ITT we're at a Midwestern small town street fair

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > ITT we're at a Midwestern small town street fair

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google THIS

(adjusts my ill fitting tank top so just the right amount of tantalizing muffin top is exposed) ok, I'm ready

# ? Oct 9, 2021 20:53

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# ? May 9, 2024 18:43

google THIS

Perpetually amazed that anyone would be shameless enough to deep fry that even as I fumble for my wallet

# ? Oct 9, 2021 20:53

nut

remember to take the bone of out of the cornsteak before you eat it, but leave the stick in, we're not animals

# ? Oct 9, 2021 21:08

Manifisto

street fairgoer: oh my god, look at those little trees, whaddayacallit, bondi? never had anything like that but I've always wanted one!

street fairgoer's friend: you bought one at this very same street fair two years ago and all the leaves turned brown and fell off within a month

street fairgoer (seemingly not having heard their companion): just think . . a genuine bondi of my very own! don't know why I've never bought one before, they're so cool!

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Oct 9, 2021 21:11

French Accent

hey there partner! try out my five alarm chili!

when you taste it, you'll feel the first alarm, the other four are silent.

# ? Oct 9, 2021 21:14

google THIS

Hey honey, we need this! (holds up a beautifully calligraphed sign that says "Don't talk to me until I've had my wine!")

(30 seconds later)

Hey honey, we need this! (holds up a beautifully calligraphed sign that says "Oh look, it's bourbon o'clock!")

# ? Oct 9, 2021 21:19

Buttchocks: No, I like my hat, thanks.

sabotages Betty's rutabagas at the 4-H contest

# ? Oct 9, 2021 23:24

alnilam

Buttchocks posted:

sabotages Betty's rutabagas at the 4-H contest

too far imo

# ? Oct 9, 2021 23:29

Buttchocks: No, I like my hat, thanks.

I am banned from the street fair. I sit on my porch and watch from afar, in shame.

# ? Oct 10, 2021 01:29

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

honey i'll be shopping in the mayonnaise district for a few hours, glad we brought the dodge caravan

# ? Oct 10, 2021 01:57

nut

the respectable squeaky, silence during the memorial first run of the tilt a whirl, in honour of all the guys named Tyler lost to its unforgiving centrifugal force

# ? Oct 10, 2021 01:59

Doctor Dogballs: driving the fuck truck from hand land to pound town without stopping at suction station

im the out of towner wondering why this local small town street fair is named "hofbrau fest" yet is completely unaffiliated with and indeed does not even serve hofbrau

----------------
https://thumbs.gfycat.com/HopefulSophisticatedIndianrhinoceros-mobile.webm
"The Bad Boy of Comics"

# ? Oct 10, 2021 02:02

Manifisto

the fried candy bar stand ran out of candy bars hours ago and is now frying literally anything they can get their hands on: brochures, shoelaces, minion dolls. the customers have not noticed and the line is in fact about to extend to a third block

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Oct 10, 2021 02:05

google THIS

The new Literal Garbage with Football Team Logos Painted On booth really stole the show this year. And yes, this is a Fightin' Irish soiled diaper, why do you ask? It's called upcycling.

# ? Oct 10, 2021 03:00

google THIS

(takes a bite of my jumbo hot dog with a grilled cheese sandwich for the bun) So these handmade artisanal grain-free dog treats...are they organic?

# ? Oct 10, 2021 05:39

Manifisto

curly fry scientists from the local agricultural extension have finally figured out how to curl fries into the fourth dimension. fairgoers munching curly fries are winking in and out of visible existence. mayo-based dipping sauces have been shown to bring things back to dimensional stability but the malt vinegar poses a major threat to the multiverse.

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Oct 10, 2021 05:59

Buttchocks: No, I like my hat, thanks.

Drinking Miller Lite in a plastic cup backstage with the Mumford & Sons cover band while this year's Miss Monsanto Sorghum Princess is announced.

# ? Oct 10, 2021 06:42

Escape From Noise

Stuck at the airbrushing booth for over an hour trying to decide between the gangsta Tweety Bird muscle shirt, and the Tasmanian Devil slam dunking basketball jersey.

In the end I go home with both.

# ? Oct 10, 2021 08:01

vanisher

This fried butter still has the wax paper on

�Gotta leave those on to get the Frosted Flakes batter to stick�

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Oct 11, 2021 06:22

vanisher

A dude with an enormous wok making kettle corn wearing a shirt that says �pop star�

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Oct 11, 2021 06:24

vanisher

Guy will carve your name into a wood sign on his lathe and get you a sweet deal on financing for solar panels

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Oct 11, 2021 06:28

nesamdoom: nesaM killed Masen

google THIS posted:

(adjusts my ill fitting tank top so just the right amount of tantalizing muffin top is exposed) ok, I'm ready

As an Nebraskan\Iowan, the realness of this hit me so hard I about fell off of my chair by being hit by hundreds of mental images at once.

Buttchocks posted:

I am banned from the street fair. I sit on my porch and watch from afar, in shame.

Town is only 5 blocks long, you can still throw a beer and hit the fair.

C:

Well it's 11a.m. so I'd better get down to the twice yearly hotdog celebration. Gotta eat a couple dogs per shop/stall today to make sure the Tyson plant doesn't overrun this podunk with a meat byproduct flood.

nesamdoom fucked around with this message at 18:00 on Oct 11, 2021

https://i.imgur.com/1qBoiAi.mp4

# ? Oct 11, 2021 17:39

nut

this is not the first place I have purchased coca cola as a gelatinous sphere nor will it be the last

# ? Oct 11, 2021 18:04

Manifisto

nut posted:

this is not the first place I have purchased coca cola as a gelatinous sphere nor will it be the last

are . . . are you a gelatinous sphere often? :ohdear:

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Oct 11, 2021 20:00

nut

Manifisto posted:

are . . . are you a gelatinous sphere often?

after the fair? definitely

# ? Oct 11, 2021 23:32

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

I'm going to sign up for the Ellie Kemper lookalike contest, and this year I'm gonna win.

# ? Oct 12, 2021 02:09

Kaiser Schnitzel: Schnitzel mit uns

where a dark wind blows ghostly off the cornfields, but the townsfolk are too busy filling their greasy and vacuous gullets with yet more of america's finest fare to notice the omen, let alone imagine what it might portend.

The ones who live will always regret it.

https://i.imgur.com/R8ctked.mp4
ty Manifisto for this wonderful sig!

# ? Oct 12, 2021 03:17

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

I got 2 bucks riding on the red 22 tractor for the demolition derby

# ? Oct 12, 2021 03:22

nut

Mormon Nailer posted:

I'm going to sign up for the Ellie Kemper lookalike contest, and this year I'm gonna win.

# ? Oct 12, 2021 03:59

Escape From Noise

Pumping myself for some maise maze.

Getting ready for Corn Times.

Gonna husk 'til I bust!

# ? Oct 12, 2021 06:23

hot cocoa on the couch

can't find my tiny 1983 Mazda RX-7 in the parking lot sea of lifted, widened, long cab long bed dually trucks

https://i.imgur.com/W7qTiB3.mp4

a LEGENDARY sig by the LEGENDARY LAP

# ? Oct 12, 2021 15:05

FutonForensic

me and the boys (The Fair Four) are all getting funnel cakes, taking one bite, and immediately regretting it

# ? Oct 12, 2021 15:24

Buttchocks: No, I like my hat, thanks.

Can't wait to take a hayride around the school parking lot!

# ? Oct 12, 2021 15:28

FutonForensic

I am getting on this pendulum ride and I am not coming off until I go into labor. I WILL have an Armistice Day baby

# ? Oct 12, 2021 15:31

Ventral EggSac

Sitting on a bench nursing my fried food baby when outta nowhere my water breaks

# ? Oct 12, 2021 15:38

vanisher

Somewhere on the Bowe County Armistace Day Street Fair flyer is a picture of the pendulum ride. In front is a baby in sunglasses giving a thumbs up. Everyone thinks its a quirky cute picture but those who know, know.

# ? Oct 12, 2021 15:57

Zurtilik: The Biggest Brain in Guardia

I came to pet the goats! =)

# ? Oct 12, 2021 16:52

Viginti Septem: Oculus Noctuae

Mormon Nailer posted:

I'm going to sign up for the Ellie Kemper lookalike contest, and this year I'm gonna win.

# ? Oct 12, 2021 19:01

nesamdoom: nesaM killed Masen

I'd better stop and get a few corndogs here. The next food stand is half a block down the street, actually I'd better make it 5 and a blooming onion so I can hurry over to the tractor pull.

https://i.imgur.com/1qBoiAi.mp4

# ? Oct 12, 2021 21:11

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# ? May 9, 2024 18:43

Buttchocks: No, I like my hat, thanks.

Oh no, the Mayor-Sheriff is about to make a speech.

# ? Oct 12, 2021 21:49

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > ITT we're at a Midwestern small town street fair

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