short stories

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > short stories

Mumpy Puffinz: Aug 11, 2008; Nap Ghost

I don't think anyone here knows what a short story is

# ¿ Apr 2, 2022 01:11

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# ¿ May 15, 2024 10:32

Mumpy Puffinz: Aug 11, 2008; Nap Ghost

Colonel Cancer posted:

Profound, 5/5

Thank you for noticing. I did take a few english classes in college

# ¿ Apr 2, 2022 01:16

Mumpy Puffinz: Aug 11, 2008; Nap Ghost

Mozi posted:

Bob looked up - a giant bird was heading straight for him! This reminded him of the time when he was a baby and pooped his diapers, as he pooped his pants. Then the bird ate him.

almost there. needs more character development

# ¿ Apr 2, 2022 01:32

Mumpy Puffinz: Aug 11, 2008; Nap Ghost

Mozi posted:

Bob looked up - a giant bird was heading straight for him! This reminded him of the time when he was a baby and pooped his diapers, as he pooped his pants. 'This is truly a metaphor for the human condition, an understanding that has hitherto escaped my comprehension. I am finally at peace as a human being,' Bob thought. Then the bird ate him.

how's that?

pretty good

# ¿ Apr 2, 2022 01:39

Mumpy Puffinz: Aug 11, 2008; Nap Ghost

Mozi posted:

kindle unlimited here i come!

send me a link. I bought the bad thread's game of bones

# ¿ Apr 2, 2022 01:41

Mumpy Puffinz: Aug 11, 2008; Nap Ghost

Das Boo posted:

One time I felt somebody grab me from the backseat of the car and it turned out it was my own dumb arm that was asleep.

dumb arm.
never used.

# ¿ Apr 2, 2022 01:49

Mumpy Puffinz: Aug 11, 2008; Nap Ghost

You Are A Elf posted:

Jerry was walking to the bus stop on a crisp Tuesday morning hoping he would make it to work on time since his car was in the shop. He was feeling the chill of the autumn morn� and zipped up his jacket while whistling a jaunty tune, hoping his car would be fixed soon.

Just then, Jerry fell into an open manhole, landing on his head and breaking his neck at the bottom, dying instantly.

tragedy is when I get a paper cut. Comedy is when you fall into a manhole and die

# ¿ Apr 2, 2022 01:50

Mumpy Puffinz: Aug 11, 2008; Nap Ghost

Mozi posted:

Call me Ishmael. Some years ago�never mind how long precisely�having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world. It is a way I have of driving off the spleen and regulating the circulation. Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people�s hats off�then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can. This is my substitute for pistol and ball. With a philosophical flourish Cato throws himself upon his sword; I quietly take to the ship. There is nothing surprising in this. If they but knew it, almost all men in their degree, some time or other, cherish very nearly the same feelings towards the ocean with me.

Anyways, to make a long story short, the harpoon was darted; the stricken whale flew forward; with igniting velocity the line ran through the grooves;�ran foul. Ahab stooped to clear it; he did clear it; but the flying turn caught him round the neck, and voicelessly as Turkish mutes bowstring their victim, he was shot out of the boat, ere the crew knew he was gone. Next instant, the heavy eye-splice in the rope�s final end flew out of the stark-empty tub, knocked down an oarsman, and smiting the sea, disappeared in its depths.

For an instant, the tranced boat�s crew stood still; then turned. �The ship? Great God, where is the ship?� Soon they through dim, bewildering mediums saw her sidelong fading phantom, as in the gaseous Fata Morgana; only the uppermost masts out of water; while fixed by infatuation, or fidelity, or fate, to their once lofty perches, the pagan harpooneers still maintained their sinking lookouts on the sea. And now, concentric circles seized the lone boat itself, and all its crew, and each floating oar, and every lance-pole, and spinning, animate and inanimate, all round and round in one vortex, carried the smallest chip of the Pequod out of sight.

But as the last whelmings intermixingly poured themselves over the sunken head of the Indian at the mainmast, leaving a few inches of the erect spar yet visible, together with long streaming yards of the flag, which calmly undulated, with ironical coincidings, over the destroying billows they almost touched;�at that instant, a red arm and a hammer hovered backwardly uplifted in the open air, in the act of nailing the flag faster and yet faster to the subsiding spar. A sky-hawk that tauntingly had followed the main-truck downwards from its natural home among the stars, pecking at the flag, and incommoding Tashtego there; this bird now chanced to intercept its broad fluttering wing between the hammer and the wood; and simultaneously feeling that etherial thrill, the submerged savage beneath, in his death-gasp, kept his hammer frozen there; and so the bird of heaven, with archangelic shrieks, and his imperial beak thrust upwards, and his whole captive form folded in the flag of Ahab, went down with his ship, which, like Satan, would not sink to hell till she had dragged a living part of heaven along with her, and helmeted herself with it.

Now small fowls flew screaming over the yet yawning gulf; a sullen white surf beat against its steep sides; then all collapsed, and the great shroud of the sea rolled on as it rolled five thousand years ago.

tldr

# ¿ Apr 2, 2022 02:39

Mumpy Puffinz: Aug 11, 2008; Nap Ghost

Luvcow posted:

the sassy pink flamingo entered the bar, kicking his legs up like a rockettes show girl. the patrons fell silent as he strutted to the bar, a hush falling over the crowd as he took his stool.

funny or gross. I like it!

# ¿ Apr 2, 2022 02:59

Mumpy Puffinz: Aug 11, 2008; Nap Ghost

Zeluth posted:

So, I was ther frosting. Wanting to get away but finding congress.Soon I trudged into a store. Everybody heard my story and gave a dandwich.

And then! *Horns* My mom!

(you should be so lucky)

do you smell toast?

# ¿ Apr 2, 2022 03:15

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# ¿ May 15, 2024 10:32

Mumpy Puffinz: Aug 11, 2008; Nap Ghost

Professor Shark posted:

Update: they weren�t actually my pants, whew

Edit: new mystery, though

whose pants did you poo poo in?

# ¿ Apr 3, 2022 02:30

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > short stories