|
Farts do not amuse me one bit. Never have and never will, putting me in the seemingly disenfranchised and minor niche of people who hold their farts in public. Even back in elementary school, the other pupils would often cheerily partake in the "pull my finger" routine, socialising and finding meaningful connections through the shared experience, while I heroically held my gas in public, "letting one loose" later in my solitude(a feat I have been excelling at since). Needless to say I was ostracized and my bleak future was already sealed, but I chose to stand my ground and practice militant politeness regardless. Even in adulthood I occasionally see a public display of fart in a social setting, say a backyard barbecue for example. If the majority of attendees condone it, I excuse myself and leave, never to be seen again with these cretins. As a person of exceptional behaviour, I cannot be seen with perps who applaud proto-scatological performances, where people are dining no less! To this date I have heard countless farts and smelled myriads more, and who knows how many more I have to face. I have requested for exactly none. Meanwhile I myself have gone to hell and back in effort to keep my farts out of all unsoliticing parties - friends, family and even foes alike. I have not weaponized my farts against my enemies. In my 30 years on this earth, only 3-5 times have I farted when someone is in field of effect and each were easily excused near-death situations. You are statistically more likely to stumble upon bigfoot than my fart. To me this spells success. I just wonder why others don't feel like doing the same favour for me. In my humble opinion flatulence does not grant any sensatory reward to the spectators, in fact quite the contrary. The sound is arguably the lesser evil compared to the foul odor that can pester everyone in the affected area for up to hour, but I still find it guilty by association. I will never understand the radio disc jockey that makes the premeditated choice to broadcast a pre-recorded sound of a fart to the masses, yet this is something of a norm in the FM waves. The cowards dont even have the guts to authentically rip air on-air, instead they replay the same soundbite of passed gas from the past, time and time again. It has to be a sexual perversion at that point. And no I am not mad that you are like a toddler that has yet to grasp the control of their bodily functions, I don't doubt that you piss your pants too. I have perfectly come to terms that the proud and loud fart community will overwhelm the auditory and olfactory experience in any shared space until kingdom come. I just try to mind my own business and try to keep out of your way, even if you don't keep your farts out of mine. But who knows if the next one will be the last fart that breaks the camel's back? Not everyone is team toot, and one day we will rise up, and we will stick that fart right back in to your rear end so deep that you can taste it. So I'd suggest you turn the safety on, and only release the ghosts of your ate food in a concealed, secure location.
|
#
?
Dec 20, 2022 23:08
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 5, 2024 15:01 |
|
|
This reads like a really stupid Osamu Dazai.
|
|
#
?
Dec 20, 2022 23:09
|
|
|
You are the dreadnaught.
|
|
#
?
Dec 20, 2022 23:12
|
|
|
Fart
|
|
#
?
Dec 20, 2022 23:14
|
|
|
The Alchemist posted:Farts do not amuse me one bit. Never have and never will, putting me in the seemingly disenfranchised and minor niche of people who hold their farts in public. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftkpMandoX8
|
|
#
?
Dec 20, 2022 23:29
|
|
|
shart
|
|
#
?
Dec 20, 2022 23:34
|
|
|
kntfkr posted:This reads like a really stupid Osamu Dazai. Hi, I can't help but notice that you just walked past my cubicle and immediately the old familiar smell of digested pepperoni pizza and rotten eggs wafted on my face. Literally no other suspects!! I'm being a gentleman here and offering you a way to gracefully turn yourself in to the HR instead of reporting you myself. They have been briefed with my previous fartssault docs so just tell them you are the Pepperoni Breezer they'll know what it means. In any case your farting days in this office are over, you are loving done.
|
|
#
?
Dec 20, 2022 23:34
|
|
|
Anyone remember Shanghai Noon starring Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson? I rented it years ago and in the outtakes there is a scene where both Jackie and Owen are in a bathtub. Owen farts in the tub, creating bubbles - Jackie almost cracks a rib laughing. Your thread reminded me of that and made me lol. Thanks, OP! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAF0CUp2OaI&t=52s
|
|
#
?
Dec 20, 2022 23:35
|
|
|
The Alchemist posted:Farts do not amuse me one bit. I read this, and only this. It told me all I needed to know about the OP. I'm so sorry for whatever made you this way OP. For whatever is wrong with your soul. Farts are hilarious, and for you, hope is truly lost. Edit: farrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt.
|
|
#
?
Dec 20, 2022 23:35
|
|
|
The Soylent guy killed all his gut bacteria to stop himself from having farts, you sound like the kind of guy who'd do that too
|
|
|
#
?
Dec 20, 2022 23:35
|
|
|
Biohazard posted:I read this, and only this. It told me all I needed to know about the OP. I'm so sorry for whatever made you this way OP. For whatever is wrong with your soul. Farts are hilarious, and for you, hope is truly lost. Anally expulsive maniacs like you have ruined the western culture
|
|
#
?
Dec 20, 2022 23:41
|
|
|
Also a mod should change the tag to "poo poo Post" because it'd be very fitting
|
|
|
#
?
Dec 20, 2022 23:42
|
|
|
A tart shart with a side of fart while smoking a dart in a shopping cart
|
|
#
?
Dec 20, 2022 23:48
|
|
|
Ignatius M. Meen posted:The Soylent guy killed all his gut bacteria to stop himself from having farts, you sound like the kind of guy who'd do that too Hey I'm not on a crusade against farts, people can do what ever they want with their farts in private
|
|
#
?
Dec 20, 2022 23:49
|
|
|
One time I got so sick I shart myself. Fell back asleep and woke up to farrrerrrrrrrerrt
|
|
#
?
Dec 20, 2022 23:52
|
|
|
The Internet is a beautiful place, I’ll tell ya.
|
|
#
?
Dec 20, 2022 23:53
|
|
|
Valko posted:Anyone remember Shanghai Noon starring Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson? I'm not even watching this, what I'm imagining is beautiful and perfect
|
|
#
?
Dec 20, 2022 23:55
|
|
|
I am also fart shy in addition to being poop shy. I can't poop around other people unless I know them extremely well. It's pretty much my family and my ex that have made that cut. Welp that's my fart opinion thanks for listening gbs
|
|
#
?
Dec 20, 2022 23:58
|
|
|
gently caress how do I un send a email. I just ccd the whole fourms..dammit poo poo
|
|
#
?
Dec 20, 2022 23:59
|
|
|
I have a confession to make. One time in around 2015, living in an apartment complex, I was smoking a cigarette on my balcony minding my business, when an urge to fart began to take hold. As I couldn't see for sure whether there were people on the neighbouring balconies, I decided that the ethical action would be to at least try and muffle the sound somehow. I pushed my butt against the concrete wall and let it out. To my horror the concrete wall somehow amplified my fart and carried the loud "Pbrrrrt" across and around the complex. People across the street actually turned their heads to get a good look at me. That day I was the loudest fart man that terrorized the nation.
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2022 00:09
|
|
|
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhMO5fTfNT0
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2022 00:19
|
|
|
The Alchemist posted:Anally expulsive maniacs like you have ruined the western culture you need jesus. And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they say.” And they cast farts to divide his laughter.
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2022 00:26
|
|
|
just found footage of OP 1 year from now when I confront him: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgE4X2vm-dY
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2022 00:29
|
|
|
Huhuhuhuh I bet you thought that fart in your mouth was going to be a DICK, IDIOT! HAHAHAHA! 
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2022 00:31
|
|
|
I eat fart
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2022 00:40
|
|
|
Just had a good poo poo. One of those shits you just have to stand around for a few minutes to let your anus rest before holding your body up in a chair
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2022 00:41
|
|
The Alchemist posted:Hey I'm not on a crusade against farts, people can do what ever they want with their farts in private Can I get a medical exemption from your public fart crusade? I get horrible gas from holding it in.
|
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2022 00:50
|
|
|
WAR CRIME GIGOLO posted:Just had a good poo poo. One of those shits you just have to stand around for a few minutes to let your anus rest before holding your body up in a chair I hope you used the toilet
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2022 00:52
|
|
|
The Alchemist posted:I hope you used the toilet Just lol if you don't have a bidet at work.
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2022 00:53
|
|
|
WAR CRIME GIGOLO posted:Just lol if you don't have a bidet at work. Get down from that water fountain, you don't even work here!
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2022 01:09
|
|
|
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2022 01:22
|
|
|
Thank you OP I am happy to know there are others out there who are so passionate about farts it really makes me feel comfort, not just comfortable but like true comfort.
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2022 01:22
|
|
|
as per my last fart...
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2022 01:23
|
|
|
farts are loving funny and you are a tired contrarian joykill. i will fart sir. i will fart and i will laugh.
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2022 01:53
|
|
|
Private Cumshoe posted:Thank you OP I am happy to know there are others out there who are so passionate about farts it really makes me feel comfort, not just comfortable but like true comfort. My passion is the human race, I'm holding my farts to save them from suffering. It's a thankless path but I can take it. Rest assured if sitting next to me in a bus, unlike Jesus I will not turn the other (butt)cheek
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2022 01:58
|
|
|
I hope my fart finds you well,
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2022 01:59
|
|
|
Who doesn't like a fart-free passenger?
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2022 01:59
|
|
|
thin blue whine posted:farts are loving funny and you are a tired contrarian joykill. i will fart sir. i will fart and i will laugh. That does it. You have left me no choice but to make my sour face.
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2022 02:01
|
|
|
The Alchemist posted:That does it. You have left me no choice but to make my sour face. > 
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2022 02:03
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 5, 2024 15:01 |
|
|
My trial by fire was the first 9 months trying not to fart in my mother's womb.
|
|
#
?
Dec 21, 2022 02:10
|
|