Help! I need ninja turtles. I've become initiated to the foot clan update.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Help! I need ninja turtles. I've become initiated to the foot clan update.

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trouser chili: Mar 27, 2002; Unnngggggghhhhh

Eighteen years ago today, Little bit and I had a procreation in GBS. How many goonlets have survived to adult status? We have succeeded.

A collection of my favorite well-wishes from the forums is below, maybe you'll see your name in there.

What in the ever-loving gently caress? - Rebenga
Interesting, at the very least. I'm not sure what to think - McGann
KC masterpiece is a good sauce for Baby Back ribs. - Handjob Susan
Getting made fun of constantly will make him tough. - StarfishPrime
I think I can see a little bit of lttle bit's poon. Got any pix of her breastfeeding the tumor? - hooty chips
My friend's ultimate frisbee team is called the Foot Clan. - Riptor
How are you preparing the placenta? - RichLather
if I ever need one I'm just gonna ask the doctor to grind the kid up and suck it out. I can always make a new one later. - antipathy
Your story leads to to believe that you should never have been allowed to procreate. - Pho
Hope you have a savings started for his therapy bills. - [Z?]NNY
poor kid. Two goons interbreeding, especially these two, cannot be a good thing. - Ramrod Hotshot
congratulations, i think. you should build him a crib that looks like the technodrome - Sexual Pushups
I came here expecting a nunchuck in April's anus, a penis popping out of a turtle shell, and Krang saying "cum in my mouth". - Stick_Fig
When your kid grows up you have to show this thread to him. - Tommah

Here is the original thread, but you don't have to click it, I quoted it below.

trouser chili posted:

Help! I need the ninja turtles. Somehow I have become initiated to the foot clan.

It all started about 7 months ago when I managed to get fellow goon "little bit" to not only sleep in a bed with me, but to have sex with me as well. A short while later it appears she had some sort of stomach tumor. It grew larger and larger until two days ago when she pissed all over the bed or something. I dunno I just know it was really wet. My last dog Bernie grew a bunch of tumors when he was 13, then he started pissing all over the bed and I took him to the doctor and he said it was time to put him to sleep.

Here's a picture of "little bit" with my new dog Oscar.

The tumor. She seems rather proud of it or something.

I was sad that we had to put little bit to sleep as I didn't know who else would have sex with me anymore, but she wasn't looking like she was interested in sex anymore anyway.

Shortly after ariving the doctor kicked me out and said something that sounded French or something. All I know is it was an emergency! They told me to dress in their fancy clothes on the rack by these doors and wait.

I peeked through the windows there and everyone was wearing masks. I guessed that they were gonna gas her. I remember they put my dog down with something they injected, but I dunno why everyone would be wearing masks if they were going to just be injecting stuff. Then they told me to come in. I found little bit like this.

She wasn't dead yet, but she looked close. The doctor said it was time to start. To my surprise they cut and sawed at her until they pulled the tumor out.
Warning, semi-graphic pic

Holy poo poo, now I know what's going on. That's Krang! They pulled him out and wrapped him in blankets, but you can clearly see the similarity between "the tumor" and this picture of Krang I found on the internet.

And it was at this point the doctors carried Krang over to me and with one of his tentacles placed the mark of the foot clan onto the backside of my left hand.

I do not know exactly what happens from here, but I was told I could rename Krang anything I like. Since it appears that little bit and I somehow made this all happen, I'm going combine our names and call him "little poo poo". But I really think I should talk to the turtles first. Krang seems harmless enough, but we all know where-ever Krang is Shredder is close behind, and I know he's not harmless. Please help.

Also, we left the foot clan. I'm not sure we were ever actually in it. Shredder was never seen and Krang is Benro now. He loves the turtles, cowabunga.

trouser chili fucked around with this message at 16:26 on Feb 19, 2022

# ? Feb 19, 2022 16:24

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 5, 2024 22:11

benro: Apr 22, 2021; BEEP BEEP I'M A HEEP

dad, what the gently caress?

# ? Feb 19, 2022 16:35

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

I gotta hand it to you, this is a thread 18 years in the making and I cannot believe you dredged up all the old stuff for this specifically, and also can't entirely believe that your kid is the first post to this

# ? Feb 19, 2022 16:38

Ad by Khad: Jul 25, 2007; Human Garbage
Watch me try to laugh this title off like the dickbag I am.
I also hang out with racists.

yo congratulations

# ? Feb 19, 2022 16:50

Colonel Cancer: Sep 26, 2015; Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

My condolences

# ? Feb 19, 2022 16:57

I. M. Gei: Jun 26, 2005; CHIEFS

BITCH

that is a ugly baby op

# ? Feb 19, 2022 17:15

Vanadium Dame: May 29, 2002; HELLO I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT MY VERY STRONG OPINIONS

Um, sorry about the place benro it's a bit of a mess I know. At least your dad doesn't have a laundry list of horrifying probes for slurs or anything. I'm not sure if it's better or worse to have been exposed to SA for your entire adult life (yo) or to have been exposed from birth to adulthood. Please let us know your thoughts.

# ? Feb 19, 2022 18:35

Car Hater: May 7, 2007; wolf. bike.
Wolf. Bike.
Wolf! Bike!
WolfBike!
WolfBike!
ARROOOOOO!

Congrats on all the bad decisions that lead here

# ? Feb 19, 2022 18:43

Shinjobi: Jul 10, 2008; Gravy Boat 2k

welcome to the show

# ? Feb 19, 2022 18:49

There Bias Two: Jan 13, 2009; I'm not a good person

benro posted:

dad, what the gently caress?

Happy birthday!!

# ? Feb 19, 2022 19:21

Skeleton Ape: Dec 21, 2008

trouser chili posted:

I came here expecting a nunchuck in April's anus, a penis popping out of a turtle shell, and Krang saying "cum in my mouth". - Stick_Fig

I know exactly what this is talking about, and now I think I have been doing too much Internet for far too long

# ? Feb 19, 2022 20:44

Punc: Nov 3, 2009; Ass to Ass.

quote:

When your kid grows up you have to show this thread to him

When was the first time you did this?

# ? Feb 19, 2022 21:32

trouser chili: Mar 27, 2002; Unnngggggghhhhh

Punc posted:

When was the first time you did this?

Here.

# ? Feb 19, 2022 21:50

mercenarynuker: Sep 10, 2008

I guess SA is officially a cult if goons are marrying each other and initiating kids into it

# ? Feb 19, 2022 23:31

Colonel Cancer: Sep 26, 2015; Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

If my kid was a goon I'd be ashamed

# ? Feb 19, 2022 23:39

AKZ: Nov 5, 2009

Colonel Cancer posted:

If my kid was a goon I'd be ashamed

Depends where they post. What subforum is the most shameful?

# ? Feb 20, 2022 02:45

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

AKZ posted:

Depends where they post. What subforum is the most shameful?

Wherever the anime is

# ? Feb 20, 2022 02:49

Colonel Cancer: Sep 26, 2015; Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

AKZ posted:

Depends where they post. What subforum is the most shameful?

All of them, especially the mod one

# ? Feb 20, 2022 02:50

Mode 7: Jul 28, 2007

benro posted:

dad, what the gently caress?

Seth Pecksniff posted:

I gotta hand it to you, this is a thread 18 years in the making and I cannot believe you dredged up all the old stuff for this specifically, and also can't entirely believe that your kid is the first post to this

# ? Feb 20, 2022 10:03