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One time a  friend served up enchiladas made with cream of mushroom soup. Just a grey slime covered tube of a single texture gooshing unpleasant mushroom taste as you bite into. Completey inedible. This is after a solid week of this lady talking up her BEST IN THE WORLD enchiladas. I knew the lady wasn't a great cook but come the hell on. It was like eating grey eggroll that you dip into a big glass of mushroom milk between every bite. Blasphemous rear end enchilada. How about you goons?
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Jun 10, 2022 15:51
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| # ? May 3, 2024 00:41 |
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I served a guest undercooked chicken once, and I consider myself a half decent cook. They didn't even say anything. They could have, and I could have fixed it. They just said they were full and done. I know the truth. And it shamed me. Like actually still bothers me. You don't do that.
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Jun 10, 2022 15:56
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Walking chili
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Jun 10, 2022 15:57
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Roast beef dinner with no gravy.
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Jun 10, 2022 16:03
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I've never been served food as a guest because of my isolationism, OP. This joke, as they say, is on YOU.
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Jun 10, 2022 16:04
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When I was 10 my friend's family invited me to have lunch with them, and they served some kind of really thin soup with what I now know is fermented broth. This was way outside my palette range at that age. I don't remember how I reacted, but they sent me home whenever they had lunch from then on.
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Jun 10, 2022 16:09
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no but really the technically 'worst, worst', I think, we threw a "Call everybody lets get together" style highschool party for people that weren't (overtly) smoking weed/drinking tons of poo poo, and bought tons of cans of loving...whatever at the Dollar Store. Chili. Packs of hot dogs. Unlabeled bottles of soda. Not-cho chips Whatever you can think of, just raided the shelf of Dollar Store and got party goods from GoodWill and then spent 16 hours setting all or any of it on fire while you finger bang one of your first girlfriends in a tent. Is that NOT what you're supposed to do?
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Jun 10, 2022 16:10
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An extremely improvised "turkey pot pie". The culprit didn't actually have most of the ingredients so she winged it. The filling was full of over cooked turkey and u dercooked vegetables suspended in some gunk made of God knows what. Since she didn't have the fixings for a crust, she put boxed cornbread mix on top. Half of it soaked into the "pie", making a layer of sweet, gritty sludge. It might not sound that bad, but all added up together it was utterly loving foul. Nobody could choke it down and we all took turns waiting for her to not pay attention so we could politely dump our plates into the trash.
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Jun 10, 2022 16:13
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Hardawn posted:Walking chili You're gonna have to expand on this.
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Jun 10, 2022 16:14
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pro starcraft loser posted:You're gonna have to expand on this. Thin crockpot meat-stew chili dumped in a Doritos bag. You eat it out of the bag.
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Jun 10, 2022 16:17
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As a teenager, a friend's mom used allspice on french toast. She did it as an accident. My brother and I just ate them quietly. (southern upbringing). Her son took one bite, spit it out, and asked why she was trying to kill us. I will say that wasn't the worst french toast I've ever had. A local restaurant made mine with onions the other day.
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Jun 10, 2022 16:23
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I have an aunt that would make a marshmallow fruit salad for Thanksgiving every year at the big family get-together. The marshmallows would be cooked with extra sugar into some sort of slurry and the fruit would be added. Grapes, sliced bananas, strawberries. I like all the fruits, but submerged into this goop rendered them inedible. Eating a spoonful of sugar straight up would have been more palatable. I remember over the years you'd see her dish of this slop on the serving table and there would be one small spoonful cut out and then the dish would sit untouched for the rest of the night. Everyone had learned.
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Jun 10, 2022 17:00
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I was once at a Thanksgiving dinner that featured four different kinds of potato chips as sides
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Jun 10, 2022 17:02
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Arven posted:I was once at a Thanksgiving dinner that featured four different kinds of potato chips as sides This is a culinary power move. Tell me at least one was Dorito's Cool Ranch.
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Jun 10, 2022 17:06
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my mother in law can cook but chooses often instead to serve us cold vegetable soups that still have ice particles floating in them. a bowl of tzatziki, or watermelon slushie sans sweetener, with a spoon. it sounds more appealing than it is. unseasoned gazpacho. slivers of ice and a flavor like a vegetable had been in the same room at a previous date.
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Jun 10, 2022 17:15
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Definitely my mom's Polish friends in Montreal. Cold beet soup with a hardboiled egg in it. Then boiled fish with extra bones. Go back to Russia!
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Jun 10, 2022 17:17
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bitterandtwisted posted:Roast beef dinner with no gravy. wtf?? i hope you threw your plate at the wall, overturned the table and left without a word
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Jun 10, 2022 17:22
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Literally A Person posted:This is a culinary power move. Tell me at least one was Dorito's Cool Ranch. Yup. They also had every flavor of off brand Walmart soda as refreshment.
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Jun 10, 2022 17:24
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One time I had to stay with my aunt and she made green beans and French fries for me to eat. She didn’t drain the water off the green beans so my fries got all soggy and cold very fast and were gross and I didn’t want to eat them. I told her I wasn’t hungry so to teach me a lesson about not wasting food she forced me to clean the plate before I could leave the table. I threw up on myself and the plate and had to eat the rest of the stuff that wasn’t directly thrown up on. That’s the only real food trauma story I can recall thanks for listening
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Jun 10, 2022 17:25
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I had a first date with a girl who claimed to be a culinary genius. She made her signature dish, microwaved shrimp and broccoli in a sauce that was just water and corn starch. Served over ramen noodles. Had to pretend that the conversation was so engaging, I'd forgotten to eat
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Jun 10, 2022 17:29
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Nostradingus posted:I had a first date with a girl who claimed to be a culinary genius. She made her signature dish, microwaved shrimp and broccoli in a sauce that was just water and corn starch. Served over ramen noodles. Had to pretend that the conversation was so engaging, I'd forgotten to eat So how long have you two been married?
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Jun 10, 2022 17:31
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Literally A Person posted:One time a I had a situation almost exactly like this but it was pea soup
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Jun 10, 2022 17:33
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My grandma would usually make what I dubbed, "something with mayonnaise" though I guess it was just a pasta salad with frozen peas, shredded chicken, way too much mayo, and sometimes I think no pasta. Her daughter, my mom, isn't a great cook but she has her staples. Meanwhile, my dad is very good but I remember two resounding failures from my childhood. Once he tried to make handmade pasta but the eggs went rotten, not even sure how he reached the point of rolling it out, actually. The other time was when he made "astronaut food" which I think was a failed attempt at a shepard's pie, can't remember quite what went wrong but it came out a completely revolting mush. I swear though, other than that his cooking is excellent!
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Jun 10, 2022 17:38
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A whole, well prepared, Sunday roast with all the trimmings - but NO GRAVY.
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Jun 10, 2022 17:42
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Sir Sidney Poitier posted:A whole, well prepared, Sunday roast with all the trimmings - but NO GRAVY. Sid, you have been beaten to this joke. Hang your goonish head in shame.
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Jun 10, 2022 17:46
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Sir Sidney Poitier posted:A whole, well prepared, Sunday roast with all the trimmings - but NO GRAVY. That's pretty hosed up, and I've never had Sunday roast.
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Jun 10, 2022 17:46
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Bolognese with ketchup for sauce. Had one bite
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Jun 10, 2022 17:46
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my exwifes friend and boxing trainer served us stir fry once. my exwife is half-lao, and really embraced that part of her culinary heritage. we ate lao food probably twice a week, and then rice based/southeast asian style food another two or three times a week. when we were lazy we'd make pasta or burgers or something but more than half the time we were eating rice. so her friend/trainer and us are talking about this and she says "oh i love rice, i probably eat it for half of all my meals too! i make a pretty good stir fry, you should try it!", and invites us over for drinks and dinner with her husband. we go, and she serves us overcooked, soggy minute-rice, overcooked, rubbery bargain bin fast fry steak, undercooked carrots and celery, all soaked in soy sauce. no seasoning or spices anywhere to be found. it's not like it was inedible or anything, but it was probably the shittiest stir fry i've ever had. it felt especially insulting for her to know the backstory of the food we typically eat and present this to us as comparable in any way lol. i am now instantly suspicious of any white person who tries to serve me "asian" food
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Jun 10, 2022 17:47
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garbage thanksgiving food this happens annually
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Jun 10, 2022 17:49
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In college we had a group project to work on and my one partner (who was in his 30s) offered to cook us all dinner if we came over to his apartment to work on it. He said the meal was "roasted pork and vegetables" and it ended up being giant, uneven chunks of pork, celery and onion in some kind of a thick, sticky sauce that kind of tasted like maple syrup.
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Jun 10, 2022 17:56
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Chinatown posted:garbage thanksgiving food actually that reminds me of another one. my mom always made the best thanksgiving, everything homemade including the cranberry sauce. my favourite was always stuffing. i always remember her laying out all the bread to get crusty in advance, and then stuffing the bird, and all the effort that came with that prep. my mom died of cancer when i was 25. that year, my exwifes other side of the family (the non-lao part, basically poor WASP type people, at least in their upbringing) and us were talking, and after telling them one of the things i would miss most about my mom was thanksgiving dinner, especially her stuffing, told us we should eat with them that year. the meal was poorly prepared in all the standard ways (dry turkey, gravy from powder, cranberry sauce still in can shape in a bowl, etc.) but the thing that really pissed me off was the boxed stuffing. they kept saying poo poo like "how's the stuffing?", "hope that you're enjoying that stuffing!", "bet you're happy to be having stuffing again, eh?" and i was so loving pissed lol. my wife even told them to make it from scratch this year and that she'd help if they want, and they refused. she just sat there with her head down staring at the plate, ashamed for her family. we never ate dinner with them again.
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Jun 10, 2022 17:57
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Does catered food count? My company had catered lunches and for a while they were pretty good. We'd find some local place and buy a bunch of poo poo and pig out and it owned. But eventually we got new management and they decided we were spending too much on catered lunchs. But they didn't want to get rid of the practice entirely. So this person who ran the catering signed up for some poo poo service that gave us the worst catered food you could imagine. I'm talking like cafeteria burgers and poo poo like that. I probably sound like a piece of poo poo for complaining about catered food but it was so bad that I gave up on it quickly and started buying my own lunch
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Jun 10, 2022 18:02
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Guy once bragged about his “homemade tortilla chips” He pulled a supermarket flour tortilla out of a package from his fridge, chopped it up, put it in the oven for a few minutes, then seasoned it with the tiniest spritz of lime and the tiniest pinch of salt I’ve ever seen I’m guessing he was either too cheap and/or too lazy to go to the supermarket and just buy some loving Tostitos to go with the jar of Tostitos salsa that he already had
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Jun 10, 2022 18:12
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Chinatown posted:garbage thanksgiving food My wife and I have successfully campaigned my mom into replacing dry rear end turkey with duck a l'orange and everyone is better off for it.
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Jun 10, 2022 18:17
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Nostradingus posted:I had a first date with a girl who claimed to be a culinary genius. She made her signature dish, microwaved shrimp and broccoli in a sauce that was just water and corn starch. Served over ramen noodles. Had to pretend that the conversation was so engaging, I'd forgotten to eat I refuse to believe that actually happened. I'm just not going to do it.
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Jun 10, 2022 18:35
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Literally A Person posted:Sid, you have been beaten to this joke. It's my aunt in law that should be ashamed. This is no joke.
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Jun 10, 2022 19:26
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Friend of my wife once chopped up barely ripe tomatoes and some eggplant, heated it up for ten minutes and described it as aubergine stew. Nothing added to render it slightly palatable, like olive oil or salt and pepper, or god forbid basil or onions. Honourable mention to the Belgian restaurant I had Xmas lunch at in the late 80’s who thoughtfully included a fish course of perhaps four-day-old scallops on the shell with a warm coagulated cheese sauce over the top. Just icy cold wet fishy shells with barely edible reeking scallops whose fishy juices mingle with lukewarm cheesy goo.
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Jun 10, 2022 19:27
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I got offered literal unsalted pasta by my Italian ex-girlfriend and her brother. Apparently some friend of theirs told them salt is bad, so they've committed blasphemy and got their citizenship revoked. Good riddance.
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Jun 10, 2022 19:39
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Despite bragging and boosting to my then girlfriend about how good they made fried rice, it was unevenly cooked with way too much soy sauce and waaaaay too much oil. It was just swimming in oil. We were both very much unimpressed and disappointed. She pretty quickly gave up trying to eat it. That cook? It was me! 
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Jun 10, 2022 20:19
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| # ? May 3, 2024 00:41 |
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I've got two fairly recent ones: Went to my gf's house for lunch while she was WFH and she served me a squash soup that was a bland orange liquid. Didn't even taste like there was salt, just a can of pumpkin mixed with water. She reheated it by putting it in the blender and letting the blender run until it was warm, instead of just microwaving a bowl. Went to a wedding, reception was at a golf course, seemed nice but not outlandish. Food options on the invite were Beef, Chicken, or Veggie. I am a pescataeian, so I got the veggies. The veggie entree was roasted carrots and hummus. Just absolutely insulting to vegetarians.
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Jun 10, 2022 20:46
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