Nuclear Apocalypse Anxiety Thread

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > Nuclear Apocalypse Anxiety Thread

Shima Honnou: Dec 1, 2010; The Once And Future King Of Dicetroit; College Slice

palindrome posted:

Not sure if this is accurate at all, but there's an old tool that overlays theoretical nuclear yields over google maps, so you can determine if you're in the zone of instant death, lingering misery, or relative safety.

https://nuclearsecrecy.com/nukemap/

its weird, no matter where i set it to in america it just keeps reading out "lingering misery" even before i set a nuke payload

# ? Oct 9, 2022 07:20

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# ? May 21, 2024 18:34

Trabisnikof: Dec 24, 2005

BUSH 2112 posted:

i mean, back then it was actually possible to survive a nuclear attack. the weapons are so much more powerful and there are so many now that you have no chance of surviving it, they realized it was a waste of time to build shelters because the choice is "get vaporized instantly" or "probably get vaporized instantly anyway or possibly broiled alive in a metal tomb"

i live on a military base so if the nukes start falling i know i get the peaceful option of being instantly vaporized, it's nice

nah the calculus was that it was cheaper to build more missiles and hope to nuke the soviets before they could nuke us than to build shelters at scale. shelters could have saved lives but they were expensive compared to more bombs, and saving lives wasn't really as big a priority as saving money. so more bombs it was

# ? Oct 9, 2022 07:49

err: Apr 11, 2005; I carry my own weight no matter how heavy this shit gets...

Xaris posted:

going to highly recommend Miracle Mile (1988) movie for the times. i recommend going in blind. but it's very mood and ending is rather cspam.

When the Wind Blows from around the same year too.

# ? Oct 9, 2022 07:58

Xaris: Jul 25, 2006; Lucky there's a family guy
Lucky there's a man who positively can do
All the things that make us
Laugh and cry

Ardennes posted:

Yeah, it�s a good movie that is a absolutely forgotten�for some reason.

yeah it's unfortunate because it's really loving good yet somehow was lost to time. one of the best the 80s has to offer imo

i think partly people didn't want it to be remembered because not long after we entered the Fukuyama End of History liberalism has won era.

err posted:

When the Wind Blows from around the same year too.

neat, i'll check it out.

# ? Oct 9, 2022 08:07

mawarannahr: May 21, 2019

Ardennes posted:

Yeah, it�s a good movie that is a absolutely forgotten�for some reason.

idk if it�s so obscure. I�ve seen it recommended in other forums going back to like 2001. some guardian guy wrote about it in 2014 2014 and it got regular releases on current media. remasters, blurays etc.

# ? Oct 9, 2022 09:04

Zisky: May 6, 2003; PM me and I will show you my tits

mawarannahr posted:

idk if it’s so obscure. I’ve seen it recommended in other forums going back to like 2001. some guardian guy wrote about it in 2014 2014 and it got regular releases on current media. remasters, blurays etc.

They're talking about Miracle Mile, which unfortunately hasn't had the same treatment.

Tangerine Dream did the soundtrack:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrL3OAFLDuU

Zisky has issued a correction as of 09:29 on Oct 9, 2022

# ? Oct 9, 2022 09:25

mawarannahr: May 21, 2019

CODChimera posted:

Lmao I got confused by this edited quote.

# ? Oct 9, 2022 09:59

Turtle Watch: Jul 30, 2010; by Games Forum

Here is what I wrote after the first time I thought nuclear immolation was imminent:

quote:

Human Interest Story Time:

I live on the Big Island with my family and was sleeping in when the alert went out. My parents decided that if the missile were coming we should all be together at the end, so they woke me up.
Just having got up and adjusting to the very alarming news I was fairly numb and only able to try to consider few things. I considered that as our island, being less populous and with no very important military bases would not be the target, but not being sure of the accuracy of North Korean nukes did not take a lot of comfort in that. I didn't at the time feel much of anything, I didn't even remember to do the smart thing and fill up the tub, etc. I only remembered to stay away from windows and not try to look out of them too much in case of blinding flash.

I found it hard not to look outside as it was quite a beautiful morning, I could literally see the birds chirping and cavorting around enjoying the sunshine and all I could really think was that it was such a shame these happy, innocent creatures would die. Our general consensus among ourselves was that it was probably a false alarm, or that if it were real our location away from Oahu would spare us the worst. These two thoughts were largely just hopeful and of course we had no accurate way to assess the threat, only having the phone warning to rely on. I would describe our reaction as a generally shocked and numb befuddlement gradually giving way to a slight relief as the minutes passed and no blasts were felt, but then again I was not sure we would feel one anyway. It all felt very strange and quasi-dreamlike. It was hard to credit the shocking warning coming on such a serene day, but I thought things would likely feel strange and unbelievable if the bomb was coming anyway, and if so I would die feeling dazed and somewhat confused.

I am happy to have a reprieve and not be dead, and I think people who had the wherewithal to protect and secure their loved ones should be given credit. On facebook of course many acquaintances are bragging about how they are "the only ones" not to take it seriously, that they knew it wasn't real and that they are so very brave. They very easily could have been wrong, I think.

Here is something I made this year, using my nuclear reprieve to become a better person, and live every day to the fullest:

Turtle Watch posted:

I have stopped worrying and love the bombs

May we all nestle safe in the bosom of a loving universe, spared the terror of annihilation.

# ? Oct 9, 2022 10:11

BrutalistMcDonalds: Oct 4, 2012; Lipstick Apathy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8Ne9sRcSrM

# ? Oct 9, 2022 10:17

Bob Socko: Feb 20, 2001

I live 30ish miles from a lesser military base, and 50ish from a major one and a Boeing facility. Far enough away that the initial blast probably won�t get me, close enough that the radiation or infrastructure disruption will.

# ? Oct 9, 2022 10:36

Mr SuperAwesome: Apr 6, 2011; im from the bad post police, and i'm afraid i have bad news

err posted:

When the Wind Blows from around the same year too.

i havent seen the film but the comic book it's based on is great

# ? Oct 9, 2022 11:37

Weka: May 5, 2019; That child totally had it coming. Nobody should be able to be out at dusk except cars.

I'm going to become a mutant and roam the wastelands. Hopefully I have time to accomplish this life goal before the nukes go off.

# ? Oct 9, 2022 12:14

lobster shirt: Jun 14, 2021

im not too worried about a nuclear apocalypse honestly

# ? Oct 9, 2022 12:18

Bear Retrieval Unit: Nov 5, 2009; Mudslide Experiment

gonna buy a nintendo switch and lots of batteries for when the power gets knocked out.

# ? Oct 9, 2022 12:22

Bilirubin: Feb 16, 2014; The sanctioned action is to CHUG

biceps crimes posted:

imagining big ole mommy milkers on the waifu tsundere nuke that lands near me and eradicates everything I know and love and hold dear

read this with Boomhauer's voice

# ? Oct 9, 2022 16:35

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

ted hitler hunter posted:

w h i t e p e o p l e w h i t e p e o p l e

lmfao

# ? Oct 9, 2022 23:45

Cuttlefush: Jan 15, 2014; gotta have my purp

good smilie chaining is always fun to see

# ? Oct 9, 2022 23:46

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

Fly Molo posted:

# ? Oct 9, 2022 23:50

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6f7j1E61sM

# ? Oct 9, 2022 23:52

Too Many Birds: Jan 8, 2020

OP of this thread brought to you by "certainly trump would never be elected president" and "russia is just posturing on the border" and "there is no way the chuds are actually gonna storm the capital"

# ? Oct 12, 2022 05:24

Ramrod Hotshot: May 30, 2003

I maintain that the funniest option is Russia and the us decide to nuke each other but the missiles fail to launch

# ? Oct 12, 2022 05:27

Blockade: Oct 22, 2008

What sort of environmental story telling are you nerds planning to set up with your meager possessions and skeleton?

# ? Oct 12, 2022 06:05

Too Many Birds: Jan 8, 2020

gonna do a final pam thing and make some nerds laugh before they succumb to the radioactive poison

# ? Oct 12, 2022 06:14

fart simpson: Jul 2, 2005; DEATH TO AMERICA

Shima Honnou posted:

they could drop the bomb today and we'd all still need to work tomorrow

hell, there will be a LOT of work to do afterward if u survive

# ? Oct 12, 2022 09:41

fart simpson: Jul 2, 2005; DEATH TO AMERICA

your not going to be able to just sit around watching netflix like you do now

# ? Oct 12, 2022 09:42

palindrome: Feb 3, 2020

just want to say that I appreciate all the people throughout the years that decided to not push the button when the order came to launch all nukes and end life on earth. you're a hero if the computer or superior officer said "do the thing" and you thoughtfully contemplated the consequences. Whether you are nationally known for hesitating while thinking "hey wait a minute this looks like an error" or if you are a secret spook that was executed for failing to fulfill your sworn duty to enact Armageddon, I want you to know that you are appreciated. thank u for your service.

# ? Oct 12, 2022 09:43

Beard Dandruff: May 10, 2017; Want to win a consultation with Tiffany? Click here.

palindrome posted:

just want to say that I appreciate all the people throughout the years that decided to not push the button when the order came to launch all nukes and end life on earth. you're a hero if the computer or superior officer said "do the thing" and you thoughtfully contemplated the consequences. Whether you are nationally known for hesitating while thinking "hey wait a minute this looks like an error" or if you are a secret spook that was executed for failing to fulfill your sworn duty to enact Armageddon, I want you to know that you are appreciated. thank u for your service.

I'm just glad that the russian military never employed Mormons.

# ? Oct 12, 2022 09:50

fart simpson: Jul 2, 2005; DEATH TO AMERICA

a couple years back there was an air raid siren test while i was at home and my wife was at work, and i hadnt been paying attention to my text messages and didnt notice the government announced the test the night before. i figured it probably wasnt real but i wasnt 100% sure of that so i called my wife who also didnt know what was going on, made a post on the forums, and then started walking to the metro station to go underground i guess? the sirens were playing the tones for "impact in <5 minutes" and then switched to "impact in <2 minutes" and then "impact imminent" and i did get a bit of an adrenaline rush for a bit and then i checked my phone and saw the text messages and felt kinda foolish

# ? Oct 12, 2022 09:55

palindrome: Feb 3, 2020

It's an interesting problem for modern people. You get a warning SMS text message that the missile, earthquake, tsunami, or other imminent disaster is a few minutes away. Your loved ones are at school, work, or somewhere else. Do you proceed in an orderly fashion to the civic defense shelter that exists for just such an emergency? Lol

NYC had a pretty funny infomercial about it recently. I think the direction was stay put and wait for cellphone messages from authorities. Cool

# ? Oct 12, 2022 10:04

mawarannahr: May 21, 2019

Beard Dandruff posted:

I'm just glad that the russian military never employed Mormons.

perhaps they have at some point �

quote:

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church) had a presence in Russia before the rise of the USSR, with the first baptisms occurring in 1895. Preliminary missionary efforts began before the dissolution of the Soviet Union, and the Russian government officially recognized the church in 1991. Membership increased in the 1990s and early 2000s. Missionary efforts were impacted by the 2016 Yarovaya law, which prohibited proselytizing outside of official church property. Current membership statistics are not available for Russia, but the church reported 19,946 members in 2009. As of 2021, there were three stakes and five missions in Russia. In 2018, Russell M. Nelson announced that a temple would be constructed in a major city in Russia.

Which leads me to ask - what�s the appeal to a Russian of a totally American religion?

# ? Oct 12, 2022 10:08

SMILLENNIALSMILLEN: Jun 26, 2009

if youre worried about nuclear war, look on the bright side, at least you dont have any real worries in your life

# ? Oct 12, 2022 10:13

BrutalistMcDonalds: Oct 4, 2012; Lipstick Apathy

fart simpson posted:

a couple years back there was an air raid siren test while i was at home and my wife was at work, and i hadnt been paying attention to my text messages and didnt notice the government announced the test the night before. i figured it probably wasnt real but i wasnt 100% sure of that so i called my wife who also didnt know what was going on, made a post on the forums, and then started walking to the metro station to go underground i guess? the sirens were playing the tones for "impact in <5 minutes" and then switched to "impact in <2 minutes" and then "impact imminent" and i did get a bit of an adrenaline rush for a bit and then i checked my phone and saw the text messages and felt kinda foolish

there was a fun event here a few years ago when some computer glitch caused all the (tornado) sirens aross the metropolitan region to go off at midnight on a clear night with no bad weather and stay on for about an hour

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s3KmDtsaQBY

# ? Oct 12, 2022 10:22

Jon Pod Van Damm: Apr 6, 2009; THE POSSESSION OF WEALTH IS IN AND OF ITSELF A SIGN OF POOR VIRTUE. AS SUCH:
1 NEVER TRUST ANY RICH PERSON.
2 NEVER HIRE ANY RICH PERSON.
BY RULE 1, IT IS APPROPRIATE TO PRESUME THAT ALL DEGREES AND CREDENTIALS HELD BY A WEALTHY PERSON ARE FRAUDULENT. THIS JUSTIFIES RULE 2--RULE 1 NEEDS NO JUSTIFIC

palindrome posted:

just want to say that I appreciate all the people throughout the years that decided to not push the button when the order came to launch all nukes and end life on earth. you're a hero if the computer or superior officer said "do the thing" and you thoughtfully contemplated the consequences. Whether you are nationally known for hesitating while thinking "hey wait a minute this looks like an error" or if you are a secret spook that was executed for failing to fulfill your sworn duty to enact Armageddon, I want you to know that you are appreciated. thank u for your service.

they are history's greatest monsters. if they had pushed the button back then we might not be on track to turn the Earth into freakin Venus today, man. but hopefully there is still time left to save what is left of the biosphere by nuking the white fat hamburger nations

# ? Oct 12, 2022 11:10