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 So orders come from above that we will not be taking any prisoners, like I didn't just spend three loving months planning the POW camps. All the plans I drew up, the massive search for local interpreters and not to mention the damned sensitivity and local culture course I personally developed! Almost as bad is that I'm being transferred to the River Marauders, I hate boats, rivers and marauding. If it wasn't for the full dental coverage I'd just strike it on my own, maybe start a family business in independent evil.
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Mar 11, 2022 15:32
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You hear we're not getting a raise this year? Apparently there's no money for it. Meanwhile, the Bone Generals are marching around with that fancy platinum armor. Really pisses me off, man. Just between you and me, I've got an interview with the Witches Coven next week. Yeah. Finally gonna put that accounting degree to use.
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Mar 11, 2022 15:49
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdXQJS3Yv0Y
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Mar 11, 2022 15:51
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 There I was just killing it, all the rape and pillage I can handle when suddenly the commander calls for retreat! turns out we were sacking the wrong village or whatever, like that's a good reason to stop the fun! Whatever happened to basic values? we even had to give back the loot. If things don't start changing around here I'll just take my skulls and trophies and go home.
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Mar 11, 2022 16:10
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A Fancy Hat posted:You hear we're not getting a raise this year? Apparently there's no money for it. Meanwhile, the Bone Generals are marching around with that fancy platinum armor. Really pisses me off, man. The Witches Coven? I heard they got some NICE perks. You know what I heard? free appetizers at Chili's. Well yeah with purchase of a meal, I mean hey nothing's really free these days.
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Mar 11, 2022 16:14
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Sarge, i hurt myself on my spike armor again. And my hammer is out of curse
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Mar 11, 2022 16:18
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Uhh, Sir, what, exactly, is a "Bone Latrine"?
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Mar 11, 2022 16:20
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I stepped on a pile of goo but it turns out that was some wizard's familiar? Anyway I had to fill out this workplace injury form, whole pain in the rear end, and now I'm on 3 months probation. So I can't call off tomorrow, guys, my rear end will be grass.
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Mar 11, 2022 16:20
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A Fancy Hat posted:I stepped on a pile of goo but it turns out that was some wizard's familiar? Anyway I had to fill out this workplace injury form, whole pain in the rear end, and now I'm on 3 months probation. So I can't call off tomorrow, guys, my rear end will be grass. Ouch, you signed an rear end-to-grass transfiguration contract? You know Marla and me coulda lent you the money man. Sure she never shuts up, but you know she's making a killing over at that Banshee firm
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Mar 11, 2022 16:25
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Humans are on the menu, AGAIN?? Human meat tastes great and all, but even I sometimes want to eat something different. Maybe a nice salad.
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Mar 11, 2022 16:33
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loving thieving goblins! How am I supposed to map the area without any drat vellum or parchment?! Get me that berserker cannibal weirdo, maybe he happens to have some tanning experience.
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Mar 11, 2022 16:34
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the dark lord looks broke to me. his crown is some busted old bronze poo poo from a tomb or something. at least get it dipped
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Mar 11, 2022 16:34
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NO YOU MAKE A drat VERMIN SOUFFLLE if YOU LIKE IT SO MUCH! Everyone's a loving food critic and butcher, cook and hygiene expert all of a sudden.
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Mar 11, 2022 16:44
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Why must goons turn everything into a dead end office job?
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Mar 11, 2022 16:45
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Yaldabaoth posted:Why must goons turn everything into a dead end office job? Ooooh, look at Mr. Platinum Pantaloons over here, living in his enchanted ivory tower and judging all of us. I got seven broodlings that all need archery lessons, there's a giant crow that keeps eating my garden, and I got this homunculus that's growing on my back for some reason. You think a druid's gonna take care of that outta the kindness of his heart? I need insurance, pal.
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Mar 11, 2022 16:51
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psssst.... the dorklord SUCKS!
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Mar 11, 2022 16:52
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Oh look here comes the loyalty officer, like we don't have people to flay and cottages to torch. I swear this guy has it in for me, he always singles me out for unspeakable rituals duty.
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Mar 11, 2022 16:54
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I can't believe this poo poo, a succubus tempted me to fall from the holy light and join the armies of the Dread Lord, but as soon as I took the blood oaths she ghosted me!
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Mar 11, 2022 16:58
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You know that maggot shortage we've been having? Well my mate drak'ui went to deliver a missive to the officers' tent and wouldn't you know it the greedy bastards are having maggots for breakfast lunch and dinner! I'm filing a report!
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Mar 11, 2022 17:08
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Honestly, The Eye this and The Eye that. It's like they don't trust us to do our jobs!
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Mar 11, 2022 17:09
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I was talking to some of the skeleton archers, and it turns out our death benefits don't kick in until final death.
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Mar 11, 2022 17:14
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Witch King of Angmar says no one goes home until all of Minas Morgul gets their annual training done so now I'm trying to speed through this Magic Awareness Challenge bullshit. don't let the orc in without his ID, turn off location tracking on my Palantir, ugh gently caress off Tina I'm not going to install some lovely game
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Mar 11, 2022 17:18
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i still dont understand how the bone dragon can fly when it’s just a skeleton
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Mar 11, 2022 17:19
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One of the ogres has eaten one of my playthings, wouldn't usually be a problem as we pillage settlements left and right. But the drat ogre gulped the body whole, and my best knife was stuck in the guts of it! Do ogres digest metal? That's a really good knife.
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Mar 11, 2022 17:20
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Someone explain to me why my last dark lord transformed into a snake to fight that Northern Barbarian and his companions. That poo poo never helps you win fights against steel.
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Mar 11, 2022 17:22
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Emperor Putin said that Ukraine would fall within a week but here we are 3 weeks later. (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Mar 11, 2022 17:25
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lol
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Mar 11, 2022 17:28
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Does this sword look cursed to you? Ow gently caress yep cursed.
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Mar 11, 2022 17:47
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But it's my turn to torture the diplomatic envoys! I've been waiting for it all month! No I will not wait 'till next time, eventually they'll stop sending envoys!
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Mar 11, 2022 17:49
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ChunTheUnavoidable posted:i still dont understand how the bone dragon can fly when it’s just a skeleton Don't ask. I did and the drat thing spit bone splinters on me. A bunch of them got in my eye. That old boney bitch is touchy.
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Mar 11, 2022 17:50
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What's the toilet situation here, fellas? That big communal hole, huh.
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Mar 11, 2022 17:51
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Summoning my spirit as a howling shade then resurrecting my bones as a skeleton warrior but only paying me one wage sucks real bad, Lord Deathkill I can't even join the union because the amalgamation of body horrors from beyond requires flesh which I don't have anymore
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Mar 11, 2022 17:52
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A Fancy Hat posted:big communal hole No no no that's the bone dragon. Hah zing gently caress you boney.
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Mar 11, 2022 17:54
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where there's a whip there's a way
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Mar 11, 2022 17:54
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loving skeletons coming in and taking my job.
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Mar 11, 2022 17:55
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You guys saw they took meat off the menu at the O-club?
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Mar 11, 2022 17:55
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Applewhite posted:You guys saw they took meat off the menu at the O-club? Goddamn skeletons again. You know they don't even need to eat??
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Mar 11, 2022 17:57
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Dude you're being kind of bigoted right now. Remember: even us zombies are skeletons on the inside.
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Mar 11, 2022 17:59
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Now I'm not going to accuse anybody but the fact is that when I got resurrected my left foot was missing. I don't know if it was a joke or if someone got hungry but if there's no foot attached to my leg in the morning I'll go straight to the captain.
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Mar 11, 2022 18:01
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| # ? May 11, 2024 10:09 |
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AARD VARKMAN posted:Dude you're being kind of bigoted right now. Remember: even us zombies are skeletons on the inside. I just don't see how you can slave for the Dark Lord your entire life and still keep pulling healthcare in the afterlife.
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Mar 11, 2022 18:03
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