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Tarkus posted:Thinking about it I want to be held in respect of court. Must feel pretty good when a judge gives you a little thumbs up
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Aug 6, 2022 07:13
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| # ? May 11, 2024 10:43 |
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Frantically yell at the judge that you have to poo poo, and when they don't allow you to leave the courtroom find the nearest trash bin to take an epic poo poo in while screaming the entire time.
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Aug 6, 2022 07:16
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Try to hawk sawdust boner pills and NFT's every moment of your court case.
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Aug 6, 2022 07:17
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Befriend the bailiff. Complement him. Suck up to him. Tell him that it's clear that he's the one who really holds the power in this court, not the old loser up on the bench. No matter how the bailiff takes it, make constant hints to the judge that the bailiff is now on your side and the judge needs to start playing ball or your 'new friend' just might do something the judge will regret.
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Aug 6, 2022 08:29
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Respond to the 'guilty' verdict with "I know you are, but what am I?" repeatedly.
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Aug 6, 2022 08:40
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Insist on a dictionary being entered into evidence. When given any question, insist you need the dictionary definition of each word to be 100% sure of what you're being asked. On occasion, explain extreme confusion over meanings of definitions and demand further clarification.
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Aug 6, 2022 08:48
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Narrate your own life, in first person, during the entire trial. Give extremely unflattering descriptions of the judge and jurors.
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Aug 6, 2022 09:10
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Try to start a cult in honor of the judge.
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Aug 6, 2022 09:41
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Upon taking the stand, immediately die
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Aug 6, 2022 09:50
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put a whoopie cushion on the gavel stand
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Aug 6, 2022 09:52
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Constantly commit new crimes while on the stand. You hold me in contempt huh? Well not as much as i hold myself in contempt 
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Aug 6, 2022 10:58
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3yuto9xjEE&t=151s
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Aug 6, 2022 11:12
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Use PUA “negging” technique on the judge
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Aug 6, 2022 11:34
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ikanreed posted:You see, that way they could have an orgy instead of deliberations I wonder if there's ever been an actual jury where they all turned out to be horny sex addicts and spent the entire long sequestration period loving and sucking each other, then just made up a verdict in like five minutes. Really makes you think (and jack off).
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Aug 6, 2022 11:42
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Bring a massive overdose of laxatives and a sieve.
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Aug 6, 2022 11:47
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Nelson Mandingo posted:Frantically yell at the judge that you have to poo poo, and when they don't allow you to leave the courtroom find the nearest trash bin to take an epic poo poo in while screaming the entire time. Extra points for throwing in some loud moans and grunts of satisfaction. Also, if you're quick enough, grab some of the prosecution's documents and wipe your rear end with them. I wonder if a defendant has ever really taken a poo poo in court. The lovely insanity defense. I bet some have people have at least pooped their pants in court. "Odor in the court!"
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Aug 6, 2022 12:01
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Trivia: in the scene just before the end of the skit, not all the lady jurors take their tops off. And those who do have their breasts covered by black rectangles. I hope someone got fired for those blunders.
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Aug 6, 2022 12:02
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| # ? May 11, 2024 10:43 |
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Probably what I'd say if I didn't give a poo poo about the case or going to prison. Answer blithely, ignore questions, swear, ramble, all the good stuff. Judges are probably all assholes anyway
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Aug 6, 2022 12:50
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