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Use PUA techniques until the bench approaches YOU
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Aug 5, 2022 05:19
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| # ? May 11, 2024 20:05 |
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bring your copy of the Dungeon Master's Guide with you and constantly cite the rules to the judge in a disapproving tone
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Aug 5, 2022 05:20
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Stonehouse Beach posted:Use PUA techniques until the bench approaches YOU Negging the judge is risky but can garner favourable results.
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Aug 5, 2022 05:20
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Ask the judge, “What’s with the all the black? You going to a funeral or Depeche Mode concert?”
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Aug 5, 2022 05:21
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playing all of juror's heads like bongos, singing Sunshine of your Love like im Jerry Lewis
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Aug 5, 2022 05:22
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Slowly hold up your legal pad toward the jury, showing your heavy marker drawing of an arrow in the judge’s direction and the word “asswipe”
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Aug 5, 2022 05:22
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bring one of those cartoonishly large cardboard cartons of goldfish crackers with you to snack on and refuse to share any
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Aug 5, 2022 05:23
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Chew gum but claim it's dental gauze.
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Aug 5, 2022 05:24
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Clip your toenails while the other side is speaking
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Aug 5, 2022 05:25
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attempt to sidestep the judge's rules about foul language by constantly saying "eggplant emoji" instead of dick and "peach emoji" instead of rear end
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Aug 5, 2022 05:25
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Bring your guitar and play “Wonderwall”
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Aug 5, 2022 05:27
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go on a long tangent during your testimony about people unfairly using the term "nazi army" when they really mean "axis army"
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Aug 5, 2022 05:29
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tap your shady contacts from the old neighborhood to install nightingale floors that sound like farts under the bench and the witness stand, to make a mockery of the state's rotten institution. this will be the old crew's last mission, because they will do a bad job and the bench will collapse, injuring the judge. they will all be charged with domestic terrorism and sentenced to serve in Ukrainian foreign legions, never to be seen again. your involvement in their crime will go unnoticed, and you are acquitted of your prior wrongdoings, but no mortal judge could absolve you of the guilt that roils your guts in the night
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Aug 5, 2022 05:31
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shout "owww, my balls!!" every few minutes through the entire trial, then apologize and tell the judge you felt a sudden sharp pain your balls and you don't know why it's happening. insist that it is a real medical condition and you aren't making it up.
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Aug 5, 2022 05:33
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Your honor is looking real tense, are you sure you don’t want the full body massage?
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Aug 5, 2022 05:34
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wear a neat straw hat and try to get the bailiff to compliment you on it
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Aug 5, 2022 05:37
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present a 3D printer to the jury as evidence and demonstrate its capabilities by printing a massive eagle that reads "JURY NULLIFICATION" on its outstretched wings
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Aug 5, 2022 05:41
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I live-trapped a mouse and released it in my neighbors' yard today. I'm pretty sure they saw me do it, actually i'm 99% sure they saw me. am I getting the death penalty?
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Aug 5, 2022 06:01
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Wear heelies and a top hat full of raw eggs
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Aug 5, 2022 06:45
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bring rootbeer floats for everyone but the judge
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Aug 5, 2022 07:00
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get a giant penis tatto'ed on your forehead and when the judge asks about it, say you did it out of respect for them.
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Aug 5, 2022 07:22
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if your trial is being televised and you get a guilty verdict, look into the camera and say "oh boy, that sure was SOMETHING AWFUL!!"
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Aug 5, 2022 07:27
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The smart move is to get started on the escape tunnel before they even sentence you. A courtroom floor is way softer than a prison's
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Aug 5, 2022 08:00
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accuse of pedophila that seems like a hot button issue nowadays
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Aug 5, 2022 08:12
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Attempt to blackmail the judge with badly photoshopped images of them in lewd acts with members of the jury, while you are on the witness stand. Make it known loudly, you are blackmailing them solely because they did not invite you to join in.
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Aug 5, 2022 08:37
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Every time the prosecution starts to speak, vomit violently into a cup. Every time the judge starts to speak, loudly sip from this cup with pinky outstretched.
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Aug 5, 2022 17:12
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Double finger guns with "my man" in response to literally every question or instruction, including those that don't illicit a response, or are not even directed at you.
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Aug 5, 2022 17:14
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Bring a live kangaroo to court.
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Aug 5, 2022 17:39
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-yStAbViYQ
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Aug 5, 2022 22:14
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This but keep farting and farting and don't stop until you're thrown out of the court. You'll get extra prison time for contempt, but you'll be hailed as a hero, like that suck my dick you fuckman guy.
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Aug 5, 2022 22:39
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Put your dick n balls on the bench
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Aug 6, 2022 01:46
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Okay but what if the we made the jury be naked?
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Aug 6, 2022 01:54
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You see, that way they could have an orgy instead of deliberations
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Aug 6, 2022 01:55
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Not juror number 7, though. I've got limits
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Aug 6, 2022 01:55
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"Your honor, I'd like to file a motion." *repeated pelvic thrust*
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Aug 6, 2022 02:26
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BAGS FLY AT NOON posted:Put your dick n balls on the bench "Your Honor I have new evidence I'd like to introduce to the court."
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Aug 6, 2022 03:19
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ikanreed posted:Okay but what if the we made the jury be naked? The hung jury 
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Aug 6, 2022 04:04
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Hit em with your standup routine that you've been practicing since during COVID lockdown
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Aug 6, 2022 05:17
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confess to being the real killer of the OJ trial
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Aug 6, 2022 05:19
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| # ? May 11, 2024 20:05 |
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Thinking about it I want to be held in respect of court.
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Aug 6, 2022 06:16
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