PYF SA Sagas: Fuck you, it is January! - The Something Awful Forums

Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > PYF SA Sagas: Fuck you, it is January!

Ugly In The Morning: Jul 1, 2010; Pillbug

It's baaaaaaaack!

Discuss your favorite SA Sagas and Stories here- We're not going to kick off with a giant OP listing all the best ofs, but I'll update the OP with the good stuff as it drops in the thread. Having a giant OP from the start kind of killed discussion last time.
Some rules:
1)No slapfighting
2)Derails are cool but I'll cut them off when they start going in circles.
3)If I can tell what you jerk off to from a post, that's gonna get probated.
Edit:
~~4)Do not post small Bart.~~

The best part of being on a forum that's been running for more than two decades is that people have gotten up to some really crazy poo poo in that time. Some of it's fun (Chickencheese!), some of it's funny in a "Oh god why would you do that" way (groverhaus!) and some of it's sad (that hoarder dad that got his kids taken away :smith:

:smith:

).

I'm gonna kick the thread off with a lesser known favorite of mine: ten or eleven years ago, a goon posted his attempt to win a game of Hearts by shooting the moon four times in a row. For those of you that don't play Hearts, it's a card game where the goal is to have the lowest score when someone breaks 100 points. You get points by getting stuck with cards (each heart is a point, the queen of spades is 13 points). You don't want to get stuck with cards... unless you can get ALL the cards. If you "shoot the moon" like that, everyone else gets all 26 points. Doing it once is hard but doable. Doing it twice in a game, very hard. Doing it four times in a row is goddamn nearly impossible.

It took months but the goon pulled it off.. Then got perma'd two years later on a Ron Paul toxx.

Ugly In The Morning has a new favorite as of 20:18 on Aug 27, 2021

# ? Aug 27, 2021 19:28

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 5, 2024 09:57

RFC2324: Jun 7, 2012; http 418

Anyone got the story of Zergling Minor and the poo poo talking customer?

# ? Aug 27, 2021 19:32

Butter Activities: May 4, 2018

Also remember when Pinecone sample copy pasted a story in the relationshits thread about someone�s aspiring Tim mcviegh brother from Reddit and got a call from the feds asking about his brother.

# ? Aug 27, 2021 19:36

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

What Saga does everyone predict will break this iteration of the thread? My guess is Coupons and Deals hitting critical mass and attempting a forums coup, only to fail and ultimately restructure as an Amazon referral-focused offsite that occasionally makes snide comments about this place.

# ? Aug 27, 2021 19:37

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

Remember that guy who bought two large cups of piss at the theater then drank the piss and pissed in the cups and brought them back for a refund?

# ? Aug 27, 2021 19:40

IGgy IGsen: Apr 11, 2013; "If I lose I will set myself on fire."

Danaru posted:

Remember that guy who bought two large cups of piss at the theater then drank the piss and pissed in the cups and brought them back for a refund?

what

# ? Aug 27, 2021 19:42

Ugly In The Morning: Jul 1, 2010; Pillbug

Danaru posted:

Remember that guy who bought two large cups of piss at the theater then drank the piss and pissed in the cups and brought them back for a refund?

Don�t you have a report to post in here?

# ? Aug 27, 2021 19:42

ilmucche: Mar 16, 2016

it got swallowed up in the last thread but I love this story of someone who wanted to add a new bedroom to their rendted apartment:

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3779396

# ? Aug 27, 2021 19:44

Geocities Homepage King: Nov 26, 2007; I have good news, and I have bad news.
Which do you want to hear first...?

Captain Hygiene posted:

What Saga does everyone predict will break this iteration of the thread? My guess is Coupons and Deals hitting critical mass and attempting a forums coup, only to fail and ultimately restructure as an Amazon referral-focused offsite that occasionally makes snide comments about this place.

Coups and Deals.

# ? Aug 27, 2021 19:44

Kazinsal: Dec 13, 2011

Captain Hygiene posted:

What Saga does everyone predict will break this iteration of the thread? My guess is Coupons and Deals hitting critical mass and attempting a forums coup, only to fail and ultimately restructure as an Amazon referral-focused offsite that occasionally makes snide comments about this place.

The rise and fall of couponsanddeals.zone

# ? Aug 27, 2021 19:44

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

Geocities Homepage King posted:

Coups and Deals.

:monocle:

# ? Aug 27, 2021 19:45

Lotus Aura: Aug 16, 2009; KNEEL BEFORE THE WICKED KING!

Dunno if its much of a saga, but I remember how years ago, it used to be a probatable offense to post a small image of Bart Simpson. Didn't think much of it at the time, but I suppose I am curious what the story behind that is. Namely where it came from and why it would get punished.

# ? Aug 27, 2021 19:47

Harrow: Jun 30, 2012

Hello I would like to bless this shiny new thread with the platonic ideal of the Guy Mann report, as he continues to haunt the SA reports forum, a posting ghost howling into the void

# ? Aug 27, 2021 19:52

Ugly In The Morning: Jul 1, 2010; Pillbug

Lotus Aura posted:

Dunno if its much of a saga, but I remember how years ago, it used to be a probatable offense to post a small image of Bart Simpson. Didn't think much of it at the time, but I suppose I am curious what the story behind that is. Namely where it came from and why it would get punished.

I thought that was from the early-mid 2000�s but SAClopedia is showing it as a 2012 thing. :psyduck:

:psyduck:

# ? Aug 27, 2021 19:52

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

One time a FYAD IK merged every thread in the forum into one and crashed the entire website.

# ? Aug 27, 2021 19:52

Ugly In The Morning: Jul 1, 2010; Pillbug

Harrow posted:

Hello I would like to bless this shiny new thread with the platonic ideal of the Guy Mann report, as he continues to haunt the SA reports forum, a posting ghost howling into the void

Lol, yeah, gently caress me for being nice to a guy in the one thread he posted like a normal person in for ten years.

# ? Aug 27, 2021 19:53

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Welcome back old friend.

# ? Aug 27, 2021 19:54

Empty Sandwich: Apr 22, 2008; goatse mugs

Lotus Aura posted:

Dunno if its much of a saga, but I remember how years ago, it used to be a probatable offense to post a small image of Bart Simpson. Didn't think much of it at the time, but I suppose I am curious what the story behind that is. Namely where it came from and why it would get punished.

wasn't it also probatable to mention Small Bart?

# ? Aug 27, 2021 19:55

IGgy IGsen: Apr 11, 2013; "If I lose I will set myself on fire."

No one ever said that this stopped being the case.

# ? Aug 27, 2021 19:56

Famethrowa: Oct 5, 2012

ilmucche posted:

it got swallowed up in the last thread but I love this story of someone who wanted to add a new bedroom to their rendted apartment:

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3779396

oh man, this is one of the few I immediately shared with my friends. just...incredible.

# ? Aug 27, 2021 19:57

Ugly In The Morning: Jul 1, 2010; Pillbug

New saga thread rule:
Do not post small Bart.

E:I�ll probably add some kind of rotating rule to break if you want a current topic comedy sixer just for shits and giggles.

# ? Aug 27, 2021 19:57

Excelzior: Jun 24, 2013

mods are asleep

post small bart :regd13:

:regd13:

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Aug 27, 2021 19:58

Nuns with Guns: Jul 23, 2010; It's fine.
Don't worry about it.

RFC2324 posted:

Anyone got the story of Zergling Minor and the poo poo talking customer?

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=1681015&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=1

quote:

I'm sitting here at work(night watchman at a hotel), about an hour and half ago I got a call from a customer who has gotten lost on the way here. The guy DEMANDED directions from where he is cursing about every other word.

I give him the requested directions and he hangs up. I go back to what I was doing(jack poo poo). 45 minutes later, the phone rings again. Its the same guy, Except this time he is screaming into the receiver that thanks to my crappy directions he is now totally freaking lost, That hes wasted a bunch of fuel, ect.

I'd just read him off directions from Google maps. I apologize This just sets him off on a blizzard of curses, Threats, and damnations.
He finishes up with "I've found my way back onto the right loving road. If you are there when I get there I am going to kick your scrawny rear end" and hangs up.

I'm debating what to do, I can take the easy(boring) way out and just call the cops on him. But I REALLY don't want to bother the Officer this early in the morning.(hes nice, he let me off on would have been a rather nasty ticket)

I want some options other than the obvious / option
Shall I gently caress with his mind? And place one of my tiny coworkers at the front desk and when he asks who was on the desk last night, I can walk out(ducking Through the doorway) and reply that I was. Or perhaps lower the seat so my head is barely peaking out above the desk and then stand up when he comes in.

In any event, I really don't care if I get fired, I'm about to quit anyways. I Already have another job lined up. But i'd like to avoid getting arrested.

WHATS IN YOUR WALLET?

This is a picture of him:

This is how that turned out:

quote:

Ok guys sorry for the delay, got home from work, The Internet at my house wasn't working very well and I was freaking Exhausted so I got some sleep.

Unfortunately nothing very spectacular happened. No eating of spleens that had been ripped out through nostrils, No Grabbing by the ankles and shaking of change from pockets, No clash of the titans, No summoning of demons from the 9th layer of hell(although a few from the 3rd layer were flushed down the toliet, microwave bean burritos for the win!)

There was however Pants wetting...

Heres what happened, I'd just clocked out and went into the bathroom to do some business, when there was a car door slamming and then a lot of yelling. "WHO THE HELL WAS WORKING LAST NIGHT?!? THAT SON OF A BITCH MADE ME DRIVE AROUND ALL NIGHT AND WASTE 50 BUCKS OF FUEL! I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AT A SEMINAR 15 MINUTES AGO
*Banging noise* Yelling continues...

I quickly pinch off the loaf, wipe, and hike up my pants. I peek out the door where I see a short(5'4" at most), purple faced, balding, man Shaking his fist and screaming at the receptionist, Ann. She Is cowering behind the desk apologizing and just trying to stay out of the stream of spittle from the guys mouth. She catches sight of me exiting the bathroom and she looks very relieved and smiles a little bit. The man notices this and yells WHAT THE gently caress ARE YOU SMILING AT YOU BITCH?!?

By this time I've managed to slip up behind him unnoticed. I speak up. "I was working last night and I'd appreciate if you would keep your voice down, Sir." He whips around hand up "DON'T loving TELL ME TO QUI-" He realizes hes staring into a blue cloth covered chest with a cheap name tag pinned to it.

The color drains from his face and he slowly looks up into my face(which is contorted in rage) He starts shaking all over, lets out this queer sort of squeek and then *splatter* he releases all the fluid in his bladder into his khakis and onto the floor. He back peddles trying to back away, but falls against the front desk. Trips and falls to the floor, Smacking the back of his head on the desk on the way down, He scrambles around on the floor around my feet before getting up and running for the front door"

Both the receptionist and I watch as he slams face first into the glass of the front floor, Falls to the ground again, Scrambles up again, opens the front door and Runs for his car(One of those sporty looking Chryslers) that has been idling outside the whole time. Tries 3 times unsucsessfully to open the door before getting it open, gets in, and speeds off onto the highway.

The receptionist looks at me, looks at the puddle of piss that is rapidly soaking into the carpet, and then Bursts out laughing. I shrugged and went back into the bathroom to finish my business.

I'll be afk for a few minutes, gonna get a picture of me in chainmail holding a battle axe.

May he rest in power... :smith:

:smith:

# ? Aug 27, 2021 19:59

Paper Tiger: Jun 17, 2007; 🖨️🐯torn apart by idle hands

Empty Sandwich posted:

wasn't it also probatable to mention Small Bart?

That's why I always use the French translation: La petite Bort.

# ? Aug 27, 2021 19:59

IGgy IGsen: Apr 11, 2013; "If I lose I will set myself on fire."

I'll do it. I'll post small bart. Just you wait. I gotta get ready for it though.

# ? Aug 27, 2021 20:00

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

Excelzior posted:

mods are asleep

post small bart

:mods:

# ? Aug 27, 2021 20:00

Ablative: Nov 9, 2012; Someone is getting this as an avatar. I don't know who, but it's gonna happen.

Paper Tiger posted:

That's why I always use the French translation: La petite Bort.

drat early for a thread title, but gently caress if I ain't voting for this

# ? Aug 27, 2021 20:01

grieving for Gandalf: Apr 22, 2008

if he's permabanned, why can he report posts

# ? Aug 27, 2021 20:05

Edgar Allen Ho: Apr 3, 2017; by sebmojo

Nuns with Guns posted:

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=1681015&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=1

This is a picture of him:

This is how that turned out:

May he rest in power...

There's a lot of sagas where you have to consider the strong possibility that it was stdh.

But Zergling wasn't just a great person, he gave us the receipts. Be at peace gentle giant.

# ? Aug 27, 2021 20:06

Empty Sandwich: Apr 22, 2008; goatse mugs

Paper Tiger posted:

That's why I always use the French translation: La petite Bort.

lol

# ? Aug 27, 2021 20:06

TheSwizzler: May 13, 2005; LETTIN THE CAT OUTTA THE BAG

Links to one of the all-time classics for the new thread:
https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3281586
https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3290020&pagenumber=1&perpage=40

A zipline constructed without the assistance of an engineer, results in large childron collider

:regd13:

:regd13:

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Aug 27, 2021 20:07

Ugly In The Morning: Jul 1, 2010; Pillbug

grieving for Gandalf posted:

if he's permabanned, why can he report posts

He�s just 100k�d, cursed to wander the forums as a shade, interacting only through the report button.

# ? Aug 27, 2021 20:07

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

"Guy Mann? Why, he's been banned from these parts for nigh on thirty ye-ahs"

# ? Aug 27, 2021 20:09

Pulchritudinous: May 19, 2005; It means "to reduce by one-tenth."

�Viva El Bartito!

:regd13:

:regd13:

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Aug 27, 2021 20:10

Edgar Allen Ho: Apr 3, 2017; by sebmojo

TIL that I'm posting champion of a very special thread in the best forum, and also that Sleeveless was there.

Zesty posted:

Edgar Allen Ho alone has 10 pages of posts. You have 6.

Wall of Shame:

fake e: note that Guy A. Person is not in fact Sleeveless

# ? Aug 27, 2021 20:11

Empty Sandwich: Apr 22, 2008; goatse mugs

TheSwizzler posted:

large childron collider

# ? Aug 27, 2021 20:12

Harrow: Jun 30, 2012

grieving for Gandalf posted:

if he's permabanned, why can he report posts

Ugly In The Morning posted:

He�s just 100k�d, cursed to wander the forums as a shade, interacting only through the report button.

Yeah, Guy Mann isn't actually permabanned. He's on a 100,000-hour probation across all three of his accounts (Guy Mann, Sleeveless, and ...of SCIENCE!). That means he can still log in and read the forums on his accounts and he can still report posts.

Personally I find that so funny that I think I like the 100k a lot more than the permaban for any situation where it isn't "this poster did something actually illegal/dangerous/horrible," in which case yeah, clear-cut permaban. Cursing a terminally bad poster to 11-ish years of forum ghost status is very funny to me.

# ? Aug 27, 2021 20:13

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

Speaking of Guy Mann reports, heres another from around the same time :regd13:

:regd13:

Because of course

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Aug 27, 2021 20:13

Vim Fuego: Jun 1, 2000; I LITERALLY SLEEP IN A RACING CAR. DO YOU?
p.s. ask me about my subscription mattress; Ultra Carp

Harrow posted:

Hello I would like to bless this shiny new thread with the platonic ideal of the Guy Mann report, as he continues to haunt the SA reports forum, a posting ghost howling into the void

:bravo:

# ? Aug 27, 2021 20:14

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 5, 2024 09:57

Eat My Ghastly Ass: Jul 24, 2007

fight me

:regd13:

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Aug 27, 2021 20:15

1
2
3
4
5

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > PYF SA Sagas: Fuck you, it is January!

Powered by: vBulletin Version 2.2.9 (SABB-v2.24.05)
Copyright ©2000, 2001, Jelsoft Enterprises Limited.
Copyright ©2024, Jeffrey of YOSPOS