- Goons Are Gifts
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Well, look, I can give you an estimate here, but only if we do it the right way. If you just start rubbing on it, we are talking possible damage to the lamp, we are talking smoke detectors coming off, we are talking incalculable damage if the fire sprinklers go off, which you know is not unlikely.
Let me get my guys down here, we will get the genie out of there without any of that. It will not come off cheap, but it will be worth it.
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Apr 9, 2022 14:19
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 10, 2024 00:13
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- Finger Prince
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I'm gonna need another 1000 gold coins and another flawless emerald to finish this summoning chamber. You know how it is, everyone's building a summoning chamber to rent out to some demon or family of elementals. Price of materials has gone up, cost of labour has gone up... Yeah in a month. It's the inflation. Look if you can't pay right now, that's fine, but we can't finish the work until you do. Call me when you've got the funds and if we're not busy we can reschedule. Heh yeah you could hire a team of goblins to finish the work for half that, but we both know they're going to do a hack job and you'll end up with leaky protection spells, and good luck keeping a demon tenant with a leaky protection spell.
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Apr 9, 2022 15:14
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- Farecoal
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There he go
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Who was the chucklefuck who ran the ley lines in here? That's gonna add another 50 silver, we'll have to bring in a magitrician to fix them before I can install the spike trap. Speaking of which, I can put a blood-resistant coating on the spikes if you want. Yeah it's a little extra but it'll more than make up for it with the cleanup time you save.
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Apr 9, 2022 15:51
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- google THIS
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(sets out a brightly glowing egg that already has a crack in it. Every few seconds it hops around and yells "I'm right here, break me!" in a squeaky but surprisingly clear voice)
"This is one of our budget models. Now if you're wanting a sturdier or more discreet phylactery, that's where we're gonna start talking about real money."
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Apr 9, 2022 17:41
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- Finger Prince
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Why bother with hiring a contractor, just head down to the Gnome Depot and hire a team of Kobolds from the parking lot.
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Apr 9, 2022 18:22
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- Prof. Crocodile
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look I don’t care what eddie told you, this sword isn’t zoned for elemental enhancement. that’s the city’s decision, not mine. nothing i can do about it. best i can do is slap a +1 on there.
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Apr 10, 2022 17:29
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- google THIS
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Yes, I can add the necessary runes and sigils to this chamber to assure your ascendency and subsequent deification for the price you received in your online quote. But before we begin that work, we just need to take care of a few (clicks pen) code violations
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Apr 10, 2022 19:36
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- Bright Bart
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False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped
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My wife is a vampire, my idiot son dropped out of wizard college but expects me to pay for everything, and I live in a mushroom.
Buddy.
You're telling me this quote isn't fair??
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Apr 10, 2022 19:57
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- Bright Bart
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False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped
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*porn music*
Vixen: Hiii big boy.
Conractor: Oh hey I'm just here to give you a quote on the portal system.
Vixen: Oo a clever man. How about we first, take a break and play with my... Bag of Infinite Depth?
Contractor: Naah I'll put some work in before lunch.
Vixen: Well okay but it sure is cold in here. Maybe we should do something about that... together.
Contractor: I'll just cast a firewall spell. No biggie.
Vixen: A resourceful man too! Here let me help you take off your pauldrons.
Contractor: Really should be getting to those portals to keep on schedule.
Vixen: The portals lead to an isolated pool far away from prying eyes. Nobody could see what we do there.
Contractor: Well that doesn't sound safe.
Vixen: The water just flows around you. Do you know what else is excessively... wet right now?
Contractor: I dunno but if you have another problem that's another appointment and fee.
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Apr 11, 2022 10:20
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- google THIS
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*porn music*
Vixen: Hiii big boy.
Conractor: Oh hey I'm just here to give you a quote on the portal system.
Vixen: Oo a clever man. How about we first, take a break and play with my... Bag of Infinite Depth?
Contractor: Naah I'll put some work in before lunch.
Vixen: Well okay but it sure is cold in here. Maybe we should do something about that... together.
Contractor: I'll just cast a firewall spell. No biggie.
Vixen: A resourceful man too! Here let me help you take off your pauldrons.
Contractor: Really should be getting to those portals to keep on schedule.
Vixen: The portals lead to an isolated pool far away from prying eyes. Nobody could see what we do there.
Contractor: Well that doesn't sound safe.
Vixen: The water just flows around you. Do you know what else is excessively... wet right now?
Contractor: I dunno but if you have another problem that's another appointment and fee.
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Apr 11, 2022 13:34
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- google THIS
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I'm gonna be honest, given the goblin weapon quality in this region, a Demon Armor +1 will give you maybe...two or three years, depending on how often you raid. If you want the armor to last, not to mention yourself, you're really gonna want to go with the +2, maybe even +3.
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Apr 11, 2022 13:42
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- Prof. Crocodile
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look I’ll be honest with you: any amulet at this price point will protect you from ghouls. forget about the ghouls. what you need to figure out is how much protection you need from ghasts, wights, and—god forbid—revenants. once you know exactly what you want, we can talk numbers.
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Apr 11, 2022 15:20
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- Prof. Crocodile
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oh I got plenty of skeletons. it’s the barrels I don’t got. supply chain issues in china. if you’re married to this dungeon layout, we could try two skeletons per barrel, but keep in mind there’s a reason nobody does that.
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Apr 11, 2022 19:16
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- super sweet best pal
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This is your basic scrying package. You get a crystal ball on an end table, you can see anywhere on the continent. If that's not enough we can always upgrade to the expanded basic package, that's the entire world, for an additional five silver a month. Of course, this setup won't cut it for premium planar packages, you might want to take a look at our scrying rooms in case you ever need to upgrade. I recommend the one with the full immersion set-up, it's like you're really there in the place you're looking at. Also, keep this between you and me, I can weave a descrambling spell into the ball's stand, let you break through wards.
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Apr 12, 2022 07:49
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- nut
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I assure you the sword inside is very cool but we have to keep the stone for what I believe are quite obvious safety precautions
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Apr 12, 2022 13:54
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- google THIS
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You're aware, Miss Pandora, that by opening this you've voided the warranty?
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Apr 12, 2022 14:29
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- Nosfereefer
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IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM
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im hearing you, normally we would get this ring off you in no time. but son, listen, you've gotten yourself an eldritch curse, and there's no quick fix for that. this is way beyond what we can deal with, but since we're already here, i'll give you the number for my cousin. guy runs an adventuring party, just tell him i sent you - he'll give a discount. yeah, oh course you could petition an archmage, but that's a 50/50 on getting turned into a bullfrog
(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Apr 17, 2022 02:09
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- Bright Bart
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False. There is only one electron and it has never stopped
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Hello boys are your mommy or daddy home? I'm here to take a look at their... plot armour? Listen you might have gotten a vhuckle out of that but I just wasted an hour so think about that next time.
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Apr 18, 2022 12:39
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- google THIS
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Yeah, we could do artificial bloodstains on the walls, but if you really want that rustic dungeon look there's no substitute for the real thing
So now that that's settled, you should know that we get our blood exclusively from an artisan cultist who uses organic locally sourced blood from certified Grade A virgins. He's usually booked out about six months but uh, we'll see if we can get you on the cancellation list. Now, how would you like to pay for your deposit?
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Apr 18, 2022 13:37
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- Heather Papps
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hello friend
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you want a moat, i want a moat, EVERYONE wants a moat. what no one wants is moat maintenance. what, you think you can just get your wizard to cast an orb of water, summon some crocodiles, you're done?
psh.
you need it to RUN. the water just can't sit. in three weeks you have a moat of unending dead crocodiles bloating in the summer heat. i mean yeah, it keeps people out, but you're gonna be livin' in that stink.
just... read and sign this. we'll take care of everything, and you'll be sitting pretty behind a moat that flows, with locally sourced wildlife preventing entry. sure it costs more, but can you really put a price on your castles safety?
 
thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!
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Apr 19, 2022 22:09
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- Adbot
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May 10, 2024 00:13
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Apr 9, 2022 14:19
