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I'm just here to kill some elves. I hate those guys
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Mar 11, 2022 19:48
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| # ? May 11, 2024 16:11 |
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please dont kill the purple elves those ones are ours
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Mar 11, 2022 19:49
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Wait I thought we were some type of elf??
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Mar 11, 2022 20:18
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I don't wanna go to war today but the Lord of the Lash says nay nay nay 
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Mar 11, 2022 20:32
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if I hear one more word from the new district manager about the poison production schedule I’m going to lose it. this bitch comes in with a couple bird skulls on her belt and a bunch of corporate buzzwords and suddenly we’re expected to produce enough filth and foulness to bring down three villages a week without any kind of budget increase for the department.
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Mar 11, 2022 20:48
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I don’t trust this necromancer. He said he would reanimate me if I fell in battle but he keeps asking my wife out for drinks.
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Mar 11, 2022 20:53
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Sophy Wackles posted:I don’t trust this necromancer. He said he would reanimate me if I fell in battle but he keeps asking my wife out for drinks. dude you should probably talk to inhuman resources
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Mar 11, 2022 20:57
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Sophy Wackles posted:I don’t trust this necromancer. He said he would reanimate me if I fell in battle but he keeps asking my wife out for drinks. Invite him out for drinks, and promptly slip some holy water into his gin and tonic. gently caress that guy.
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Mar 11, 2022 21:08
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By popular demand posted:The alchemist is looking for volunteers to test their new draught. Hey i heard the alchemist has a new draught that will dispel picked up sword curses, make facial bone shards heal, sterilize mimic bites, and cure burnt hemorrhoids? I need some.
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Mar 11, 2022 23:09
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its all nice on rice posted:Wait I thought we were some type of elf?? I ain't no loving elf, buddy
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Mar 11, 2022 23:34
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Geisladisk posted:I ain't no loving elf, buddy Yeah, you tell em
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Mar 11, 2022 23:46
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My buddy dated a loving elf for a while. Drank all his potions. Crazy as the underworld
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Mar 12, 2022 00:43
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Big Beef City posted:My buddy dated a loving elf for a while. Tig belf itties?
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Mar 12, 2022 01:06
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You don't have to be chaotic evil to work here but it helps
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Mar 12, 2022 01:11
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With the death of Dread Lord Geth'mok, some of you may be wondering what the future of Black Iron War Clan is going to be. Frankly, we're hosed, since he had that warlock summon all his generals from Hell. There is literally no one at the top, and an army of knights on our doorstep. So realistically, now is the time to look for alternate employment. There's a lot of good options these days! But make sure you do your research. Sure, "Room for advancement" sounds nice, but is it a sign of rapid expansion or a euphemism for never winning battles? Also, you have about six hours before those knights are here. You really should run.
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Mar 12, 2022 01:41
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hey.. what'd you put for deductions?
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Mar 12, 2022 01:56
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That indescribable horror inhabiting pit #4? real thin skinned kind of person, stay away from that whiney bitch.
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Mar 12, 2022 07:35
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I'm so sick of this goth poo poo. *puts on a hawaiian shirt*
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Mar 12, 2022 07:40
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So, a few weeks ago, a merchant caravan came in. Now, back in my grandfather's day, we would have just killed everyone and stolen all the stuff. The current Dark Lord, though? He made it a big deal about 'flow of supplies' and 'sourcing materials' and that killing whole caravans stocked us for at most a month, maybe, but entering into secure trade and purchasing contracts we could assure constant flow of goods and supplies to our operation as needed for years on end. I didn't buy into at first, but sure enough we've been able to parlay this arrangement into a discount by offering up protection to the caravans from goblins and those whoresons who work for the Demon King. Also, it works out pretty good from the viewpoint of our primary mission objective as we're on the way to taking over most of those little towns and villages the caravans are servicing anyway. Everyone looks at me like I'm the fool, but I keep asking the same question: WHEN DO WE GET TO KILL THE MERCHANTS AND STEAL THEIR STUFF!?
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Mar 12, 2022 08:39
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The Battle of Tudomond Castle was a hard won victory and I lost my dread steed Nightmare, now they brought me a PONY as replacement! Will a pony feast on the rotting carcasses of slaughtered villagers?! Would a pony charge into enemy phalanx heedless of the danger?!
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Mar 12, 2022 08:50
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I'm trying to form a mage's guild but the other mages are libertarian dumbasses who swallow the dark lord's union busting propaganda 
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Mar 12, 2022 11:00
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I'm divorced and my kids won't talk to me because I've spent the last thirteen years on advancing my career to this point and missing everyone's birthday and multiple family holidays.
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Mar 12, 2022 12:41
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I submitted the paperwork to remove this cursed sword four goddamn times and if it takes any longer and the armory keeps loving me around I'm going to pull the arm off and figure out step two later.
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Mar 17, 2022 00:51
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and when he gets to heaven, to saint peter he will tell one more Darklord-oh poo poo this one doesn't work guys
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Mar 17, 2022 00:56
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I don't care if he's the dark lord, next time he sticks his bloody finger right in my face I'm cutting the drat thing off
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Mar 17, 2022 01:02
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You ever think about how many of us are all press ganged from destroyed villages? I think you gotta go like 7 links up the chain of command before you get to one of those guys whose minds were stolen and commanded by the dark lord directly. Like... Can't we all just walk away?
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Mar 17, 2022 01:54
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Hey you guys see that really tall pale lady with the hat that visits the DARKLORD every once in a while. Homina homina homina WOWZA!!!
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Mar 17, 2022 01:58
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ikanreed posted:You ever think about how many of us are all press ganged from destroyed villages? I think you gotta go like 7 links up the chain of command before you get to one of those guys whose minds were stolen and commanded by the dark lord directly. *points up at glaring beholder with smoldering balefire dripping off its gross eye stalks*
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Mar 17, 2022 03:08
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AKZ posted:*points up at glaring beholder with smoldering balefire dripping off its gross eye stalks* You're right walk away really isn't inclusive.
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Mar 17, 2022 03:15
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"ive developed an old timey std from some halfling slut whilst on campaign. bussy was not worth it. i think its called sloppypox or something. theres stuff coming out of it and it smells like rotten eggs" - Grundlepuss, footman of the darklord and inventor of megamayonaise
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Mar 17, 2022 06:24
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Buncha weak scardy cats in this unit, no steel to them! whose idea was it to recruit sapient kittens anyway?
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Mar 17, 2022 08:14
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Mar 17, 2022 15:03
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Why do these clowns never think of how much of a pain in the rear end skulls are to actually carry? They're mostly empty space, roll all over the place, and are really tricky to carry by the armload. I can't even tell you how many times I've set out from the Plaguelands with a whole entire pile but then by the time I get to the Temple of the Obsidian Order I have like six, tops. Can't we just get some bags or something?
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Mar 17, 2022 15:08
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anyone got a solution for skeleton cavalry? horses cost money and you can’t count on horse corpses to make skeleton horses out of after a battle because most desperate army’s end up eating them. live horses freak the gently caress out if you put a skeleton on them and you can’t really put a saddle on a skeleton horse (too skinny!) you’ve got your skeleton guy flopping all around up there, doesn’t exactly inspire terror. one time I took apart like, three people skeletons and arranged them into a horse shape and while the guys were really helpful and enthusiastic it just looked goofy. like they were really snorting and wee-snawing it up and jumping around but they started arguing about which skull was the horse’s head, PLUS still no saddle. guess I’m just stuck with infantry
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Mar 17, 2022 15:25
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These expired MREs taste like poo poo, why are the trees speaking Ukranian?
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Mar 17, 2022 15:30
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Check this out. You know how we gotta guard this acid pit? Well, I started wondering what'd happen if I just threw stuff in here. Turns out, this isn't even acid! It's just colored water! I'm starting to think maybe the Dark Lord is losing his touch, or maybe it's some financial stuff cause of the divorce and all. I'm also starting to wonder about that flaming cauldron, I think it might just be a fan blowing some crepe paper to LOOK like a constant flame.
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Mar 17, 2022 15:30
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I’m not a huge fan of the Darklord’s “we need you in the dungeons” policy (LOVED Torture from Home while the plague was still going strong), and maggoty bread every day for rations is a bummer, but at least I have good healthcare and dental benefits!
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Mar 17, 2022 15:31
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I get preferential treatment cuz I ate the dark lords rear end
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Mar 17, 2022 15:38
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loving boney rear end skeletons getting me reprimanded for bigotry, can't even call people a bonehead. what's next, not crushing the dying and groveling prisoners underfoot?! this is PC culture gone amok.
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Mar 17, 2022 15:43
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| # ? May 11, 2024 16:11 |
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We're going in right behind the gelatinous oozes? Shouldn't we like, send them in last? They can't tell who's a good guy! They attack indiscriminately! They never give you back your bones when you lose them inside!
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Mar 17, 2022 15:56
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