|
I told myself growing up that I didn't want kids. Now I have one and two step-kids, and curse myself for not following my own advice.hot cocoa on the couch posted:i will say this tho: most people who have kids don't get it either. this is because htey're garbage parents (and maybe people??/), and will in all likelihood raise garbage children. and thusly teh cycle continues I probably am, but gently caress my kids are driving me into literal poverty. I'm telling them if they expect to survive when they grow up, don't have kids, because they will financially disadvantage you at every opportunity, and inflation isn't going into the negatives. Sorry, but that there's some tough love, dudes. Also mom and dad love you very much. Sorry I can't afford to buy a house for you to inherit.
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 00:58
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 19, 2024 00:11 |
|
|
I never thought I wanted kids…but then I thought about what a great father my husband would be and we both had stable jobs, so why not? My son just turned two and he is playing with trucks and shouting about doggies and it really warms my cold, cynical heart. My friend asked me the other day if I ever regretted having a kid and to be completely honest, no, I haven’t. He is a good little guy.
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 01:53
|
|
|
Smugworth posted:Like if you saw my kid even the most sadbrained doomer on this thread would be like "I get it," she's bella cute and just smiles and laughs and babbles happily all day Sounds like dogshit a breeder would say
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 02:33
|
|
|
I think he just called your wife a dog, smug lol
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 02:40
|
|
|
Smugworth posted:Like if you saw my kid even the most sadbrained doomer on this thread would be like "I get it," she's bella cute and just smiles and laughs and babbles happily all day I wish that every parent thought about their child/ren so highly. My mom thinks I was the cutest, happiest, smartest, most well-behaved baby that ever existed. mom and dad fight a lot posted:I told myself growing up that I didn't want kids. Now I have one and two step-kids, and curse myself for not following my own advice. Out of curiosity, what changed your mind?
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 02:52
|
|
|
Smugworth posted:Like if you saw my kid even the most sadbrained doomer on this thread would be like "I get it," she's bella cute and just smiles and laughs and babbles happily all day 
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 03:07
|
|
|
YeahTubaMike posted:Out of curiosity, what changed your mind? I met a divorced woman with two kids. She was pretty awesome (and gorgeous), and I guess I thought I could work hard to give us all a good life. She also really wanted a son, and seemed comfortable that we could afford a third kid. We got divorced a couple years after that lol
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 03:15
|
|
|
i have been spending the week with my two and a half year old nephew and young kids have a sense of joy and vitality about them that strikes me as important to at least witness. he is incredibly pumped that his apartment building has stairs in it, which has been true his entire life. im not sure what the lesson here is but maybe it's something like i've been going about things the wrong way being a horrible pessimistic goon.
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 03:16
|
|
|
i have decided after a great deal of deliberation to vote this thread a 1
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 04:02
|
|
|
hot cocoa on the couch posted:*extremely piss creep-ishly*
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 04:05
|
|
|
hot cocoa on the couch posted:i have decided after a great deal of deliberation to vote this thread a 1  vvv edit: not to air out dirty laundry, but we are well WELL past that vvv mom and dad fight a lot fucked around with this message at 05:11 on Jan 18, 2023 |
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 04:26
|
|
|
mom and dad fight a lot posted:I met a divorced woman with two kids. She was pretty awesome (and gorgeous), and I guess I thought I could work hard to give us all a good life. She also really wanted a son, and seemed comfortable that we could afford a third kid. U try not fighting a lot?
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 05:00
|
|
|
I wonder how high a proportion of both non-parents and parents have just gaslit themselves into believing they are happy with their choice because to be otherwise can be incredibly dark. Both “I regret that I never created life” and “I regret that I created life” are pretty heavy things to carry. And we know we’re pretty good at post hoc rationalisations. Of course there are people who acknowledge they made the wrong decision (in either direction). They might be being more honest with themselves, which is worth something, but probably at a hefty psychological cost. In short: I’m glad for the parents in the thread that seem happy. I’m glad for the non-parents in the thread that seem happy. The people who regret having kids, or being childless - I admire the honesty and self-knowledge, and hope everything is okay.
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 08:50
|
|
|
funny thing is, basically all parents i ever talked to speak like beaten spouses, throwing around phrases like "but they can be sweet too", "theyre not always like this", "i guess its my fault theyre doing this" while working day and night to provide for them and getting absolutely nothing in return except getting screamed at for basic trivial poo poo. Dont have kids.
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 09:09
|
|
|
Blurry Gray Thing posted:None of the religions explain it, OP, but you can only respawn as a direct descendant.
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 10:16
|
|
|
So sperm donor seems the optimal reincarnation strategy. … and childfree is the only way to escape samsara.
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 12:23
|
|
|
Kids are pretty great but parent life is not for me and that's that. My ex and I had tried when we were younger and it didn't happen, but that's better in hindsight. I think I was doing it more for her sake without fully considering my own feelings on the matter. I'm about to get married for the second time and she doesn't want kids either. I'd already been kicking around the idea of a vasectomy, but as soon as I saw the Dobbs announcement I found a urologist and made an appointment within the hour. Got snipped a little over a month later. Funny thing is the doctor himself was super supportive of it - his take is the physical sterilization was far less of a hurdle to deal with for the man than the hormonal fuckery inherent in women's birth control. It was the nurses who were all like "but don't you want kids/did your other kids give you permission?" I think societal pressure is a driving factor more often than not for anyone who's on the fence about having kids. That goes double if the pressure is coming from within the relationship. If there's one thing I've learned that's really stuck with me the last 20 years, it's to trust my gut and be true to what I want - things will work out.
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 13:01
|
|
|
It's true most parents actually hate having kids which is why custody is so flippantly relinquished after a relationship breakdown and parents so easily move on from the death of a child. Also, there's no way raising a human being from birth or adopting a child could match the life experience of a trip to Bali or a few extra nights on the piss with Davo. spleen merchant fucked around with this message at 14:26 on Jan 18, 2023 |
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 14:23
|
|
|
Halisnacks posted:I wonder how high a proportion of both non-parents and parents have just gaslit themselves into believing they are happy with their choice because to be otherwise can be incredibly dark. i think there's probably some amount of the opposite happening too. like, some people would be miserable with or without kids. it's easy to blame a personality defect on external factors
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 14:44
|
|
|
spleen merchant posted:It's true most parents actually hate having kids which is why custody is so flippantly relinquished after a relationship breakdown and parents so easily move on from the death of a child. Hormones are a hell of a drug.
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 18:05
|
|
|
ElectricSheep posted:Kids are pretty great but parent life is not for me and that's that. My ex and I had tried when we were younger and it didn't happen, but that's better in hindsight. I think I was doing it more for her sake without fully considering my own feelings on the matter. Does getting a vasectomy hurt?
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 18:47
|
|
|
taking my kids to the next quebec rally and having them cheer for me as i rip past is going to be extremely ftw
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 18:55
|
|
|
spleen merchant posted:It's true most parents actually hate having kids which is why custody is so flippantly relinquished after a relationship breakdown and parents so easily move on from the death of a child. If you want a more acrimonious divorce, or more unbearable grief in the face of tragedy, children might be for you!
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 19:10
|
|
|
You can tell how unhappy someone is with their particular choice (be it having children or not having children) by exactly how much they project unhappiness onto the people who made the opposite choice. It's possible to be happy and fulfilled either with kids or without, but the people who subconsciously know that they made the wrong choice take refuge in imagining that the people who didn't make the same choice as them must secretly be even more miserable than they are.
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 19:28
|
|
|
Yolomon Wayne posted:getting absolutely nothing in return except getting screamed at for basic trivial poo poo. Maybe some people feel this way, they probably shouldn't have had kids? Right now I am enjoying the vicarious thrill of watching a six year old learn how to ski which is helping me connect with the trill and wonder I felt about it around that age. I thought I was going to resent kiddo for eating up my time in the black diamond glades but I am finding that skiing with them is loving awesome even if it's nerve wracking (b/c danger) and we're skiing much much easier terrain than I like. We'll get there. When the season turns a bit and we get into making maple syrup, I will enjoy that my kid will want to spend time down there boiling with me and is more excited about the process and being involved with it (and has more time to) than my spouse, and has more wonder and curiousity about it than any of my friends that might drop by to kill a beer while I boil sap. Watching kiddo start to learn a whole bunch of basic earth science through the process has been fascinating, too. Watching kiddo teaching stuff like mobility to smaller kiddo has been super interesting. I absolutely refuse to put a shiny face on any of the hassle, sleep loss, and serious financial struggles having kids creates, but, also, getting screamed at for the most trivial poo poo is hardly a very big deal, if anything it's just another zen master cracking me over the back with a bamboo switch reminding me to be in the moment, be nonjudgemental, accept imperfection. Living with the constant knowledge that your kids are the same kind of completely impermanent, able-to-be-maimed-or-killed-instantly, frail being you are, is also a constant source of anxiety that never goes away, assuming you get the "happy" outcome of outliving your kids. My point is that I think it's very possible to be nakedly honest with oneself and others about all the horseshit involved in being a parent, without expressing any regret, and also without exerting any pressure in either direction on other people to breed/adopt/not. If parents can't do that, then they're probably being dishonest with themselves about a whole bunch of things which might get into really messy stuff about family expectations and some things that some people never find the space to unpack and process. I also think it's possible to, as a nonparent, explain ones feelings and emotions about it without falling into obvious brokebrain childfree type rhetoric, and when nonparents cannot do so I think they're probably being dishonest with themselves about a whole bunch of things which.... you get it. spleen merchant posted:It's true most parents actually hate having kids which is why custody is so flippantly relinquished after a relationship breakdown and parents so easily all kidding aside my brother had a very aimiable divorce after having 2 kids and they have all continued to live in the same city with 50/50 split custody. So yea he ended up remarrying and not having any more kids and more or less gets to be in full on dad mode exactly 50% of the time, and pretend to be childless with his wife the other 50%. Wasn't planned that way but I think everyone is pretty good with the arrangement once the kids got through the difficulty of mom and dad not living together. Now they have two moms and maybe two dads, more or less. Sometimes that poo poo can be settled nicely and even advantageously!!
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 19:33
|
|
|
Instead of throwing all my emotional energy into nurturing a human that'll further ruin this planet, I'm throwing all my emotional energy into unfucking a very small corner of this planet. It's just as ungrateful as a child but at least it doesn't borrow my car without asking. I don't know if I made the right choice but I know I didn't make the wrong choice. Education is a big part of my job, kids are the future and all that and if people want to have kids that's cool but please don't average more than 1 per person. e: VEHEMENT is a pretty neat movement that doesn't shame people too much for having kids. That's cool imo Outrail fucked around with this message at 19:39 on Jan 18, 2023 |
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 19:35
|
|
|
LanceHunter posted:You can tell how unhappy someone is with their particular choice (be it having children or not having children) by exactly how much they project unhappiness onto the people who made the opposite choice. It's possible to be happy and fulfilled either with kids or without, but the people who subconsciously know that they made the wrong choice take refuge in imagining that the people who didn't make the same choice as them must secretly be even more miserable than they are. Ehh, that’s one variant of coping with regretting choices, and it definitely happens. But there are also childless people who are openly sad about it and who envy parents, just as there are parents who openly regret their choice who envy the childless. They are coping not by projecting their misery but by projecting their counterfactual happiness.
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 19:58
|
|
|
having kids is like any other loving thing I've ever done without having any idea what the gently caress I was getting into, from starting to have romantic relationships, to going to college, to smoking DMT, to buying a motorcycle there have been upsides and downsides and overall these experiences have left me with more interesting ideas than I had before and less money and a few bruises. Substantially less money, and more bruises, in the case of kids, though that's started to erode our budget just as hyperinflation has caused staple prices on some things we get all the time to go up 50% in 24 months so it's actually pretty hard to say what is doing what. Outrail posted:e: VEHEMENT is a pretty neat movement that doesn't shame people too much for having kids. That's cool imo I find their answer to the question "Q: What good is a healthy biosphere if there are no humans around to enjoy it?", personally, to be deeply dissatisfying and not at all something I agree with. I am aware of, and embrace, my anthocentric view of the world. My cats embrace their felocentric view of the world innately and thoughtlessly.
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 20:09
|
|
|
hot cocoa on the couch posted:taking my kids to the next quebec rally and having them cheer for me as i rip past is going to be extremely ftw You're a Quebecois separatist?
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 20:09
|
|
|
strongly encourage anyone w/strong feels one way or the other on this to read this book and sit with it for a while you can borrow it for free with a library account and archive.org account https://archive.org/details/anothermousetofe0000krau_h9w9/mode/2up
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 20:11
|
|
|
kntfkr posted:You're a Quebecois separatist? rally like this 
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 20:16
|
|
|
hot cocoa on the couch posted:rally like this I know, I'm kidding. I took my son to that world's largest miniature wonderland/ train set place this past weekend and he loved it. would have been weird to go by myself. thinking to post later
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 20:21
|
|
|
Cabbages and Kings posted:having kids is like any other loving thing I've ever done without having any idea what the gently caress I was getting into, from starting to have romantic relationships, to going to college, to smoking DMT, to buying a motorcycle So poo poo only has value if I personally benefit from it in some tangible or intangible way?
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 20:23
|
|
|
My brother and sister in the law just asked for our consent to list us as guardians in their will. We're now Those People for three couples. If all three die, we'll have 7 kids aged 2-13. That's enough to start a small farm or restaurant, right?
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 20:24
|
|
|
its all nice on rice posted:My brother and sister in the law just asked for our consent to list us as guardians in their will. We're now Those People for three couples. Yes, starting a small farm or restaurant with seven children would be the most efficient way to drive yourself into crippling debt.
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 20:27
|
|
|
Anyone really interested in the modern ethics of having children would do well to read this 2020 piece “Is it OK to have a child?”, which is really a fantastic nuanced, and balanced survey. quote:It seems increasingly clear that we are living in a time of radical destabilisation of life on Earth which complicates the act of bearing children in ways that society has yet to grapple with. We lack the language to talk to one another about the fact that a child born today will live on a planet hotter than it has ever been since human civilisation developed. The mind baulks. Language fails. How do we talk about having children when we keep hearing that even if global emissions dropped to zero tomorrow some amount of global heating is already locked in for at least a decade, as a result of the amount of carbon we have already released into the atmosphere? Or when it’s possible that we have already passed tipping points, with effects that researchers don’t yet understand?
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 20:44
|
|
|
Outrail posted:So poo poo only has value if I personally benefit from it in some tangible or intangible way? what is "value" and why is it important, both in general, and why is it an important thing I should prioritize maximizing? If this is just w/r/t my comment on VEHEMENT, I experience the world through a human body and a human perspective and to the extent I have "utopian" ideals, yea, they revolve around making the world a nicer place for everything on it including humans, and I would not personally find it rewarding to be actively working towards a world lacking human life. Convincing people to breed less is a fairly difficult starting point; trying to convince people that the world would be "objectively better" if there were not any humans at all seems like a thing that's just going to get you dismissed as a crackpot, unless you spend all your time around like minded people, which can be fine and rewarding but I think that's also how cults start?
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 20:54
|
|
|
Outrail posted:Yes, starting a small farm or restaurant with seven children would be the most efficient way to drive yourself into crippling debt. Who said anything about money? If I'm getting someone's kids they're working for me.
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 20:55
|
|
|
Cabbages and Kings posted:what is "value" and why is it important, both in general, and why is it an important thing I should prioritize maximizing? It also doesn't help that VEHEMENT and their ilk are really just eugenicists trying to cloak their fascist ideology in an eco-friendly semi-nihilist garb.
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 20:56
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 19, 2024 00:11 |
|
|
its all nice on rice posted:That's enough to start a small farm or restaurant, right? Only if the restaurant takes its name from your username and you serve rice-based dishes.
|
|
#
?
Jan 18, 2023 20:57
|
|
