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Goons Are Gifts

The sun rises on the beautiful, little town of Postington. It's a little foggy today, but nevertheless our beloved friends who live here are already up and running, each and everyone of them going about their business to get a head start into the day. We move into already busy Main street, where we meet a paperboy giving us the news of the day...


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Heather Papps

hello friend


"EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT! THE NEWS!" yelled the waif, before stopping to drink a big gulp of lemonade. "TRY LEMONADE! IT'S REFRESHING!" he bellows, grateful for the sponsorship Professor Lemon's Patent Medicine Lemonade had bestowed upon his tiny news booth. Things were looking up, coming up roses, life had given him lemons, but the sugar water had been added - lemonade had been made.



thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

Moo Cowabunga

[Office Worker.




then an old timer rushed out of an old shack and said “banish that lemonade! for it is haunted!” and offered up a refreshing glass of turnip juice.



Platinum User Pot Smoke Phoenix!

VANISHER

HEATHER PAPPS

https://giant.gfycat.com/WellgroomedImperfectHaddock.webm the vanisher

Goons Are Gifts

The old lady of the town, Marcia in the Parka, stopped suddenly, looking panicked. "Haunted you say? Did you hear that, folks, this man is speaking about ghosts! I told you, I told you all last greebmas, we will summon the ghosts from our holes, I TOLD you!"


Manifisto


some distance away, jeremy's concentration was broken from his vital task, attempting to measure the local raccoons for the custom pants and sweaters he was sewing for them. "posts? why is marcia yelling about posts? we're primarily lurkers here in postington," he muttered. "lurkin' was good enough for our forefathers and it should be good enough for us. besides, it's not like there is any kind of law about it or anything."


ty nesamdoom!

How Wonderful!


I only have excellent ideas

Manifisto posted:

some distance away, jeremy's concentration was broken from his vital task, attempting to measure the local raccoons for the custom pants and sweaters he was sewing for them. "posts? why is marcia yelling about posts? we're primarily lurkers here in postington," he muttered. "lurkin' was good enough for our forefathers and it should be good enough for us. besides, it's not like there is any kind of law about it or anything."

Jeremy crosses to center-stage, the lights dim. He kicks dust bashfully as the orchestra swells into a bittersweet melody.

Jeremy:
Postin'... ahh
who needs it?
You make a post-- huh!
Nobody reads it.

You go scroungin' for fives,
Refinin' your art,
You get banned by the mods, oh!
They're brea-kin' my heart!

Postin'....
aw phooey
Why even start?

[a sprightly tap dance]
You make a funny thread,
Charm the pants off all your beaus, then
They tell you to drop dead,
All because of POSTIN'

ah... postin'.....
... who needs it...?
[falsetto] Noooottt meeeeeeeeeeeee......!!!!!





-sig by Manifisto! goblin by Khanstant! News and possum by deep dish peat moss!

Manifisto


How Wonderful! posted:

Jeremy crosses to center-stage, the lights dim. He kicks dust bashfully as the orchestra swells into a bittersweet melody.

Jeremy:
Postin'... ahh
who needs it?
You make a post-- huh!
Nobody reads it.

You go scroungin' for fives,
Refinin' your art,
You get banned by the mods, oh!
They're brea-kin' my heart!

Postin'....
aw phooey
Why even start?

[a sprightly tap dance]
You make a funny thread,
Charm the pants off all your beaus, then
They tell you to drop dead,
All because of POSTIN'

ah... postin'.....
... who needs it...?
[falsetto] Noooottt meeeeeeeeeeeee......!!!!!

amazing


ty nesamdoom!

Goons Are Gifts

this just turned into a musical

We see our protagonist walking on Mainstreet, just walking past Marcia when...


How Wonderful!


I only have excellent ideas
Marcia [brightly]: Yoo-hoo! Oh, yoo-hoo! Jeremy?
Jeremy: Who me?
Marcia [approaching briskly]: Why, I don't see any other Jeremies around, do you?
Jeremy [a slight catch in his voice]: We-ell, there's Jeremy of YOSPOS, Barnacle Jeremy... but ahh... I suppose I don't actively see them around, not at the moment, no.
[pause for laughter]
Marcia [touching his arm lightly]: Oh, you big silly. And what brings you to Mainstreet on such a fine and sunny morning?
Jeremy: I was off to the market, of course!
Marciaa [concern creeping in at the edge of her voice]: The market? On a lurker's salary? With your pa sick?
[Jeremy averts his gaze. Half turn]
Marcia: Oh, Jeremy... don't tell me...
Jeremy [a hint of pride and defiance in his voice]: It's just the one coupon, Marcia! It's just the one! Three vials of blue fluid for the price of two!
Marcia: Jeremy, stop! I don't want to hear this! I can't!
Jeremy: You know pa NEEDS that blue fluid, Marcia, you know it! If ma don't pour it on her tampons every month, why... [voice breaking] and I thought maybe, someday, just maybe we might need that blue fluid, as boyfriend and.... oh, Marcia, are we not men and women just like anybody? Do we not deserve out pride, goddammit!
Marcia: This isn't you, Jeremy, this isn't you!
Jeremy [approaching center stage, spotlight]: I'm not throwing out this coupon Marcia, and you need to just... Deal With It!

[orchestra starts, ominous strings, a sultry, creeping bassoon line]





-sig by Manifisto! goblin by Khanstant! News and possum by deep dish peat moss!

How Wonderful!


I only have excellent ideas

How Wonderful! posted:

Marcia [brightly]: Yoo-hoo! Oh, yoo-hoo! Jeremy?
Jeremy: Who me?
Marcia [approaching briskly]: Why, I don't see any other Jeremies around, do you?
Jeremy [a slight catch in his voice]: We-ell, there's Jeremy of YOSPOS, Barnacle Jeremy... but ahh... I suppose I don't actively see them around, not at the moment, no.
[pause for laughter]
Marcia [touching his arm lightly]: Oh, you big silly. And what brings you to Mainstreet on such a fine and sunny morning?
Jeremy: I was off to the market, of course!
Marciaa [concern creeping in at the edge of her voice]: The market? On a lurker's salary? With your pa sick?
[Jeremy averts his gaze. Half turn]
Marcia: Oh, Jeremy... don't tell me...
Jeremy [a hint of pride and defiance in his voice]: It's just the one coupon, Marcia! It's just the one! Three vials of blue fluid for the price of two!
Marcia: Jeremy, stop! I don't want to hear this! I can't!
Jeremy: You know pa NEEDS that blue fluid, Marcia, you know it! If ma don't pour it on her tampons every month, why... [voice breaking] and I thought maybe, someday, just maybe we might need that blue fluid, as boyfriend and.... oh, Marcia, are we not men and women just like anybody? Do we not deserve out pride, goddammit!
Marcia: This isn't you, Jeremy, this isn't you!
Jeremy [approaching center stage, spotlight]: I'm not throwing out this coupon Marcia, and you need to just... Deal With It!

[orchestra starts, ominous strings, a sultry, creeping bassoon line]

Jeremy:
Oh perhaps I'm a heel,
I'm so numb, I can't feel,
there's no god at the wheel
of this runaway cart

Whatta coup, what a steal,
30 cents off all veal,
For a munch, for a meal--
but it's brea-king my heart for a--

Choir:
DEAL!

Jeremy:
You save just a little, oh

Choir:
DEAL!

Jeremy:
I'm caught in the middle, oh

Choir:
DEAL!

Jeremy:
I've been played like a fiddle by
merchants and vendors
and wicked pretenders
for my legal tender
in my misplaced zeal...oh...
[falsetto] whats the big.... deaalllllll???

Marcia [spoken]:
Jeremy, oh Jeremy...

Marcia [solo]:
What's a fair price,
for some bread or some rice,
oh it would be so nice
to pay in full...

But a boy who's been down,
just like you, knocked around,
in this wicked old town,
oh what are you.... to do......?

What's... the... big....

Marcia & Jeremy [harmonizing]:
...deal?

Jeremy:
Just hand over the coupon

WIcked Shopkeeper:
Half off this grey poupon

Marcia:
Oh I just can't go on

All:
Just scraping and saving, the deals we are craving, all week we've been slaving, to have us our discounts and

Jeremy:
I've just got this coupon

Marcia:
I'll wait for a new dawn
When we both embark upon

Marcia & Jeremy:
Some kind of bargain

Jeremy:
Oh tell me, why, god above
all these these deals that I love,
when push come down to shove
what will I choose?

Marcia:
I'll pay the full cost,
Before we are lost,
Take my hand, come with me,
because nothing is free...

Jeremy & Marcia & Chorus [crescendo]:
But what's the big deal?

How Wonderful! fucked around with this message at 18:38 on Apr 9, 2022





-sig by Manifisto! goblin by Khanstant! News and possum by deep dish peat moss!

Manifisto


[with a flourish of his cape and a twirl of his moustache, enter our villain, Baron von Dealington]

Baron [spoken]:
why what have we here?
you've nothing to fear
from one little bargain,
a trifle, my dear!

no need to tremble,
for you I'll assemble
a savings assortment
that will last you all year!

pure crangberry juice,
oh my, how expensive,
no wonder you lovers
are feeling defensive!

reach out your hands
I'll fill them with riches
barely dreamt of by
the greeb-a-mas witches!

because . . . . .

[sings]
Everybody loves a discount,
everybody needs to save,
to pay full price is a terrible vice
when bountiful bargains are what you crave!

Just say the word,
and the world can be yours,
ev'ry day a black friday
to bust down the doors!

There is . . . just one thing,
a trifling matter;
you must NEVER POST AGAIN
lest your dreams lie in tatters!


ty nesamdoom!

How Wonderful!


I only have excellent ideas

Manifisto posted:

[with a flourish of his cape and a twirl of his moustache, enter our villain, Baron von Dealington]

Baron [spoken]:
why what have we here?
you've nothing to fear
from one little bargain,
a trifle, my dear!

no need to tremble,
for you I'll assemble
a savings assortment
that will last you all year!

pure crangberry juice,
oh my, how expensive,
no wonder you lovers
are feeling defensive!

reach out your hands
I'll fill them with riches
barely dreamt of by
the greeb-a-mas witches!

because . . . . .

[sings]
Everybody loves a discount,
everybody needs to save,
to pay full price is a terrible vice
when bountiful bargains are what you crave!

Just say the word,
and the world can be yours,
ev'ry day a black friday
to bust down the doors!

There is . . . just one thing,
a trifling matter;
you must NEVER POST AGAIN
lest your dreams lie in tatters!





-sig by Manifisto! goblin by Khanstant! News and possum by deep dish peat moss!

Kaiser Schnitzel

Schnitzel mit uns


[Exit all]

THE GUN, dressed as a Prohibition Chicago mobster carrying a violin case, enters alone, stage left.

THE GUN:

Oh drat!
Why'd they all run!
It's just me, I'm just the gun!

[singing]
Here I appear,
in the first act-my premier!
Some say it's a trope,
but Anton was no dope.

So here I am, I'm the gun!
I'm just bursting with fun
RATTA TAT TAT-
Somebody's gonna dance to that!

But why am I here-To convention adhere?
Oh don't be so silly! I just had a little business-in Philly.
But don't worry your head,
I'm sure there's no cause for dread!

I'm not the villain myself,
Me? I just sit on the shelf.
But when the time comes,
when someone grabs me-the gun!

RATTA TAT TAT-
Somebody's gonna dance to that!


https://i.imgur.com/R8ctked.mp4
ty Manifisto for this wonderful sig!


Manifisto


Kaiser Schnitzel posted:

[Exit all]

THE GUN, dressed as a Prohibition Chicago mobster carrying a violin case, enters alone, stage left.

THE GUN:

Oh drat!
Why'd they all run!
It's just me, I'm just the gun!

[singing]
Here I appear,
in the first act-my premier!
Some say it's a trope,
but Anton was no dope.

So here I am, I'm the gun!
I'm just bursting with fun
RATTA TAT TAT-
Somebody's gonna dance to that!

But why am I here-To convention adhere?
Oh don't be so silly! I just had a little business-in Philly.
But don't worry your head,
I'm sure there's no cause for dread!

I'm not the villain myself,
Me? I just sit on the shelf.
But when the time comes,
when someone grabs me-the gun!

RATTA TAT TAT-
Somebody's gonna dance to that!

this thing is taking off!


ty nesamdoom!

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Buttchocks

No, I like my hat, thanks.
Suddenly the stage goes dark except for a spotlight on two people walking towards each other. They stop and look at each other and one says to the other:

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