Honky Dong Country posted:

You mean that guy that hated firefighters? I hope so because I'm posting that hilarious poo poo anyway:

RFC2324 posted:

I can never forget the Tea Party Community. The last time that Safari Rules were relaxed, Tea Party people started a facebook clone, and goons trolled it out of existence. It was amazing, complete with spies, walls of Jesus themed scat porn, and takeovers over their admin account.

Hopefully someone has a link

Jose posted:

the GIP goon who claimed to be US special forces for some time calling out someone in an A/T thread about serving as private security on boats in areas at risk of piracy for lying about special forces turning out to be a doughy brit was a good one. He had put insane amounts of effort into convincing goons he was an american soldier and it was posting in that thread that resulted in him being found out

pentyne posted:

GiP had some amazing threads. At one point there was a thread "let's make up lovely war stories and see if the forums falls for them" and eventually people were reposting those same stories calling them animals who needed to be put down.

Landerig posted:

Maybe we could have a bit of fun with these alignment charts.

sebmojo posted:

What was that scuba guy who did an insane rant about all the strokes who were ruining diving, completely out of nowhere

Jerry Manderbilt posted:

i know sincx of "furiously masturbating to anime tiddies" fame did this after his QCS thread where he threatened to sue jeff over his redtext and backpedaled furiously and ultimately realized he'd just done something he could never live down

Harakiri Potter posted:

oh well, I guess the cops got me. maybe i can just show them the 700 batshit insane texts i've received since February.

sample

Solice Kirsk posted:

I've never seen a thread go gold so fast before.

JnnyThndrs posted:

This is why I wade through a million 'I'm gay' and 'suck my drat balls' posts in GBS, just for the chance see something as rare and beautiful as this.

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD posted:

I cant stop laughing this is the greatest thread of all time

Rust Martialis posted:

Abugadu posted:

I'll send my a s s to the world
I'll send my a s s to the world
I hope that some one sees my
I hope that some one sees my
I hope that some one sees my
greedo in my butthole

Paladinus posted:

Lmao, yes, that's the one I was thinking of! But now I'm beginning to think there was another goon who did that before.

Mokinokaro posted:

There definitely was but damned if I can remember who.

FAUXTON posted:

Harrow can you shoot me a quick PM with whatever legal contact info SA (the site's contact info) has? Asking for an epileptic friend.

FAUXTON posted:

I'm not going to really entangle myself in the situation like that, because I'm neither a lawyer nor epileptic myself, but if you could just send the PM with whatever PO box the site has for this kind of thing it would be helpful, thanks.

NinpoEspiritoSanto posted:

Every
Single
Zaurg
Thread
Ever

zaurg is a BFC legend and made of pure 100% organic stupid oval office. I've not read his threads in a while so I am about to go back on a deep dive but they should be required reading for any goon that's not read them. Imagine Oscar Wilde pouring his scorn for his fellow man into a single literary character, one quantum singularity of a moron and you've got zaurg. Pure strain brilliantly entertaining.

If you need convincing...

This was owed to DeVry lmao

I forgot this lol

shelley posted:

that would be Telhix’s legendarily bad mspaint drawing of... something that happened to him in a bathroom

Peachfart posted:

It was FAUXTON in the Blizzwatch thread(because of course).

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3900763&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=1238#post517722828

They edited their posts but you can still see the posts because they were quoted by others.

An Actual Princess posted:

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2547846&perpage=40&noseen=1

Nuns with Guns posted:

Hedrigall posted:

Quote it for those of us who don't have archives tia

quote:

Your dive photo threads are fine and dandy, but your sorry open water rear end does not know poo poo about tech diving. I do not care what loving "Master Diver" bullshit PADI class you paid for, and I am DYING to find out what you think qualifies someone to self apply the title of "Wreck Diver".

Every time someone asks a question about tech diving you decide to open your stroke mouth and give them some bullshit that sounds good because you put yourself out as some kind of authority even though you do not know poo poo and are just repeating bullshit an even bigger stroke than you told you. Swimming though an artificial wreck sunk at 75 feet with holes cut into it to amuse stroke tourists is not wreck penetration. loving around inside an idiot proofed resort cavern with grates over all the cave entrances is not cave diving.

Your lovely rear end gear configuration betrays you as the typical snorkel wearing, single tank slinging, jacket BC using, air integrated computing, lovely-light-on-a-retractable-cord shining, short hose breathing, BC integrated octopus dangling, wanna-be battleship-mouth dive-store-"expert" S-T-R-O-K-E.

Bust Rodd posted:

A comedian is someone who wants you to laugh with them. A clown is someone who wants you to laugh at them. A clown’s pants fall down, he falls on his face into a banana cream pie, a small dog walks by and pees on him while he is on the ground. Everyone is laughing at the clown because he is loser and because it’s funny to watch him get owned. That’s how being a clown works, it’s literally one of the oldest forms of comedy.

But please, do go on about how I’m a stupid little freak who just doesn’t understand that everyone is actually laughing AT me and not WITH me, it’s a really incredibly deep insight that you’re all extremely clever for having! I’m honestly lucky to be able to post alongside such genius!

Boba Pearl posted:

So I’m gonna be honest, I’m a little offended, I know actual clowns IRL, like personal friends who I drink with and smoke bud with. Who have a passion for being a clown, and actually have like registration numbers, and I think eggs but I never really asked because who wants to talk about work all the time?

It’s not just that being a clown is funny, but it’s timed and more importantly it’s consensual. My friends don’t try to run around throwing pies in the streets to get random laughs from strangers, because that’s just creepy and weird. There’s a social contract. Not only that, they have actual routines, they spend time learning and crafting something. Really creating a comedy act. Not all clowns are wearing makeup, but every clown is self-evident, and doesn’t have to announce themselves. Like there’s clowns on social media that talk about how sad they are that people are scared of clowns because they broke that social contract. There’s a whole clown community, and they have beefs and poo poo with scary clowns and funny clowns getting in like actual fights.

You’re literally doing a disservice to actual clowns.

Back to the self evidence thing, you can enter a room at any point, and immediately know who the “clown” is. You’re at a party? You’ll recognize them immediately, they won’t walk up and say “Hi I’m the funniest person in the room, honk honk you wanna see my penis?” They’ll just be charismatic and funny. You watch abbot and costello, you know who the clown is in the performance, even though they’re both acting together, one is recognizable as the clown, and the other the person in line.

Clowns don’t just get pissed on, they also play a part in a team effort. Being sad and pathetic is not what makes a clown funny, and it’s hosed up that you’re taking a job that is important and done because they legitimately want to make people happy and reducing them to your level of pity party.

Begging for negative attention doesn’t make you a clown. In fact if you don’t self reflect and learn about social interactions you’ll never manage to be a clown.

Paggliacci literally begins with a clown coming on stage and saying that he feels pity and sorrow just like any other person. You’re not supposed to laugh at this, you’re not supposed to be like “Hah what a stupid loving loser, I can’t wait to be a loser just like him.” When you find out that Paggliacci is a deeply jealous man who has pushed his wife away and ends the first act crying alone, you’re not supposed too be laughing at him. It’s the intense sorrow of a broken man who has realized that he will never be able to function normally in his relationship.

Trying to be a clown when he’s a deeply profoundly sad and pathetic person is what ultimately breaks him, and when he has to act out his insecurities in real life he suddenly kills his wife and his wife’s lover. You’re not supposed to aspire to be Paggliacci.

Your misunderstanding of a play is like your posting, it’s trite and insulting. Everyone sees through it, and it’s going to end with you realizing how broken you are.
Do not call yourself a clown. Clown’s are worthy of respect.

sebmojo posted:

LITERALLY A BIRD posted:

There is a difference between Sagas and drama. The two are often intertwined, but for the purposes of this thread we'll define Sagas as tales or events that people outside of Something Awful, perhaps outside the internet all together (they exist??) would find fun, funny, or otherwise interesting and noteworthy. Drama is when the event in question is doing little but causing a lot of people sadness, frustration, or harm.

bEatmstrJ posted:

Now that you've all forgotten, I guess I can post these.

Prokhor Zakharov posted:

Friendly reminder that he is a bachelor who did this to "impress " (yes with that wording) and raise the resale value of his home.

Also courtesy of DIY

Pablo Nergigante posted:

I wonder why that is *Looks at list of forum IKs* I guess we’ll never know

Qubee posted:

Hey, it's me, the dude who was having heaps of trouble climaxing. Wanted to put this out there for any other circumcised dude who was having the same issues as me. I was basically beating myself up with regards to this issue and putting the blame on myself, getting advice to stop masturbating, not to use death grip, not to watch porn etc. It all pointed to me doing something wrong, so I tried everything, and nothing helped. I'd just be hornier than usual but still unable to climax. Thought it must be my girlfriend's technique and she wasn't good at giving handjobs / blowjobs. Thought my dick was broken and my testosterone was out of whack. Thought her vagina was loose. Literally every paranoid thought under the sun, I thought it.

I went and got myself a Manhood cover. It arrived in time to start wearing it on the 1st of October. I've worn it religiously every day since then. I moisturize every couple of days too. It's no big deal, super easy and stays put (if you get the right size). I'd say towards the end of October, I started noticing a difference. I was able to climax much easier, especially from oral. My girlfriend and I went from me taking over 4 times out of 5 to me taking over 1 time out of 5. That alone did wonders for the relationship, it made me feel great because she was able to take care of me, and it made her feel great because she felt sexy / good enough to take care of me without my involvement. My dick became noticeably smoother too, and it was shocking just how conditioned I was to seeing my dick so dry and leathery looking and never thinking much of it, the smoothness stuck out. If I didn't wear the Manhood for 30 minutes, my skin would start looking very dry and dark and leathery, to the point where I thought it'd peel off. Orgasms went from 30 minute arduous ordeals to me finishing in about ten minutes. This alone took a lot of stress out of the equation, it started making me feel less like a horrible chore that my girlfriend would have to put aside an hour of time for. She didn't need to hammer away at my dick for me to maintain an erection, or give tiring oral for 30 minutes for me to maybe come close.

Fast forward to now, I managed to orgasm during sex last week for the first time ever. Celebratory dance happened in bed, we both high fived, it was great. I wasn't needing to thrust super hard and fast to feel anything, slow movements felt just as nice as fast movements. We were in reverse cowgirl and she was moving slowly and I still climaxed, which was unexpected and surprising, seeing as up til that point, it had always been a hard and rough thing for it to even feel close to happening. We had sex again on Sunday and I climaxed during sex again, two for two. More high fives, her noting how quickly and easily it happened, the word progress getting thrown around a lot. Another shocking outcome of this is my previous handjob / blowjob advice is now redundant. She's having to change her technique up because the old method is just too overwhelming and sensitive. Now, it's a case of me feeling too much, not too little. But all in all, I'm incredibly thankful I stumbled upon that website and decided to give it a go. It has changed so many things for the better. We're happier and more fulfilled, I no longer feel like half a man. I can initiate stuff without feeling guilty and thinking I'm robbing her of time, cause now I know it's done in about ten minutes. It's also insane how easier it is to actually have sex, my dick won't suck the moisture out of her in one minute, so we're using less lube and I'm not causing her discomfort or pain or anything. Sometimes in the past, we'd have to stop as either myself or her could feel things getting a bit too dry, so we'd reapply lube and then need to repeat after a couple of minutes.

Another side effect of wearing this hood is my scar line has become much harder to notice, the skin colour transition is much more subtle. I've also noticed a penis smell that I never used to have before, and for a few weeks I was washing religiously and it'd just be back after an hour or so. I kept telling my girlfriend about it and saying I worried it was dirty, but she told me it's totally normal? And everything seems to indicate it is, especially since it's not a bad smell, it's just noticeable. I have three Manhood covers that I rotate regularly, and handwash them. I never use the bathroom without washing with water, and it's not the smell of stale piss. If I'm out in public and need to pee and can't wash myself properly, I'll take the cover off as soon as I'm home, wash, put on a clean one and wash the dirty one. She said it just smells like penis. I didn't think that'd be something I'd ever deal with. So I guess the hard keratinized skin is breaking off on my glans and exposing the mucous membrane thing, or??? I don't know. Is this something you guys have?

Final note on progress: I used to be able to roughly dry with a towel after a shower, and I'd be able to run my nail along the head or shaft and it wouldn't hurt. Now, I need to dab with a towel otherwise it's painfully sensitive. I've also accidentally clipped it with a nail whilst swinging my hand and it's painful when that happens, whereas in the past, I wouldn't even register it.

SMEGMA_MAIL posted:

Holy gently caress do not sleep on this guys post

Honky Dong Country posted:

You mean that guy that hated firefighters? I hope so because I'm posting that hilarious poo poo anyway:

quote:

Roth posted:

Not really much of a saga, but I just remembered the time someone bought a bunch of FYAD regulars avatars that frame by frame as slowly as possible: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3959046

An Actual Princess posted:

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2547846&perpage=40&noseen=1

Paladinus posted:

Lmao, yes, that's the one I was thinking of! But now I'm beginning to think there was another goon who did that before.