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It's a little known fact among goons that our history goes well beyond the website. Ever since man had figured out how to milk a cow, goons have persisted throughout time. Did they serve Hitler like the Minions did? I will not be answering that, but here are some notable goons that I found! Hennig Brandt needs no introductions. With the support of his second wife's money, this incredible goon managed to boil down 1,500 gallons of fermented goon piss into 120 grams of what we now know today as phosphorous. His attempts to turn the glowing pee oil into gold were unfortunately not as successful. Bitcoin would be invented several billion years later using the same process.  (not actually Ea-nasir, this is a rock) Another well known goon, Ea-nasir, is spoken fondly of by goons during crystal-charging meetups. Widely considered to be one of the earliest "troll" goons (before the advent of trade and civilization, trolling was usually synonymous with murder), Ea-nasir made his career selling copper during the Bronze age. When a trader's servant would ask Ea-nasir "Did you suck the tin out of this bronze?", he would probably respond by doing something obscene, like goaste-ing them. Ea-nasir would collect these very heavy rock complaints in his home, essentially a form of empty-quoting himself.
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Sep 10, 2022 01:15
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Build me a robot that crams pickles in your rear end Also this guy 
Hollismason fucked around with this message at 01:19 on Sep 10, 2022 |
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Sep 10, 2022 01:17
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I am Shamash-resh-ușur, the governor of Suhu and the land of Mari. Bees that collect honey, which none of my ancestors had ever seen or brought into the land of Suhu, I brought down from the mountain of the men of Habha, and made them settle in the orchards of the town 'Gabbari-built-it'. They collect honey and wax, and I know how to melt the honey and wax – and the gardeners know too. Whoever comes in the future, may he ask the old men of the town, (who will say) thus: "They are the buildings of Shamash-resh-ușur, the governor of Suhu, who introduced honey bees into the land of Suhu.
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Sep 10, 2022 01:18
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King George the 4th almost counts as a super goonlord if it wasn't for his bizarre success with the ladies: https://www.factinate.com/people/king-george-iv-facts/
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Sep 10, 2022 01:42
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Hollismason posted:Build me a robot that crams pickles in your rear end thats derpies
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Sep 10, 2022 01:44
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The internet's rudest badboi (me, nooner)
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Sep 10, 2022 01:53
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Nooner posted:The internet's rudest badboi (me, nooner) You said it, Nooner! 
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Sep 10, 2022 02:05
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Putty posted:It's a little known fact among goons that our history goes well beyond the website. Ever since man had figured out how to milk a cow, goons have persisted throughout time. Did they serve Hitler like the Minions did? I will not be answering that, but here are some notable goons that I found! shut up putty
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Sep 10, 2022 02:35
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Ea-Nasir and the Pompeii tuggin guy were definitely goons and also William Howard Taft (because he was fat)
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Sep 10, 2022 02:38
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Chinatown posted:thats derpies Perma'd by a volcano.
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Sep 10, 2022 02:41
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Blurry Gray Thing posted:Perma'd by a volcano. good way to go
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Sep 10, 2022 02:52
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caligula was a fyad
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Sep 10, 2022 02:52
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William Howard Taft briefly modded D&D in 2006-2007 until the bathtub pics emerged
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Sep 10, 2022 02:54
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bossy lady posted:caligula was a fyad tried to gently caress his sister, analogy checks out
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Sep 10, 2022 02:54
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Claudius and Nero were both goons in their own way
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Sep 10, 2022 04:43
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The Donner Party survivor that was found eating an infant and then later bragged about it throughout his life.
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Sep 10, 2022 05:38
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Chemical Ali was a coupons mod up until just last year.
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Sep 10, 2022 05:47
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 I CAN'T TELL IF MY MONITOR IS ON, OR OFF!
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Sep 10, 2022 05:47
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Chief McHeath posted:
I am fairly sure that Charles of Spain does not have an account
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Sep 10, 2022 05:49
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Diogenes
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Sep 10, 2022 05:59
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Tarrare Couldn't stop eating and was always hungry. He regularly ate gross poo poo and capitalized on the negative attention. When the French Revolution began, he became a soldier and was always sick from eating poo poo you're not supposed to, like stray cats (  ), on top of a lifetime of consuming garbage. Field hospitals begrudgingly fed him quadruple rations, because it was impossible for him not to be a burden.A general had an idea to make him useful and proposed he be a spy since he could and would eat anything. Using his stomach as a courier, they fed him a wood box with a message for an imprisoned French colonel. Tarrare crossed into Prussia and about a day later he was caught. He betrayed the French almost instantly and had the poo poo kicked out of him, after which he was then dumped back near French lines. When he made his was back to the military hospital, he started relaxing like anyone would. By drinking blood and nibblin' on bits of dead people in the morgue. Oh, and he may have eaten a baby. When he didn't outright deny this when challenged, he was chased out of the hospital. When he finally died, his autopsy revealed his body was rancid and full of pus. His intestines were rotten, and his stomach started at the back of his throat. In goonly fashion, he smelled too horrible and the autopsy was cut short. 
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Sep 10, 2022 07:56
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le petomane
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Sep 10, 2022 08:53
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Thomas de Mahy, executed during the french revolution. died giving the mods sass:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_de_Mahy,_Marquis_de_Favras posted:Upon the reading of his death warrant, he supposedly remarked, "I see that you have made three spelling mistakes."
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Sep 10, 2022 09:30
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I've been told Benjamin Franklin was a noted goon until he got banned for being too horny, after which he started an offsite known as "the united states of america", which has heaped a lot of grief upon the world ever since.
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Sep 10, 2022 10:58
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Nikola Tesla, he constantly came up with ideas for cool poo poo but never implemented anything. Or if he did it was overwrought and doomed to failure.
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Sep 10, 2022 11:08
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There's a nonzero chance that Lowtax will appear in a history book someday
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Sep 10, 2022 11:13
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The Nephilim are believed by most Biblical UFOlogists to be the ancestors of today’s goons.
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Sep 10, 2022 12:33
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Devils Affricate posted:There's a nonzero chance that Lowtax will appear in a history book someday He did get his rear end beat by future world leader Uwe Bowler.
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Sep 10, 2022 12:35
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uh, neil cicierega aka the only goon that actually made something of himself
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Sep 10, 2022 13:12
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oh wait the gimmick of the thread is notable goons in history so i nominate genesplicer
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Sep 10, 2022 13:17
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H. P. Lovecraft was first noticed by the writing world and given a chance to publish his stories solely because he sent a bunch of racist-rear end hot takes to a magazine and started a year-long flamewar in its "letters to the editor" section.
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Sep 10, 2022 13:44
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actually oscar wilde is a good one, dude could only write when he was hungover and it eventually destroyed him, just like so many of our beloved posters
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Sep 10, 2022 13:46
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the person who painted the venus and the sorcerer at chauvet cave was permabanned and got the cave closed due to excessive horny posting
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Sep 10, 2022 13:50
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napoleon bonaparte entered his short story clisson et eugénie into the 1795 thunderdome competition and lost, which made him so angry he decided to conquer europe
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Sep 10, 2022 14:19
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The first VTuber thread poster
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Sep 10, 2022 19:06
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Linux Pirate posted:Tarrare That guy kicked rear end
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Sep 10, 2022 20:07
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ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD posted:le petomane There goes my hero
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Sep 10, 2022 20:37
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 490 BCE - Pheidippides carries a printer 26.2 miles in order to impress a woman who already has a boyfriend.  1170 - King Henry II is forced to eat a fruit hat as penance after one of his knights fucks a flask before Thomas Becket is able to complete his King's Challenge.
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Sep 10, 2022 21:53
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GundamHealer posted:The first VTuber thread poster is that who they based the Tom Cruise movie on?
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Sep 10, 2022 22:11
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Nah, I think it’s just some dude who got a vanity portrait made in China (and yes I realize the armor/sword is Japanese) like how people these days get fake old west portraits made. That Tarrare story… holy poo poo that guy actually existed.
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Sep 10, 2022 23:05
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