Who Threadglightninged 2023: The Delay of Destiny

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Cinema Discusso > Who Threadglightninged 2023: The Delay of Destiny

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

Yeah, didn't Sizemore have a "his career's finished, over, kaput" period after the violence charges, which was then just... forgotten?

# ¿ Feb 28, 2023 11:50

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# ¿ May 14, 2024 05:44

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

Gonz posted:

Prologue is the climbing accident that killed his mom and dad. It's all quicktime events that you can't win.

Movie opening is a straight remake of the beginning of Cliffhanger, except we see Young Blofeld sneakily sawing through the harness clips.

God, they actually made Bond and Blofeld foster brothers, didn't they? It feels like a fever dream or Austin Powers, but no, they really did it in an official James Bond movie. "It was all me, all along, James!" [Laughs like Judge Doom]

# ¿ Mar 20, 2023 14:04

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

CelticPredator posted:

They ended the first revival where the world gets destroyed or infected or something and then the next season it was all a dream. Hack poo poo

'My Struggle II' is the only X Files episode I've never seen, and when I started watching the final season I realised I would never need to because the whole thing was retconned away as Scully having a vision in 'My Struggle III'.

Carter is one of those creators like Gene Roddenberry where they're owed so much for coming up with a great concept, but then you want them kept far away from the actual writing because they'll just keep pushing 'The Omega Glory' or Spock as the shooter on the grassy knoll.

# ¿ Mar 21, 2023 09:54

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

dr_rat posted:

Is the X-files something that can work in 2023? Conspiracy theories have a lot darker, stupider, and just generally more racists tones these days.

Hell, the final revival series devoted a whole episode to how Mulder and his quest for the truth have become completely irrelevant in a post-truth world of dumbfuck rabbit-hole Q bullshit. And it was fantastic. (But then, it was a Darin Morgan script.)

"I'm FOX FREAKIN' MULDER, you punks!"

# ¿ Mar 29, 2023 11:25

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

I AM GRANDO posted:

The true crime was The Cat in the Hat, which has been forgotten even more thoroughly.

I had to review the DVD of that, and it had the most obnoxious menus I've ever seen even before you get to the film itself.

Still, Mike Myers was strung up like a pinata and hit in the balls with a baseball bat, so it at least had that going for it.

# ¿ Apr 2, 2023 00:18

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

Tars Tarkas posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6S1oRHIpV3w
Rally Road Racers starring Jimmy O. Yang, J.K. Simmons, Chloe Bennet, Lisa Lu, Sharon Horgan, Catherine Tate, and John Cleese

Didn't Cleese already do this in live action? (Rat Race.)

Also, I'm bewildered that nobody has ever gone "Hey, Wacky Races exists as a thing with name recognition, so why don't we just do... Wacky Races?"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vkp8rM_SkH8

# ¿ Apr 11, 2023 08:06

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

Cool Kids Club Soda posted:

I thought that was a sex thing

Donkey Kong punch.

# ¿ Apr 12, 2023 13:46

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

Casimir Radon posted:

I don�t think there�s anyway in hell they do less effects. I�m no expert on doing VFX but their timetable seems completely unworkable even if they destroy a dozen effects companies in the process.

The original Ghostbusters had about 200 VFX shots, which was considered a massive amount at the time.

Afterlife had around 1100, and Feig's Ghostbusters had over 1700, but you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who thinks that made them better movies.

# ¿ Apr 25, 2023 07:48

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

The MSJ posted:

https://twitter.com/DiscussingFilm/status/1651642811416977426?t=nXgYdK1NCMTEdH3kfNVofA&s=19

The logo looks like it's crying, probably with justification.

# ¿ Apr 28, 2023 07:07

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

Lid posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jw4mK0XSQ_M

That looks fairly decent for a cutscene... wait, it's an actual movie? :rolleyes:

# ¿ Apr 28, 2023 23:46

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

Somewhere in New Zealand, a rage-filled James Cameron grabs a tyre iron and tells his assistant to book him a flight to LA so he can "show these lazy assholes how to do it properly."

# ¿ May 10, 2023 12:52

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

I'm so tired of all these Hellboys.

# ¿ May 19, 2023 16:14

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

If it was New Order World it would at least have a great soundtrack.

# ¿ Jun 7, 2023 18:18

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

Megaman's Jockstrap posted:

Well I have a theory just based on some observations and conversations with people who did this work:

The VFX industry is horrible to work in now (it was always "bad" but you got paid a lot and could take big chunks of time off occasionally) but now there's garbage pay, unreasonable deadlines, and poo poo working conditions.

So what happens is that these companies can charge a lot and then use their bumper crop of new VFX employees to do the work badly. Then most of their employees quit. Hire new employees, churn 'em and burn 'em because it's a cool job and people want to do it. Disney has nobody else to work with because they dug their own grave with their working conditions and demands - only the desperate or amoral bid for them now. (or if they use a big effect house, the senior employees are not as subject to this treatement)

I know 3 VFX people who have all left the industry in the past 5 years. Two of them were around 20 year vets. All of them are a lot happier and healthier now.

It's why movies from 2013 had better VFX than now. The people doing them were actually better artistically. The computers and tools may have improved but the actual hands guiding them are substantially worse or just not given enough time to excel.

Didn't Disney buy ILM along with Lucasfilm? Has that become as a big a churn-and-burn sweatshop as all the other VFX houses?

# ¿ Jun 8, 2023 20:38

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

Samovar posted:

Come, Barbie. Let's party.

Can't help but hear that in Arnold Schwarzenegger's voice.

# ¿ Jun 14, 2023 15:11

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

Tars Tarkas posted:

AI is greenlightninging things now

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/business/business-news/warner-bros-signs-deal-ai-driven-film-management-system-1268036/

It'll go after the first couple of $200m bombs because a fancy database can't account for Tall Poppy Syndrome or a lead actor being outed as a creep, and the high-level executives realise they can't blame any ablative junior execs below them for the failure.

# ¿ Jun 23, 2023 08:31

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

FlamingLiberal posted:

I feel like all of these Mattel properties have been in development hell for ages.

https://twitter.com/IwriteOK/status/1675613828946468866?s=20

What I don't get about how hard it supposedly was to find an acceptable "gently mocking but also celebrating in a self-aware way" tone for a Barbie movie is that Barbie: Life In The Dollhouse already exists and is exactly that.

# ¿ Jul 3, 2023 15:26

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

Alan Smithee posted:

why would someone do this

you worked on it, you should be proud to put your name on it

Ironic poster/post combo.

If you're writing a novel, the only person who'll be offering creative suggestions is your editor, and unless you want to include something that might damage its sales potential, they'll usually defer to you.

If you're writing a movie, every other motherfucker involved thinks they can do your job better than you, and often have the power to overrule you. So the script you wrote might end up being completely mullered because the producer is determined to include a giant spider or a teen incest scene or whatever. That's the point when you seinfeld.gif out, take the money and hope the stink of this project doesn't stick to you when you look for your next job.

# ¿ Jul 11, 2023 09:56

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

The Saddest Rhino posted:

That rules. I still refuse to drive behind trucks bearing logs up to this day even though the bts revealed they had to cg the logs because the real things don't bounce as hard killing people

Jeffrey Reddick (FD's creator and writer of 1&2) is a friend, and he's still delighted whenever anyone tells him they don't drive behind log trucks because of him.

# ¿ Sep 14, 2023 12:19

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

Lid posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mgu9mNZ8Hk

Ah, so now all the mystery about the 'real' Ellie Conway - debut author who sold the movie rights to her first novel long before publication for a colossal amount of money, but somehow nobody has heard of her and such a mega-deal received zero attention in the publishing press - is revealed: it's marketing bullshit. :rolleyes:

# ¿ Sep 30, 2023 07:51

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

The rescue team should have been smacking Sam Neill on the back of his head with every new room they entered saying "You designed it to look like the inside of a Cenobite's cock cage on purpose? The hell is wrong with you, man?"

# ¿ Nov 13, 2023 00:22

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

FlamingLiberal posted:

Apparently Danny Trejo got into some major tax trouble and needs the money

Is that why he turned up in a side mission for Far Cry 6 to plug his taco chain?

# ¿ Dec 1, 2023 12:06

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

SuperMechagodzilla posted:

The term for a Star Wars movie based on Seven Samurai is a Battle Beyond The Stars.

I really like that Corman production, but there�s like a 0% chance that Rebel Moon is the weaker movie.

I don't know; Battle Beyond The Stars tells the same story in 105 minutes that Rebel Moon tells half of in 134 minutes. Also BBTS has Robert Vaughn and George Peppard and John Saxon and a spaceship with boobs designed by James Cameron.

# ¿ Dec 17, 2023 01:35

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

HJE-Cobra posted:

I dunno, the modern Mickey Mouse shorts have been pretty fun. I like this one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2WMLV1UeuM

With Danny Trejo as the leader of the pi�atas! The shot of the kids eating his candy guts from his still-living upper body is like something from a zombie movie.

Speaking of which, there's another of those shorts where Goofy is literally a rotting zombie.

# ¿ Dec 19, 2023 10:01

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

well why not posted:

Beatles post credits scene is Eric Clapton trying coke for the first time and ~~glaring into a mirror with red eyes~~ screaming racist slurs.

# ¿ Feb 21, 2024 09:06

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

Alan Smithee posted:

https://twitter.com/discussingfilm/status/1760820669325992182?s=46&t=lbKxPpxJyMeDN0i-nFAg4A

Tyler Perry literally oh no anywaying that the movie industry is about to see a lot of skilled people out of work.

# ¿ Feb 24, 2024 10:32

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

Detective No. 27 posted:

He wasn�t the criminal. He was the innocent fianc�e to the murderer.

And he was the murder victim in another Columbo, beaten to death with a tire iron by Patrick McGoohan.

# ¿ Mar 1, 2024 12:39

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

So what we have here is someone who looked at Tommy Wiseau and thought "That could be me!"

Fake edit: looked at some of his other stuff on YouTube and it's all on the level of Doom House. I half expected Lowtax to cameo.

# ¿ Mar 29, 2024 15:08

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

The Saddest Rhino posted:

https://twitter.com/DiscussingFilm/status/1785302969103061132?t=mRzMSl2mJh1LjlkSrhTpXA&s=19

Isn't that the same thing he was complaining about Vin Diesel doing on the FF movies? (The being late part, not the peeing into bottles.)

# ¿ Apr 30, 2024 15:44

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# ¿ May 14, 2024 05:44

Small Strange Bird: Sep 22, 2006; Merci, chaton!

Ccs posted:

Studios put out some crazy poo poo when it comes to their promo images to billion dollar movies. Like they'll pixel gently caress to death a single frame from the film in vfx, but then give some elements to their internal marketing department who will mock up something that looks wildly amateurish, and that will be the first image people see.

Alicia Vikander's corkscrew giraffe neck from the first Tomb Raider promo pic springs to mind.

# ¿ May 7, 2024 08:12

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Cinema Discusso > Who Threadglightninged 2023: The Delay of Destiny