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snergle posted:lots of conservative cultures have a sort of rumspringa but with the expectation that because they looked the other way while you went wild for x time you come back and do whats expected of you. There's no difference between conservatism and nihilistic fascism.
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Oct 7, 2021 21:37
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Booty Pageant posted:a very humble brag
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Oct 7, 2021 21:40
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most people on earth right now statistically speaking are working in a rice paddy or field stripping and ak-47 so, like different experiences out there than you or I may be used to
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Oct 7, 2021 21:53
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I suppose I'm ok with people marrying ak47, arranged or otherwise.
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Oct 7, 2021 21:56
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naem posted:most people on earth right now statistically speaking are working in a rice paddy or field stripping and ak-47 so, like different experiences out there than you or I may be used to Ok, but were not really talking about any of those people. Colonel Cancer posted:What's wrong with job security anyways? We can't all be high faluting computer touchers who switch jobs at the drop of a hat Positively nothing wrong with working the same job for 12 years. It was just a lovely job and "security" was probably pretty low on his list for remaining there. I just got the vibe that his wife was the big earner and he was coasting, also evidenced by her bringing him lunches at lunchtime while he works in a kitchen. In my experience, chef's that work in the same place for over 7 or 8 years fall into one of three categories: A. Old, and are now working for an institution like a University because the work is predictable and they get good benefits B. Super weird, but the place they are in supports their particular brand of weirdness Steve fell into the B category. The guy would probably not thrive in another place. In fact, most people that worked there had been there for 5+ years. They also had a very high turnover rate. 90% of people noped the gently caress out of there in under a year and what remained was a super weird cadre of decent chefs who couldn't really go anywhere else.
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Oct 7, 2021 22:23
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Chinatown posted:im arranging the marriage of tha OPs head and a flushing toilet bowl!!!!! Lol OP just got fucken OWNED
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Oct 7, 2021 22:26
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Steve sounds like he might have some form of low functioning autism because along with everything else, a monotonic voice is a common symptom of that.
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Oct 7, 2021 22:29
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My father is Indian, from Bangalore. My cousin is in an "arranged marriage". And much like others have said, it is not like it used to be back in the olden days, where as a child you are told that you will be marrying some other child, (if you are lucky), that your parents have picked out for you that you have never met. But it's still not good. Apparently the way it went, (I have never asked too many questions, or scratched too deep below the surface), is that my cousin's parents, (my uncle and aunt) decided that she was old enough and should get married. So they compiled a 'marital resume' and began shopping her around. This side of my family, (my father's), are Iyengar Brahmins, so are extremely picky about these things. They found a likely candidate who met all the right criteria of age, education, wealth, and most importantly was an Iyengar Brahmin too. His family looked over my cousin's resume and decided that she met all the required criteria of age, education, wealth, fairness of skin, breeding potential etc. and agreed. He and my cousin met up, in the presence of both sets of parents and neither found the other disagreeable enough to say no. So they got married. They live in Boca Raton now, and have two kids, and are seemingly very happy. This cousin's younger brother, (also my cousin), got married in a "love match". Which would potentially have caused a huge scandal for both families, but luckily enough the girl he married is also an Iyengar Brahmin he met whilst working in America. So both families sighed a sigh of relief and can say to themselves and others, "look how progressive we are, allowing our kids to have a love match wedding." The compromise was that they had to have 2 wedding receptions, 1 in Chennai for her family, and 1 in Bangalore for ours. And to anyone who knows how long and exhausting an Indian wedding can be for the bride and groom, imagine having 2 within the space of a week. And also having one of them in the middle of a Madras/Chennai summer. This couple lives in San Francisco and have 1 son and are also happy. My brother and I have been spared all of this poo poo. Because my dad is a proper bolshie rebel. Coming from an Iyengar Brahmin family, he moved to Australia, declared himself an athiest, and married a white woman thus having me and my brother. So we are apart from all of those shenanigans. Which were largely orchestrated by my very conservative, very stubborn, and very hardarsed grandmother. Unfortunately she didn't live to see my brother get married to a non-Indian, (*gasp*), but by that stage she would have been very very old and had already held her great grandchildren in her arms, so might have been OK with it.
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Oct 7, 2021 22:46
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BIG TIT LIL NIP posted:can you just loving share for once? im sick of all these ball hogs. MODS?! I don't come to the pig balls forum for this crap.
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Oct 7, 2021 23:08
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Mega64 posted:Reminds me of a news story from several months ago, where the bride in an arranged marriage died during the wedding, so the groom married her sister instead. Look man, putting on an Indian wedding is a production. Can't just cancel halfway through because one of the main participants is dead, who's got that kind of time or money
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Oct 7, 2021 23:18
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Poohs Packin posted:Ok, but were not really talking about any of those people. WHAT IS THE THIRD CATEGORY
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Oct 8, 2021 00:03
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My Indian ex's cousin got an arranged marriage to some guy in Canada. It wasn't forced or anything. I believe the experience was more like the Netflix show where a matchmaker introduces two parties and they both (and presumably their families) have to sign off on it. The one in the Netflix show was super expensive and cost around six figures or so, if I remember correctly. I think that does not sound like a good deal for me but I could see why some people would be into it.
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Oct 8, 2021 00:14
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Thanks for this! blight rhino posted:WHAT IS THE THIRD CATEGORY Oh sorry mostly lazy dirtbags who are allowed to be lazy dirtbags because of flaccid management. The management wasnt flaccid just very unequal. They kind of let theyre longtime loyalists have run of the place.
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Oct 8, 2021 00:21
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way too many loving words op also why are you so invested in that dude’s life i bet your jelly as gently caress lol
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Oct 8, 2021 00:28
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Workaday Wizard posted:way too many loving words op AAAAUGG! I AM DEFEATED!! (kung fu voice)
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Oct 8, 2021 00:54
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Nirvikalpa posted:My Indian ex's cousin got an arranged marriage to some guy in Canada. It wasn't forced or anything. I believe the experience was more like the Netflix show where a matchmaker introduces two parties and they both (and presumably their families) have to sign off on it. The one in the Netflix show was super expensive and cost around six figures or so, if I remember correctly. I think that does not sound like a good deal for me but I could see why some people would be into it. I am the perfect husband if any goon with a spare hundy grand wants to skip the matchmaker.
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Oct 10, 2021 02:41
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i'll arrange your marriage OP
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Oct 10, 2021 03:21
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Das Boo posted:The r/relationships thread taught me about the holy boyfriend trifecta: It feels great knowing I don't need a job
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Oct 10, 2021 03:47
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:Id hate to be a marriage arranger. It would be like the grown up version of making ken and Barbie kiss. Like you can see how it would work out with ken and barbie, I mean everyone hopes you know? But it’s like, despite the implication, they are their own independent people. What if ken is gay? What about barbies unfulfilled sexual desires? What if she buys too many goddamn pillows for the couch? Like all sorts of poo poo could go wrong, and they can just avoid working it out because they didn’t make their own choices as adults. It’s always some higher powers fault. I think a lot of teachers will actually design their classroom desk pairings like this.
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Oct 10, 2021 05:50
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What the heck sort of nazi teacher plots out where every student will sit?
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Oct 10, 2021 09:41
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My wife had an arranged marrage. I ruined that!
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Oct 10, 2021 09:46
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So it's a rearranged marriage.
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Oct 10, 2021 10:51
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Extra row of tits posted:My wife had an arranged marrage. She was jealous of your extra tits.
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Oct 10, 2021 18:14
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Poohs Packin posted:The management wasnt flaccid just very unequal. It’s just curved, the doctors say it’s totally normal
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Oct 10, 2021 20:27
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My Indian friends tell me that you can refuse an arrangement after you meet the person, but your family is going to be unhappy. And if you refuse another they’re going to be pretty mad. And you really don’t want to refuse the third. You can marry for love but it better be either your own caste or a white person (whom I understand is the wildcard), and that person better have a promising career or money, and your family can’t know you’re dating until you’re already engaged.
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Oct 10, 2021 20:49
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I've known two guys who had arranged marriages. They were both Indians living in the US whose wives had never lived outside India; the idea uprooting your whole life to live with a total stranger who you're also expected to gently caress seems just wild to me. The first apparently never considered any other option. He also seemed genuinely surprised by how difficult it was for his new wife to adjust to things like cold weather and car culture. I think he expected she'd be relieved to have "only" have to keep house after working full-time before marriage. From the few details I heard second-hand from him, it seemed like she made friends with some other women in her situation and managed to settle in eventually. The second had come to the US in his early 20s and considered trying to find an Indian or Indian-American girlfriend on his own but never did. He told me once that Americans encouraging dating in high school and college made him really uncomfortable, not because it might lead to extramarital sex/sexual activities, which he felt Indian culture was too uptight about, but because "it teaches young people to end relationships just for convenience, and then it's hard to have true commitment in marriage". He and his wife have two kids now, and they seemed happy enough the one time I've seen them since.
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Oct 10, 2021 21:19
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Have you considered that "Steve"'s genitals are massive? Like Steve is just the apex predator of cock and balls? Lotta people will do weird poo poo for a big dick.
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Oct 10, 2021 21:24
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There were over a dozen people in arranged marriages in my former office (the effect of having a lot of engineering students who were fresh out of college). My two big take-always were 1) it’s a lot closer to a 21st century Fiddler on the Roof than expected, and 2) you have to be extremely careful when talking with US immigration, and even then it can take a long time (months to a year) for someone to get their spouse into the country. One guy in our office thought he was slick and tried to lie to immigration about things because he thought it would speed up the process, and as a result the whole application was rejected and his wife was stranded in Hong Kong for over a year.
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Oct 10, 2021 22:14
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purplestuffedworm posted:I've known two guys who had arranged marriages. They were both Indians living in the US whose wives had never lived outside India; the idea uprooting your whole life to live with a total stranger who you're also expected to gently caress seems just wild to me. Lol how is this not trafficking.
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Oct 10, 2021 22:28
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Poohs Packin posted:Lol how is this not trafficking. I mean, technically it is. Hence why you have to be extremely careful with how you talk to immigration when trying to get your spouse home.
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Oct 10, 2021 23:09
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An Indian kid I was coaching didn't show up to practice for two days. When I asked the other guys where he was they told me that his parents found out he was dating a white girl so they sent him back to India to live with his grandparents. What pieces of poo poo. A couple years later I was coaching another Indian kid, this time a girl, and she was TERRIFIED of her parents seeing her with a tan or finding out about her boyfriend because she said they'd send her back to India if they found out about the boyfriend. I guess I was the "trusted adult" and she told me about this stuff. She told me she wanted to get away from them and I said that the guidance counselor and I could help. Me and the guidance counselor helped her apply to UC Santa Cruz and get scholarships so she really didn't have to take many loans. When her parents found out she got in they tried to send her back to India, but she was 18 and told them to gently caress off and lived with a friend for the last few months of high school. Then she went to Santa Cruz and never talked to them again. this stuff is not uncommon in the town I work in, which has a huge Indian population. Like anyone, most people are OK, just a little uptight. But there are some real loving scumbags in there.
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Oct 11, 2021 00:31
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Re: The arranged bride/groom, (it's most often the bride), having to uproot their entire life and move to a country where they may only barely speak the language and know nobody. That poo poo is disturbingly common. My cousin was very lucky insomuch that she speaks good English and had worked in America for a bit before she got married and moved there. But there are many who aren't as lucky. Re: refusing an arranged marriage. You can refuse as many times as you like. After all, it is modern times, and the point is to make a good match, so if you aren't feeling it then either party can refuse. I haven't heard any personal stories of it, but I assume that this option, (just constantly refusing potential suitors for one reason or another), is used by many who don't want to get married but just want to appease their parents. (Kumail Nanjiani's character does this in The Big Sick). Also worth noting is that either side's parents can refuse too. i.e. A meeting is arranged, the bride and groom get along famously and want to get married, but the bride's mother decides she doesn't like the look of the groom because he was wearing an ugly tie, then she can refuse and the wedding is off. Of course, if you refuse too many times you get the reputation of being "difficult", which means less and less suitors are willing to meet with you. Re: the happiness of arranged marriages. This is all personal opinion, but I think a lot of it comes down to different/lowered expectations. With 'western' love match style marriages one expects hearts and unicorns and fluffy bunnies in world of marital bliss. But an arranged marriage is more about a domestic partnership designed to produce grandchildren and an auspicious joining of families. It doesn't matter if you love them, or even if you like them, that is not part of the equation. The question is can you stand to live with them for the rest of your life. This leads to, in a lot of arranged marriages, (and I have seen a lot of this in family members and family friends), ending up being two people living entirely different and separate lives in the same house. Due to the inherent misogyny in Indian culture, the husband doesn't complain so long as his clothes get washed and his dinner gets cooked, and the wife doesn't complain so long as her husband doesn't waste too much of the families money. And so both people go on living separate, lonely, conflict free lives. And that is called a 'happy marriage'. Neither willing or wanting to break up, despite how hollow and miserable they are. Because neither party wants to risk the shame of a divorce, and both parties taking pride in how strong and committed they are for 'enduring' a marriage. Because another thing that isn't talked about as much is the shame of ending up an "old maid", or "confirmed bachelor". Apart from the homophobic undertones, it also means that you aren't good enough to have found a husband/wife. That you as a person lack value, and are therefore less than. How can you be happy without a spouse? Ignoring the hollowness and misery of people in marriages as described above. And a lot of people will do anything to avoid this particular shame.
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Oct 11, 2021 00:38
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BrigadierSensible posted:Re: the happiness of arranged marriages. A lot of this exists just as much in "Western" romantic traditions. Regarding the stigma of divorce thing: My grandmother was married to an abusive unfaithful lout who only married her for a shot at her family's farming assets. She said at the time even if you were miserable you still stuck it out because divorce was like the nuclear option and everyone* will get contaminated by fallout. When they finally divorced it was her that got saddled with the shame, the side eyes from neighbors, and the stigma of being a "broken woman". Neighbors willing to help had to do it on the down low lest they get "tainted" because people think they tacitly approve of divorce. This was all despite the community gossip train being well aware of what a flaming rear end in a top hat her ex-husband was and continued to be. That was the 1960s and things are a lot better overall now but you can probably still find plenty of communities in America where this kind of crap still happens to varying degrees. * - except for the men. lol patriarchy Fabulousity fucked around with this message at 01:09 on Oct 11, 2021 |
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Oct 11, 2021 01:05
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Oct 11, 2021 01:45
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Colonel Cancer posted:I'm gonna rearrange your marriage, buddy
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Oct 11, 2021 02:42
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NEETpride, really living up to the username there.
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Oct 11, 2021 02:44
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Idk cold and loveless marriage sounds pretty normal to me
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Oct 11, 2021 02:46
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So OP got horny for some guy at work's wife and made a thread mocking the guy? Nice info on arranged marriages from other posters, tho.
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Oct 11, 2021 02:49
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3D Megadoodoo posted:So OP got horny for some guy at work's wife and made a thread mocking the guy? Glad someone couldn read between the lines and figure out that I was harder than AP Calculus throughout the entirety of the anecdote.
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Oct 11, 2021 09:28
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I’m not sure how much the western worlds strategy of “pretend you’re the protagonist in a romantic comedy and expect impossible happiness as the mark of success and anything less than orgiastic joy equals failure” makes sense because half of all marriages fail here I’m going to go ahead and say that the “sell your children to breed like farm animals allowing them no autonomy” arranged marriage also has its flaws
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Oct 11, 2021 14:24
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