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Zombie Squared posted:I just don't see how you can slave for the Dark Lord your entire life and still keep pulling healthcare in the afterlife. We, the living, are subsidizing your goddam zombie health care. Every time you need a new leg or a liver, it's on us.
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Mar 11, 2022 18:05
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| # ? May 12, 2024 08:09 |
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I heard we're doing another march to the Forbidden Swamp tomorrow. Doesn't sound very forbidden, huh? And what's the deal with phoenixes? I mean, you kill 'em, they come back. Is it the same bird, a different bird, what's going on? Anyway I'm at the Demon's rear end in a top hat Improv Club this weekend, come check it out, great show, it's free you just gotta tip your waiters. Hey, try the veal! Haha, just kidding, my comedy's a little more refined than that!
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Mar 11, 2022 18:05
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A Fancy Hat posted:I heard we're doing another march to the Forbidden Swamp tomorrow. Doesn't sound very forbidden, huh? And what's the deal with phoenixes? I mean, you kill 'em, they come back. Is it the same bird, a different bird, what's going on? Maybe you should check the death rattle, mate.
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Mar 11, 2022 18:07
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I tried to cook and eat a phoenix and just trust me you do not want to do that.
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Mar 11, 2022 18:08
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AKZ posted:I tried to cook and eat a phoenix and just trust me you do not want to do that. How the hell do you cook something that's permanently on fire?
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Mar 11, 2022 18:10
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My entire unit's armor is all misshapen, weapons rusty as all gently caress from endless marching in the rain and days of maggoty bread. Just to fight some assholes that live in a horse themed town in the middle of literally no where. Edit: Oh for fucks sake, they fled like a million miles to some mountain keep, I don't know if my rusty rear end gear is gonna make it there in one piece. I'm gonna have to be shanking some fools with a hilt at this point. Dark lord is too cheap for durable equipment. Slayerjerman fucked around with this message at 18:15 on Mar 11, 2022 |
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Mar 11, 2022 18:11
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Gods below did you see Terrence lately? I get it you got a new head on your polearm, yes that face frozen in scream is nice and all. Just stop finding ways to force it into the conversation, we've all seen it by now.
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Mar 11, 2022 18:12
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AARD VARKMAN posted:How the hell do you cook something that's permanently on fire? more fire.
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Mar 11, 2022 18:15
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AKZ posted:more fire. It's pretty much pre-cooked.
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Mar 11, 2022 18:16
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Mister Facetious posted:Someone explain to me why my last dark lord transformed into a snake to fight that Northern Barbarian and his companions. That poo poo never helps you win fights against steel. This reminded me - The first time I was enslaved, back when I'd just died, my dark lord got merced in the dumbest way imaginable. He had one of these adventurer types tied down to a table, and he just starts tellin' him everything! And get this - he told the guy where his phylactery was! Un loving believable.
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Mar 11, 2022 18:16
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AARD VARKMAN posted:How the hell do you cook something that's permanently on fire? COLD fire?
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Mar 11, 2022 18:16
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AARD VARKMAN posted:This reminded me - The first time I was enslaved, back when I'd just died, my dark lord got merced in the dumbest way imaginable. He had one of these adventurer types tied down to a table, and he just starts tellin' him everything! And get this - he told the guy where his phylactery was! Un loving believable. Did he say phylactery or psych...! Lactery? Maybe it just went wrong.
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Mar 11, 2022 18:18
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Boss says he's gonna give me an extra pair of arms so I can quadruple wield weapons. Is there any downside to this? It seems pretty sweet.
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Mar 11, 2022 18:20
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So I'm working for this idiot. Calls himself "The Broken King". Dude. You have been dead for a thousand years. Just coming back into the world. You can reinvent yourself as anything. And this is what he chose? Hate to be a part of this guys cult and not just a merc. One thousand years of disappointment, am I right?
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Mar 11, 2022 18:23
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A Fancy Hat posted:Boss says he's gonna give me an extra pair of arms so I can quadruple wield weapons. Is there any downside to this? It seems pretty sweet. A lifetime of backpains and also those dread wolves are gonna hang around you in hope you'll drop an arm, I dunno.
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Mar 11, 2022 18:24
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A Fancy Hat posted:Boss says he's gonna give me an extra pair of arms so I can quadruple wield weapons. Is there any downside to this? It seems pretty sweet. Sounds like he's thinking about making you a Side Boss. There's some risk there since you're putting a big target on your back. But... quad wielding is loving SIICCKKK and you should absolutely do it
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Mar 11, 2022 18:24
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A Fancy Hat posted:Boss says he's gonna give me an extra pair of arms so I can quadruple wield weapons. Is there any downside to this? It seems pretty sweet. As long as he doesn't make you take the name Forearm, Destroyer of Worlds it's a bonus. Gonna be pretty hard to explain the pun to the new world's you'll conquer.
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Mar 11, 2022 18:29
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Zombie Squared posted:We, the living, are subsidizing your goddam zombie health care. Every time you need a new leg or a liver, it's on us. Uhh, some guy called Zombie Squared is claiming to be alive? Sounds like stolen valor to me
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Mar 11, 2022 18:32
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Lucky Guy posted:Uhh, some guy called Zombie Squared is claiming to be alive? Sounds like stolen valor to me Uh, I don't need to explain my story to you. But I will anyway. I died, I was raised as a zombie. I died again. And was raised again. These things happen when you're working for a dark lord.
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Mar 11, 2022 18:36
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Who keeps throwing bones down the making GBS threads holes? The stupid giant zombie dogs keep jumping in and then I have to waste time digging them out!
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Mar 11, 2022 18:37
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Hehehe, hey guys, check THIS out: *mimics boss* HURR DURR IT’S ME THE DORKLORD I’M SO EVIL BLAH BLAH… …. ….. ….he’s right behind me isn’t he?
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Mar 11, 2022 18:39
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By popular demand posted:Who keeps throwing bones down the making GBS threads holes? Oh. I guess I know why I was supposed to dig that Bone Latrine earlier... Sorry.
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Mar 11, 2022 18:39
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Any elite monsters in the thread that can help me get out of this dead-end "barrel skeleton" career? The constant imprisonment inside a barrel for days, only to be struck down immediately by some barbarian spinning around like a top, is really starting to get to me. My scoliosis has gotten worse, the resurrection fees are pulled directly from my pay, and now HR is telling us that due to budget cuts WE'RE now responsible for sourcing our individual barrels! Morale is at an all-time low and I can't keep up with these changes. Help!
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Mar 11, 2022 18:42
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Do you guys ever think you'll make it to be a lich? In this economy?
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Mar 11, 2022 18:43
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You think any of these chests are mimics? I mean they're all covered in blood, but that's probably just guys getting killed next to treasure, right?
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Mar 11, 2022 18:45
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We ain't had nuffin but soggy bread fer tree stinkin daysZombie Squared posted:Do you guys ever think you'll make it to be a lich? In this economy? Lich? Please
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Mar 11, 2022 18:47
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The alchemist is looking for volunteers to test their new draught. So if you've got some dope you never liked, now is the time to make up a convincing story.
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Mar 11, 2022 18:48
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ChickenHeart posted:Any elite monsters in the thread that can help me get out of this dead-end "barrel skeleton" career? The constant imprisonment inside a barrel for days, only to be struck down immediately by some barbarian spinning around like a top, is really starting to get to me. Can you shoot a bow? That's how I got my big break. I was guarding one of the boss's lackeys and this Adventurer type shows up out of nowhere. It's pretty close but he ended up finishing off the ol Butcher (rip, he treated us right) So this guy starts looking over the body for valuables, and I'm just plinking away. I don't think he ever even realized I was there until I hit him with that last arrow, and he went down. Once you get an Adventurer kill you're basically set to fail as far upwards as you want. 
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Mar 11, 2022 18:49
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Just checking it out, I have to be at least a spellcaster of 18th level to become a lich?? gently caress that poo poo. My only natural talent is stabbing stuff. I guess my career choice is wight at best. No room for career promotion for the really talented in the Dark Lord world.
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Mar 11, 2022 18:51
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Man, I haven't seen my wife in years. I jerked off to the silhouette of a decrepit tree yesterday, and Frank was watching me the whole time.
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Mar 11, 2022 18:52
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Got rejected by the Ghost Riders! Just because I'm a revenant! This racist attitude is also why we keep losing orcs to roaming gangs.
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Mar 11, 2022 18:55
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I know I'm just mid-level and all, but they pull us into those synergy meetings for a reason, right? All I said was, 'what if, in the entry ways and places we want watched, we put more defenses', ok? Like, look, right now, we've got a bunch of tunnels into our lairs, and the adventurers or the Army of Light comes along, and all the caves and tunnels, and watch towers, we've got a line of 1 skeleton, then another one, then 2 skeletons, then another one further back, then maybe like, a couple hanging around a fire, just a line of these putz all the way in slowly building up until we get all clogged up with our more strategic corporate resources that are barely effective since they're all wedged in there together. I just mean, if you've got two or three different dragons, and there's two ways into Fort Darkness, maybe put ONE of them on alert and have it right in front of the door and put some wizards down there right away and just blast those morons right off the bat. The skeletons aren't doing anything. Hell keep them down there maybe they can distract them or something I dunno. But you're just wasting resources. I thought in the end it'd be a cost-saving measure. But no, 'corporate culture' and poo poo and they've got to do stuff 'by the book'. Yeah maybe The Elders' book. Maybe try checking out some of the scrolls they're teaching now a days. Just venting. Anyway are we still doing Enchantment Night and wings tomorrow?
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Mar 11, 2022 18:55
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my cousin grug died because he chased a guy up to a doorway and was too big to fit through it. He just stood there while the guy shot arrows at him. Not the sharpest tool in the shed, grug
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Mar 11, 2022 18:59
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They were too cheap to hire more than four dragons? Sounds like my old work..
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Mar 11, 2022 19:00
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Stupid chest was a mimic and bit me right on the face 
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Mar 11, 2022 19:11
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While we were raiding that village I ended up swiping this cool book of magic from that old man's hut. Looks like I'LL be the Darklord before you know it. Uh.... Does anybody know how to read?
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Mar 11, 2022 19:12
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i poo poo out a phoenix feather and it burnt one of my hemorroids
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Mar 11, 2022 19:15
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A Fancy Hat posted:While we were raiding that village I ended up swiping this cool book of magic from that old man's hut. Looks like I'LL be the Darklord before you know it. I can read enough to know you can get 400gc on the black market. That is retirement fund, buddy! Just remember me when you are a lich! Or a Mummy, I guess.
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Mar 11, 2022 19:17
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Zombie Squared posted:Uh, I don't need to explain my story to you. But I will anyway. I died, I was raised as a zombie. I died again. And was raised again. These things happen when you're working for a dark lord. Buddy, we work for evil incarnate; if you're not stealing valor, you're doing it wrong
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Mar 11, 2022 19:41
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| # ? May 12, 2024 08:09 |
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🎶I get knocked down🎵 🎵but I get up again🎵 🎵you're never gonna keep me down 🎵 🎶 unless you kill that necromancer 🎵
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Mar 11, 2022 19:44
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