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What's the Hogwarts jackoff spell, every magic world has one, D&D had Bigby's hand
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Mar 10, 2023 00:55
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Nooner posted:They probably cast magic missle
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Mar 10, 2023 01:03
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Deki posted:Aka: one of the most brutal killing spells if you cast it at clothing that someone is wearing. Harry Potter and the Unforgivable Loopholes We're only here to un-do the damage you've done to our family name.
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Mar 10, 2023 01:10
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I actually thought about something, unrelated to my original post but came across my mind while playing Hogwarts Legacy with your brother. If I was a Muggle and knew about the Wizarding world, and all the magical things they can do, and all the mindblowing creatures they can see, I would legitimately blow my brains out from sheer jealousy. Nothing in my life would ever be able to compare to theirs, especially when they don't even let Muggles in on their world. Now I know why Harry's aunt was always tempted to Andrea Yates her nephew. We're only here to un-do the damage you've done to our family name.
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Mar 10, 2023 14:27
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Counterpoint: muggle spouses/dependents are still entitled to wizard healthcare.
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Mar 10, 2023 15:30
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Applewhite posted:Counterpoint: muggle spouses/dependents are still entitled to wizard healthcare. Even more of a reason of suicide by jealousy. "Wait, how quickly did it take to fix your broken leg? And it cost how much?" We're only here to un-do the damage you've done to our family name.
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Mar 10, 2023 15:35
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YourFamily posted:I actually thought about something, unrelated to my original post but came across my mind while playing Hogwarts Legacy with your brother. I'd be a bit jealous but his aunt and the rest of their upper-middle class Tory voter parody family were dumb as gently caress. You get a wizard in the family? you make that little fucker indebted to you. Kid can get you basically anything material you want with a flick of the wrist. Cancer? More like Gone-sir. Nobody's gonna care if you transmute a bunch of platinum and sell it off in order to fund an early retirement, the only times wizards give a poo poo about muggles is when they're being tortured or killed, and even then it's usually a slap on the wrist for the first one.
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Mar 10, 2023 15:38
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YourFamily posted:Even more of a reason of suicide by jealousy. If you're not a spouse/dependent they erase your memory if you know about them. Like the MIB.
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Mar 10, 2023 15:46
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Applewhite posted:If you're not a spouse/dependent they erase your memory if you know about them. Like the MIB. That's a convenient way to cover up plot holes. We're only here to un-do the damage you've done to our family name.
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Mar 10, 2023 22:21
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the wizard anti-defamation league is seeking damages against the producers of the magic mike franchise for false advertisement
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Mar 10, 2023 22:30
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make a movie set at the american wizarding school and its version of dumbldoor is basically donald trump. Also they cant do spells because latin aint merican enough
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Mar 10, 2023 23:24
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They do spells by loading tiny scrolls into shotgun-like wands
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Mar 11, 2023 00:09
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Colonel Cancer posted:They do spells by loading tiny scrolls into shotgun-like wands and the only schools of magic they recognize are illusions in furtherance of grift and a shocking amount of necromancy/body horror for ostensible Christians
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Mar 11, 2023 00:17
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Your Family posted:Do they get school shootings too? Thats the plot of the last movie, i think
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Mar 11, 2023 00:18
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Principal casting expellio on a student and they go flying into the big lake
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Mar 11, 2023 00:18
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Applewhite posted:Counterpoint: muggle spouses/dependents are still entitled to wizard healthcare. "I broke my spine! And got shot in the leg! And somehow lost two fingers!" "Reparo!" "Thanks, that's much better."
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Mar 11, 2023 12:24
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Wizards, seeing a bunch of people needlessly suffering and who could directly benefit from their powers: Hey, let's steal that toilet thing.
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Mar 11, 2023 12:28
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American Wizarding Schools are mostly public education versions that run concurrent with traditional 'normal' students. It's usually a pretty stressful scene because most of these schools treat their magic students like a bunch of satanists. You also have 'wizard only' classes that always have to fill the classes with normal kids, some of them being extremely high achievers, who end up just getting an pity A at the end of the semester because it's not their fault that they can't actually do magic and most of them at least memorized the names of the spells. The other hope is private schools that run on a platform similar to Hogwarts. Piddypig House is the US 'equivalent' of Hufflepuff in the upper Northeast at Lockshack School, and if the sorting cap assigns you there, there's a better than 70% chance your family is going to rip you right out of that school and throw you into another one the next year in hopes you don't fall into that lot, again. It rarely works. Poor bastards that get stuck in those kind of houses in US schools can't get out of it. If you don't end up a Piddypig, you're gonna be a Gophergrab or a Cottonnail or a Kittenglove or a Wienerwort at some other school... First day home after getting assigned, it's a mess. Mom and dad, all excited about the house their kid is in, then they hear any one of those names and there's all this screaming and shouting and throwing around stuff. "We're paying HOW MUCH for you to be a loving Piddypig!? That's it, I'm calling that school and getting to the bottom of this!" You think these kids are a bunch of pussies, but the odd thing is that by the time they're on their 3rd or 4th school, they run the extremes of the most fragile kids out there due to their families and peers, or they're hardcore from the abuse. The schools don't care about the kids from the 'daycare houses', which ends up resulting in all sorts of stuff happening. Some Kittenglove boy a few years ago apparently trained all during the Summer break and when he showed back to to class on the first day, some kid from Spinadora House said like two words to him. Kittenglove said only one word. "Crucio." Kittenglove went to first hour PE and just sat on the bleachers waiting for the law or the school to escort him out of the building, but it didn't happen. Last I heard, he and his old man got into it and they sent him off to a military magic school. A friend of his on Hootr told me that he's doing alright now. JediTalentAgent fucked around with this message at 04:01 on Mar 13, 2023 |
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Mar 13, 2023 03:59
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Fully educated wizards and clerics, clairvoyants and element benders just like in dragonball exist now. They pop out of that one pillar on Grand Central station, and are quickly sought out by exxon, wall street, lockheed martin and any and all branches of the military. This only leads to good things and progress for America and as follows the rest of the faithful christian world and everything is nice and super good forever.
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Mar 13, 2023 04:51
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The really smug old money wizard families are all like “my ancestors were burned alive by people who came over on the mayflower”
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Mar 13, 2023 05:02
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American Wizarding families used to beat their kids if they caught them playing Warhammer 40K.
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Mar 13, 2023 05:38
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i wonder if making it so you have to yell "avada kedavra" before a gun will fire will fix everything
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Mar 13, 2023 06:01
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Does the fact that magic stem from hosed up faux-Latin words imply that only Latin based European areas had magic? So anywhere else (Germanic, Pacific, etc) simply wouldn't have magic? That's hosed up. And if they do have magic without bullshit Latin then why is it required at all? It's all so dumb.
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Mar 13, 2023 06:05
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syntaxfunction posted:Does the fact that magic stem from hosed up faux-Latin words imply that only Latin based European areas had magic? So anywhere else (Germanic, Pacific, etc) simply wouldn't have magic? That's hosed up. And if they do have magic without bullshit Latin then why is it required at all? It’s the consensus, yo. Don’t you know anything about wizards?
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Mar 13, 2023 06:41
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syntaxfunction posted:Does the fact that magic stem from hosed up faux-Latin words imply that only Latin based European areas had magic? So anywhere else (Germanic, Pacific, etc) simply wouldn't have magic? That's hosed up. And if they do have magic without bullshit Latin then why is it required at all? There is magic all over the world, but Rowling is British so her attempts to flesh that out were pretty tone deaf. It was something like, "In the middle east, they make magic carpets, in Africa, they usually do magic without wands, and in North America, the superstitious natives were very hostile to poor animal shapeshifters because they thought they were skinwalkers, which isn't even a real thing."
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Mar 13, 2023 07:11
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American wizarding schools weren’t integrated until 1969
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Mar 13, 2023 07:21
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Weasley relatives attending wizarding schools in America are on the free lunch program, but the good news is that they eat the same slop as every other student in the school, including the pizza with grey cheese on it.
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Mar 13, 2023 08:23
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American Wizarding school literally teaches that magic storks deliver babies. Teen pregnancy rates are through the roof. A kid at American Wizarding School spent 4 years training for the Wizarlypics in England, but his chance at gold would be ruined due to the terrors of "Lord Vaginamort" and some "Harry Pudfucker" causing the games to be cancelled. At every Wizard bar for the next 30 years, he constantly tells everyone he was going to be famous if not for those two and the Wizarlypics Committee.
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Mar 13, 2023 08:29
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GolfHole posted:i wonder if making it so you have to yell "avada kedavra" before a gun will fire will fix everything Texan Gun-Wizards just imbue every one of their buillets with a Avada Kedavra or Explodorio spell just to make sure it's lethal to the target. Sure, it's a shame when you accidentally wing some poor fucker or a roving poltergeist steals the gun and mows down a random group of passerby, but that;s the price of freedom.
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Mar 13, 2023 16:51
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None of this would have happened if these liberals let us carry our wands
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Mar 13, 2023 17:16
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Open carry wizards carving an X into the end of their wands
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Mar 13, 2023 19:13
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The UK's magic world has a single leader who is in control of the administration, judiciary and the press. The books show the leader manipulating all three to his own ends with no repercussions. Would the US equivalent be better or worse?
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Mar 13, 2023 19:34
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Using Harry Potter logic, US Wizard schools are about 30 years behind normal American schools, which means they're about 60 years behind UK Wizarding schools. US Wizarding schools also have a problem with burning their own textbooks for promoting witchcraft, which has left them about 90 years behind their UK peers. US Wizarding students who take a trip abroad to England have to carry around a translation book. Also, all US school wands come from a mass production line in China, which has resulted in spells having strange new names thanks to translation errors at the factory.
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Mar 13, 2023 21:34
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It's so incrediably stupid that Sirrius Black out of trouble in the third book was to have Hermonie have the time-turner all year long anyway. That the department of magical items run by the loving wizard government let a 14-year-old have an artifact that can let you time travel just so she can attend extra classes. It's all 'wizard economy this' and 'all of Asia goes to one university that', no one ever talks about how the British wizard government just let a child have a portable time travel device for extremely trivial reasons. That's bad world-building right there.
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Mar 13, 2023 22:28
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Ralph Crammed In posted:It's so incrediably stupid that Sirrius Black out of trouble in the third book was to have Hermonie have the time-turner all year long anyway. That the department of magical items run by the loving wizard government let a 14-year-old have an artifact that can let you time travel just so she can attend extra classes. It's all 'wizard economy this' and 'all of Asia goes to one university that', no one ever talks about how the British wizard government just let a child have a portable time travel device for extremely trivial reasons. That's bad world-building right there. Never watched it but apparently the notoriously lovely stage play revolves around using one to bring back Voldemort. Wizard government can tell when an underage wizard casts Bigsby's gentle hand for the first time but apparently can't keep artifacts capable of rewriting decades of history under reasonable security. JediTalentAgent posted:Using Harry Potter logic, US Wizard schools are about 30 years behind normal American schools, which means they're about 60 years behind UK Wizarding schools. American wizard schools would be incredibly Libertarian and push out generations of psychos who read Rand and then realized they can actually become Ubermenches.
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Mar 13, 2023 22:39
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JediTalentAgent posted:Also, all US school wands come from a mass production line in China, which has resulted in spells having strange new names thanks to translation errors at the factory. "Come in, children, sit down. Now take out your wands, as today I am going to teach you the subtleties of 'gently caress The Duck Until Exploded'."
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Mar 13, 2023 22:48
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Has nobody posted this Key and Peele sketch yet? https://youtu.be/j-2ZxldMO-M
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Mar 13, 2023 23:13
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All curses are forgivable if your parents can afford it
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Mar 13, 2023 23:16
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Azkaban is such a dumb boring name for a prison. So lazy. Why not make the American wizard president live in The Hight Wouse?
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Mar 13, 2023 23:27
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Magic school teachers in the US have to hit up estate sales, Goodwill stores, and antique stores to find supplies for their classes. Teachers spend so much of their own gold, out of pocket, because the schools won't buy these supplies for them. Teachers often complain that they're only making 4 ounces of gold a month, and between that and having to teach unruly kids who insist on having their owls out all the time while class is going on, many of them are leaving the profession for more lucrative jobs. Do you know that there are guys that willingly pay money for witches to enchant them with a short term love potion? I mean, usually the money comes in AFTER the enchantment, but these guys will just throw gold coin after gold coin at these women for the illusion of being in a romantic relationship. Some teacher got fired when it got out she had a side gig of that when it got out some guy was paying her huge sums to imperio him. (Not gonna kink shame, they're consenting adults.)
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Mar 13, 2023 23:45
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