- AARD VARKMAN
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May I recommend tonight's special, madam? Our light and crispy conch shells, flown in daily from northern Iowa, braised in a peanut butter and salmon ménage a trois.
Perhaps something lighter? Our seasaonal Crabbling salad was featured in Food & Wine magazine. The Crabblings are, of course, served fresh, on the stalk, and garnished with little more than their own gravy.
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Sep 12, 2021 23:04
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 9, 2024 21:57
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- AARD VARKMAN
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Saváge floridian en flambee et salt du bathes
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Sep 12, 2021 23:35
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- Khanstant
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I'd like to order you finest plain hamburger, no sauce, no condiments, please gars on
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Sep 13, 2021 01:12
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- AARD VARKMAN
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Locally sourced sushi, I assure you, fresh off the interstate right from the gas station.
*party of four nods, approvingly*
Aged to perfection 
As an amuse-bouche, would you care to indulge in our chicken tornedau au buffaleaux, steel rolled on site for a minimum of 48 hours?
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Sep 13, 2021 01:28
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- Buttchocks
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No, I like my hat, thanks.
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A cube of ballistic gel served on a deep-fried vintage Polaroid and topped with a flash-frozen rosette of whipped mayonnaise and ambergris, lightly dusted with toasted rice flour. Also try our signature cocktail: a highball filtered through freshly sheared organic Merino wool.
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Sep 13, 2021 01:48
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- Frances Nurples
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hambburger reduction made using our special in-house method (we use a cookie cutter to punch out the center of a regular sized hamburger)
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Sep 13, 2021 02:21
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- treasure bear
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i simply dont have time to post here as I running a haute cuisine restaurant is an extremely demanding job
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Sep 13, 2021 02:26
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- FutonForensic
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single taquito on a bed of wet beans
 
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Sep 13, 2021 02:52
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- google THIS
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A Coke from the back corner of the drink cooler? Excellent choice, sir. 2012 was a fine vintage.
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Sep 13, 2021 03:31
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- Frances Nurples
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every dish is served at around 120F.
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Sep 13, 2021 03:50
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- Sherbert Hoover
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Working hard, thank you!
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I'll never learn how to pronounce haute and this thread cant make me
this sig is protected by Simsmagic!
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Sep 13, 2021 05:37
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- Viginti Septem
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Oculus Noctuae
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Manager's special today is the trimmings we scraped out of the middle sink in the back upon a rice pilaf.
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Sep 13, 2021 07:24
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- Buttchocks
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No, I like my hat, thanks.
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Your entree is me biting you.
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Sep 13, 2021 07:54
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- Escape From Noise
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Careful with the plate, ma'am. It's haute!
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Sep 13, 2021 08:28
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- Viginti Septem
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Oculus Noctuae
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A British chap wanting to get a word in might say, "haute on a minute."
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Sep 13, 2021 08:41
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- frump truck
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hello... again!
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*gulps, nervously tugs at collar* tell the kitchen to turn down the sexiness of this food a notch or two!!!
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Sep 13, 2021 10:22
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- frump truck
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hello... again!
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the raw sexual magnetism of this playful deconstruction of boeuf bourguignon is making me extremely nervous
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Sep 13, 2021 10:34
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- frump truck
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hello... again!
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my apologies to our patrons. the executive chef was not aware that the e was supposed to be silent
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Sep 13, 2021 10:35
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- nut
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oh wow, great question, I mean I guess you could--who am i to stop you from eating the utensils?
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Sep 13, 2021 12:51
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- nut
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*sweating, nervous in the kitchen, hovering over a plate figuring out how to arrange sour skittles so that they look deconstructed*
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Sep 13, 2021 12:51
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- Ventral EggSac
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our entree tonight is a slice of salmon lightly heated by the panting of a healthy dog after having run around a park with his friends. and misseurs, might i be so bold as to point out he refrained from taking a bite of the salmon, he is a trained professional.
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Sep 13, 2021 15:00
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- google THIS
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Honored guests, let me give you my personal assurance that our head chef is "not" (conspiratorial wink) being controlled by a rat under his hat
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Sep 13, 2021 16:40
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- google THIS
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The cooks grumble at the end of the day as they shake the droppings from their hair and bandage the bites and scratches on their scalps. However, the owner, who rarely visits the restaurant personally, remains convinced that we have captured the essence of the thing while still saving a lot of money by using random rats with no particular intelligence or knowledge of cooking.
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Sep 13, 2021 16:46
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- AARD VARKMAN
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Our apologies, the cheesecake is not available tonight as our pastry chef has entered his cocoon and will'n't emerge fore the equinox.
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Sep 13, 2021 16:48
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- Lock
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hardcore sound gets you hypah
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sashimi? mon dieu, you hardly know me!
https://giant.gfycat.com/ThoseAcrobaticCapybara.webm
so much love to vanisher for the winter '21 sig!
huge love to Tiny Myers for the fall '21 sig!
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Sep 13, 2021 19:35
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- Buttchocks
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No, I like my hat, thanks.
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The appetizer is not to be eaten; it is to be applied topically and absorbed through the skin.
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Sep 13, 2021 20:10
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- Buttchocks
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No, I like my hat, thanks.
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Tonight we have crepes macerated in nitrogen tetroxide, hydrazine, and mixed superphosphates. Look, death is very fashionable among restaurant goers these days.
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Sep 13, 2021 20:17
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- AARD VARKMAN
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Might I suggest you begin with our charcuterie selection of the day? The Salami was aged to perfection inside the hollowed out bedpost of a very fat child.
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Sep 13, 2021 20:22
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 9, 2024 21:57
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- idiotsavant
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We cater to YOUR palate, we have hautes for every family. Try our Spicy South of the Border Sombrero, or our House Fermented Ushanka. And there’s always good ol’ Cheesy Beer Battered Ballcaps for the kids!
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Sep 13, 2021 21:28
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Sep 12, 2021 23:04
