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Agricola Frigidus posted:That's one going back to at least the Middle Ages. Back then, they believed the body was governed by four fluids (humoralism) - yellow bile or chole, black bile or melanchole, blood and brain fluid or phlegm. Every humor is either hot or cold, wet or dry, and contributed to your bodily or mental state. Fever? Too much of the warm wet stuff, so bloodletting is needed. Melancholic? Too much black bile. Nice try, dad 
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Aug 8, 2021 08:34
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My dad told me that stranded electrical wire would only let electricity flow properly if the ends were twisted clockwise, but they had to be twisted the other way in the Southern hemisphere.
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Aug 8, 2021 08:47
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Milo and POTUS posted:IANAS so I assume it's currents? They throttle the boat way down on the way there, and speed it up on the way back. Cruise ships top out around 21 knots, they’ll usually run around 12-14. For what it’s worth, on the cruise ship I worked on, going from 20 to 21 knots increased fuel consumption by about 20%. We had to kick a whole other generator online just to get those last RPMs.
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Aug 9, 2021 03:26
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Not an intentional bullshitting, but one that didn't click for me until I was in my late twenties or so: When I was around 5-6, I stupidly touched a hot plate on the stove to see if it was hot. Even at that age, I realised what an embarrassing stupidity it was (and yet I've touched many more hot things to see if they were hot since then), so when I lamented my very slightly burnt finger to my mom, I blamed it on the water faucet being very hot when I touched it. She said something along the lines of "oh, your dad must have used very hot water for something". Of course, she drew this conclusion since she hadn't used any very hot water but I just accepted "sometimes dads use very hot water for Secret Manly Dad Stuff" as a fact, and I occasionally wondered what he was using near-boiling tap water for until my realisation a couple of years ago.
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Aug 9, 2021 14:15
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Covski posted:Not an intentional bullshitting, but one that didn't click for me until I was in my late twenties or so: Shaving, or crying in the shower, or crying in the shower while shaving?
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Aug 9, 2021 14:36
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Seems weird to bring water from the kitchen sink to do that, but dads work in mysterious ways.
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Aug 9, 2021 14:53
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Covski posted:Seems weird to bring water from the kitchen sink to do that, but dads work in mysterious ways. I like to let on that I'm doing Important Secret Things when my kids catch me doing stupid stuff due to lack of sleep or brain worms. My wife likes to imply that I'm an idiot but only the oldest is catching on.
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Aug 9, 2021 15:39
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Mzuri posted:My wife likes to imply that I'm an idiot but only the oldest is catching on. I’m glad you’re finally catching on, op
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Aug 9, 2021 15:53
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boop the snoot posted:I’m glad you’re finally catching on, op Hey... Hey!
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Aug 9, 2021 20:22
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One time I found some cotton balls in the playground of my elementary school, and decided to bring them home. My mom joked that they might have Anthrax on them (this was 2001 and the Anthrax scare was very much on everyone's minds). Me not parsing this as a joke legitimately thought I had Anthrax and was going to die a horrible death in 24 hours.
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Aug 9, 2021 20:30
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Neo_Crimson posted:One time I found some cotton balls in the playground of my elementary school, and decided to bring them home. My mom joked that they might have Anthrax on them (this was 2001 and the Anthrax scare was very much on everyone's minds). Me not parsing this as a joke legitimately thought I had Anthrax and was going to die a horrible death in 24 hours. Probably just a junky dropping his filters.
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Aug 9, 2021 23:11
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There was a kid that was told by him mom that if he got hit on the side of the head for any reason, he'd die! I never seen a kid so terrified after getting hit with a dodgeball. he was on the floor screaming in terror that he was on deaths door because of it.
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Aug 12, 2021 04:28
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twistedmentat posted:There was a kid that was told by him mom that if he got hit on the side of the head for any reason, he'd die! lmao owned
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Aug 12, 2021 04:28
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No swimming after eating. The water (later on, the temperature difference) would make my digestion stop and I'd vomit (and die).
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Aug 12, 2021 04:33
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twistedmentat posted:There was a kid that was told by him mom that if he got hit on the side of the head for any reason, he'd die!  When I was five, our family cars radio had equalizer buttons for the stereo system. Being five and not understanding what the words "bass" and "treble" meant, my dad warned me not to touch them when he was driving otherwise the car might break down or explode.  Also remember my mom trying to explain to seven year old me what a swat team was. She finally just said "Ninjas. They dress like ninjas and go after bad guys." So naturally I figured that police ninjas were a real life thing and not actually a bunch of cops that shoot dogs over bullshit no knock warrants. This was also around the time TMNT and 3 Ninjas were huge for kids, so that image was burned into my brain till I was ten or so.
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Aug 12, 2021 04:36
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verbal enema posted:lmao owned The same kind also said that if a mole gets cut, you also die, like instantly. The kids mother was a nurse so I always assume the kid heard things from her, but being a kid misunderstood them. "The temple on the side of your head is the thinnest bone on your head, so be careful when biking or skating not to fall and hit it, or you might die" and "moles can cause skin cancer that might kill you, so wear sunblock" Turns into "you will die instantly if any of these things happen to you".
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Aug 12, 2021 04:44
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Armitag3 posted:No swimming after eating. The water (later on, the temperature difference) would make my digestion stop and I'd vomit (and die). When I got lifeguard certified, they were still telling us this, in like, 2004? Except I think it was more that people might be more tired and over estimate their ability and be more likely to get into trouble. Soaking in a pool in the backyard isn't the same as being out in the open ocean or a rough lake. So I went to look around on the internet, and found this quote "One source seems to be the original Boy Scouts of America manual (1911), which assured youngsters that a cramp would surely result from swimming before a meal had been digested:Many boy swimmers make the mistake of going into the water too soon after eating. The stomach and digestive organs are busy preparing the food for the blood and body. Suddenly they are called upon to care for the work of the swimmer. The change is too quick for the organs, the process of digestion stops, congestion is apt to follow, and then paralyzing cramps." And uh, well, I did get lifeguard certified by the Boy Scouts of America, so there you go.
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Aug 12, 2021 04:48
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Armitag3 posted:No swimming after eating. The water (later on, the temperature difference) would make my digestion stop and I'd vomit (and die). This is one that some parents genuinely believe, because their parents told it to them and then forgot to ever tell them they were bullshitting. See also: if you touch a baby bird its parents will abandon it, and Relative x died in a y accident.
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Aug 12, 2021 10:14
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told this was real
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Aug 12, 2021 11:32
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I got the soft version that heavy meals can cause bloating and a weird sprain type thing that could catch you off guard. And if you were otherwise impacted (riptide, poor swimmer, out alone ) could domino effect
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Aug 12, 2021 11:43
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Armitag3 posted:No swimming after eating. The water (later on, the temperature difference) would make my digestion stop and I'd vomit (and die). I think about this one a lot, because I'm 100% sure it can be traced to a dad hundreds of years ago who just wanted to chill on the beach after a big meal and not watch the kid swimming, so just went with the first excuse he could think of, and then it propagated through the ages. (although it was probably convergent bullshit evolution from a whole lot of lazy beach dads)
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Aug 12, 2021 13:17
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I was mad at my mom about Santa Claus for, at the very least, several months, because -- and I told her this -- it was the only thing she'd ever lied to me about and it made me feel like I couldn't trust her. She told me she felt bad, but WHO EVEN KNOWS. 
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Aug 12, 2021 17:03
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YeahTubaMike posted:I was mad at my mom about Santa Claus for, at the very least, several months, because -- and I told her this -- it was the only thing she'd ever lied to me about and it made me feel like I couldn't trust her. She told me she felt bad, but WHO EVEN KNOWS. Santa's existence is the no-win scenario of parenting - my folks didn't ever lie about him, but that had the secondary effect of throwing us into a real-life ethics test when spending Christmas with cousins who were true believers. We were just little kids, we shouldn't have to make an impromptu moral judgement between "lying is bad" and "hurting other people is bad"
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Aug 13, 2021 01:30
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I got ringworm during summer camp and my dad told me they'd have to amputate my leg to keep it from spreading. I said "oh..." and went to my room to cry.
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Aug 13, 2021 01:39
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Handsome Ralph posted:
lmao that's what like half of the dorks I knew believed. "Being an operator will make me a real life badass!"
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Aug 13, 2021 02:29
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Captain Hygiene posted:Santa's existence is the no-win scenario of parenting - my folks didn't ever lie about him, but that had the secondary effect of throwing us into a real-life ethics test when spending Christmas with cousins who were true believers. We were just little kids, we shouldn't have to make an impromptu moral judgement between "lying is bad" and "hurting other people is bad" I asked my mom about this very situation, and she told me I should describe it as a "fun tradition" without any further elaboration. Thankfully it never came up, because I would have absolutely no idea what I'd say if someone asked me what I meant.
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Aug 13, 2021 03:51
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When I was headed into first grade, I really wanted those shoes with light up soles. My mom didn't want to spend the extra money, but instead of trying to logic with a small child, she told me "the other kids at school will think your shoes are SO COOL that they'll steal them off your feet, and then you won't have shoes anymore!" The funny thing is I clearly remember this happening and she has no recollection of it, and in fact denies to this day that she would lie about such a thing.
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Aug 13, 2021 05:26
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Gaslighting via senility I think is the biggest parental con. Oh gently caress I just remembered my great-grandfather (who was alive through my childhood) was like, the official Santa Claus for a California city, and did the parades, so my folks had me pretty convinced he was actually Santa for a while. In 3rd grade my mom had a friend set all the presents out while we were out of town. When we got back after Christmas I flipped my poo poo. Just before that time I was pretty sure Santa wasn't actually great grandpa, and that Santa might not even be real -- so to come home with a house full of presents after my entire family being out of town re-affirmed my belief in Santa for a couple years. I was considered a "gifted" child and I have no idea how I gave anyone that impression with poo poo like that. Wasabi the J has a new favorite as of 06:36 on Aug 13, 2021 |
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Aug 13, 2021 06:33
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I was too scared to watch all of "It" so I went to bed and when I asked my dad the next day if they defeated the clown he said "Well it turned into a spider." I was even more terrified. Then he said, "But they blew it up with dynamite."
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Aug 13, 2021 06:55
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I had a lil' bike with extra training wheels attached. One summer day I went outside and saw that the training wheels had been removed. I asked my mom about and she just said casually "oh, your grandpa needed those for his lawnmower". I went "oh" and learned how to ride a bike without training wheels that afternoon. Like 20 years later I realized it didn't make any sense. My dad had a whole lore of a giant cyclops who lived in the forest behind the outhouse at our summer cottage. He'd come back from the toilet or from having a smoke and just cheerfully tell us he'd seen the cyclops again, lurking in the woods. Sometimes, when we were hiking to the cottage (it was a few kms from nearest road) he'd stop and listen intently, then go "did you hear that?" or point out probable cyclops' foot paths. It didn't help that our uncles joined in and told us about their cyclops encounters.
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Aug 13, 2021 09:35
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When I was maybe 5 I asked my father what the red triangle button in the car by the radio was for. We spent a lot of time in the car since it was a commute to his work, and my school was by his office. It had been bothering me that I couldn't figure it out by myself. Most of the buttons were pretty self-explanatory! My father calmly informed me that it was a button reserved for emergencies, hence the color red. The triangle shape was it in fact a very simplified arrow pointing up, to demonstrate that it was to make the car jump, essentially a full-eject for the entire vehicle from traffic. The car could only do this once before breaking, so we needed to save it for if we were about to crash or some such thing. I distinctly remember nodding in agreement, it would be wise to save it for something like that. I never questioned how a car would suddenly jump the height required to leave traffic, nor why I had never seen nor heard of this before. I simply accepted it as true for years. To this day I'll sometimes look at that stupid triangle and smile.
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Aug 13, 2021 10:21
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not my parents but my parents' friends' kids who were older than me would tell me that if you go on a TV gameshow and lose, you would be taken backstage and summarily executed
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Aug 13, 2021 12:28
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Shibawanko posted:not my parents but my parents' friends' kids who were older than me would tell me that if you go on a TV gameshow and lose, you would be taken backstage and summarily executed Let’s make the national elections a game show
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Aug 13, 2021 13:18
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My dad briefly had me convinced he had force powers, because he was friends with a cop. They engineered a bit where the cop pulled him over. Dad did the "these are not the droids you're looking for" style thing.
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Aug 13, 2021 15:40
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Chaosfeather posted:When I was maybe 5 I asked my father what the red triangle button in the car by the radio was for. We spent a lot of time in the car since it was a commute to his work, and my school was by his office. It had been bothering me that I couldn't figure it out by myself. Most of the buttons were pretty self-explanatory! My mother attempted to tell me the truth by telling me the button would inform nearby cars if our car was in trouble, except instead of asking how it did that I instead spent years imagining how it might do such a thing. How did it pass the message to the other cars?? Radio? A little flag with HELP printed on it popping out from the car??? I was deeply disappointed to discover the truth.
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Aug 13, 2021 17:07
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If you make eye contact with someone who has pink eye you will catch it too.
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Aug 13, 2021 17:08
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Katamari Democracy posted:If you make eye contact with someone who has pink eye you will catch it too. for certain kinds of eye contact, yeah.
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Aug 13, 2021 18:00
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Doll House Ghost posted:My dad had a whole lore of a giant cyclops who lived in the forest behind the outhouse at our summer cottage. He'd come back from the toilet or from having a smoke and just cheerfully tell us he'd seen the cyclops again, lurking in the woods. Sometimes, when we were hiking to the cottage (it was a few kms from nearest road) he'd stop and listen intently, then go "did you hear that?" or point out probable cyclops' foot paths. It didn't help that our uncles joined in and told us about their cyclops encounters. Your dad was getting railed in the woods dude Edgar Allen Ho posted:My dad briefly had me convinced he had force powers, because he was friends with a cop. They engineered a bit where the cop pulled him over. Dad did the "these are not the droids you're looking for" style thing. 
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Aug 13, 2021 21:41
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You need to clean up all your toys on Christmas Eve, because if Santa Claus comes and sees toys everywhere, he'll think you already got your gifts and he'll leave! (I fell for this hook, line, and sinker, which is probably for the best, because I think my mom would have actually hidden my presents if I'd tried to call "Santa's" bluff.)
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Aug 14, 2021 03:14
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exquisite tea posted:My mom told me the Beatles song "8 Days a Week" was sung that way because there used to be 8 days in a week. My mother claims that the Beatles invented rap music.
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Aug 14, 2021 06:39
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