let us write the bible

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Barco Fiesta: a fantasy of olives

GENESIS I

1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
2 And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the couch and sat there for like a minute thinking of how bored He was.
3 And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.
4 And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.
5 And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.
6 And God said, Okay now let there be my girlfriend: and there was Mitski.
7 And God said, Oh my God, hey.
8 And Mitski said back, Hey.
9 And God said, Hey, like what do you like to do?
10 And Mitski said, I like playing piano and singing. Where did I come from? What is this?
11 And God said, Nevermind that, babe. Watch this: Let there be a piano. And there was a piano.
12 And Mitski saw the piano, that it was actually pretty cool: And Mitski moved upon the piano seat and started playing something really pretty and just laying it on super thick with the vocals.
13 And God heard this and started ugly-crying like on the spot.
14 And God's tears flowed upon the face of the earth: And the tears became the oceans of the earth, and the waters of the earth, and the showers and toilets and waterparks and hot tub time machines of the earth.
15 And Lana Del Rey did drive up in front of the house in a Smartcar and start honking the horn.
16 And the Phone of God did start blowing up because she was trying to call him.
17 And this did kind of piss God off because she was his ex-wife and kind of a pain in the rear end.
18 And God stopped crying because He didn't want Lana Del Rey to make fun of him for crying.
19 And God said, Hey Mits that's loving awesome but hold on a minute, I have to go get the door.
20 And the Spirit of God moved barefoot and shirtless upon the driveway, and God saw the car, and that Lana's friend, Michelle, was in it, and that she had sleeve tats, and that she loving hated God, and that she was an even bigger bitch than Lana Del Rey.
21 And the Spirit of God stopped moving about 12 feet from the car and shouted like, WHAT
22 And Lana Del Rey rolled down the window and leaned back and shouted, Where are my loving tap shoes?
23 And God spread his arms out beside him real wide and said, I don't loving know where your tap shoes are.
24 And Lana Del Rey said, I just got my stuff out of storage and the tap shoes weren't there.
25 And God said, Well they're not here either.
26 And Lana Del Rey said, Bullshit. I want my tap shoes.
27 And God said, Dude I swear to God they're not here. I didn't know you even did that.
28 And Michelle rolled down her window and leaned out and said She's taking lessons, rear end in a top hat. loving piece of poo poo,
29 And God gave the finger to Michelle and looked at Lana Del Rey and said, What the gently caress is she doing here?
30 And Michelle got her phone out and started filming God and saying stuff like, It is currently 12:11 AM, January first, year one, I am legally filming this for our own safety, sir please stay back.
31 And God rolled his eyes again and said, Oh my God. Okay do you want to loving come inside and look for them? Is that what you want?
32 And Lana Del Rey grinned smugly and contemptuously and said, Uh huh. Yes I would like to come into OUR house to look for MY tap shoes please.
33 And God got mad and said, This is my loving house.
34 And Lana Del Rey said, Not until November, that's what the court said.
35 And the Spirit of God did move back into the house, saying: loving whatever, find your loving tapdance shoes and get the gently caress out.
36 And Lana Del Rey and Michelle did enter the Modular House of God.
37 And Lana Del Rey and Michelle saw Mitski, that she was God's girlfriend: And Lana Del Rey did force a smile, saying: Hey.
38 And Michelle just kind of kept looking at her phone and filming stuff with that really bright light on, saying: You can see it's really messy in here, total mess in here.
39 And Mitski said, Hey.
40 And Lana Del Rey said unto God, Are you going to introduce us?
41 And God was not feeling, it so He just groaned and went into the kitchen to mix vodka with flat Sierra Mist from a mostly empty 2-liter.
42 And so Mitski said unto Lana Del Rey, I'm Mitski.
43 And Lana Del Rey said, I'm Lana Del Rey.
44 And Mitski said, Oh cool I'm a fan of your work.
45 And Lana Del Rey said, Oh okay, yeah. Cool. Thank you. Are you uh, are you like his girlfriend or something?
46 And Mitski said, Yeah.
47 And Lana Del Rey said, Oh alright, awesome, okay. Cool. Yeah.
48 And Michelle went unto the Kitchen of God where God was drinking, and started filming Him, saying: And now you can see he's drinking, very impressive. Very cool, way to go. Great job man, you're a real winner, man.
49 And God finally got sick of Michelle's poo poo, yelling: Okay you need to get the gently caress out of my house.
50 And Michelle started yelling too and said, I'm here to document this. I have a right to be here to document this.
51 And they went back and forth like that for a minute until Lana Del Rey started yelling too, and said Michelle, oh my God, please, it's okay, I can film it myself, I'm fine, please wait in the Smartcar.
52 And Michelle did embrace Lana Del Rey dramatically,
53 And the Bitch rear end of Michelle moved out of the house and back into the Smartcar, turning her phone around and talking poo poo on God the whole way.
54 And the Bitch rear end of Lana Del Rey moved unto the bedroom to dig through the closet and throw poo poo all over the place looking for her Goddamn loving tap shoes.
55 And the Spirit of God moved upon the couch and saw Mitski, that she was super uncomfy.
56 And God took the Hand of Mitski into the Hand of God and said, Sorry babe, that's my ex. She's nuts.
57 And Mitski kind of shrugged and said, It's cool.
58 And God said, Let there be Sierra Mist and vodka
59 And the Sierra Mist and Vodka became the waters upon the Family Guy Coffee Mug of God.
60 And God saw the Sierra Mist and vodka, and that it was okay but there was no ice, and said, Jesus loving Christ.
61 And Mitski said, I could use a drink too.
62 And God laughed a little bit and said, Oh totally, what's your drink?
63 And Mitski said, Cabernet.
64 And God smiled and said, What is that?
65 And Mitski laughed a little and said, Umm it's like, it's red wine, basically.
66 And God said, Okay cool, let there be red wine: And there was red wine.
67 And God saw the wine, and that it seemed okay.
68 And Mitski smelled the wine a little bit, and saw that it was not what she asked for but it was no big deal, like it's whatever.
69 (Nice)
70 And the Ratchet Hoe rear end of Lana Del Rey moved upon the hallway back from the bedroom with the tap shoes looking really Goddamn smug, saying: I found my tap shoes.
71 And God rolled his eyes and said, Okay drive safe.
72 And the Nasty Crabs Having rear end of Lana Del Rey moved upon the Smartcar and drove off, saying: Byeeeee, see you soon. Nice to meet you, Misty.
73 And God and Mitski sat on the couch saying nothing for a minute.
74 And God picked up an Xbox 360 controller and said, Let there be Amazon Prime Video: And there was Amazon Prime Video.
75 And God saw the Amazon Prime Video, that there was God's favorite movie, Clerks.
76 And God said, Oh my God, babe, have you seen Clerks?
77 And Mitski said, Hey look I've been thinking.
78 And God said, Yeah me too and I think we should watch Clerks, you have to see Clerks, it is loving hilarious.
79 And Mitski said, Okay.
80 And God and Mitski saw Clerks in its entirety, that it was almost 30 years old but parts of it were kind of funny but the ending with the dead guy was gross.
81 And God said, What do you think? You loved it right? loving amazing movie, right?
82 And Mitski said, Hey, I'm gonna go, okay?
83 And God said, Uh okay? Where are you going?
84 And Mitski said, I'm just uh, I have to go.
85 And God said, Um okay, cool? I'll see you later then?
86 And Mitski got up and moved upon the front door, exiting the house, saying: Yeah.
87 And God saw Clerks again, that it was the same as before, saying: Jesus loving Christ

Barco Fiesta fucked around with this message at 02:32 on Jun 19, 2022