the Curse of the Sphinks

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tutankhalmond

It's morning. You stir, rattling the last crystals of all hallow's night off of your once-frightened soul. Emerging from your bed, cocoon-like you are reborn. Another year of fear behind you.

You are stronger. Braver. But...are you wiser?

Alas, this is not your bedroom or couch or cot or hammock. You struggle to recognize these unforgiving sandstone walls. Minecraft? No. It's not minecraft. But it is not so undissimilar as to help your rousing mind put the pieces together. You are in the real, authentic Ancient Egypt. There is no doubt in your mind. This is real. Totally. Real.

I stand before you. The boy king. All hail me because I'm cool and yet just a boy. A paradox? No. A miracle.

...but what stands before me? Well, before me and a bit to the side. A large, crafted, and spry cat.

...a cat? Ok, maybe not a cat. A koala? I can't put my finger on it...

I interrupt, knowledgeable and sounding confident and cool.

"Welcome BYOB, to my domain. Real, authentic, and highly rewarding Ancient Egypt. I am the boy king, tutankhalmond. Ever young like that foo fighters song I think, yet also...ever smart. Peculiar, you think. I awake you from your Halloween slumber to usher in the sacred month, when the tides ebb and the mind flows. You have steeled yourself on another year of not being afraid of the neighbour's kids dressed like Roblox characters, but bravery is not all there is to time and space. I appear now to test your wisdom. Please do not fear me."

You fear me, no doubt. But, you still listen.

"I challenge thee to return to face my Sphinks daily during the holy season and seek to solve its riddles."

You like riddles but this is stupid and you just want a normal November.

"For those who solve...there will be fabulous prizes."

You stop listening because you don't need to hear anymore. You're in. You plan to face the Sphinks' riddles daily to win fabulous prizes.

# ¿ Nov 1, 2022 14:09

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# ¿ May 8, 2024 08:43

tutankhalmond

[reserved for the king]

# ¿ Nov 1, 2022 14:12

tutankhalmond

tutankhalmond waits for a small crowd. He hides his mouth and makes poorly considered robotic gear sounds and reaches out with his free hand to place it on the Sphinks.

When he moves his hand from the Sphinks, there remains a coded message.

"She has spoken."

# ¿ Nov 1, 2022 14:13

tutankhalmond

ChubbyChecker posted:

baka fwocka fwame posted:

Edward Fingerhands posted:

Sherbert Hoover posted:

biosterous posted:

While many came close, only you few have succeeded. A deep rumbling and a vibration emanates from the Sphinks. A capsule launches out.

A shock of joy jolts through you. Hey, you earned this. Let's crack this mfer open.

YOU WON COMBOS (PIZZERIA PRETZEL VER.)

What experts are saying about Combos (Pizzeria Pretzel ver.)

Congratulations on today's success. As your prize is much to large for your wittle hands, please accept this conveniently sized trinket. It would fit nicely in your sig, in my opinion. But what do I know. I'm just a boy king.

# ¿ Nov 2, 2022 03:46

tutankhalmond

"Another day, another dollar", you think. Except it is only the second day (the first instance of coincidence enabling you to extract some expectations as to what comes next). "Big sigh, the usual", you also think.

The Sphinks continues to brim, full of ancient objects of mystery and potentially 1-2 more flavours of Combos.

...or does it?

I have convened with the Gods to derive today's timeless riddle. Will you be brave enough to rise to the challenge? Some say another's life depends on it. Others don't, to be clear.

# ¿ Nov 2, 2022 13:52

tutankhalmond

Sherbert Hoover posted:

here you go, hail the boy king

Viginti Septem posted:

Caw!

ChubbyChecker posted:

Escape From Noise posted:

U luv it.

Heather Papps posted:

did you all know paper can give you cuts!? once i've cleaned up the blood i'll try again

e: it is a fish

beer pal posted:

FutonForensic posted:

sound
https://i.imgur.com/iN3Hgja.mp4

biosterous posted:

Such bravery cannot go unrewarded. I demand that the Sphinks recognize and appreciate a rad as hell thing.

Oh wow it worked! Move that bus move that bus move that bus

YOU WON CHILDREN'S DIMETAPP (DAY & NIGHT COMBO)

What experts are saying about Children's Dimetapp (Day & Night Combo)

Please hold this trinket near and dear to your sig. Not for any emotional reasons, just to prevent congestion.

# ¿ Nov 3, 2022 05:39

tutankhalmond

Waking up to the ripe smell of pizza-flavoured combos washed down with a refreshing swish of Children's Dimetapp. Two great tastes that taste great together.

Alas, the Sphinks remains full. Packed to the gills with fabulous prizes that you might recognize.

Actually, it's funny that you mention that. The Sphinks was telling me a riddle this morning. I actually got them to write it down with their big Sphinks hands even though it's on this small note. Some things we were never meant to understand.

# ¿ Nov 3, 2022 13:51

tutankhalmond

ChubbyChecker posted:

Five is a start better than zero, I suppose.

# ¿ Nov 3, 2022 14:08

tutankhalmond

ChubbyChecker posted:

Sherbert Hoover posted:

biosterous posted:

Viginti Septem posted:

Can I still get in on yesterday's?

Time is a metaphor. Every riddle is yesterday�s riddle.

# ¿ Nov 4, 2022 17:24

tutankhalmond

it�s strange�I�m holding my ear against these posts, but I don�t hear a thing. not even the ocean�

# ¿ Nov 5, 2022 01:51

tutankhalmond

biosterous posted:

bark, baaaa, blaaaahhh

google THIS posted:

Woof baa blah

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MoHWYh7eXBE&t=8s

Sherbert Hoover posted:

Non Krampus Mentis posted:

the dog says �boof�
the sheep says �baa�
three singing dracs say �blah! blah! blah!�

(apologies to Sandra Boynton)

Viginti Septem posted:

Barking
Bleating
Bleeding

But I'm not happy with it.

Heather Papps posted:

https://voca.ro/1aFRETFQOCWf

Viginti Septem posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4QA30qkRYy8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GE-sfEbJ7I

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECOz0QZF_Ys

Sherbert Hoover posted:

https://voca.ro/1lADk0yCFGeV

Escape From Noise posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojULkWEUsPs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RD4pSxvgtQM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eAQXdsrDnk

Viginti Septem posted:

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3945845

hmm capitalizing on the previous efforts of others�I wasn�t aware we had landlords in the chat�

# ¿ Nov 5, 2022 15:32

tutankhalmond

Viginti Septem posted:

Non Krampus Mentis posted:

hope you like tumby cause Benedict has a lot of it

biosterous posted:

oh you know it's Kira, for drat sure

Heather Papps posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EASVMo-SOs4
my cat likes grass almost as much as i do

rear end-penny posted:

alnilam posted:

A wonderful showing. The heart whelms of even I, the stolid boy king.

Strange...this one seems to be rumbling on its own. Let's see why.

YOU GOT DWIGHT!

What experts are saying about Dwight:

As big as Dwight's personality (and love for computers) is, we've shrunk him down for your convenience.

Congratulations on making a new friend. Your mother and I knew it would happen.

# ¿ Nov 6, 2022 14:27

tutankhalmond

Another day another...oh no...i'm getting word now from the producers. It seems...it seems for unforeseen circumstances today's riddle must change.

I will convene with the Sphinks and adjust appropriately. C'mon tut, you know this, you can do this.

Ok ok, I'm getting a vision, I'm scry writing or something.

Yeah...

# ¿ Nov 6, 2022 14:32

tutankhalmond

biosterous posted:

honestly, not very strong, i think i could only knock out like three water buffaloes in a row before i got too tired

Khanstant posted:

my karate chop so fine it is more like such as karate dice

Khanstant posted:

Non Krampus Mentis posted:

ok so I went to the grocery store and here�s how I�m testing the strength of my karate chop

here is twenty breadsticks.

ready, set�

so i think I broke 8 and knocked one off the counter?

if we�re being generous, O benevolent boy king, my karate chop can devastate 9 breadsticks. but that�s just against a kitchen counter, mind. if I could set up some cinderblocks� who knows

Heather Papps posted:

my karate chop isn't great but i can do a neat one inch punch

Viginti Septem posted:

I was going to take a photo of the moon, which is waxing gibbous right now and go into detail about the difference between waxing and waning, and how to tell them apart. I spent a very long time rotobrushing the car scene from Karate Kid and I was going to change the scene to night time, throw a video of the phases of the moon behind it and animate in "wax on, wane off" with Miagi to teach waxing as growing and waning as shrinking. Then my brain broke and I got really upset with my work and all the other shtuff that I'm not handling well right now and I just deleted it all.

My heart was in it for a while 🕊️

Humility, strength, and honour abound. The Sphinks said no one even lied and the Sphinks would know if you did. And what signals strength better than a cheap mass produced plastic shell?

An unmistakable heft inside. Pop crack open.

YOU GOT LEVITON SINGLE TO TWIN LAMPHOLDER ADAPTER

What experts are saying about Leviton Single to Twin Lampholder Adapter

Wow..........here's a small one, I guess

# ¿ Nov 7, 2022 14:44

tutankhalmond

The riddle Sphinks may look as if you are approaching for the first time, but I assure you that you have already made a significant chunk of progress in its greatest mystery.

Sometimes, as I answer the Sphinks, I like to think of my own mysteries in life. Where are my keys? How can you have a pocket full of sunshine?

Anyways, enough about me, here's today's riddle....for you.

# ¿ Nov 7, 2022 14:48

tutankhalmond

truly a deep riddle not written poorly (the Sphinks could never). Perhaps trust your heart and see what happens.

# ¿ Nov 7, 2022 20:03

tutankhalmond

Each step closer to your truth

# ¿ Nov 7, 2022 20:31

tutankhalmond

Sherbert Hoover posted:

im gay

ChubbyChecker posted:

updog

google THIS posted:

Update: I forgot

Heather Papps posted:

i didn't forgot this is when my math said to post

Non Krampus Mentis posted:

did you try getting under the altar in a crouching position

biosterous posted:

"two minutes past half of the 20^th (math in Universal Coordinated Time)"

work fuckery means i won't be able to internet any time around that time until like next week lol

Viginti Septem posted:

Half of 20 is...

*Consults the scroll* 📜

5:02

😁

Chewbecca posted:

Posting on the offchance

Incredibly, and despite your doubts, each and every one of you managed to post at the exact minute in question. Haunting...

A scrumptious burnt orange or brown or something okay crack it

YOU GOT HEINZ SAUCY SAUCE

What experts are saying about Heinz Saucy Sauce

Mmmm, yum yum. Here's a trinket-sized bottle in case you happen across a single fry.

# ¿ Nov 8, 2022 14:49

tutankhalmond

God...sometimes it doesn't even feel like we've cleared anything from in there. An endless orb of prizes begging to be won, a pressing force like air coating the earth dragging our bodies, hands, and arms downward, our psychologically quarter-equipped shaking palms fumbling around the coin slot...evermore......

# ¿ Nov 8, 2022 14:50

tutankhalmond

Sherbert Hoover posted:

Chewbecca posted:

Very carefully

ChubbyChecker posted:

biosterous posted:

Non Krampus Mentis posted:

wait� hold on a moment.

let me look at that again�

oh! wait! I�ve seen taskmaster, I know how lateral thinking works

Viginti Septem posted:

The deep fear that so many solutions can be correct. Shattering to the reductive and positivistic world perspective snuggling so deep into our assumed gaze....

The deep fear that this shell will never open haha jk let's gooooo

YOU WON HEINZ SAUCY SAUCE (KRANCH VAR.)

What experts are saying about Heinz Saucy Sauce (Kranch var.)

Wowee Zowee, the tangy kick to start the day, here in real Egypt.

# ¿ Nov 9, 2022 16:11

tutankhalmond

We must rise and fall like the lungs of earth, riddle solution in constant smoothen flux. Forever. For a month.

Ahhh a timeless one from ancient years.

# ¿ Nov 9, 2022 16:13

tutankhalmond

Non Krampus Mentis posted:

I�ve been thinking about this all drat day, boy king

so here you go: jon ham(m)

Heather Papps posted:

cheez it, i holler
the fuzz! time to skedaddle!
chased by some crackers

Sherbert Hoover posted:

orange in my cup
orange in my friend's shocked mouth
gently caress you david blaine

biosterous posted:

i'm sorry to say
cheez-its are inferior
to Ritz-brand Cheese Nibs

LawrenceFriday posted:

White Cheddar, Four Cheese,
Pepper Jack. A range, and yet
never Wensleydale

Chewbecca posted:

I intended day 9, but time passed me by
But certainly day 10 I will give a try
This thread premise sends me straight to heaven
So surely the answer is -7 (Cheez-It® Baked Snack Cracker Products because I ate them)

Non Krampus Mentis posted:

A buck twenty-five
in the vending machine yields
cheesy perfection

Non Krampus Mentis posted:

at the very least
the cheesiness within
is acceptable

ChubbyChecker posted:

i like my cheezits
just like i like my coffee
salty, and with nuts

your friend sk posted:

orange rectangle
gotta buy them overcooked
otherwise they're bad

rear end-penny posted:

Cheeze It's are fantas
tic, you know that it's true, al
so, one three one two

beer pal posted:

So many ways to
Show that you love dem cheez-its
Fantastic showing

Hard plastic casing
Satisfied when it pops off
gimme gimme prize

YOU WON JEFF PROBST

What experts are saying about Jeff Probst

Honey I shrunk the guy who hosts survivor your favourite show

# ¿ Nov 11, 2022 15:46

tutankhalmond

Frankly, the Sphinks is feeling a bit burned out. They warned me that today may not be their best, but even the worst of a timeless entity can be good

Oh....ohhhh.......hm. What a...mysterious omen....I cannot imagine how such a riddle will be met...

# ¿ Nov 11, 2022 15:48

tutankhalmond

FutonForensic posted:

Viginti Septem posted:

I searched Bing for "garfield rutabaga" because I thought I remembered an old comic with him using the term rutabaga and this was the first image. Which has nothing to do with rutabagas. But oddly has a feel of....

Sherbert Hoover posted:

Chewbecca posted:

Rutabaga? I barely even know a baga!

beer pal posted:

rutabaga

ChubbyChecker posted:

Non Krampus Mentis posted:

call me rude abaga abaga
are you veg enough~

rear end-penny posted:

rutabaga, tootabaga, never wanna lose ya baga

Non Krampus Mentis posted:

I say get down turn around go to town rutabaga scootabaga boogie

Viginti Septem posted:

More like LUDA Bega

Another day, another masterful demonstration that BYOB is full of sweet, baby geniuses. How can such might go unrewarded?

When I hold this capsule, I can't help but think as if I'm outside of my own head...there must be a miracle inside...

YOU GOT CINNAMON TWISTS PRESENTED BY TACO BELL THINK OUTSIDE THE BUN

What experts are saying about Cinnamon Twists (presented by Taco Bell; Think Outside the Bun)

Wow, sounds like we reeled in a great one today. Lemme just make it so small that the loose sugar granules can't sneak out through a corner of the bag

# ¿ Nov 12, 2022 18:26

tutankhalmond

As we take our first humble, baby steps towards a halfway point in this crazy journey we call a month of life, I want you to make sure you take time and reflect whoah not that much we still got a riddle to do

Interesting, the Sphinks seems to have enclosed an addition half-clown as referred to in the riddle...

# ¿ Nov 12, 2022 18:31

tutankhalmond

Viginti Septem posted:

okay

It's beautiful. All of the contributors (including those who provided the ideas for such improvement) deserve this heartily.

Now let's see just how worth it all that extra effort was!

YOU GOT MCCORMICK GROUND CUMIN (THE TASTE YOU TRUST)

What experts are saying about McCormick Ground Cumin (The Taste You Can Trust)

Wow oh wow, the big score. Worth it, if you ask me. Could be a bit tinier but--oh, would you look at that!

# ¿ Nov 14, 2022 13:55

tutankhalmond

Ahh, I'm starting to see....well the capsules are leaving hmmm...I suppose nothing much more to do than keep chipping away at the timeless riddles produced by the infamous Sphinks

Strange. It seems the Sphinks hand-edited this one as well...

Admittedly, the Sphinks and I do not know what a Pokemon is, but we are both excited to start learning with the best...

# ¿ Nov 14, 2022 14:15

tutankhalmond

Stoner Sloth posted:

i wonder if people can use original character pokemons (do not steal)?

riddles know no bounds. questions beyond time and space and first gen even

# ¿ Nov 15, 2022 01:09

tutankhalmond

the gods cry today. For joy.

# ¿ Nov 15, 2022 01:38

tutankhalmond

google THIS posted:

Pikachu (Pok�mon Red, 1996) (Pok�mon Blue, 1996) (Pok�mon Yellow, 1998)

Those were the only primary sources I could find; Pok�mon Orange, Green, and Purple are all secondary sources

Sherbert Hoover posted:

Pikachu is the best pokemon. He is yellow,¹ very powerful,² and a loyal friend.³

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
_{1. Sherbert Hoover, Pikachu, 1998, colored pencil, 8.5 by 11 in., private collection, New Braunfels, Texas.

2. Ibid.

3. �Pikachu's Goodbye,� Pok�mon: Indigo League, Season 1, Episode 39 (Tokyo: TV Tokyo, April 16, 1998).}

alnilam posted:

Moltres is one of the legendary bird Pok�mon.¹ When Moltres flaps its flaming wings, they glimmer with a dazzling red glow.² Properly trained, Moltres can also beat all of the Elite 5 Pokemon.³

-------------------------------------------------------------
1. Pokedex, 1st ed. Pg 146. Game Freak Press, Tokyo, Japan. (1996)
2. Ibid.
3. Author's research, conducted 1997.

Heather Papps posted:

Typhlosion (Japanese: バクフーン Bakphoon) is a Fire-type Pok�mon introduced in Generation II.

It evolves from Quilava starting at level 36. It is the final form of Cyndaquil.

In Hisui, Typhlosion has a dual-type Fire/Ghost regional form. It evolves from Quilava starting at level 36. It is the final form of Cyndaquil in the Hisui region.

In this essay i will outline exactly why the hisui form is terrible. typhlosion is maybe my favourite sugimori pokemon design, for personal reasons, also to be outlined.

my first pokemon game was yellow, when my dad's friend won a gameboy colour special pikachu edition with a copy of pokemon yellow as a prize in a golf tournament. having no children, he bequeathed it to my father, who gave it to me. i loved that game, but when pokemon gold and silver were announced i knew that things were gonna change. i had not played yellow when everyone else was playing red and green - but i was ready, trained and hardened for the battle that was to come.

on November 21, 1999, i was driven to a walmart, where i had used my own money to place a pre-order. it was time. i picked the fire type starter because i am a reformed pyromaniac. we adventured through the world, together, defeated the elite 4, and then the kanto gyms, and eventually red, together. i knicknamed him elvis, and his children were all elvis themed names, for some reason. my grandmother really likes elvis. i transferred him from game to game all the way to pokemon x, where i was finally able to hand feed and pat his head. this is all to say i loved my fire weasel very much.

flash forward to today, where i discover that there's a new form - not a single fire type, but fire and ghost type. i was overjoyed, excited, delighted. untill i scrolled down, and found this image:
¹

this is not my friend.

this is my friend.
²

we had adventures together for more than a decade. i loved elvis like a son³ and am livid that they did my boy like this. not only is typhlosion the best pokemon, but their alternate form is the WORST⁴ pokemon

~~~~~~~
1-https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/File:157Typhlosion-Hisui.png
2- https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/File:Spr_4h_157.png
3- my own research, see heather papps et-all this post
4- revealed to me in a dream

Non Krampus Mentis posted:

Why Psyduck is the Best Pok�mon, by Non Krampus Mentis

Through the many generations of Pok�mon, there have been dozens of stand-outs and fan favorites. However, today I submit to you, the good people of BYOB, that there is in fact a superior Pok�mon, and it is Psyduck.

Why, you may ask, is Psyduck the best? Raw power? Animal instinct? Killer moves? I submit to you that, in defiance of metagaming logic and the mechanics of the game, the appeal of Psyduck has nothing to do with its utility in battle: more than any other Pok�mon, Psyduck is Just A Little Guy, and that is what makes them stand out.

Let�s look at the facts.

Fact 1: Psyduck is cute.
Look at that little guy. Just a soft little blob with quirky features�a bill, webbed feet, paw-hands, a crest that might be fur or feathers, and that big-eyed stare. The now-obscure word fubsy applies handily to Psyduck, with its squat physique and round shapes. Not to mention in Detective Pikachu (Letterman et al, 2019), the CGI Psyduck was given a truly incredible texture: feathers that evoke the midpoint between a fuzzy baby chick and an adult bird. Imagine the downy softness of a chick but also the smoothness of grown feathers, all in a bright, friendly sunshine yellow. That�s an eminently huggable creature.

Fact 2: Psyduck is relatable.
Perhaps appropriately in a setting where many types of animals can be shrunk down into Pokeballs and hurled at one another at a moment�s notice, Psyduck looks perpetually overwhelmed. That vacant stare evokes a feeling all too familiar in a post-2020 world: a sense of having forgotten something terribly important at the worst possible time to do so. We are told by the Pok�dex in multiple games (among them Moon, Shield, and Yellow) that Psyduck�s powers are linked to chronic headaches and stress, and that it rarely remembers using its powers once the headache subsides. Who among us has not, in a moment of supreme frustration, found an unexpected reservoir of strength, and later recalled the event through a somewhat fuzzy filter?

In a world where anxiety abounds, Psyduck reassures us that we are not alone in feeling overwhelmed�and provides a necessary reminder that we are capable of more than we think, despite our limitations.

Fact 3: Psyduck is funny.
Again, I implore: look at that face. That expression that ranges from �what the gently caress?� to �the gently caress you just say to me?� to �oh Jesus oh god gently caress me running�. Not to mention their body shape means their gait is all waddly and bouncy. That poo poo is hilarious. Who needs powerful moves or stats when you�ve got the power to make everyone around you laugh?

Fact 4: Psyduck is a smilie.

I hope you have enjoyed my report on Psyduck as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Bacon Taco posted:

I'd like a tall pumpkin spice latte with oatmilk and vanilla powder, and a grande hazelnut mocha frappucino in a venti cup with an extra 3 pumps, and when they are both done pour the pumpkin spice latte into the frappucino cup.

Wait, I'm not done. Then get a cup bigger than the venti (I know you have one back there, Brad) and fill it with light ice, then pour the latte/frappucino mix over that ice. Then say three hail satans and three hail marys and pass it over to me.

ChubbyChecker posted:

virgin irish coffee on the rocks, neat

Heather Papps posted:

i'll take a blended african roast americano, cream instead of milk, milk instead of coffee, coffee instead of milk, extra foam, double whip, shot of hazlenut but also a single actual hazlenut in there AND you have to spell my name right.

Sherbert Hoover posted:

exasperated barista voice: John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt? John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt?

Khanstant posted:

coffee from offbrand chinese mr coffee machine, unknown preground beans, left to age unheated for 2 days, and a special little guy sucks out all the parts that taste like nyquil