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Now that we have - following a long and painful effort - learned what evil lurks in the hearts of men, it is time to enact their opposites!  Yes, the rigorous discipline of the manufacture and distribution of Surrealism Serotonin™ (or uhhh Dadaist Dopamine™ (ART ACETYLCHOLINE™ SOMEONE STOP ME PLEASE I NEED AN EDITOR)), never far from our minds, hearts, slimy tubes, humors, etc, falls to us once again. For who but the goons can bring a sensible chuckle to the steely-eyed, implacable, constant mail carriers of our cities as they deliver another 15,000 bees to a by this point surely suspecting goon? Those sentences are okay I guess but really, where is this thread going? What, if anything, is this? How could a loving God cause such horror? One at a time, please. Thank you. Down, or up, depending on whether your frame of reference is the page or your scrolling. "This" is Something Awful Secret Santa (version 2021 Alas Poor Yorick We Knew Him All Too Well), a gift exchange very much like other secret santa exchanges excepting that it's populated by goons. You sign up for a website, give it information the NSA assuredly already knows about you, prove to it that you control an email address, an SA profile, the horizontal, the vertical, and later you are told the identity of another goon to whom you are required to send a gift. Sometimes it isn't bees! This has, historically, been a great source of holiday cheer and wild results. Please, I have not been issued my welcome booklet, and have yet to inhabit the essential nature of the Goon; what gifts bring such a fell creature joy, and what offenses must I fearfully avoid? You will know your santee's identity, and light e-stalking is encouraged if you're capable of not being weird about it. You should send whatever you think they like, which shouldn't be difficult to figure out from the posts they make in the thread, the messages you exchange with them via the site's anonymous messaging feature, and what you're able to find from their existing online footprint. Based on that, you select the finest bee products relevant to their interests that are within your means and desire to send, and send them.  You expect to receive items worth between 0 and 20 dollars. If you go above and beyond, awesome! If you don't, also cool, try to make it fun!While posting in this thread about what you receive is strongly encouraged, and is definitely a cool thing to do, it isn't mandatory. My judgement will befall you if you don't thank your santa *somehow* though. My imagination was surgica- Yes cool okay, review last year's thread here: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3946620 Can I send something handmade? YES IT RULES DO IT I haven't received my verification email! Unfortunate. Please double-check your email (spam folders?) and PM me. My santee was banned! I always say they aren't banned from Christmas. Sometimes the conduct they were banned for is egregious enough to look past this - but there are a lot of anodyne ways to get banned here, it's not an automatic disqualification. If you need a different santee, PM me and we'll sort it out. I'm an old hand, but need the bee wallpaper. i got u bb https://i.imgur.com/PTqJscN.png Where do I sign up then? Right here! https://sass.operationcitadel.net/ Get in there friends! I signed up, where's my santa? Here's the full order of events: - You register for the site - You verify your profile and email (see the verdict on the profile page after logging in: It should identify the verdict as "Good") - On Dec 5 (sorry, signups were late) you will receive your assignment! - You send a gift to your santee ideally on or before Dec 14 to ensure its arrival hbag posted:if i sign up for this is the goon going to know WHO the name and address belongs to or just "send something to this rear end in a top hat" without telling them my username You don't have to reveal your real name (as long as you're confident the mail carrier will deliver to your address under a more anonymous pseudonym), but they will get to know your username and mailing address. You will not get to know your santa's username unless they reveal it to you (but this is commonly done). Tree Bucket posted:How does this work for international goons? I'd love to give it a shot, but I don't want to make anyone pay for postage to Australia... You can put yourself in one of three categories: - I am only willing to send to a recipient in my own country - I am only willing to send to a recipient in a nearby country (e.g. my continent) - I am willing to send anywhere and would prefer to send internationally Whichever category you put yourself in is also the one your santa and santee will be drawn from. Both you and your santa must have opted in to international postage to be paired if you're far apart. What happens if there aren't enough people (e.g. I live in Antarctica and selected 'same country' but I'm the only goon there)? I'll do my best to satisfy everyone's requests. If the only way to get you a santee is to go up a postage cost level, I will PM you to make sure you're okay with that. If you requested international, I'll try to give you an international recipient but there's a chance you will receive someone same-country (mostly for US goons). e: Why was this so late? I engaged Full Hubris Mode and attempted to rewrite the whole thing in rust from no experience in system languages, starting way too late, and across a (mild) surgery and a work onsite where I didn't have time to pursue it. This went about as well as you'd expect! That version being ~60% done, and it already being Nov 16, well. I admitted defeat and brought back the classic. Look for a new one next year! tiaz fucked around with this message at 18:06 on Nov 17, 2021 |
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Nov 17, 2021 06:13
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Very well. My first SASS was 2005. Oh my God.
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Nov 17, 2021 06:19
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SANTA I AM GOOD NOW GIVE ME MONEY Santee, prepare yourself. 
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Nov 17, 2021 07:18
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How does this work for international goons? I'd love to give it a shot, but I don't want to make anyone pay for postage to Australia...
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Nov 17, 2021 08:03
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Tree Bucket posted:How does this work for international goons? I'd love to give it a shot, but I don't want to make anyone pay for postage to Australia... Good question! There are three categories you can put yourself in: - I am only willing to send to a recipient in my own country - I am only willing to send to a nearby country (your own continent, basically) - I am willing to send anywhere (and would prefer international) There won't be assignments across categories unless necessary. You'll only receive a non-regional foreign goon santa if both you and they chose to roll the dice on postage.
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Nov 17, 2021 08:28
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YES... HAHA HA... YES!
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Nov 17, 2021 08:44
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For international mail, it's very helpful to include your phone number and real name with your address.
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Nov 17, 2021 08:49
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YES! Been waiting for this! Edit: for future Santa reference: please send me handmade stuff if you are in possession of hands as well as things that can be made by the hands in your possession. Otherwise, I'm a programmer and artist by trade and make video games, so anything adjacent to that would be aces. I also really like sweets and other kinds of snacks! I don't post too often on the forums, so if you want to find out more about me, just google my username. Shinmera fucked around with this message at 23:33 on Nov 18, 2021 |
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Nov 17, 2021 09:02
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I’m FINALLY in on the first page! Edit for santa: - male, 36 - Size medium in everything (bucking goon tradition by being average size - living with my partner, she and I are currently working on saving up for a downpayment on a house (partner is a size small in everything) - We have 4 cats (Buster, Betsy, Rusty, and ManWolf) feel free to get them more gifts than you get me, and a tortoise (steve) - I enjoy Bouldering (a type of rock climbing), magic: the gathering, craft beer and weird drinks. Huge music fan, the weirder the better, and I screen bad movies for my friends so feel free to send your weirdest files on a thumb drive - I am a professional radioman by trade (which means I also work in a restaurant because radio pays extremely poorly) - stuff that's local to you is always appreciated (including pictures of YOUR pets)! - I have a switch, a ps4, and a PC with steam I mostly play jrpgs and srpgs because i'm a huge dweeb (my partner, she does love animal crossing) - no 4/20 for me please, it gives me crippling anxiety Santee: - I will mail you some stuff and I hope you like it (if you make a post describing your likes and dislikes it will be much easier for me) Mezzanon fucked around with this message at 21:35 on Nov 30, 2021 |
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Nov 17, 2021 09:38
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I'm in!
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Nov 17, 2021 09:49
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Been  ing for this for a while now,  !
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Nov 17, 2021 10:19
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Nov 17, 2021 14:20
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Signed up and ready for my Santee!
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Nov 17, 2021 14:53
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if i sign up for this is the goon going to know WHO the name and address belongs to or just "send something to this rear end in a top hat" without telling them my username because i would prefer to not have them know my username AND my actual name & address
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Nov 17, 2021 15:45
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also is this restricted to any one country
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Nov 17, 2021 15:46
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Hey.. first page of the SASS thread! I'm in for my eighth year of SASSMas! It is time for my yearly cut-and-paste of last year's greeting: Hey Santa! You're stuck with me this year! Sorry about that, but hey... I'm a pretty easy-going guy, so it should be pretty simple for you. In fact, this info is pretty much a repost of last year's SASS post. It is super straightforward to find out details about who I am amongst all of the info in my SA profile, my website, and my posting history. I've also been pretty quick to respond to the SASS messaging in the past, so feel free to use that to get some details from me if you need to. I study retrogaming hardware as a hobby, so if you happen to have a few Japanese SFC or PAL SNES cartridges sitting around that you don't want, this is your golden opportunity to get rid of them! Aside from that, feel free to send anything simple (coffee mugs, Christmas ornaments, local university stuff, etc.) that shows off landmarks or cities local to where you live. I also like to receive any handmade things that will remind me in the years to come of my very nice SASS 2021 Santa who is a very thoughtful person (and who would definitely never show up at my house to stab me and my family in our faces). Wait, did I say I have a family? I did! I have a wife, a 15 year-old daughter, an old, old cat, a Corgi, and a Cavalier:    Because they are all also going to be checking out any gifts that you send, please don't send any NSFW stuff! All of them have to live with me, and that is already traumatizing enough for them as it is without bringing NSFW packages from the internet into the mix. Hey Santee! I will do what I can to make this a good SASSmas for you! My track record is pretty good in this regard, and it will be even better if you post what you want in the goddamn thread. I also try to get in touch with my Santees really quickly via the SASS site after the assignments go out. Other than that, though...  ... get excited.
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Nov 17, 2021 15:59
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hbag posted:if i sign up for this is the goon going to know WHO the name and address belongs to or just "send something to this rear end in a top hat" without telling them my username They will definitely know your username and mailing address, as part of the fun is customizing what you receive to you. They don't necessarily have to know your actual name - if you're confident your mail carrier will deliver to "hbag", or an arbitrary name with your address, that should be fine. hbag posted:also is this restricted to any one country If you want!
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Nov 17, 2021 17:57
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Oh gently caress yesssss SASS TIME. I’ve already started shopping for my santees gifts. Live bees from around the world!! Santa: I’m a XL female goon just got married this year. I’m allergic to latex and pumpkin. I have a dog and 3 cats, no kids. Edit: I should probably add more to make things easier for you Santa. I’m really into tea, Harry Potter, tattoos, makeup, art, and candles. I drink, no drugs, I don’t want your bodily fluids. Bring me the bees CeramicPig fucked around with this message at 04:10 on Dec 6, 2021 |
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Nov 17, 2021 18:16
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hbag posted:if i sign up for this is the goon going to know WHO the name and address belongs to or just "send something to this rear end in a top hat" without telling them my username You have two kidneys for a reason, they'll only take one....I hope
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Nov 17, 2021 18:43
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Alright. I've been absent a bit and it's been a weird couple years here and everywhere. But I'm back on my bullshit and I think I'm ready for this again. Santa, I'm a Native American artist and dilettante. I'm L or XL in size. I paint (oil and acrylic), I video, I write, I urban Homestead. I love animals, I love things about and that are art. I'm a goofy punk fucker living in the desert. No allergies. I love oddities and tastefully morbid stuff too. I'm more than happy to answer questions via the SASS site or through a third party here on PMs. Santee, I've had a lot of time to just sit and think about how to make your life miserable. Droogie fucked around with this message at 17:15 on Dec 3, 2021 |
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Nov 17, 2021 19:19
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tiaz posted:They will definitely know your username and mailing address, as part of the fun is customizing what you receive to you. using a fake name would give the mail guys more reason to check my mail and im really not comfortable with some internet stranger knowing that hbag lives at 123 bumfuck avenue probably because i got that "every single internet stranger ever is a serial diddler" thing drilled into me in secondary school idk oh well, rip, id get a PO box but that shtis expensive
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Nov 17, 2021 19:21
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Hell yeah, once again time to get SASSy. Hi Santa, I've been terrible this year. I'm a 34yo ladygoon and I live with my husband (also a goon, we met at a goon game night, very romantic, yes yes), our cat, and our new baby (she'll be 3 months a bit before Christmas). I'm on maternity leave right now but usually work in legal knowledge management, which is very exciting let me tell you. We have a tree sonifty cat-safe ornaments would be neat. Otherwise (to the extent feasible) cool local things to you would also be neat. I like coffee, baking, video games (mostly final fantasy xiv these days), and probably other things I can't think of; I don't really like licorice or fish. As far as alcohol goes I mostly just drink ciders, the drier the better. Please no adult clothes (baby or cat clothes ok) or tobackies (no matter how wacky). Hi Santee, prepare to dehumanize yourself and face to malort.
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Nov 17, 2021 19:29
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I am so in on this, once again! Hello, Santa! I'm a 59 year old Science Teacher. I really like sciency stuff. Anything that will teach me something, or I can share with my 7th and 8th grade students (Science toys are great!) also, Mrs. Genesplicer and I really like travel and regional things, so feel free to send stuff from your neighborhood. We also have a large supply of dogs and cats, so there's that. Hello Santee! There is no telling what will happen to you. I might send something regional, or a container of toad mucus. It might be handmade art, or a book about English tippytoe dancing. There is no telling! So, make sure you have a decently large post history I can go into, otherwise I'll send you something frightening. Genesplicer fucked around with this message at 19:46 on Nov 17, 2021 |
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Nov 17, 2021 19:41
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SASS is always a highlight of my holiday season. Let's get Christmassy. Dear Santa: I am a 39-y.o. man-child. I do computer work for a living and digital art for fun, and I'm trying to get my fat rear end back into shape after 2 hosed-up years. My weird pet obsession is parachutes and skydiving so if you see anything fun in that vein I'd probably love it. I wear a 3X men's t-shirt if that sort of thing matters. I'm always happy to get fun regional souvenirs or home decoration stuff. Dear Santee:  prepare yourself, not that it will help
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Nov 17, 2021 20:25
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IMJack posted:SASS is always a highlight of my holiday season. Let's get Christmassy. Isn't it true that you don't need a parachute to skydive, you only need one to skydive more than once?
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Nov 17, 2021 22:00
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My favorite time of the year!  Santa: 35 year old lady goon living with two cats and guinea pigs (and a fiancé, but he doesn't need anything). Size small if you go the shirt route; I like knitting and amateur entomology. But really, I appreciate any sort of local goodies; my only minor request is you throw in a local magnet I can put on my fridge! Santee: I hope you like hats, because I will make you a dang hat (or a scarf, maybe both)! And you'll be sure to get some local goodies!
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Nov 17, 2021 22:05
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Hooray! The blest time of the year. I like anything fun, dtupid and weird. I like listening to records, thrift store junk, rock climbing and I ride my bike alot. I like to drink alcohol drinks but hate weed. I go to alot of concerts sometimes, I wear glasses, I think that the world is flat, and I have a lovely car. Oh and I live in Canada, but you already knew that didn't you... Comedy! Hamclam fucked around with this message at 07:12 on Nov 26, 2021 |
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Nov 18, 2021 00:34
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Last few times have been fun and these threads are always entertaining so I'm in! Santa: I'm a 34-year-old man who spends entirely too much time at the chamber of commerce and local historical society. If you've got any real off the wall gift ideas you'd like to try out on some victim with no risk of reprisal, I'm your canvas. I'm generally into weird books, trinkets, baubles and anything that a weird cat-person might sell in Morrowind, apart from Moon Sugar due to an unfortunate allergy. Santee: I live far from civilization in a doomed land with a damned people, but I'm a passable scavenger. Rare artifacts of past glories await. Can provide pretzels that double as Ninja weapons and BBQ chips that are probably illegal under the Geneva Convention. And books, there's a lot of forgotten tomes in need of homes around here. If you have any special requests or curiosities feel free. I've got contacts at like five local flea markets so I might be the one to find the lost Ashtray of Anubis or whatever it is you're into.
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Nov 18, 2021 02:05
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I was waiting for this! Hooray! I still come around every once in awhile!  That being said, I am, er, older and Love Nikki has eaten me LOTS. Shining Nikki has too, so digital gift cards would be the safe and easy bet. Amazon or Itunes would be the best best. If you believe that digital gift cards/paypal is anathema, then I do have a massive of what I got in past Reddit Gifts: https://www.redditgifts.com/profiles/view_history_pdf/Divine2012/ Should give you some ideas.  Amazon wishlist is here: http://amzn.to/2gsNv1y Love Big John’s Beef Jerky, Ruby Coffee, and Adagio Teas!
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Nov 18, 2021 03:05
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Genesplicer posted:Isn't it true that you don't need a parachute to skydive, you only need one to skydive more than once? Everything is air-droppable at least once. But for some people, once is not enough.
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Nov 18, 2021 03:11
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Hellllllllooooooooo Santas and Santees! I can't remember when my wife and I started doing SASS, but we've been going for several years and at least three duty stations. I'm currently over in South Korea, and SASS has been great to us so far: SANTA: We enjoy reading and writing, my wife is a FF14 addict and I will play drat near any game I can. We have a load of hobbies, but anything local and anything neat or weird is fine with us. Though I would avoid any produce/meat outside a sealed container, and any thing dangerous or pornographic. Customs is afraid of dildos, apparently. SANTEE: We will do our best to send some authentic stuff to your doorstep. I hope you enjoy it! We'll try to send it out Priority as soon as we can because shipping delays suck.
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Nov 18, 2021 04:34
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Ok, I am doing this. First SASS ever!
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Nov 18, 2021 11:57
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Aw yeeeaaahhh biiiiiiitch. Been doing this since... oh gently caress 2009 why am I so old?!  Last year I went international shipping and then the courier made life hell for my poor Santee in trying to get the package routed and re-routed so this year I may stick to same-country shipping.  I've not changed much for the past while so I'm just gonna mildly reword my 2019 post: quote:Hello Santa!
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Nov 18, 2021 20:00
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Copied/updated from last yearRepeatingMeme posted:Santa: i'm a dude RepeatingMeme fucked around with this message at 16:57 on Nov 19, 2021 |
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Nov 18, 2021 21:22
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I cant remember who sent me stuff last year but i still have the owl picture and 3d printed cthulhu as decorations around my house so thank you!
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Nov 18, 2021 21:27
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Slightly updated from last year's SASSmas post:Poo In An Alleyway posted:Signed up a few hours ago. My first year! Poo In An Alleyway fucked around with this message at 16:29 on Dec 7, 2021 |
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Nov 18, 2021 22:37
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One year I got the Tom of Finland stamps (unused sheet to frame as art) https://hyperallergic.com/120677/homoerotic-art-of-tom-of-finland-celebrated-on-finnish-postal-stamps/ Last year I got a treasure chest of handmade beeswax candles from a beekeeper. SASS is good, SASS is powerful. HAIL SANTA.
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Nov 18, 2021 22:39
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Praise be to the mighty Tiaz for making this possible every year! I’ll register later, but I’m hyped and I hope we get good participation this year. So as for me: Santa: #1 on my list is 1 weird and/or unique Christmas tree ornament, preferably only one or two because I'm running out of room on the tree for more. The general guide is that the harder it would be for me to replace the better (looking at you generic shiny balls). So that often means handmade, vintage, just plain weird, local, or some combo of those. I have a hand painted goatse ornament, felt clitoris, and Santaur hanging on the tree along with antique bird ornaments inherited from my Grandma if that gives you any ideas about the range of what is going on. If you're looking for anything beyond that I'm a lady goon in her 30s, no kids or pets, I have a husband but he's unappreciative of SASS. I do accounting as a day job and most of my free time goes to a plush making business on the side, but there are a handful of console video games I play. Beyond that I like unicorns, crew length socks with fun patterns, sewing, handmade plush, puns, and various weird things. I think local or handmade stuff is neato. My dislikes include bitter tastes, all spicy things, black licorice and coconut. Alcohol makes me sad and weepy and I'd rather not get illegal things in the mail. I’ll happily use the site messaging. When in doubt, go weird - BUT please keep the outside of the package relatively normal. I'm friends with my neighbors and sometimes they hold on to packages for us, right now they think I'm only a little weird.
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Nov 18, 2021 22:58
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Where does this Christmas Bee motif come from, incidentally?
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Nov 18, 2021 23:15
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Awwww yissssss TacSan21 is ON. Many thanks to you, Tiaz for helping with the background logistics. Your system is baller af. Santa: So. Jam on board games (sci-fi, co-op, and deck builders), love Animal Crossing, Metroid, and Warframe, and tabletop RPGs (from PBtA to DnDnDnD to Shadowrun). Also an animation fan (Owl House being a current favorite). Love art by my Santa, stuffs related to the above interests, and hearing a bit about my Santa. Santee: Prepare your gift-receiving receptors...  Shy and Shameless fucked around with this message at 07:32 on Dec 2, 2021 |
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Nov 18, 2021 23:47
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