- Muscle Wizard
- Jul 28, 2011
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by sebmojo
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GOOD
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Nov 11, 2021 02:58
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May 9, 2024 21:06
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- Muscle Wizard
- Jul 28, 2011
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by sebmojo
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I was trying to go to sleep a few minutes ago and for some reason the enormity of these events finally hit me and I couldn't stop crying. I have no real life friends who give a poo poo about forums posting, so this is basically the only place I have to express these feelings, but I really feel the need to express them.
I would like this thread to be about our personal feelings about the death of Richard Kyanka, and how it has personally affected us. Just TV-IVing about the details as they come in, or wondering about SomethingAwful's future, and all of that bullshit has no place here. I need to write about my feelings about Lowtax. Obviously these posts will be mocked elsewhere on the forums, but gently caress em. If you feel the need to say anything, say it.
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Lowtax is an abuser. He abused his wife. We will probably never know exactly what he was thinking. Obviously I did not know Lowtax. I never saw him in person and never spoke to him. But he represented something very special to me. In such a cut-throat, dirty, dark, often disgusting, business he was one of the good ones. When people talked poo poo about posting and the bastards involved in it, you could always point out Lowtax as the exception to the rule. He was the one you could point to as a true professional who honored the sport he loved, who was passionate about it, who proved that you could dedicate your life to professional posting without being insane or scum or a monster. He was the ace in the hole. He was the one who wasn't in it for the pussy or because he was a failed poster in another website or definitely not because he wanted to get rich quick or because he wanted to be a movie star or because he saw posting as a means to an end. He was in it for the forums. He was dedicated to being the best website administrator he could be, and it showed in his front page posts.
I wanted to be a cool poster since I was a little kid, and one of the very worst moments of my life was a cold night in San Antonio when I was on the phone to my girlfriend a thousand miles away and finally admitted to myself and to her that buying this account and an avatar had been a mistake. Coming to grips that I was simply not athletically or charismatically talented enough to post in FYAD was one of the worst moments of my life. The business glorifies the boyhood dreams that come true. My boyhood dream wasn't going to come true, and it was an upsetting, soul-crushing revelation that upsets and discourages me to this day.
Since then I lived vicariously through Lowtax in a lot of ways. He wasn't a man who was destined to be a mainstream superstar. He couldn't box. He wasn't charismatic in the usual way. He was quiet. His neck didn't work. The only thing he had going for him was his posting ethic. He wasn't a third generation professional poster. He wasn't physically gifted. But through sheer effort he was able to become one of the most influential website administrators in history. By 40 years-old.
Lowtax was only forty, and he was already a legend on the verge of myth. That's how talented he was, and how respected.
I cannot reconcile in my mind that the man who unnecessarily gave back so much to the forums could die so young. I can't understand how a man could spend weeks and months trying to give back to younger guys like DocEvil, putting forth the care and effort to help them find their voice in the forums. Lowtax owed me nothing. But I still feel the loss. I selfishly lived through many of his accomplishments and now feel lost. I can only speak for myself, but I feel that for a lot of us the SomethingAwful forums are a rock of stability in a storm of stress and uncertainty.
And that will continue. But Lowtax is dead. And he died as a fail abuser. And whether it be insanity, drugs, or just the actions of a clear-eyed monster, what is done is done. And one of the pillars for the guys backstage and one of the pillars for fans is gone. And everything that pillar held up is tainted and dripping with mangosteen juice.
Lowax was an abuser. And I don't know how to accept that.
this
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Nov 11, 2021 03:39
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- Muscle Wizard
- Jul 28, 2011
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by sebmojo
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i am truely sorry for your lots
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Nov 11, 2021 03:51
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- Muscle Wizard
- Jul 28, 2011
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by sebmojo
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Guys, I just want you to remember while posting, if you are about to write something mean about him that one day my daughter will be old enough to Google this thread and her older sisters already are.
Please try to be kind. This was their father. No matter what my relationship was to him or with him, this was their Daddy and they are hurting.
I recognize that I have said unkind things out of anger about Rich and our relationship on here in the past, so I get the hypocrisy in me saying this.
ok. i take back my mean posts. i'm sorry.
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Nov 11, 2021 03:54
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Nov 11, 2021 02:58
