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 Cymru (Wales) is the giant pig's head on the west coast of the UK with a population of around 3m. Didn't I say Gymru in the title? Yes I did. The Welsh language is very silly and requires incredible amounts of phlegm and ancient Celtic rituals to speak and understand.  English tourists rarely get caught speeding in Wales because all the road signs look like this:   Wales has existed in some form or another for about 30,000 years, roughly half of that time spent failing to qualify for international tournaments. "English" incursion began shortly after the 1066 Battle of Hastings when the Normans conquered England. What we consider Wales today formed around 1485 when the Tudors seized the English throne and united England and Wales under one royal house. Historically a nation of Gareths, farmers, coal miners, BnB owners and choir singers, if you weren't cut out for those you had to play rugby. Any remaining able bodied Welshmen that lived near Chester played football as an alternative to picking up sheep poo poo from campsites in Rhyl every spring. The Wales national football team is the third oldest international team and a cofounder of IFAB, the International Football Association Board. Despite this, Wales' standing in international football has been largely as a clown team to clown on by England and Scotland as well as other Bigger Boys in international qualifiers. A buck to that trend occurred in the late 1950s when Wales qualified for the 1958 World Cup where they reached the quarter finals before being knocked out courtesy of Pele's first international goal. Many speculate the "what if" of that tournament for Wales, had Leeds and Juventus star striker with three first names William John Charles not been out of the match against Brazil with injury. Unfortunately for Wales that would be their only appearance at a major tournament for 58 years. Welsh football fans longed for a football team as good as their rugby team, eventually they got their wish when the rugby team went to poo poo as well. The football team's revival under Chris Coleman culminating in reaching the semi-finals of Euro 2016 was impressive; just their luck then, that they have of course broken their World Cup qualifying duck at the worst possible tournament, Qatar, where even former Welsh coal miners would think conditions were a bit much. With a footballing history so bad and poo poo you'd expect them to have never had a decent player since the 1950s and you'd be absolutely correct in that doppelgangers of good top level players would turn up for Wales matches and proceed to play nothing like as well as at their clubs (or always be conveniently injured for Wales matches and this will be my only mention of Ryan Giggs). Notable Welsh players I can be bothered remembering include: Ian Rush  A player whose footballing ability was powered entirely by his moustache, Ian Rush is most well known for his time as a Liverpool striker collecting two European Cups and 5 league titles. For Wales he managed 28 goals in 73 caps, none of which came at an international tournament. Dean Saunders  Another Liverpool connection with Wales, Saunders netted 22 times in 75 appearances for Wales between 1986 and 2001. Saunders was the catalyst for a rules change by IFAB because of this epic manoeuvre: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZFgrW7LrQE Neville Southall MBE  Man-mountain-cum-Man-continent Neville Southall is a 6 foot (1.8m) diameter sphere that won two league titles with Everton, a European Cup Winners Cup, two FA Cups and for a time was rightly considered one of the best goalkeepers in Europe. On top of all that he is a proper Good Lad Who Means Well, doing lots of work with charities and minorities (see earlier Everton mentions). Admonishing noted dickhead Michael Owen cemented his status as a legend: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqOxNspUPyE&t=107s Gareth Bale  The best player to pull on a Welsh shirt since John Charles, Bale was key in qualification and progress in 2016, 2020 and this upcoming tournament. Now at LA FC in MLS, he boasts 3 La Liga titles, a Copa del Rey, 5 Champions League medals, 3 UEFA Super Cups and 3 FIFA Club World Cups (not to be confused with the actual World Cup). Other Welsh luminaries include Gary Speed (RIP), Aaron Ramsey and of course Hal Robson Kanu, scorer of this gem against Belgium: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcmFDL3O9Rs The Kits (phwoar)   Wales will compete in and likely qualify from Group B:  The B stands for Binmen The 26 Man Squad: Goalkeepers: Wayne "Teach me about Hitler" Hennessey (Nottingham Forest), Danny Ward (Leicester City), Adam Davies (Sheffield United) Defenders: Connor Roberts (Burnley), Ben Davies (Tottenham Hotspur), Joe Rodon (Rennes on loan), Chris Mepham (Bournemouth), Ethan Ampadu (Spezia on loan), Chris Gunter (AFC Wimbledon), Neco Williams (Nottingham Forest), Ben Cabango (Swansea City), Tom Lockyer (Luton Town) Midfielders: Joe Allen (Swansea City), Joe Morell (Portsmouth), Aaron Ramsey (Nice), Dylan Levitt (Dundee United), Jonny Williams (Swindon Town), Matt Smith (MK Dons), Rubin Colwill (Cardiff City), Sorba Thomas (Huddersfield Town), Harry Wilson (Fulham) Forwards: Gareth Bale (LAFC), Dan James (Fulham on loan), Brennan Johnson (Nottingham Forest), Kieffer Moore (Bournemouth), Mark Harris (Cardiff City) Star Players: Gareth Bale (captain) and Aaron Ramsey, though there should be an asterisk the size of Anglesey* here pointing to their fitness issues. Wales usually play a 5-2-3 formation with a Ramsey/Allen midfield sitting deep behind a front three of Bale, James, and Another Speed Merchant. *Anglesey is a Welsh island filled with English people that realised you could buy a house for a fiver in the 90s Oh and they all shag sheep. NinpoEspiritoSanto fucked around with this message at 16:14 on Nov 10, 2022 |
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Nov 9, 2022 21:37
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I believe it's pronounced Whales, OP but good attempt 
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Nov 9, 2022 21:39
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Racist thread. Ignored.
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Nov 9, 2022 21:42
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I hope Wales do well but don't beat England thanks in advance
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Nov 9, 2022 21:54
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this is mark hughes erasure!!!
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Nov 9, 2022 21:58
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mrs ghost has one Welsh grandparent and I have been to Llandudno, Llangollen, the part of Chester FC's ground that's on the Welsh side of the border and somewhere else with a load of consonants in it for a wedding so just call me Sex Ghost Jones would be nice for one of these lads to score at a world cup sebzilla posted:I hope Wales do well but don't beat England thanks in advance this!!!
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Nov 9, 2022 22:03
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Eau de MacGowan posted:this is mark hughes erasure!!! Shadow of himself for Wales, scored fewer than Saunders!
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Nov 9, 2022 22:05
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my john charles memories largely consist of my grandad, who compared all future leeds players unfavourably to him, patiently explaining to me that despite my assertions to the contrary he was probably on measure better than jimmy floyd hasselbaink
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Nov 9, 2022 22:11
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was it during the euros wher ethe camera angle showed off bale's bald spot that he uses the top knot to hide?
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Nov 9, 2022 22:24
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Wayne Hennessey is 'desperate' to learn about the Nazis, says Roy Hodgson
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Nov 9, 2022 22:36
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Looke posted:I believe it's pronounced Whales, OP but good attempt no, the w makes an 'oo' sound, like in "room" and "liverpoo" ooales
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Nov 9, 2022 22:57
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OP, you forgot the Bodin Penalty, which has haunted Wales fans since time immemorial (1993) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLVSI6kMXq0
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Nov 9, 2022 23:47
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Wales is bloody lovely
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Nov 9, 2022 23:53
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Gambrinus posted:OP, you forgot the Bodin Penalty, which has haunted Wales fans since time immemorial (1993) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLVSI6kMXq0 Honestly chief I claimed this because I have a soft spot for the place particularly from my childhood and wanted to do some cheap and obvious jokes in the OP. I genuinely want Wales to do well and I loving hate Southgateball so Wales doing well at the expense of England would be immensely funny, for me. Especially if they got further. Also sassassin posted:Racist thread. Ignored. You wound me, I took care to get Gymru right.
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Nov 10, 2022 01:46
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Big call from the manager. https://www.goal.com/en-us/news/gareth-bale-banned-from-playing-golf-qatar-world-cup-wales-manager-page/blt34520bd89ebe40b3
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Nov 10, 2022 02:35
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Bobby Gould. 0-5 v Georgia Bobby Gould 1-7 v Holland Bobby Gould 2-3 v Moldova Bobby Gould Losing to Leyton Orient Bobby Gould fighting John Hartson 4-6 v Turkey Getting hammered by Tunisia Bobby Gould doing a racism at Nathan Blake Bobby Gould bringing himself on in a practice match against Cwmbran Cheating Russian drug cheats in the 2004 Euro qualifiers. I can't believe it. The last few years have been like a fever dream. I wish Bellamy was a few years younger.
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Nov 10, 2022 14:27
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OP squad is wrong btw. Tyler Roberts is out with injury. Tom Lockyer included. Thread's a joke.
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Nov 10, 2022 16:08
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Fixed, thanks for the heads up! 
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Nov 10, 2022 16:14
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Looke posted:I believe it's pronounced Whales, OP but good attempt Erm, close. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gz_Q_0Mn3fQ
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Nov 10, 2022 16:46
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Gary Bale just scored an extra time goal to help LAFC clinch the something cup. He’s all amped for this. Look for Wales to top the group. (They will not)
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Nov 10, 2022 17:40
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Actually they will
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Nov 10, 2022 17:42
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sassassin fucked around with this message at 19:39 on Nov 10, 2022 |
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Nov 10, 2022 18:36
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Gambrinus posted:Bobby Gould. I don't want to make funtime jokes about how Wales also had their manager commit suicide rather than manage Wales, but do remember that's also a thing that actually happened somewhere in there
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Nov 10, 2022 19:27
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FullLeatherJacket posted:I don't want to make funtime jokes about how Wales also had their manager commit suicide rather than manage Wales, but do remember that's also a thing that actually happened somewhere in there Choke wank gone wrong imo
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Nov 10, 2022 19:31
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Can't loving wait for this. I don't care if Wales end up last in the group with 3 losses, it's amazing just to be there.
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Nov 11, 2022 15:42
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Gonna be waking up the rest of the street with my GWLADs at 5am here when we play against Iran, and it will be a beautiful thing.
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Nov 11, 2022 16:12
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I wish this team well, even if I know nothing about them and even spent a moment trying to figure out where in the country Fulham-on-Ioan is.
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Nov 12, 2022 05:20
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Welsh is a perfectly fine language. I assume. I don’t speak welsh. gently caress, can you imagine trying to learn that? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHxO0UdpoxM
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Nov 12, 2022 05:23
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Fantastic OP. Shared it with folks here in Kiwiland who roundly appreciated it; though the comment about no good players since the '50s was considered riseable, and inspired many words about something called a "Gary Speed".
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Nov 13, 2022 05:19
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Outstanding OP, thank you
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Nov 13, 2022 07:02
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The World Cup. The one time every four years where I stop watching skate and surf movies and try and understand football. I’ve got friends who are going and I feel for them a bit, cos it’s the first time we’ve been in so long, and of all the ones to go to its Qatar. :-/ It’s a strange experience having a Welsh football team that are somehow relevant but it’s a nice change as I grew up in the age of Ian Rush and Neville Southall. Anyway - OP was good, but wanted to make sure this was part of the discussion too - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=43Fag8ZQcz4 Welsh language is a lot of fun.
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Nov 13, 2022 10:07
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2PzGk46nfk Tifo nerds have done a tactical preview for this group and it opens with Cymru
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Nov 14, 2022 15:10
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JoeSchmoe posted:It’s a strange experience having a Welsh football team that are somehow relevant but it’s a nice change as I grew up in the age of Ian Rush and Neville Southall. I was there when we beat Brazil 1-0 at Cardiff Arms Park, I don't care that it was a friendly it felt drat good as a kid that night knowing the legacy of Brazil.
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Nov 15, 2022 18:32
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vyelkin posted:Wayne Hennessey is 'desperate' to learn about the Nazis, says Roy Hodgson Still one of the funniest URLs/headlines ever Also I hope Wales beat Iran, completely bin the US and then lose to England
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Nov 16, 2022 23:49
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Today's conundrum, watch the game on FOX which will naturally have a pro-USA bias, or on iPlayer which will undoubtedly have the commentators and Gary Lineker at half time tripping over themselves to talk about England at every opportunity. FOX it is.
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Nov 21, 2022 16:16
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EL BROMANCE posted:Today's conundrum, watch the game on FOX which will naturally have a pro-USA bias, or on iPlayer which will undoubtedly have the commentators and Gary Lineker at half time tripping over themselves to talk about England at every opportunity. It's on ITV
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Nov 21, 2022 16:22
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Hm trying to remember if ITV are as bad for that, I just remember ITVs coverage in general always being dog poo poo over the years but I don't think I've ever seen a Wales game on them. Thanks for the heads up so I'm not sat watching 20 minutes of Cash in the Attic wondering why they haven't started the match. (That show also might not be on BBC for all I know).
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Nov 21, 2022 16:37
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Quick reminder that it's also on S4C if you can't stand watching football on ITV. Not being able to understand most of it is a small price to pay.
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Nov 21, 2022 19:18
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EL BROMANCE posted:Hm trying to remember if ITV are as bad for that, I just remember ITVs coverage in general always being dog poo poo over the years but I don't think I've ever seen a Wales game on them. Thanks for the heads up so I'm not sat watching 20 minutes of Cash in the Attic wondering why they haven't started the match. ITV's analysis of the Holland game was literally to ask Nigel De Jong if he enjoyed the match and then to show and discuss the England goals from earlier
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Nov 21, 2022 19:28
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it's the time that I remember I'm half Welsh let's go lads
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Nov 21, 2022 19:52
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