|
I have some bad bathroom stories from being an addict and some of the bathrooms you experience in junkie squats or other addicts houses...(you may not realize this but people that are addicted to drugs oftentimes spend more time sourcing money and drugs than cleaning their house and themselves) When I was in rehab me and the other fellows developed a game that when you walked into the public bathroom on the floor and someone was making GBS threads you had to try to guess who it was by the smell of the bathroom.
|
#
?
Dec 30, 2022 21:21
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 13, 2024 10:32 |
|
|
Cyril Sneer posted:How close are we talking here i had to wipe awkwardly to avoid getting sprayed or hit with backsplatter A Festivus Miracle posted:One day in 2018 I was walking through the dorm whistling. I went into the giant bathroom, and as I felt the beginnings of my body's daily detoxing of the hideous thing we called breakfast approaching me, I pushed open stall number 3 to discover a poo poo tornado had come through. It was like someone had detonated a grenade made of poo poo and covered 1/3rd of the stall, floor,wall with poo poo. I tried again in stall #2 and stall #1 to discover literally the exact same disaster had happened three separate times. the way you tell this story it sounds like someone horribly hosed up in the cafeteria that morning
|
|
#
?
Dec 30, 2022 21:33
|
|
|
we need a Yelp! review thing but for toilets.
|
|
#
?
Dec 30, 2022 21:54
|
|
|
numberoneposter posted:we need a Yelp! review thing but for toilets. theres no way this doesn't exist in some form on the internet but I really don't feel like finding it for I am a coward
|
|
#
?
Dec 30, 2022 22:41
|
|
|
Nooner posted:its a good rear end avatar 10/10 That poo poo does not look like an rear end!
|
|
#
?
Dec 30, 2022 22:57
|
|
|
DONT start searching for TOILETS on facebook marketplace because you DEFINATELY DONT want your algorithm to be nothing but second hand TOILETS
|
|
#
?
Dec 30, 2022 23:07
|
|
|
ah, reverse psychology eh? those second hand toilets are as good as mine
|
|
#
?
Dec 30, 2022 23:09
|
|
|
numberoneposter posted:DONT start searching for TOILETS on facebook marketplace because you DEFINATELY DONT want your algorithm to be nothing but second hand TOILETS Try this one weird trick to get all the toilets
|
|
#
?
Dec 31, 2022 00:30
|
|
|
numberoneposter posted:we need a Yelp! review thing but for toilets. Squat or Not has you covered
|
|
#
?
Dec 31, 2022 00:39
|
|
|
Rockman Reserve posted:i had to wipe awkwardly to avoid getting sprayed or hit with backsplatter I'm still confused about the logistics of all this. You said you were in a handicap stall, so how'd he get in if it was locked? If it was one of those dealies with a handicap stall and regular stall all in the same room, wouldn't there still be dividers? Getting real suspicious here
|
|
#
?
Dec 31, 2022 00:50
|
|
|
Private Cumshoe posted:theres no way this doesn't exist in some form on the internet but I really don't feel like finding it for I am a coward A Star Wars Betamax did this very thing towards the end of his posting career, if I recall correctly. They were videos and pretty awkward and bad.
|
|
#
?
Dec 31, 2022 01:05
|
|
|
Junk posted:ah, reverse psychology eh? We walk into your house and all your furniture is second hand toilets and all of them have legit plumbing hooked up to them. Your bed is actually just six toilets facing eachother in two rows with an air mattress on it. All the chairs around your dining room table are toilets. Your sink is actually a toilet with a bidet....god i dunno where I'm going with this.
|
|
#
?
Dec 31, 2022 01:37
|
|
|
You know that story about the guy with the poop knife yeah, well they hired a bunch of guys like that at my old job shortly before I left so imagine 4 toilets with a turd the size of a football clogging each one, thank god the place next door let me use theirs cause this happened every day.
|
|
#
?
Dec 31, 2022 04:52
|
|
|
I lived in West Africa and my entire life was a horrible poop story. Notably: My very lovely host mother fed me a spaghetti with fish heads swimming in palm oil one night. I gobbled it up to be polite and also because I was biking roughly 10k a day and was craving the carbs. Later that night, I was sleeping outside maybe 10metres from an enclosed latrine in the family courtyard. I awoke and my abdomen was DRUM TIGHT and BULGING. I tapped it and it sounded like a ripe cantaloupe. I knew that I was going to have to poo poo but when I tried to bend at the waist I felt movement down under. I was literally like a brand new tube of lovely toothpaste and couldn't bend. So, with some effort I rolled my rigid body out of the mosquito net and against the wall of the latrine. I carefully walked myself up the wall using my hands until I was more or less upright and then penguin walked, lock-kneed, into the latrine. I knew that I would have to remove my shorts and bend over the hole in one swift motion. Much like the scene in "Bruce Almighty" where he takes his clothes off. So I counted to three and in one swift motion, gripped my shorts and bent down as a torrent of liquid green sprayed from my brown eye. It reminded me of when we would stomp on mustard packets outside of Mcdonalds as kids. I loving PAINTED the wall of the latrine. Maybe 10% went into the hole. I washed myself up as best I could with the water nearby and crawled back into my net and fell asleep, feeling pretty drained. I woke up absolutely horrified when I realized my 17 year old host sister was cleaning the latrine the next morning. I started to apologize in broken french and she just put her hand up and was like "ca va aller". Basically, speak not of this, its fine. Still embarrassed to this day. In the moment I was so sick and exhausted I just passed out. Second Story was at a shopping mall: I had been out drinking IPAs all night and had to go to the mall early the next day. I woke up, drank a cup of joe and was probably one of the first people in the mall. I like to beat the crowds. Well, as we know drinking and early morning coffee get you a one way ticket to brown town. I was clenching as I pulled into the parking garage. Once in the mall, I immediately identified the location of the amenities and b-lined it. I found a quiet, clean stall at the end and dropped a massive beer poo poo into the bowl. I didn't realize however, that the AM cleaners were still in the toilet area. Seconds after dropping my guts, the cleaner stars VIOLENTLY PLUNGING the toilet next to mine. I don't know what the gently caress the deal is with plumbing in these malls but it created a positive pressure in my own bowl, and fired lovely toilet water up over my legs as I sat on my throne. I started slapping the side of the stall 'WHAT THE gently caress MAN WHAT THE gently caress IM COVERED IN poo poo!' The guy let out a hurried 'Sorry! Sorry!' and I heard him roll right the gently caress out of there with his cart. I was left to clean up using single ply industrial grade TP and immediately ride home with an itchy butthole. I had to drive back to the mall later.
|
|
#
?
Dec 31, 2022 05:30
|
|
|
I occasionally travel for work to my company’s plants in other cities. Last year I was working at one of these places and and I needed to take a grunty (that’s what my mom called it when I was little and it stuck,ok?). Anyways, it’s hot, I’m sweaty and I have to go kinda bad so I’m in a hurry. I get part way through my business and notice that things smell a little…strong. Eh, no big deal I thought. Sometimes I don’t eat that great on the road. Eventually it dawns on me that things are definitely not right so I finish up and stand up to inspect my handiwork. It’s at this point I realize there is not a single drop of water in the toilet, none. The smell was absolutely horrific. I flushed, everything worked just like it’s supposed to so I have no idea how that even happens. I hope you’ve all enjoyed my story, good night.
|
|
#
?
Dec 31, 2022 08:56
|
|
|
Sounds like a real grunty experience op
|
|
#
?
Dec 31, 2022 09:06
|
|
|
I have a weird thing of vasovagal syncope, and I’ve fainted on the toilet multiple times in multiple countries. Basically, you can strain your body doing certain things too hard and faint, and I have been blessed with the dizzy shits. It usually happens if I have lactose after a period of avoiding it, but sometimes stress sets it off. It isn’t anything lethal or deadly but coming out of a bathroom suddenly pale and clammy is never a good look. no I didn’t gently caress up doing drugs I just have a bad tummy!!!
|
|
#
?
Dec 31, 2022 10:24
|
|
|
when I was a busboy ~17 years ago, I had to clean the men and women's restrooms at the end of the night, and one time I walked into the women's restroom and something was R A N K. Just incapacitating. I went ahead and cleaned everything ahead of what I knew was coming, and then I opened up the period products receptacle in the right stall and was greeted with something I've never seen before or since. It looked like a murder scene. A pair of panties, paper towels, tampons, pads, all sitting in a 1/2" pool of red liquid. I had to think on my feet because those bags are not good at staying intact, so I took off my gloves and washed my hands super hard, then went to the kitchen and got 2 of the 55gal heavy duty bin liners, went back in, held my breath and dropped the package into the first bag, tied it, took off my gloves and tied the second bag. It still bewilders me to this day what happened there and why.
|
|
#
?
Dec 31, 2022 10:34
|
|
|
I wonder if the thing with women’s bathrooms smelling worse is due to periods because yeah, they can be loving rank
|
|
#
?
Dec 31, 2022 10:36
|
|
|
ManBoyChef posted:We walk into your house and all your furniture is second hand toilets and all of them have legit plumbing hooked up to them. Your bed is actually just six toilets facing eachother in two rows with an air mattress on it. All the chairs around your dining room table are toilets. Your sink is actually a toilet with a bidet....god i dunno where I'm going with this. wait, do you know me or something?
|
|
#
?
Dec 31, 2022 10:41
|
|
|
Rather than share my actual traumatic worst bathroom story, I will instead share the most memorable bathroom stories. First, nothing I saw firsthand, but it had to be bad. I was waiting around at the bus station once, and the PA turns on. After a moment or two, I hear a sad, shaken voice: "Maintenance to the men's restroom. Maintenance to the men's restroom." A profound sigh. "Bring everything you got." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ One time, I was using a stall in the mall, and I can hear two guys walk in and begin casually talking about where to score what I, at the time, assumed was weed. Since it was "Hey, where can you get any" >silence... I assume a hand gesture< "around here." The other guy had an answer. After they're done, I hear one of the guys head off. The other guy didn't. I'm still mid-poo poo and my stall door, which I have locked, rattles. I shout that it's occupied. It rattles again, so I shout louder. Suddenly, this dude violently kicks the door open, I yell "Dude, the gently caress is your problem?" And this idiot with a backpack is all, "Hey, I didn't know anyone was in here, rear end in a top hat." We spend a few productive seconds swearing at each other, him trying to insist he had no way of knowing there was someone in there, me calling him an idiot and asking him why he thought the loving door was locked, then. Eventually he walks off without closing the door. So I'm furious. I finish up, clean myself off, wash my hands, and I approach the other stall. I know it's gotta be him in there, still, because I heard him go in. gently caress him. I'm gonna kick the door in and then leave. I wanna get this rear end in a top hat right in the middle of his poo poo, where he can't do anything about it, and just leave him with the door wide open. So what I do, is I take a quick look through the crack in the door, and I see this fucker in there, sitting on the toilet with his pants on, fumbling around his backpack, with one of his arms tied off with a loving rubber band, and I noped the gently caress out of there. He clearly had enough problems, and who knows, maybe a knife or something. Veryslightlymad fucked around with this message at 14:05 on Dec 31, 2022 |
|
#
?
Dec 31, 2022 13:56
|
|
|
I was a tax auditor. I used to knock on company doors and asked to see their books and everything and sometimes taxed them. My arrival in said companies was always met with a sense of dread or anger. During my first tax audit, I had started the job then decided I needed to pee. I asked where the bathroom was, went there, and as I locked the door, I heard some falling metallic noise from INSIDE the door. I ignored it. I peed. When I tried to come out, the lock wouldn't budge, the door wouldn't open. Gave it a knock, started to shout for someone to open that lock. The desk woman called for some help and on the other side of the door I got the CEO of the company, his lawyer, and his accountant wondering how to break me out. They tried to put the lock back in place which was apparently not working. Then they came back with a circular saw. The inside of the small stall I was started filling with sparks. I thought I was gonna die. We all agreed we'd move the audit to the accountant's place. I left tax auditing a couple of years later after similar terrible and worse experiences.
|
|
#
?
Dec 31, 2022 14:23
|
|
|
One time I was creeped out while taking a poo poo at a mall when I felt this icy cold blast of air shoot up my back, when I finished up and turned around I noticed that there was a loose panel behind the toilet so I gave it a gentle tug and it swang open revealing a dark and creepy hallway running behind all the stalls. I never went back to that bathroom again.
|
|
#
?
Dec 31, 2022 14:35
|
|
|
I was in Glasgow after seeing 2ManyDJs. I hadn't really had much to drink, because I like to see shows soberish and I'm too much of a nerd to know how to get drugs, so the cause is a mystery, but I suddenly needed to poo poo really bad. My partner and I found this Irish themed chain-pub, they ordered while I found the toilets. What felt like a fairly normal, solid loaf started to crown followed by what can only be described as the payload. It was like a cork had been pulled out. I kid you not, I went through the entire Bristol stool chart in one bowel movement and painted the bowl in every earth tone you can name. In that foul soup, I could see the initial "plug" poking it's head out like a fecal nessie, mocking me. I stood up to grab some paper to wipe and a stealthy blob fell inches from my waistband. I cleaned up, felt totally fine and managed to go about the rest of my day fine.
|
|
#
?
Dec 31, 2022 14:48
|
|
|
Disco Pope posted:a fecal nessie
|
|
#
?
Dec 31, 2022 15:09
|
|
|
Starbucks in Edinburgh, about 10am in the morning on some random Tuesday, the toilet was just a mess, an absolute mess, I was actually so impressed and disgusted that I took a picture, i'd never seen a toilet so cloggedWILDTURKEY101 posted:had been partying in New York. Very hungover the next morning. Stopped at a diner, and while there I have to puke. I go to the bathroom and as I'm doing the pre-vomit drooling thing a man who seemed to be really big Kramered into the bathroom and took the adjacent stall to me (there were only 3) in and took the loudest poo poo ever. Just all farts, incredibly loud. So I puke now, and after I'm done I start laughing, and the guy making GBS threads starts laughing. Just an absolute horrorshow, puking and earthquake farts and insane laughing. Just a totally hosed up moment in time that I'll never forget. i'm not one for crass humour but i couldn't help breaking a smile at this JollyBoyJohn fucked around with this message at 18:05 on Dec 31, 2022 |
|
#
?
Dec 31, 2022 15:33
|
|
|
I grew up in the sticks east of the Bay Area, and one summer evening when I was about 12, my dad barbecued and we were eating outside. Partway through the meal, I realized I had to drop a deuce, so I went around the house to the garage bathroom. Now this bathroom was barely a bathroom it was kind of an afterthought, a tiny room with a cement floor about 8’ x 6’, just big enough for a shitter and a tiny sink bolted to the wall. We were glad to have it, though, because my mom was a neat freak and to use a bathroom inside the house meant “take off your shoes and sometimes all your outer clothes because you’re filthy”. So I sit down, shut the door, which opened inward(this is important later), and start doing my thing, when I hear a terrifying noise from behind the toilet. It’s a loving rattlesnake. So I’m sitting here in this prison cell with my roomie being a poisonous pissed-off reptile, a turd hanging out of my rear end, and the only way I can get out is to back up further toward the loving snake so I can open the motherfucking door. Now we had our share of rattlers there, but usually outside under woodpiles and such, I’d nearly stepped on a couple and we’d either leave them lone if they were a ways from the house, or my dad would decapitate them with a shovel, but we’d never had one inside the actual structure before. I imagine the cool cement floor and plumbing was relaxing for a cold blooded reptile on a hot day. So after a couple microseconds of thought, I figured I really have no choice, so I leap off the toilet, grab the door handle, open it about .001 wider than I was, and escape, pants around my ankles and turd falling into my skivvies, screaming for help. It was my Worst Bathroom Experience. Fake edit: My dad fished the snake out with a piece of PVC pipe with a rope in the middle with a noose on one end and we relocated it a few miles up the road. I wanted to use the 12-gauge on it, but was vetoed. It was a good-sized rattler, six or seven rattles.
|
|
#
?
Dec 31, 2022 17:56
|
|
|
Cyril Sneer posted:I'm still confused about the logistics of all this. You said you were in a handicap stall, so how'd he get in if it was locked? If it was one of those dealies with a handicap stall and regular stall all in the same room, wouldn't there still be dividers? Rockman Reserve posted:broke into the stall this may astound you but those loose little lock bolts on public restroom stall doors are pretty ineffective even if the door itself isn't old and saggy and misaligned, which this one was
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2023 15:52
|
|
|
I am the author of my own worst bathroom experience. So I'm on a business trip. The usual trade show junk, stand there bullshitting with potential clients, the usual. Now, I normally have an iron gut. Like, "I'll stop when the low fuel light comes on" iron gut, "survived chicken sashimi" iron gut. But because it's a business trip, this means a diet consisting entirely of "what the coworker who literally only eats Big Macs is having" or "what the 'hip' and 'with it' coworker is getting from places where 'the roaches let you know it's real'". And because it's a trade show business trip, oh god the vodka. It's getting into the afternoon on Friday, and despairing for food that could hypothetically rot but has not yet rotted, I go to the lovely little beer garden the exhibitors' hall has and get myself a hamburger. This was a mistake. This was very a mistake. By the time 4:55 PM rolls around, I'm shuffling my way to the bathroom as fast as possible. Somehow make it to a stall, get my pants down, position over the toilet, and blast a Yoohoo-like substance so hard and so copiously that I can see a line of spatter on the stall wall from the gap between the rim and the seat. Still, it's good, right? I made it, I'm safe, the after-show drinks will just hit harder. I let out a deep sigh of relief... And just too late to warn me, I hear an older black guy exclaim as he walks into the stadium-scale bathroom, probably a hundred feet away from my stall: "HOT drat! I ain't smelled nothin' like this since LA in the '60s!" I inhale from my deep sigh, and it hits me. Far beyond the worst I could or had imagined, it made the serviced-once-a-month portapotties at the racetrack in the backwater town where I grew up smell like lavender beds, the time I biked over a week-old raccoon roadkill smell like fresh-baked cookies, a New York alley in 90-degree heat smell like an Alpine meadow. I immediately double over vomiting and send about half a gallon of last night's mixers, the morning's cold hash browns, and the poisonburger directly into what's between my knees: the crotch of my pulled-down pants. It took twenty minutes for a coworker to get there with a change of clothing; fortunately, by this time cell phones were a thing. In the meantime, I gathered up whatever was solid enough to lift in my boxers and flushed the whole mass, kept flushing to try and induce airflow, and eventually just crawled under the divider into the next stall to distance myself from it.
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2023 07:05
|
|
|
coldpudding posted:One time I was creeped out while taking a poo poo at a mall when I felt this icy cold blast of air shoot up my back, when I finished up and turned around I noticed that there was a loose panel behind the toilet so I gave it a gentle tug and it swang open revealing a dark and creepy hallway running behind all the stalls. You didnt light up a torch and delve?
|
|
#
?
Jan 5, 2023 02:52
|
|
|
Mandoric posted:...eventually just crawled under the divider into the next stall to distance myself from it. Lol, expo bathroom floors are always disgusting to start with.
|
|
#
?
Jan 5, 2023 03:07
|
|
|
ManBoyChef posted:You didnt light up a torch and delve? Who's to say they aren't posting from the Backbathrooms now? Creeeeepy.
|
|
#
?
Jan 5, 2023 03:37
|
|
|
Recently got out of hospital. They had me peeing in a tiny little collection thing. I did not want to go pee a lot so I just didn't and every time I'd go I'd over-pee the pee catcher thing  Or it would touch my bits and everything got terribly soaked and they never cleaned the catcher. They didn't clean the catcher for five days I finally got rid of the catcher. I hope they find it in the drawer I hid it in. Nobody ever checked the pee levels.
|
|
#
?
Jan 5, 2023 04:15
|
|
|
Some friends and I were headed home to New York from Louisville. We stopped at a Subway in Bumwad, WV or whatever and I go in to use the bathroom. It was in decent enough condition but after I flush, I go to reach for the TP and.....nothing. No hand towels either. No paper products at all except for.....the "Employees Must Wash Hands" sign taped to the door. So I did what I had to do. I have not been back to West Virginia since.
|
|
#
?
Jan 5, 2023 04:32
|
|
|
Bismack Billabongo posted:There was a bar here called Rays. At rays there was a hallway that had a sign that indicated you must enter the hallway to go to the restroom. You enter the hallway and immediately turn left. At the end of the hallway you turn right, then immediately turn right again. At this point the hallway dead ends revealing a urinal and nothing else. how often have you walked in there and seen a dude sitting on there taking a poo poo?
|
|
#
?
Oct 28, 2023 20:44
|
|
|
In 2007 I was on the floor of a major international expo type thing for my company in Doha Qatar. I had been to Middle East a couple of times before but there were so many people at the thing and the washrooms were so heavily used and each stall had its own mini hand held bidet that the washroom floor was like an inch and a half of waste water in the whole bathroom as the drains were clogged, it was awful That’s my story
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2023 00:07
|
|
|
Literally destroyed 3 toilets in a 4 toilet bathroom in Seattle decades ago. I was horrified and genuinely afraid for my health.
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2023 00:08
|
|
|
yeah for me it was probably having to take a poo poo in a portapotty at bonnaroo, during the day when it was insanely hot. also i was on acid.
|
|
#
?
Oct 29, 2023 00:28
|
|
|
thathonkey posted:yeah for me it was probably having to take a poo poo in a portapotty at bonnaroo, during the day when it was insanely hot. also i was on acid. Okay I have had to poo poo in a portapotty at a very big festival...there was poo poo near the top, like if you were to sitdown you would have sat on it. Bonnaroo is way bigger a festival than the one I was at. I can't even imagine what the heck that was like.
|
|
#
?
Oct 31, 2023 16:02
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 13, 2024 10:32 |
|
|
Nothing like being deployed to Al-Udeid in Qatar when they ran out of water for the toilets. 110 degrees in the summer, each toilet almost filled to the brim with poo poo and toilet paper. A man’s gotta do what he’s gotta do, add to the pile and draw more dicks on the walls. I read a story from my grandpa when he was a geologist in Ontario in the winter. He described a scene in the outhouse where the pile of poop would start getting above the seat, but was completely frozen. It was the cook’s job to break it down back to a manageable level with a shovel
|
|
#
?
Oct 31, 2023 16:46
|
|
