm also rooting for Miesha tonight, but I have a bad feeling this could be a sad one to watch. Hope I'm wrong.

# ? Jul 18, 2021 04:29

Brut: Aug 21, 2007

wilderthanmild posted:

I'm pretty sure this is the record for UFC at least. Bellator has had quite a few fights with guys who have been long out of the UFC for name value, so maybe they have a 40+ year old vs 40+ year old fight

I mean Oleinik fought Werdum last year, in UFC, just for example. Also Oleinik vs Overeem was up there, as was Oleinik vs Hunt before that.

Brut fucked around with this message at 04:39 on Jul 18, 2021

# ? Jul 18, 2021 04:36

TastyAvocado: Dec 9, 2009

wilderthanmild posted:

Bellator has had quite a few fights with guys who have been long out of the UFC for name value, so maybe they have a 40+ year old vs 40+ year old fight.

Werdum vs Oleynik last year in the UFC was 42 vs 43. Roy Nelson vs Crocop in Bellator in 2018 has that slightly beat at 42 vs 44.

# ? Jul 18, 2021 04:36

LobsterMobster: Oct 29, 2009; "I was being quiet and trying to be a good boy but he dialed the right combination to open the throw-down vault and it was on."

"Walter Foxx is ten times brighter than your bulb at the bottom of the tree merry xmas"

wilderthanmild posted:

I'm pretty sure this is the record for UFC at least. Bellator has had quite a few fights with guys who have been long out of the UFC for name value, so maybe they have a 40+ year old vs 40+ year old fight.

I'm also rooting for Miesha tonight, but I have a bad feeling this could be a sad one to watch. Hope I'm wrong.

I assume Bellator putting Royce and Ken back in the cage in 2016 holds a normal promotion record for oldest mans fight.

Coleman vs Couture might be up there for UFC

# ? Jul 18, 2021 04:38

beep by grandpa: May 5, 2004

i recall meisha's 5th round submission of holly holm being one of the hypest things i've ever seen in this sport, too bad she had to catch Nunes' hands right afterward

# ? Jul 18, 2021 04:39

beep by grandpa: May 5, 2004

I have never seen someone so happy to be in there

# ? Jul 18, 2021 04:43

TastyAvocado: Dec 9, 2009

LobsterMobster posted:

I assume Bellator putting Royce and Ken back in the cage in 2016 holds a normal promotion record for oldest mans fight.

Coleman vs Couture might be up there for UFC

Yeah drat, Coleman vs Couture was 45 vs 47 and was a fight between real fighters with recent wins over relevant opponents. That would be tough to beat for a real fight. Gracie vs Shamrock in 2016, which I did not know happened, is a gross joke fight.

Edit: That said Shamrock vs Gracie had a combined age of 101 :psyduck:

TastyAvocado fucked around with this message at 04:48 on Jul 18, 2021

# ? Jul 18, 2021 04:45

beep by grandpa: May 5, 2004

ty for informing us meisha is still breastfeeding

# ? Jul 18, 2021 04:46

D-Pad: Jun 28, 2006

beep by grandpa posted:

ty for informing us meisha is still breastfeeding

Honestly I was sitting here wondering if she got a boob job.

# ? Jul 18, 2021 04:47

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 13:05

DoombatINC: Apr 20, 2003; Here's the thing, I'm a feminist.

beep by grandpa posted:

ty for informing us meisha is still breastfeeding

it was worth it for the fifteen seconds of awkward silence from the commentary team afterwards

# ? Jul 18, 2021 04:48

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Hammer House: Stinger Splash Zone > UFC Fight Night: Makhachev v Moises, Reneau v Tate.

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