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This is for posting the stories that did not make the final cut: Story 1: When all the Elves put on Saurons Ring the first time and felt the evil it was actually them putting the ring on and all of a sudden it wasn't Sauron, it was me, Derpies, and I asked all the Elves and Dwarves and Humans whose tuggin' and they all loving groaned and the men accepted undeath and the call of tuggin' and the Dwarves were like, "TUG LYFE!", but the Elves are prudes and just loving kept groaning and didn't put the rings back on for an age. Story 2: The kingdom of Arnor actually fell because the Witch King tricked them all into being LuLuLaRoe "Independent Contractors" and they just kept doubling down that it wasn't an MLM until Isildor died and collapsed the entire economy.
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Nov 6, 2021 17:48
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| # ? May 20, 2024 16:04 |
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theonering.net is often mistaken as The Onion Ring dot net
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Nov 6, 2021 17:51
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Gandalf:Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Th- Gimli:Hell yeah git er done axe time bb!!!!
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Nov 6, 2021 17:52
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Ent language is a lot like I Am Groot except they're just saying suck my dick and balls over and over again It's all in the inflection
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Nov 6, 2021 17:54
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We're tugging the hobbits to Isengard
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Nov 6, 2021 17:55
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The Entwives actually left because the Ents were insanely misogynistic and Treebeard just conveniently left all that out and now the Ent Wives live in a happy coven together and now that is why the Subaru Foreston is the car of choice for sturdy women in the Northwest.
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Nov 6, 2021 17:56
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It is not well known that central-west Bagginston had a small but thriving market of Rhohaian Bibles published by "Dildo Shaggins". The most popular, of course, being "Reach Around There and Pull It Back, My Friend"
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Nov 6, 2021 17:57
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There was a whole section on Dwarvish circumcision practices that just barely didn't make the cut.
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Nov 6, 2021 18:00
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Men have long since theorized about the characteristics of Elven Dongs
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Nov 6, 2021 18:00
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Tom bombadil was chased off into a shack in the woods because he was a relentless pederast
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Nov 6, 2021 18:00
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Derpies posted:There was a whole section on Dwarvish circumcision practices that just barely didn't make the cut. "Long have we toiled in the smeg-mines..."
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Nov 6, 2021 18:01
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Noblesse Obliged posted:Tom bombadil was chased off into a shack in the woods because he was a relentless pederast He was quoted as saying "Goldberry is actually a 5,000 year old daemon therefore....."
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Nov 6, 2021 18:02
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The two blue wizards. Just great. Here comes the two blue wizards.
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Nov 6, 2021 18:03
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if wasps took control of the government id be concerned
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Nov 6, 2021 18:06
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Scholars argue that Bagginses' seminal tale is just a cheap account of the horrors of the First Morningsies War of the Taters. Though Baggins has long refuted the obvious allegorical similarities, we're not convinced..
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Nov 6, 2021 18:06
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Is he the one that did Bram Stoker's Dracula? I don't like that hobbit poo poo. But I like Dracula.
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Nov 6, 2021 18:07
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orcs are elves
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Nov 6, 2021 18:09
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Treebeard orchestrated the violent radical movement of ents going their own way to play with wood
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Nov 6, 2021 18:09
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James and The Giant Bitch
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Nov 6, 2021 18:11
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They only have Pepsi products and the eagles are all sovereign citizen types
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Nov 6, 2021 18:12
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In private, Elrod and Galadriel were known to speak openly of their anti-spider sentiment. Many believe this found its way into Elven lore, rewriting spiders to be devious and evil entities.
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Nov 6, 2021 18:12
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after the entwives were lost, treebeard began a forced feminization protocol for all seedlings. it was extremely controversial and they don't talk about it with outsiders.
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Nov 6, 2021 18:13
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Dwarves are actually a type of a dragon flea
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Nov 6, 2021 18:13
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Balrogs are actually just dwarf women
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Nov 6, 2021 18:13
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The Eagles wouldn't fly to Mordor because of their ancient non-aggression pact with the big eye in the sky
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Nov 6, 2021 18:14
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Ents became to be because saruman jacked off into a shrub
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Nov 6, 2021 18:15
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the mines of moria were vastly overhyped and were only about 12 feet below surface elevation. the balrog dug the rest of the big pit in the middle pretty much all by itself.
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Nov 6, 2021 18:15
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Orcs became to be because Elrond hosed a puddle
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Nov 6, 2021 18:16
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Bombur was the only canonical dwarf woman, and the rest of the group were her clutch. Dwarves are born in dozens, connected to their maternal dwarf by beards
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Nov 6, 2021 18:17
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The Eagles: We cannot come to you, you suck as people Hobbits: Uh ok. thats bad
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Nov 6, 2021 18:18
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The Rings are an allegory for weed
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Nov 6, 2021 18:19
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"The one ring" is actually a typo. The printer kept adding a space instead of the B in "The Bonering".
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Nov 6, 2021 18:22
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Tree beard is known to gently caress
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Nov 6, 2021 18:23
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There's actually 60 more ringwraiths but they're busy battling the blue freaks in the east
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Nov 6, 2021 18:23
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Story 3: The story about that talking dog adventures where it doesn't say a drat thing untill it finally dies of old age and then it's like "cya" right before croaking.
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Nov 6, 2021 18:25
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the rings given to elves, humans, and dwarves were crafted by sauron as magically enchanted bondage gear they were never meant to fall into the hands of a hobbit because hobbits look young and childlike, and sauron really doesn't want to have to explain that, no, bilbo was actually 111 years old.
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Nov 6, 2021 18:26
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There is a reason they call it a ball-rogue but it's a children's book so they don't tell you
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Nov 6, 2021 18:28
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it turns out that you can simply walk straight into mordor, and it's pretty touristy these days
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Nov 6, 2021 18:30
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Tolkien lost a legal battle with LEGO and that's why elves are square as gently caress
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Nov 6, 2021 18:31
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| # ? May 20, 2024 16:04 |
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One of the Hobbits had a big dick and its kept from the red book and the history
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Nov 6, 2021 18:32
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