Fun ways to leave awful jobs

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cruft

Unless you've been living under a rock, you are aware that today is EFN's last day of work for this horrible jerk of a boss.

Let's see what the yob can cook up for comedy last day of work strategies. I'm looking for something EFN can do on this final episode of the season that will really get the home audience rolling in their seats.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 04:01

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# ? May 3, 2024 20:14

cruft

Example (not funny enough, though): reveal that somehow, in a closet nobody ever checks, you've been creating a quality product that the company could take pride in. Pour a glass, chug it, wipe foam off mouth, and say "welp, good luck with your high school chemistry experiment" as you leave.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 04:04

xcheopis

Leave a note saying that you've number the tanks cleaned today for easy reference and then do the ol' "1" "2" "4"

Fifteen years taking prescriptions
Now a shrink like, "I dunno, maybe get a kitten"

# ? Aug 15, 2021 04:06

cruft

This actually reminded me of a strategy I unintentionally invented at a job. I had this process set up to mail everybody on this list the pirate joke on the first of the month. You know the one, about the steering wheel on his crotch.

Aaaanyway, I forgot to turn that off before I left, and a few months later somebody from the company emailed me at home asking if I could remember where that job ran. It turned out that when I left, my jerk of a boss somehow inherited my mail account, so every time the joke went out, it looked like he was sending it.

My jerk of a boss did not have the same sense of humor I had, especially when it came to jokes about pirate crotches.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 04:07

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

cruft posted:

This actually reminded me of a strategy I unintentionally invented at a job. I had this process set up to mail everybody on this list the pirate joke on the first of the month. You know the one, about the steering wheel on his crotch.

Aaaanyway, I forgot to turn that off before I left, and a few months later somebody from the company emailed me at home asking if I could remember where that job ran. It turned out that when I left, my jerk of a boss somehow inherited my mail account, so every time the joke went out, it looked like he was sending it.

My jerk of a boss did not have the same sense of humor I had, especially when it came to jokes about pirate crotches.

"Arr, it's touchin me balls."

# ? Aug 15, 2021 04:18

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

Put a frozen fish inside every HVAC duct you can get easy, unobserved access to.

Shove sardines into the door jamb where the hasp from the doorknob mechanism latches into.

Or place them on top of the windows.

Fill the sugar dispenser in the break room with salt and the salt dispenser with sugar.

Put a bath bomb in a few plastic bags and gently bash it up with a hammer. Sprinkle the crumbs down the break room sink drain so when the next person turns on the faucet foam shoots out of the drain.

Buy a box of cream filled donuts or pastries or whatever. Fill them with mayonnaise. Put your name on it and leave it in the fridge knowing the possibility exists that after you leave, someone may say "gently caress it" and eat one. I'm not telling you to spriinkle the donuts wityh salt, but you c o u l d

Tape printed out pics of goatse in seldom visited places like cabinets and such.

Trace around your hand with a crayon, decorate it like a turkey, and write a thank you note (in crayon) thanking everyone for letting you work with them and put the notes in their inboxes.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 04:27

cruft

Find a battery-operated alarm clock with a very short alarm, like, 10 seconds or so. Set the alarm to go off at 10:00. Now place it somewhere very hard to find, maybe in the ceiling or behind the snack machine.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 04:31

cruft

Pot Smoke Phoenix posted:

Trace around your hand with a crayon, decorate it like a turkey, and write a thank you note (in crayon) thanking everyone for letting you work with them and put the notes in their inboxes.

You could even claim this was a traditional last day ceremony in your native land, to show respect and gratitude.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 04:33

FutonForensic

liberate the robots at the dick sucking trolley robot QA facility, cheering "you're free! you're free!" as they descend on the unsuspecting unsucked population

# ? Aug 15, 2021 04:34

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

Buy and install Annoy-A-Tron on the back of every computer tower in the building. Every single one.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 04:35

biosterous

knock over a display on the way out the door

^{^{thank you saoshyant for this sig!!!}}
^{^{gallery of sigs}}

he/him

# ? Aug 15, 2021 04:38

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

Eat the fruit topping off of every tart in the bakery while making unbroken eye contact with the boss, put them back on the tray in the display, throw your apron over the sink and walk backward out of the bakery while giving the boss the double bird and continuing to make unbroken eye contact.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 04:40

cruft

Take-Your-Musk-Ox-To-Work Day!

# ? Aug 15, 2021 04:45

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

Blasting Winona's Big Brown Beaver by Primus in the fine dining establishment as I ride a dish trolley out the front door.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 04:49

cruft

Mormon Nailer posted:

Blasting Winona's Big Brown Beaver by Primus in the fine dining establishment as I ride a dish trolley out the front door.

Folks never did figure out how she got there, but they sure remembered how she left. And that's how the legend of the trolley rider was born.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 04:58

cruft

Spend the entire day turning your office into a miniature golf course.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 05:01

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

Make sales calls using your boss's name. Sell people items that don't exist, and never have, but bill them net 30. Do not mention this; leave.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 05:10

cruft

Pi�ata in the break room, but it's filled with mayonnaise packets.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 05:14

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

Tell everyone in the office your salary.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 05:25

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

Fill a coffee can lined with a silicone bowl with a mixture of sugar, water, yeast and very specifically donut peaches. Cover with cheesecloth and a rubber band to hold it on. Stash it in a dead space in a wall; cubicle divider deadspace between "closets" is also great here. Wait.

They'll get the homebrew hooch rot stench in a few days but it'll get worse before they find it.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 05:28

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

Coat every surface in your boss's office with a fine dusting of edible microglitter.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 05:28

cruft

Mormon Nailer posted:

Tell everyone in the office your salary.

Oh my god. Where I work, there was a manager, decades ago, who posted all the salaries of everybody in the group just outside the group office. At the time, everybody's salary was a public record, but having them posted right there as a daily reminder made that place a complete shitshow.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 05:30

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

Always talk about salary always.

And then turn in your resignation by sending an edible arrangement that you found in a dumpster behind the new job's office.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 05:38

Zil: Satanically Summoned Citrus

Upper decker

# ? Aug 15, 2021 06:19

Escape From Noise

I told my coworker what my salary was. He's criminally underpaid. Looks like he has some halfway decent leads on some new jobs in the area he wants to be though! I hope it works out for him!

# ? Aug 15, 2021 07:45

Escape From Noise

Just continue to let poo poo like this lie around.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 07:46

Escape From Noise

I made a playlist about work sucking/killing your boss and listened to it...on my headphones.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 07:47

Buttchocks: No, I like my hat, thanks.

Print up fake flyers for a Ren-fest taking place in the office parking lot. Distribute at local universities and game stores.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 07:53

Escape From Noise

Lol. The glycol system is making GBS threads the bed because there's a leak in the seam where the glycol atraches to the tank. It's spraying out at a pretty fast rate, like not enough to cause a flood, but enough to drain the system in a few days.

The good news is that this is for a tank that's currently empty and can be stopped until the seam was fixed by closing a valve installed between the glycol system and the tank jacket. The bad news is that my boss is too lazy/cheap to have had those valves installed. loving lol.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 08:44

idiotsavant

why do all breweries ever always run on super deferred maintenance + hopes and prayers

# ? Aug 15, 2021 08:55

deep dish peat moss

Insist that everyone watch your 1.5 hour performance art exhibition in the front lobby on their way home

# ? Aug 15, 2021 09:43

Escape From Noise

idiotsavant posted:

why do all breweries ever always run on super deferred maintenance + hopes and prayers

Because we're going to make big bucks soon! I read that article about Hill Farmstead!

# ? Aug 15, 2021 09:55

Escape From Noise

(Basically it's an industry full of rich people who want to get in on that "easy" money but the equipment is a lot more expensive and needs to be maintained really well)

# ? Aug 15, 2021 09:58

super sweet best pal

Plug an etherkiller into something, probably a router or your boss' computer, and leave the electrical plug conspicuously next to an outlet.

# ? Aug 15, 2021 12:08

Manifisto

hire a couple of actors to come to your place of work and conspicuously assign you an extremely dangerous job. when you protest "but it's my last day" they snap something at you like "tell that to the people whose lives are on the line!" or whatever. follow them out the door. later that day, have the two actors return to your place of work, remove your name tag from your desk (if you don't have a name tag at your desk make sure to place one there), and make solemn pronouncements about what a hero you were and how ironic it is that it was your last day etc. have everyone sign a condolences card for your spouse and kid (even if you do not have a spouse and kid).

ty nesamdoom!