an oral history of gamers finding out samus was a woman

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Heather Papps: hello friend

"i'd been playing metroid for weeks, and finally beat the game. i was ready for a little song, maybe a cool image. games back then - you were glad to get anything more than "THE END." anyways my heart is beating like a god damned drum - this was the first time i'd encountered a singular timed section. sure mario had a timer, but it was nothing like this. i jumped my way to victory, and then.... it happened. i was praying for peace in space, like the ending text said - but then... samus... a girl? i could hardly believe it. i pulled my hair out and tore my clothes and smashed my tv and screamed until i passed out. when i awoke, peace in space washed over me. i bought my daughter a toy gun and allowed her, after 9 years, to wear pants. i permitted my wife to work. i stopped screaming at my mother. it changed my whole life."

# ? Aug 1, 2022 01:49

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 15:33

Heather Papps: hello friend

"i never played video games much, beyond smash brothers. my friend had a copy, a pretty big tv, and 4 controllers. we poured days into that game, unlocking the few extra levels and characters. samus was my main - the charge shot and grapple beam were just so much fun. i had other hobbies though, and really only played games with my friends. when the gamecube and melee rolled around jeff was there at midnite, for each. it was a wild time. we were in highschool now, but our habit of late night sleepover game sessions continued. it was some of the best times i've ever had, 6 guys fighting for a controller. there were a pile of new characters, but seeing my guy, my main, in new high polygon glory was enough to keep me playing as samus most of my matches. link had some charm but was way too short. time moves on, we all go to different universities. jeff wasn't too far from me, but you know how things go. new people, new job, new classes, beer. lots of things to compete for my attention. anyways, christmas rolls around, and i get a text from jeff asking if i'm gonna be home, telling me he's got the new smash. i am jazzed, man. i was tired out from school and all it's associated dramas, and getting back together with my boys, cracking some brewdogs, playing smash? it was just what i needed. jeff was telling me about smash balls and all sorts of poo poo, i could not loving wait. so i show up, parking on the street cause his folks driveway was full as hell. i hug my boys, hang for a minute, drink half a beer and jeff says "your turn." again, i never really played videogames that much, and seeing how great everything looks is kind of blowing my mind. who else am i going to pick? anyways a few stock in one of these smash balls appears, and from what jeff had texted i knew i had to grab it. i kick it a few times till it shatters and jeff yells "hit b!" and i do. my man samus shoots a giant loving beam and i am in heaven, this fuckin' rules so hard. and then...

and then... the armour popped off. the heroic space marine i'd been jerking off to in my head for YEARS, something like a cross between gordon freeman and the doom guy, was... a really tall blond girl in a loving catsuit? i felt the bile rise in my throat. i felt betrayed. i finished my beer and left that house and never talked to any of those guys again. they just reminded me of my shame."

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Aug 1, 2022 02:04

Heather Papps: hello friend

"my brother told me i should play it, and it was really hard, but at the end i figured out why. there weren't a lot of games with girls as heroes, when i was growing up. he played this one, and realized it might be more important to me than it was to him and he was absolutely correct. that's why i carry a concealed handgun at all times."

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Aug 1, 2022 02:05

Heather Papps: hello friend

"wait... samus is a WHAT?!?!"
*interviewee flips table and runs screaming from the room*

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Aug 1, 2022 02:11

Areola Grande: it's a free country u pervs

more like scamus

# ? Aug 1, 2022 03:19

Finger Prince

Heh
Heheheheh
Heheh
Boobs

# ? Aug 1, 2022 05:49

Twenty Four

Heather Papps posted:

i bought my daughter a toy gun and allowed her, after 9 years, to wear pants. i permitted my wife to work. i stopped screaming at my mother. it changed my whole life.

lol

# ? Aug 1, 2022 12:01

Abugadu: 1st Sgt. Matthews and the men have Procured for me a cummerbund from a traveling gypsy, who screeched Victory shall come at a Terrible price. i am Honored.

i don�t think it affected me at all, it wasn�t as though i had developed extremely strong feelings for samus� character and wrote a ton of fanfic about his(actually her) battles with Ridley and whatnot.

anywho, my 6�2� blond wife just rolled up the driveway in a tight ball, gotta go

# ? Aug 1, 2022 12:02

Khanstant

how can we know samus is a woman aren't they an alien or some poo poo. i dont think anyone from space should get to steal our earthbased gender denominations

# ? Aug 1, 2022 16:13

cruft

What are you even talking about, op? What is a woman?

# ? Aug 1, 2022 20:59

Seth Pecksniff: can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

Justin Bailey knows what it's all about :mmmsmug:

# ? Aug 1, 2022 21:54

Chewbecca: Just chillin' : )

cruft posted:

What are you even talking about, op? What is a woman?

A miserable pile of secrets

_{Thanks to Heather Papps for sweet sig, click for more hot lady action}

_{sigs by luvcow and Khanstant.

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# ? Aug 1, 2022 22:12

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

what the heck, women can't be in video games!

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Aug 1, 2022 22:20

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

gamers are being assaulted from every angle; jack thomson being a jerk, "cool" kids being bullies, and women.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Aug 1, 2022 22:25

your friend sk: (ヤイケス!)

Samusse

Join the BYOB Army

^{thank you again Saoshyant!!}

# ? Aug 2, 2022 03:19

Heather Papps: hello friend

Khanstant posted:

how can we know samus is a woman aren't they an alien or some poo poo. i dont think anyone from space should get to steal our earthbased gender denominations

samus is a human. how human depends on which game. post dread, the most recent chronologically, she's a human with metroid and chozo dna integrated into her system. i don't know what this has done to her gender identity or her bio-chemistry but she has strong mothering instincts so i dunno.

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Aug 2, 2022 13:45