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Shittiest Greek God? This poll is closed. |
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|---|---|---|---|
| Zeus |
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0 | 0% |
| Hera |
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0 | 0% |
| Poseidon |
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0 | 0% |
| Demeter |
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0 | 0% |
| Artemis |
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0 | 0% |
| Apollo |
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0 | 0% |
| Ares |
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1 | 50.00% |
| Athena |
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0 | 0% |
| Hephaestus |
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0 | 0% |
| Aphrodite |
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0 | 0% |
| Hermes |
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0 | 0% |
| Dionysus |
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1 | 50.00% |
| Hades |
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0 | 0% |
| Hestia |
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0 | 0% |
| Total: | 2 votes | ||
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Despite being founding archetypes of Western theological and literary canon, the Olympians of ancient Greece were just awful, absolute dogshit. Not only morally abhorrent even by the standards of their day, but frankly bad at being the god of the thing they're in charge of. Let's run down the list: Zeus: Rapist. Just a full on flat out rapist, like holy loving poo poo. Zeus sets the standard that would be passed down through all the civilizations of the ages of "guy in charge fucks his underlings whether they want it or not." Hera: Despite being the goddess in charge of marriage, she has the shittiest marriage in all creation, and whenever her husband's eye wanders, does HE ever get any flack? No, she gets all victim-blamey about it and takes out her frustrations on the random mortal that Zeus just raped, cursing them with some weird fate worse than death. Despite being a goddess of motherhood, she hates her OWN kids more than almost anyone. Poseidon: Poseidon is like Zeus but even more impulsive and mean about it. Just as rapey but with even less finesse about it. Holds a grudge for loving ever and likes toying with people about it. Likes creating monsters and siccing them on people like a bored kid playing SimCity. gently caress the ocean. Demeter: Happy harvest goddess, right? Until she gets empty nest syndrome and turns so frigid she causes a famine and kills half the world. Also set a baby on fire once. Apollo: God of rationality, medicine and music. Somehow always makes bad decisions and solves all his problems with violent brutality. He's only god of music because the one time someone played an instrument better than him, he just skinned them alive. Handsome, but with such a bad personality that women would rather turn themselves into trees than let themselves be hosed by him. Artemis: Goddess of the hunt. Probably a more impressive portfolio back before her portfolio was dominated by drunk rednecks. Also had a dude turned into a stag and torn apart by dogs for seeing her naked once. Ares: Just loving pathetic. Despite being the god of war and martial prowess, never wins a fight ever and gets dunked on by literally everyone, including that time during the Trojan War he got stabbed by a regular-rear end mortal and cried to his dad about it. Athena: The smart one, except she gets there by tearing down everyone else. Goddess of internalized misogyny, turned a lady into a spider because she weaved a tapestry about how lovely all the gods are, and made Medusa hideous for the temerity to be raped by a different god in her temple. Hephaestus: God of nerd incels. Had to buy his hot wife from the other gods, and she cheats on him all the time. Once tried to rape Athena, got his rear end kicked, jerked off while crying, and his discarded cum-sock would go on to found the city of Athens. Aphrodite: Literally insane. Fucks everyone but her husband. Causes wars for shits n giggles. If you're celibate she will have you torn apart by bears, but also if her kid Eros wants a relationship she will lock his rear end up like Rapunzel because she's also, paradoxically, an overprotective prude. Hermes: God of thieves, travelers, and commerce. Despite all that, has barely any interesting myths because it's hard to be a dashing rogue when you're omnipotent. God of being a 1%er slumming it. Dionysus: In theory god of booze, in reality god of terrible ideas. Will do horrifying things to you for little or no reason, even by the standards of other Greek Gods. You will die, torn limb from limb by your own family members, simultaneously laughing and screaming in a pool of your own vomit and blood. Honorary mentions Hades: Rules the underworld (thus not technically an Olympian, doesn't live on Mt Olympus because he kills the party vibe too hard) and is a bit too inventive about his eternal Hell punishments. Also got married via abduction, but Zeus signed off on it which makes it... better? Hestia: Domestic goddess of the hearth and home. A genuinely pleasant goddess, does her job without any rape or murder or bestiality. Which is probably why she retired and gave up her seat on Olympus to Dionysus, because gently caress hanging out these nutjobs if you don't absolutely have to
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May 12, 2022 20:41
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| # ? May 11, 2024 20:21 |
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OPUS the god of bad posting
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May 12, 2022 20:51
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I'm gonna assume this is a double post?
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May 12, 2022 20:52
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