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i was gonna write a long post about how i'm so depressed about how it seems like there is just no actual possibitli of me ever having another friend again, ever, because i live in what is apparently the actual worst place in the universe, and also my fuckin neighbor won't stop screaming so i decided not to make that post, and i guess, go walk around, or, maybe go to sleep \man i hope yer day is going better than my
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May 11, 2022 21:22
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| # ¿ May 10, 2024 07:25 |
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at this point i'm like, can i find someone with a heroin or meth habit and like, i'll pay for most of their drug habit if they'll hang out with me while they do the drugs, haha but also not haha
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May 12, 2022 04:58
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here's what i don't really get people are always like "you're not allowed to want to quit living, no matter how stupid and bad your life has become, so call this 800 number and get help" and i'm like yes. i want help. sure. but uh. it is literally gonna make me feel WORSE to have someone tell me nonsense platitudes or whatever. all i actually need is to make like, literally a single friend. i'm kind of old and i've been through all this poo poo before, and the only reason it's so much worse now is that i just don't know anybody. i have nobody to talk to. this forum is literally my onlly social outlet right now, which is, quite obviously really bad and not helping man i duno all i do know is that 800 numbers and therapists don't always help, not everyone. that would only make me feel way worse. it would make me feel like a sick person or whatever. i just want to be a normal person, with a slightly normal routine involving having people i can talk to about all this existential AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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May 12, 2022 16:02
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lmao just kidding fart gas epic
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May 12, 2022 16:02
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and of course that's the worst part of all you get super depressed and you're like, ALL RIGHT buddy, i'm gonna LET PEOPE KNOW. i'm gonna blow some minds with how utterly, completely hopeless my life has become but that never works! it literally never helps! because all people see is a depressed, unfun MESS and of COURSE nobody wants to be friends with THAT so even people who MEAN WELL see what you're saying, and they just go "YIKES" so in conclusion, all i'm doing is making it worse lmao
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May 12, 2022 16:14
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roomtone posted:i think i am dumb for continuing to post things like this in GBS yeah, and i'm going to try to stop doing that because i inevitably get stuff like this in return. usually i don't respond to it because what's the point, but this is something i've thought a lot about and if you actually think the points are stupid - which i doubt, because i post so many words people just don't read it and laugh - then i'd be interested to hear what part i am getting wrong. i appreciate and agree with a lot of what you posted because yeah, that's the thing about "this time" for me. i've had normal regular mental illness my whole life. i've dealt with it just fine, and by just fine, i mean i dealt with it by having people to talk to and by just fighting to be a good or authentic person, but at any rate, what i'm saying is that i have never felt anywhere near as bad as i do now, because - i'm getting old enough that i have to give serious consideration, rather than passing lip service, to the notion that i might actually never do certain things again. big scary! - a lot of the advice people are posting? stuff i've tried, stuff i do. i don't mean to downplay anything about their intentions and i appreciate all that, i just mean, yeah i know how to make friends and improve my life, because i've been doing it for a long time now... ...but suddenly something just doesn't work. or rather, everything doesn't work. i quit social media a couple years ago, and i never really used it much in the first place, but when i say i quit, i really mean i just don't ever pay attention to any of it. and it's truly scary how few people actually disconnect from all of it in a meaningful way, so i don't have this, you know, this foundational common zeitgeist that everyone else has. and it's like, it's not that i'm too old to understand the tiktok or the facebook. it's worse than that. i understand all that poo poo very well, because i used to be so addicted to the internet (like all of you, like all of us were in the 2000s). i understand it and i reject it, and i just want to like... sit on a couch and talk about pumpkins or play mario kart. i don't want to talk about twitter or will smith or cancelling anybody or how lovely ALL OF IT is, how capitalism has won and beaten even the cool ones down into dumb meme facories and ... and... UGH
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May 12, 2022 18:35
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Samuel L. Hacksaw posted:Precision, buddy, at the end of the day you have to do something. Not this day, when you're ready. You gotta go do a thing to make a friend. Go axe throwing alone, chat with folks in the next lane when they make a nice shot. Join a bowling/darts league. Whatever feels right man. i should have been more clear (well, i mean, this is all just stupid shitposting in lieu of getting actual help because i don't qualify for any kind of medical assistance because america) but, yeah that's why i feel like, i'm especially depressed this time. i really haven't ever said this before! any time i've been sad before, i now realize, was a pantomime. a put on. a costume of the sad indie rock boy and don't you just want to pet him???? but i now realize all that sadness, all those songs and poems and late nights talking about "what it really meeeeeeeeeans man", were a pantomime, of a sort of person i wanted to be. like that stupid (amazing) 500 days of summer movie says, we all learned the wrong lessons from sad british pop songs now that i have the real thing, i'm like.... gently caress... i have been trying to be social and like i said, this time i'm getting rejected! i don't know if it's where i am or if i'm a much less pleasant pperson than i used to be, but it's very different than i am used to i am actualy,, and i KNOW this sounds absurd given my posting track record but, in general in my life i have always been a bit of a "fun guy" who always has a billion friends and who everyone thinks is "the cool dude". not in the sense of being "cool" like hip, i mean "cool" like "unflappable". that was always me. the rogue type. wannabe han solo thurston moore lookin motherucker.
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May 12, 2022 22:34
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i would like to also add that, i'm sorry if anyone finds this thread stupid or tedious, but, if i may make a suggestion, learn to laugh at how fuckin stupid i am
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May 12, 2022 22:34
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deep dish peat moss posted:Here's one high tech tiny forest cabin to escape your depression in wanna live in dat house 
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May 13, 2022 00:49
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me: "i'll cure my depression by getting balls deep in final fantasy 14, i always meant to get around to it" square-enix: "but there is no xbox version"  thanks a lot console wars
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May 13, 2022 00:53
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Saint Isaias Boner posted:situational depression presents similar symptoms as clinical depression and you can't necessarily just communism your way out of it i really hope this helps you not say things like this in future but i appreciate what they said i think it's one of the more helpful things that has been posted  like i think it is really important to recognize which things in one's life are, and which things are not, simply "brain weirds" like, there is such a thing as people having bad luck, or getting into bad circumstances it's so... weird... i mean like... fundamentally, certain aspects of my situation are so hosed. social stuff. but i have an okay job and even though i'm always on the verge of financial collapse, that's been how i've lived almost my whole life, and anyway like i said i have a dece job so i can like, afford weed and video games. i don't drink anymore, i just don't like it. plus when i drink i get more depressed, unless i'm with friends. so there are many moments during the day when i'm like, "i'm fine. everything's fine" but socially, you know, i hate to harp on or whatever but yo, for real, i feel like a weird ugly alien and the reason it sucks is because at every other point in my life prior to this, i was given to understand that i'm a cool handsome weirdo with flaws sure but ultimately a good egg but now that's... kind of coming into question. and the reason that sucks especially is that i really feel like the past year or so of my life has been a process of getting a LOT more in touch with fruity spiritual nonsense about treating others well and not being a dick and etc. like i used to get really impatient when driving, for example, and a while ago i suddenly just realized "wait, i don't have to go as fast as possible at all times, literally nothing matters" and now i basically never get mad while driving so, you know, it really sucks to feel like i'm progressing spiritually and "being a good person" and the univers is just bein like "heh... thats cute... get duked"
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May 13, 2022 01:04
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oh i know bout exericise. i've been exercising a lot for a couple years now. i'm actuall kind of in good shape. i mean i've never had an issue with weight but i used to eat really bad and not exercise as much and i was always tired
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May 13, 2022 03:05
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Funky See Funky Do posted:Depression is pretty much unheard of in hunter gatherer societies. so is poetry
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May 13, 2022 15:52
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no but seriously, i know this makes me an even dumber person, but i am kind of glad of my depression as king missile said, "pain is better than emptiness, and emptiness is better than nothing"
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May 13, 2022 15:54
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dsf posted:i love advice like "just get some friends" lmao bro im in my 30s. why dont I just go to the FRIEND STORE where all the cool friends hang out just itching to spend their valuable time with weird terminally single losers who have strong opinions about pc games and capitalism exactly i mean, i can and will rant to the dollar heneral employees about how much i hate living in a capitalist regime
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May 13, 2022 19:28
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Alan Watts is my go to. say whatever about his personal life, his lectures were totally on point
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May 13, 2022 19:33
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Catastrophe posted:Pet peeve: All of the people not suffering from actual clinical depression with their easy-mode wisdom about how to simply get over depression. In my experience, they also tend to get annoyed when the simple things that work for them in order to be happy don't just automatically work for a severely depressed person. word there's also for me a certain annoyance in some advice like "just go hang out around people with similar interests!" and it's like "my dude, basically the entire reason my sad is so big these days is that i keep putting myself out there and getting nowhere" like there's a tendency to assume that every depressed person is lying in bed doing nothing and for me, i only lay in bed doing nothing when life is totally awesome, if i lay in bed doing nothing when things suck all i do is think about how bad things suck and that is worse! so all day every day i keep trying and i keep failing and the feedback loop as ITT outlined by another poster of like, the longer it goes on the more crazy and desperate you come off as which just turns people away MORE haha
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May 13, 2022 21:11
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joke's on you, i actually DO know how to play guitar and would love to be in a new band!!! i even like some metal
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May 15, 2022 10:11
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| # ¿ May 10, 2024 07:25 |
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i've played guitar for... i guess 27, 28 years? this should not be taken as any indication of how good i am or anything. just a sheer number i like Boris, Pelican, Earth, Burning Witch, Sunn O>>>, Iron Maiden, Kyuss, Whitesnake, Def Leppard, the usual
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May 16, 2022 03:40
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