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Who’s applying?quote:Today in job listings that exude a menacing aura: Sega is looking to hire a Sonic loremaster to keep track of the blue hedgehog’s canon and non-canon antics. quote:“With both project management and creative duties, you will be immersed in the organizing and shaping of Sonic lore, canon, characters, and universes, helping to bring consistency, connectivity, and creativity to all things Sonic across various forms of media including games, animation, comics, and more,” Sega of America wrote in the job description #bringbackKenPenders https://kotaku.com/sonic-the-hedgehog-lore-linkedin-job-hiring-canon-sega-1849753378
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Nov 13, 2022 01:21
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| # ? May 13, 2024 10:46 |
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I have no interest in the job personally, but to whoever ends up getting it: Sonic and I have been in a monogamous relationship for the last 15 years, and while Sega has not respected this in the past, I hope going forward you will be mindful of our love and the commitment we've made to each other. Thank You
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Nov 13, 2022 01:31
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https://twitter.com/KenPenders/status/1115328007357358081?s=20&t=-aQUNI8rIIJv2Z__Jd_4IA
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Nov 13, 2022 01:43
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STABASS posted:I have no interest in the job personally, but to whoever ends up getting it: Sonic and I have been in a monogamous relationship for the last 15 years, and while Sega has not respected this in the past, I hope going forward you will be mindful of our love and the commitment we've made to each other. Thank You Nick/av/post combo.  A dog assfucking a hedgehog, that's lore alrighty.
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Nov 13, 2022 01:51
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Those are going to be some very awkward job interviews and I hate to be the one running them.
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Nov 13, 2022 01:58
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Sonic and Knuckles used to take turns with that Tailspussi on the reg hope that helps
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Nov 13, 2022 02:26
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Lmao no way this job listing isn't some kind of honeypot
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Nov 13, 2022 02:51
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Is Sonic circumcised? You'll get that question at some point on the phone interview
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Nov 13, 2022 02:55
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oh it's like miles per hour now i get it ha ha ha
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Nov 13, 2022 03:01
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I’m still looking for people to develop Garfield Rollercoaster. It’s like sonic, but Garfield has to outrun snails in to get pans of lasagna. As the game progresses he gets fatter, slower, more awkward, and harder to control. He falls off the top of loops, wobbles off the sides of obstacles, gets concussions, dizzy spells, as the snails catch up. In the higher levels he starts drinking, stutter stepping, swearing and getting swatted at by old ladies with brooms. He starts smoking too so he gets out of breath and has to take breaks while you mash buttons to get his oxygen levels back up with a super cpap machine.
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Nov 13, 2022 03:36
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This is an example of a situation where it's a good thing that the most qualified person doesn't get the job
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Nov 13, 2022 04:00
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Sonic runs very fast and his nemesis is Dr Robotnik.
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Nov 13, 2022 04:04
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Alan Moore should apply to broaden his resume a bit. Maybe bring in some ideas he had for Capt. Carrot and the Zoo Crew.
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Nov 13, 2022 04:44
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Chilly dogs
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Nov 13, 2022 04:49
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Sonic breaks one of robotniks robots and he is all "did I do that?"
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Nov 13, 2022 05:03
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If Cybershell hasn't already applied for this, I'm going to apply on his behalf with just a link to his YouTube channel. He will get a reply of "Thanks, but no thanks."
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Nov 13, 2022 05:15
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There will be a steady stream of resignations from this position, it's as cursed as that one teaching job at Hogwart's, because everyone who gets hired will either not sick enough and/or too sick to please the Sonic fanbase.
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Nov 13, 2022 05:15
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Catchphrase is “cowabunga”
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Nov 13, 2022 05:34
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warning: this video is canon https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fueRUi5AWWQ
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Nov 13, 2022 06:35
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i like how sonic taps his foot and looks at his watch so sassy
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Nov 13, 2022 06:49
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Nice Van My Man posted:Sonic runs very fast and his nemesis is Dr Robotnik. You almost got the job, but you forgot to mention that Sonic also enjoys chili dogs
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Nov 13, 2022 08:54
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For those of you making jokes there is actually a deep lore in the comics including stuff about the echidnas (knuckles race) that ended up expanding into its own sub franchise
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Nov 13, 2022 08:58
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Noob Saibot posted:For those of you making jokes there is actually a deep lore in the comics including stuff about the echidnas (knuckles race) that ended up expanding into its own sub franchise Then the guy who made all the echidnas kidnapped them all and ran away, and Sega looked at all of this and went "This is too loving stupid even for us."
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Nov 13, 2022 11:43
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the only sonic canon i recognise is what is termed insular sonic, the british canon deriving from the sega of america’s “sonic bible” of 1991 and seen in such esteemed publications as sonic the comic and the Martin Adams novels. this was before the heresiarchs in japan brutally suppressed anything contradicting the ugly apocryphal vanities of sonic adventure. i believe that if anyone says that the evil dr. robotnik’s name is “doctor eggman”, let him be anathema
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Nov 13, 2022 11:54
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i laugh at it so much that googling "ken penders" autocompletes to "ken penders knuckles family tree"
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Nov 13, 2022 11:58
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a sedevacantist schismatic movement called sonic the hedgehog (continuing) that denies dr. eggman
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Nov 13, 2022 12:21
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The only thing I wish to know is why now? SEGA never cared about the canon before. And it's not as if most people are actually interested in the lore.
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Nov 13, 2022 12:30
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SweetMercifulCrap! posted:You almost got the job, but you forgot to mention that Sonic also enjoys chili dogs He goes fast because he's always running for a toilet so he doesn't poo poo his pants. Often he does poo poo his pants. But he keeps goblin' down them chili dogs anyway.
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Nov 13, 2022 12:32
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please someone apply and get the job and then make the brazilian sonic comic canon
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Nov 13, 2022 12:41
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poo poo I forgot how popular SEGA is in Brazil, is there a 'best of' compilation of the most amazing things in Brazilian Sonic fiction?
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Nov 13, 2022 12:48
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No takers on Garfield Rollercoaster? Well gently caress YOU! 
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Nov 13, 2022 14:15
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That article is at least 1000 times cringier than the job posting itself. gently caress whoever wrote that, sonic is still cool and his latest game is pretty fun. Also if we're being real the joke options like ken penders or chris-chan wouldnt even be a good fit for the job. Even if they're the kind of people that come to mind here super autists like them are too biased or dumb to keep the canon together in some kind of balance around what the average fan wants to see. (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Nov 13, 2022 19:33
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Never played a single sonic game. Not one. Always was more of a Mario man. Mario Bros, Mario 64 ... all kinds of Marios
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Nov 13, 2022 19:43
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then i would suggest you do not apply for the job mentioned in the op, as SEGA are unlikely to hire you
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Nov 13, 2022 19:53
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EdgyCoffeeMug posted:... if we're being real the joke options like ken penders or chris-chan wouldnt even be a good fit for the job. Even if they're the kind of people that come to mind here super autists like them are too biased or dumb to keep the canon together in some kind of balance around what the average fan wants to see. It's just as well you pointed this out. Also, serious job applicants would presumably need to be both not incarcerated and not already with a full schedule of loving dolls every waking hour. Edit: Oh sorry I thought Ken Penders was the doll loving guy. No comment on him then. BigBadSteve fucked around with this message at 20:26 on Nov 13, 2022 |
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Nov 13, 2022 20:24
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He could be. I'm not finding out.
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Nov 13, 2022 20:29
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UXhUWa-TfM
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Nov 13, 2022 20:46
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BigBadSteve posted:He goes fast because he's always running for a toilet so he doesn't poo poo his pants. What pants?
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Nov 15, 2022 15:25
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well, exactly. he took them off because he poo poo them
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Nov 15, 2022 15:35
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Sega posts this when Chris Chan is in jail. Life ain’t fair
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Nov 15, 2022 15:39
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