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Begin stripdance routine
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Jul 31, 2022 06:49
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| # ? May 19, 2024 03:14 |
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"It's OK, I'm not Colin Firth, heheh. That dirty fucker is an evil doppleganger who stole my likeness. How soon can we murder the bastard?"
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Jul 31, 2022 08:33
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“I’m Colin…. A pizza place to get food for everyone!!”
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Jul 31, 2022 09:25
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explain how you're not a firth but a firtln from scandinavia and your name is very often misread
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Jul 31, 2022 09:36
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Say, mysteriously, while giving a condescending smirk: "To know your enemy, you must become him". Have fun with your Colin Firth army.
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Jul 31, 2022 09:41
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Well firth of all, you keep that firearm holstered mister and second of all - Look over there it's Jon Bon Jovi! While they're distracted go and hide under the table so you can watch the events unfold in secret.
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Jul 31, 2022 10:28
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It's a tough job drinking down this poison all day. Too much going on outside these walls. Thugs, murderers, villains, and I'd seen them all. They took my life and drove it into this bottle, trapped there going on three years now. Sirens passed down Broadway. I learned back and thought about my school sweetheart, Velma. I think about Velma a lot, and that's exactly what I was doing when the door swung open and she walked in. She was something out of a picture show. A real betty. "Ain't you 'eard 'a knocking?" She calmly sat down and pulled a slim and some matches from her handbag. "If I looking for frog," she said as she cooly lit her smoke, "him name is Hopkin Green Frog." "I've been out of the game for years, toots, what makes you think I'll help you?" Her face said more than those lips ever could. She grimaced as though a thousand demons were clawing at her insides. I was sweating bullets. "I lost my frog," she cried, and turned to leave the room. On her way out I could hear her chanting. " P.S. I'll find my frog. Who took my frog? Who found my frog?" This was a lot of applesauce, I thought to myself. But something in this crazy broad's peepers made me think there was something beyond her simple words. Something dark and insidious. I shot out of my chair and yelled "I'll take this case!" Her head spun around and she uttered the words I'll never understand or forget. "Love Terry." I sat in silence for a few minutes after she left, sweating bullets. I was mad, but not just any kind of mad. The kind of mad that can only come from when someone close to you forgets you like yesterday's news. What right did that dame have to come back into my life after all these years, and the fact that she was hiring me to look for her latest love... well that was just a slap in the face. I spent the night getting rid of the pain the only way I knew how, with the help of a good friend I like to call Scotch. I awoke the next morning to the harsh ring of the telephone. "Yeah? Whaddya want?" I growled into the phone. "Is this Fred?" said a distorted voice on the other end. "I have frog." So! Word had already gotten out that I was on the case. That broad must have been followed. I was sweating bullets. "What him name?", I questioned. "Him name is Hopkin Green Frog," he rallied back. "If I looking for frog, meet me at the 42nd parking garage, at midnight tonight. Alone." It was 9 a.m., that gave me fifteen hours to gather my moxie. It's funny how time flies with a quart of good juice. The hand on the clock spun faster than the wheels on a Manhattan trolley. Course, that could just be bourbon talking. I called my friends and told them I loved them and not to miss me if I didn't call back. Before I knew it, eleven had come and gone, and I was sweatin' bullets. I strapped my shooter to my leg and poured my courage in a flask. Stepped out the door. Walking these streets again was odd. These weren't the same people I remembered. The parking ramp was a half block ahead, the only lighting from the all-night diner across the street. My stomach was tap dancing like Bojangles Robinson. All I could think about was how I shouldn't have eaten that Thai food. Then I heard a gruff voice yell my name behind me. I spun around quickly, my pistol shaking like a white man jerking off Mickey Spillane. It was only Shaggy. "Fred! We just caught him, man! Me and Scoobs just caught him!" He wheezed out, his voice cracking on every word. "It was old man Weatherby-" I couldn't believe it. All my work, and this burnout and his mutt cheese me out of the glory again. So I fuckin' shot 'em. He was sweating bullets.
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Jul 31, 2022 11:12
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"Friends, you hate the Great Enemy while having the luxury to keep far away from Him; meanwhile I've been cursed to bear his hideous visage and manners so I'm reminder of Him every waking second of my miserable life. Believe me, my hatred towards the Satan Firth is absolute."
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Jul 31, 2022 11:16
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Lawrence Gilchrist posted:sweating bullets Those AI written stories sure are something
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Aug 1, 2022 17:09
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BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:fully sated you walk out into the ball pit and find yourself a nice spot to sleep. Who needs that apartment that's literally across the loving street from you?! You feel something hard beneath you, *blow brains all over ceiling with pink shotgun* THE END?
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Aug 1, 2022 17:34
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LonesomeCrowdedWest posted:“I’m Colin…. A pizza place to get food for everyone!!” Nobody laughs at your excellent pun or seems to think a pizza is adequate trade-off for finally taking out history's greatest monster. There are several guns pointed at you now. You need to think fast. steinrokkan posted:"Friends, you hate the Great Enemy while having the luxury to keep far away from Him; meanwhile I've been cursed to bear his hideous visage and manners so I'm reminder of Him every waking second of my miserable life. Believe me, my hatred towards the Satan Firth is absolute." This stops them. Is it possible someone could be cursed to look like Firth? To kill such a man would be like killing a make-a-wish child. "If that's true," one of them, a large black man with a shaved head ventures, "Why didn't you get plastic surgery. Or speak in an american accent? How could anyone bear such a resemblance to a thing like him?" Then you go in for the finisher: itry posted:Say, mysteriously, while giving a condescending smirk: "To know your enemy, you must become him". This gets them murmuring. Another one a small sikh kid barely out of his teens starts exploring the advantages of Firthhood: "His reputation would be completely in your hands. If you stole vehicles, constantly shat yourself and desecrated corpses. Why it would only hurt him." A chubby asian guy jumps in excitedly, "When I talk about how terrible Firth is, everyone just tunes me out: "Oh Chester's starting on this again". But Firth; people listen to him. If Colin Firth talked about how terrible he is, why, that would be in People Magazine!" You smile. Before long you're no longer the object of their hatred but their supreme admiration. You're the smartest guy here and they all come to you for lessons in Colin Firth impersonation. Within 2 hours you have a multi-racial multi-faith group of Colin Firth's all practicing their british accents and quirky RomCom mannerisms. You hear the door open and you see the love of your life, Lt Columbo slip in. Again and again he returns to your lighthouse.  He does not however seem to recognize you. And coming clean could land you in prison. Plus you still have your Firth Army to question. What do you do.
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Aug 1, 2022 17:39
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Yell, “Hey it’s the president of the Colin Firth Fan Club! GET HIM!!!” The Colin Firth haters chase Columbo out and you’re free to eat everyone’s lunch, huff more paint, or look for more clues.
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Aug 1, 2022 18:16
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itry posted:Those AI written stories sure are something It's from an old Flash Tub
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Aug 1, 2022 18:52
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Lawrence Gilchrist posted:It's from an old Flash Tub I’m not sure if that’s better or worse.
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Aug 1, 2022 19:44
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Columbo is probably not here for us. But just in case, better get ready for an "I am Spartacus" bit.
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Aug 1, 2022 21:39
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He won't recognise us in our Firth disguise. Let's use that to our advantage and find out what he thinks about us and if he perhaps knows something about the murder that he kept from us.
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Aug 1, 2022 22:32
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| # ? May 19, 2024 03:14 |
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BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:What do you do. You do what you do best: Lie To Columbo about your identity. With a big wink to the Army you turn to Columbo and Firthily shout "My name is Firth, and you aren't supposed to kill me!"
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Aug 1, 2022 23:39
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