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you hear a BLAT and know you're done. your rear end lifts off the seat from the recoil. you swear there's a crack in the porcelain where there wasn't one before. you check the ceiling for splashback. you wonder if the neighbor will complain to the landlord. you keep $100 saved up for a new toilet "just in case". you google "foods to reduce poo poo velocity". you buy shock absorbers for your toilet. you schedule a colonoscopy to "find out if there's firecrackers in your rear end". you "don't trust" toilets that aren't directly connected to a building's foundation. you carry liability insurance to cover damages to toilets owned by others. you hire a contractor to "ruggedize" your bathroom. you ask the hardware store if they sell titanium toilets. you've been strongly discouraged from making GBS threads at work ever since "the incident". 911 has your address flagged due to the number of calls. you play war movies at full volume to cover the noise. anyone who eats your rear end has to sign a waiver first. when you head for the bathroom, people leave the building. people know when you're going for a poo poo because you put on construction earmuffs. you hold a guiness world record, but you don't tell people which one. you're sometimes referred to as "machine gun rear end". people duck and cover when you say "i gotta take a poo poo". your farts are like the fourth of july
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Dec 18, 2021 03:33
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| # ? May 2, 2024 06:22 |
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jimmyjams
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Dec 18, 2021 03:33
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BAN 05/03/17 04:27pm jimmyjams This guy registered in 2001 to post "fart" a lot of times, I guess. Jeffrey of YOSPOS FactsAreUseless
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Dec 18, 2021 03:35
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i dont think so op
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Dec 18, 2021 03:39
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Peggy Edson posted:jimmyjams
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Dec 18, 2021 03:42
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ops poo poo is like a Jewish painting. 50 years from now a German will still be examining it in secret
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Dec 18, 2021 04:00
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Geez, OP.
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Dec 18, 2021 04:41
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I enjoyed OP's post about Edit: Whoops. BigBadSteve fucked around with this message at 05:47 on Dec 18, 2021 |
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Dec 18, 2021 05:23
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Wow you're quite full of yourself OP. Your posts are wet farts at best, no where close to explosive shits.
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Dec 18, 2021 05:26
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Op, are you from Iowa? Did you eat a cheesy roll up from Taco Bell?
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Dec 18, 2021 05:30
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doin dat penguin walk
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Dec 18, 2021 05:43
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Fecal Lasagna
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Dec 18, 2021 09:59
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yeah i drink pretty hard on the weekends too, op
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Dec 18, 2021 14:03
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jimmyjams posted:... you check the ceiling for splashback... While ignoring the fetid diarrhea plastered on your sad balls. Yes, I believe it.
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Dec 18, 2021 14:49
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EorayMel posted:BAN 05/03/17 04:27pm jimmyjams This guy registered in 2001 to post "fart" a lot of times, I guess. Jeffrey of YOSPOS FactsAreUseless Op is the hero we've all been waiting for
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Dec 18, 2021 17:40
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EorayMel posted:BAN 05/03/17 04:27pm jimmyjams This guy registered in 2001 to post "fart" a lot of times, I guess. Jeffrey of YOSPOS FactsAreUseless lol
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Dec 18, 2021 17:44
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I'm just gonna eat a bunch of dried apricots. I love those things. Gonna follow it up with a big steaming bowl of shui zhu yu.
Vitruvian Manic fucked around with this message at 18:34 on Dec 18, 2021 |
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Dec 18, 2021 18:32
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Vitruvian Manic posted:I'm just gonna eat a bunch of dried apricots. I love those things. Gonna follow it up with a big steaming bowl of shui zhu yu. We will pray for you.
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Dec 18, 2021 18:38
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Vitruvian Manic posted:I'm just gonna eat a bunch of dried apricots. I love those things. Gonna follow it up with a big steaming bowl of shui zhu yu. the tart ones you can get at trader joes reign supreme
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Dec 18, 2021 18:57
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Ive never pooped, it sounds gross
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Dec 18, 2021 19:00
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What if you pooped in your enemy's toilet and put an m80 in there
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Dec 18, 2021 19:09
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Chinatown posted:the tart ones you can get at trader joes reign supreme  Those are the ones I am eating while I chop chilies.
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Dec 18, 2021 20:06
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Just pee off the stuck poo chunks afterwards, problem solved.
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Dec 18, 2021 20:15
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I did the fattest thing. I broke the toilet seat. To be fair I was shifting my rear end to align my rear end hole with the bidet stream but still. I broke a toilet seat.
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Dec 19, 2021 08:51
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Vitruvian Manic posted:
 better than candy
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Dec 19, 2021 09:21
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whenever I eat pizza, I get backed up for days as it gives me a migraine. Then, I'll be up at like 3 in the morning and I'll have multiple explosive shits of a big solid poop followed by a baja blast. after the first one, I think it's over and I get up and walk around, and that shuffling gets it going again, so I sit back on the turlort and then it stops, like it's waiting for me to put my guard down. I am locked in anticipation waiting to see if the poop will finally be ready to hurt me in my butt instead of further up my butt. eventually it happens and it is painful. this happens a few more times until it's like 6am and I just can't do it anymore. I'm getting dry heaves, except out of my butt. that's why I don't eat pizza anymore. stop telling me to eat pizza
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Dec 19, 2021 19:35
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I dont eat much red meat. So of course for xmas I get a bunch of steaks and burgs in a giant chest freezer. I'll have the opposite of explosive shits. implosive shits. signalnoise posted:whenever I eat pizza, I get backed up for days as it gives me a migraine. Then, I'll be up at like 3 in the morning and I'll have multiple explosive shits of a big solid poop followed by a baja blast. after the first one, I think it's over and I get up and walk around, and that shuffling gets it going again, so I sit back on the turlort and then it stops, like it's waiting for me to put my guard down. I am locked in anticipation waiting to see if the poop will finally be ready to hurt me in my butt instead of further up my butt. eventually it happens and it is painful. this happens a few more times until it's like 6am and I just can't do it anymore. I'm getting dry heaves, except out of my butt. that's why I don't eat pizza anymore. stop telling me to eat pizza Pizza does it too. I don't eat much dairy, but when I do. drat, my butt.
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Dec 19, 2021 21:03
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is this about the goon who discovered he was lactose intolerant but refused to stop slathering everything in cheese?
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Dec 19, 2021 21:27
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Is this thread about poops in general? Like does anything go?
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Dec 19, 2021 21:51
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i had a bit too much coffee today and now my gut is reminding me
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Dec 20, 2021 12:52
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the other night i ate some spicy ramen soup (w/ lots of red chilis) and a fuckload of mince pies and the human digestive system doesnt cope well with both those things together. got acid reflux and red ring of death at the same time
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Dec 20, 2021 15:53
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Waking up hungover monday morning Get to work, make instant coffee Spend half the day making GBS threads your brains out. Still better than actually working.
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Dec 20, 2021 19:00
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Seems like a good place to ask: making GBS threads blood for a week now. Bright red blood in the water, not really in the poo poo itself. With some good suppositories/cream, I'm all lubed up now. Only having tiny rabbit shits. Still blood on toilet paper, but not in the poo poo. I will see family dr in early January. Am I dying, or is this the way hemmroids work? Cancer screenings have mostly stopped in my area, thanks to covid. Can it take a while for bleeding from h-roids to stop? Person at walk in didn't seem concerned at all. They didn't go digging around in my butt searching for answers though. They are saving that for my family dr.
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Dec 20, 2021 19:12
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if the blood is red its just your rear end thats bleeding. if the blood is black youre gonna die of bowel cancer or w/e my roids are rly not happy about my gf's new strap on despite it saying "beginners" on the box HORSE-SLAUGHTERER fucked around with this message at 19:18 on Dec 20, 2021 |
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Dec 20, 2021 19:15
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I'd suggest a break from the strap on, but I'm not a dr.
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Dec 20, 2021 19:20
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Ive heard constantly making GBS threads blood is really good for you so keep doing whatever youre doing
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Dec 20, 2021 19:49
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Are you sure it isn't just chili oil? I know my shits look like a bloodbath after I have hot pot or too much mapo tofu.
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Dec 20, 2021 19:51
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you can easily test this by pouring some chili oil into your toilet next time
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Dec 20, 2021 19:56
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dont put the chili oil in your rear end though
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Dec 20, 2021 20:05
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now wine on the other hand 
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Dec 21, 2021 01:48
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