The Flintstones The Computer That Went Bananas The Thread

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BoldFrankensteinMir

Oh what a difference a year makes. In the fall of 2022 BYOB and I read a questionable paperback Flintstones book together, The Bedrock Connection, a story of illicit substance mules and off-model dinosaur mayhem. Horace J Elias, author of many of these "authorized edition" Flintstones books, has almost certainly never seen an episode of the original Flintstones TV show, does not understand the gimmick or any of the running gags, and will frequently forget the setting, how the characters sound or act, really everything. I'd call it daring but maybe brazen is a better word? Bald-faced? Shameless perhaps?

Now, less than a year later in 2023, I feel very different than I did way back then, not just about Flintstones books but the written word in general, remarkably. Since our last reading time, new AI tools like ChatGPT have appeared and we've all got sick of reading about how they're gonna forever change how we read/write/waste each-others' time. Fancy pants computers getting even fancier pants eh? How are we ever to keep up with our crude mortal pants? Luckily, I know exactly the wrong author to ask: Horace J Elias, a grown man who thinks the Flintstones is about contemporary people, somehow. Certainly he'll know all sorts of important information about computers too, right? That's... a weird assumption but here we are anyway. Teach us, Horace.

The Flintstones: The Computer That Went Bananas is another 1974 treasure trove of wrong-sounding, overlong dramatic conversations and art so off-model it starts to get intriguingly abstract in places. I'll warn you now, it contains some shocking images- get it?! Cuzza compooters! Ha! And, electricity, which is... a weird thing for The Flintstones... to have. Also seriously this book contains misgendering humor and infant abuse hey let's get going huh, fuuuuun!!!

Already with the disappointed/sad/angry Flintstones images. At least Fred and Barney don't look like pissed off gangsters so far, although Fred may have gone through something violent there, he appears to have two backwards thumbs. Maybe Rick Nicksun finally got out of jail and came back for revenge, Limestone City style. I guess it all happened at PBS master control too, gently caress if I know, I don't even know if these stories take place in the past or the future anymore. Elias you madman.

Ooh alright, starting off all literary huh? Another bold, not at all Flintstonesy choice. It was the best of times, it was... a living.

I am glad to see Wilma getting some lines in this book already, and I'm not gonna make a big deal about how that is a regular electric phone and not a Flintstones rock phone with a horn on top. Not gonna do it! The partial coloring job on her dress is, a little suspicious, I'll admit. Especially since Wilma traditionally wears a white dress and pearls. On that back cover she's in blue and Betty is in pink, which is, not even close to... no. No I'm not gonna freak out about how all this is wrong already. I can do this. I can read this children's Flintstones novel and not be mad at all the non-canon stuff. Deep breaths, BFM, deep breaths...

Wilma and Betty are friends, yaay! Talking on their, new electric phones, from... Alexander Granite Bell, I don't know, I'm... oh god I'm in such trouble... NEXT PAGE PLEASE

Wilma is good to be patient while Betty makes a jerk of herself about this. I've been there, Betty, just, let it go and move on, the worst thing you can do is make a big deal out of it. Like how I'm not making a big deal out of the fact that Wilma's paternal uncle really should have the same last name as her, and her maiden name is Pebble or Slaghoople depending on which season you're talking about... nope. Nope not making a big deal out of Wilma Flintstone n�e Lewis. The very Flintstoney surname, Lewis.

Louis Lewis, another correctly named Flintstones character, got it. Betty seems to have a lot of hangups about names but I like Wilma's answer, I don't know what people with certain names should look like, rock on sister! I mean it should probably be like, Louis Lazuli or something but whatever, Betty's the jerk here not me.

I do appreciate that Wilma is a good enough friend that Betty can say gol-lee her blood relative "sounds Big" with a capital B and everything. Wilma's unfazed response that "He's big enough" is already pretty daring but, a lion tamer huh? That's not a job I associate with being physically large although, I guess, you gotta lift chairs and stuff. Does that really translate to running a zoo? Whatever, Betty's thoughts are clearly elsewhere. My stars!

Yes yes, the names are reversed from what you think, that will, no doubt cause some hilarity. With the misgendering. Oh boy.

Meanwhile Wilma and Betty are having a super time, and vibrating a little I guess? Their edibles seem to have kicked in. I do like the art so far in this, black-dress Wilma and easily-excited Betty with all this talk of fullbacks and lion tamers. The caption, "Is she married? asked Wilma" fits almost too well.

Oh, ladies, playing matchmaker with your relatives. No concept of their personalities or preferences, whole lotta assumptions being made here, honestly they're just dreaming of attending a wedding they can be back from in the same day. Some things are universal I guess.

As plot convenience would have it they were both coming on the same day, so Fred Flintstone can have some kind of mishap in his weirdly small rockmobile with strange action lines around it, for some reason. Filling out that whole bench seat now are ya Fred? Maybe cut back on the bronto burgers, drat. I guess it's a good excuse not to have to drive your wife around personally, if she can no longer fit inside the vehicle with you.

After the real electric phones I'm a little surprised Elias doesn't have Fred driving like a Model T or something here but, we're still early yet. There's loooots of time for this to go entirely off the rails... err, rocks? No, rails, there's a train involved, right. Hmmmmmm...

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# ? Mar 9, 2023 06:42

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# ? May 13, 2024 06:31

baka of lathspell

BoldFrankensteinMir posted:

this is a pretty random page. lions havent evolved yet and neither have footbatll teams

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# ? Mar 9, 2023 12:01

Dumb Sex-Parrot: Absurd Pox Term
Rad Buxom Strep

Retard Ox Bumps
Borax Dumpster

Dares Box Trump

should have called it cave lion and cave football

thank you Saoshyantx4, Plant MONSTER. and deep dish peat moss for the excellent signature

# ? Mar 9, 2023 12:36

Saoshyant

How a matchmaking story about an uncle and aunt with funny names is going to turn into a prehistoric computer dystopia is something I can't wait to find out.

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# ? Mar 9, 2023 13:29

BoldFrankensteinMir

Dumb Sex-Parrot posted:

should have called it cave lion and cave football

Right? This is not hard, it's designed as a pun-name system tiny children can wrap their heads around. But, not Horace J Elias, nossir!

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# ? Mar 9, 2023 14:04

baka of lathspell

BoldFrankensteinMir posted:

Right? This is not hard, it's designed as a pun-name system tiny children can wrap their heads around. But, not Horace J Elias, nossir!

i can only assume horace j elias is a horace j alias for a rotating group of interns at this point

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# ? Mar 10, 2023 00:43

BoldFrankensteinMir

baka fwocka fwame posted:

i can only assume horace j elias is a horace j alias for a rotating group of interns at this point

I don't know which is worse, one author who writes The Flintstones books despite not understanding The Flintstones, or a whole team of them.

I almost want to give whoever it was a partial pass because the show went off the air in '66, and Flintstones Christmas isn't until '77, so, maybe there was like a decade there where actual episodes of The Flintstones were hard to see? You'd think Hanna-Barbera would have like, recordings of some kind that they could show the authors, but their MO was all about being as cheap as possible, so, maybe not?

Edit- Ah, there were also Flintstones comics at the time, done by Charlton of all companies. The wildly off-model colors are so prominent there's even a coloring book section!

Edit edit- Oh man it looks like the 1960's Flintstones comics are also much much better than the 1970's ones. HB must have just let the franchise slip in general.

BoldFrankensteinMir fucked around with this message at 15:44 on Mar 10, 2023

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# ? Mar 10, 2023 01:35

cruft

OP, help, my computer just went bananas! Do you have any advice?

# ? Mar 10, 2023 19:26

BoldFrankensteinMir

cruft posted:

OP, help, my computer just went bananas! Do you have any advice?

Check the sticker?

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# ? Mar 10, 2023 20:31

teen witch

but doctor, my computer is an apple

# ? Mar 11, 2023 22:40

frump truck: hello... again!

my computer want bananas

# ? Mar 11, 2023 23:51

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

we participated in a genocide barney

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Mar 11, 2023 23:56

google THIS

Is the computer going to go bananas because of the unusual names? It is, isn't it?

# ? Mar 12, 2023 04:41

Leraika: Luckily, I *did* save your old avatar. Fucked around and found out indeed.

cruft posted:

OP, help, my computer just went bananas! Do you have any advice?

tell it you don't find its behavior appealing

# ? Mar 12, 2023 16:27

teen witch

Nosfereefer posted:

we participated in a genocide barney

I had explained this comic to my partner and he was floored �what do you mean genocide??? what happened??�

# ? Mar 14, 2023 09:07

BoldFrankensteinMir

First of all, excuse me but, Barney does NOT own a Rockmobile like Fred. Barney Rubble drives a Loggin Continental also affectionately referred to as the "Rubble Wreck":

Did NOBODY research this beforehand, I swear...

Anyway. I feel like Fred and Barney both made some blunders here, but neither of them deserved to be assaulted. Barney is probably a little more guilty, out-and-out laughing in a huge caveman's face (though in fairness, being twice Barney's size is like, a regular person, right?) which is just, unwise. Fred's "you're WHO?" is also not great but I don't see Charlie's case having much of a chance in Bedrock municipal court. Unless she gets Phil Hartman to defend her then who knows?

It's interesting that it took "the engineer, the conductor, the brakeman and three or four people who happened to be in the station" to iron out this situation, does that mean there was just a bloody caveman brawl on the tracks and the railroad company had no choice but to get involved? Was it just a matter of "hey their names are kinda funny, get over it" or did people have to be restrained? What kind of stone age train has brakes that require an attendant brakeman, is it like a string of ankylosaurs holding each-others tails in their beaks and like... porcupines, are installed at the backs of their knees? With a dude whose job it is to kick the porcupines hanging on the dinosaurs at the bottom of the train? "It's a living" says the porcu-brakes, and the union rep who monitors them just nods "drat straight"?

Unfortunately none of these questions are answered here and I can't just borrow canon from Craig Bartlett's Dinosaur Train, which is a time traveling dinosaur-themed train intended for dinosaur passengers, not a period train made of dinosaurs for human passengers. Because that would be ridiculous.

"That evening was not the kind of evening that Fred and Barney looked back on". Wow, not just looked back on fondly, looked back on at all, they repressed it completely. I wonder if after the rail-yard fight a concussed Fred now thinks he's Casey Flintstones, dinosaur train engineer.

Lulu overstays his welcome immediately but what are you gonna do, his Bigness seems to vary wildly like a prehistoric Paul Bunyan. And he's wearing a pelt that says he either killed a zebra or worked at Footrocker, both intimidating. Petting Dino too hard and waking up Pebbles are both rear end in a top hat moves but I'm glad the artist here concentrated on the uneven dinner portions in a very... stylistic composition. I want to call it cubist but honestly the artist it reminds me most of is dadaist George Grosz. Part of me hopes we get to see Fred, Barney and Lulu as sneering fascists with heads literally full of poo poo (NSFW), that would be fun. Also note that although the rockaphones have been upgraded to real phones, the mentioned-but-unseen rockavision remains a Flintstonian model. This story clearly took place during a specific summer while Bell(der) Labs hadn't worked all the bugs out on real TV, that's my head-canon and I'm sticking to it.

Oh no! Fear not for that infant because, canonically, Bamm-Bamm is gifted with ultra strength that he frequently almost kills his father with. But I don't know if the author(s?) know that, because that would require having seen The Flintstones? I don't want to linger long on this hideous image of abuse but I must point out that Barney shaving for dinner raises even more questions about running water and knives. "Flintstones with knives" feels like a movie you would pitch while out of your mind on chewable vitamins.

Is calling a caveman a baboon more or less offensive than calling a modern person one? Baboons are smart, you might have one inside an ATM or a weather radar machine, those are good jobs and shouldn't be scoffed at.

As for Betty insisting a relative be given more chances because they were nice decades ago, no matter how horrible they clearly are now, oof. Plus �a change, plus c'est la Flintstones.

Ah, so Charlie is a witch, that explains why Fred is now Barney's size, after she "banged me with the umbrella". Well then.

Or, perhaps we're still in George Grosz mode and Fred's literally diminished stature represents his emasculation at the hands of his uncle-in-law. Injured chibi Flintstones are, I will admit, better than the snarling angry criminal Flintstones in our last book, but not by a whole lot. And where did that other stone lunchbox come from?

Hmmmm... I find it suspicious that while Fred and Barney agree they have 'two holy terrors' to deal with, only Charlie gets any shade as a potential spouse. "Please!" said Fred. "I'm eating my lunch!". Hmmmmmmm.

I do like how all four people now trying to match Lulu and Charlie romantically have nothing close to those peoples' legitimate concerns or well being in mind. Wilma and Betty are just loving around, while Fred and Barney actively hate them and wish them ill. This is, in my experience, a very accurate portrayal of matchmaking, at best a lark and at worst a conspiracy. But, who knows, maybe Lulu's favorite things in the world are dinosteaks and getting banged with an umbrella, that would explain his hair a bit.

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# ? Mar 17, 2023 19:40

baka of lathspell

i gotta ask what rockavision is. do they all just watch a rock and imagine stuff

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# ? Mar 17, 2023 21:57

EorayMel: WE GET IT. YOU LOVE GUN JESUS. Toujours des fusils Bullpup Fran�ais.

Does this mean Fred is going to rope Barney in a demonic cult to deal with the two holy terrors, the hooligans from the heavens?

:suspense:

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# ? Mar 17, 2023 22:06

google THIS

The "horrible in-law comes to visit" trope is, at least, in line with the Flintstones' "typical American sitcom but with an outlandish setting" schtick, unlike smugglers of anachronistic currency.

Still no mention of the computer yet, I hope Mr. Elias didn't forget

# ? Mar 18, 2023 00:45

Khanstant

no one stands to benefit from the unholy union of two abusive jerks and did lulu break out of prison?

# ? Mar 18, 2023 02:36

baka of lathspell

google THIS posted:

The "horrible in-law comes to visit" trope is, at least, in line with the Flintstones' "typical American sitcom but with an outlandish setting" schtick, unlike smugglers of anachronistic currency.

Still no mention of the computer yet, I hope Mr. Elias didn't forget

i bet its the gender stuff that makes the computer flip its wig somehow

# ? Mar 18, 2023 05:11

BoldFrankensteinMir

baka fwocka fwame posted:

i gotta ask what rockavision is. do they all just watch a rock and imagine stuff

Nope they are functioning televisions made of rock, showing images captured on cameras made of rock:

Why you would need to replace telephones and televisions that already work despite being made of rock with modern appliances that do the same thing but with electricity, I do not know. This is just one of the many mysteries Horace J. Elias inserted into Flintstones canon, I'm gonna be generous and say... semi-intentionally?

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# ? Mar 18, 2023 14:06

cruft

BoldFrankensteinMir posted:

Nope they are functioning televisions made of rock, showing images captured on cameras made of rock:

Why you would need to replace telephones and televisions that already work despite being made of rock with modern appliances that do the same thing but with electricity, I do not know. This is just one of the many mysteries Horace J. Elias inserted into Flintstones canon, I'm gonna be generous and say... semi-intentionally?

... how many Flintstones books do you own? :raise:

# ? Mar 18, 2023 15:35

Khanstant

someone has to own the flinstones books!

# ? Mar 18, 2023 16:10

BoldFrankensteinMir

Flintstones tech makes steampunk cosplay seem scientifically effortful which is quite the feat.

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# ? Mar 18, 2023 16:14

Dr. Honked: eat it you slaaaaaaag

eagerly awaiting the bananas computer. i'm imagining a flintstones version of demon seed

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# ? Mar 19, 2023 14:09

BoldFrankensteinMir

Oh no, not this again. Yet another long series of pages featuring Elias's signature "Fred and Barney yell at each other much too harshly over absolutely nothing" prose. Do all of these books just devolve into Waiting for Gazoo?

Answer my question! No pipe down! STOP ASKING QUESTIONS AND TALK, which, yet again, is a remarkable nonsense thing to yell at a person.

Lunkhead!? Barney, please, you're at work.

Angry injured Fred and Barney raging at one another is a powerful image, I gotta admit. They're not mad at each other they're mad at visiting relatives, but it comes out as a fistfight during business hours, that's a Falknerian-as-gently caress scenario.

NO! drat you Elias you miserable thieving poo poo, I have forgiven a lot already, and then you hand me this... gently caress.

I can overlook Fred Flintstone dragging this rambling, barely perfunctory conversation out, I can forgive him saying "order up ideas like you order a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich!" as if it was some kind of... weird, horrible attempt at an unneeded 11th hour catch phrase (and not just another missed opportunity for an easy stone-age joke, about razorback boar bacon or something); all of that is standard Horace J Elaziness at this point. Fine. IT'S FINE.

And I'll give you this, the "and threw pebbles (not Pebbles!)" line made me laugh. One of your editors is a better writer than you and added this in a last-pass I'd bet money on it.

But what. The gently caress. Is this:

Horace J EliarliarPeltOnFire posted:

(Fred)"...jumped out of bed, pulled on a pair of pants ..."

... Fred Flintstone... pulled on a pair of...? Horace you thieving shitmongering bastard hack. You don't need to have seen The Flintstones cartoon show to know... just the art from your own books should be enough... you can't... Flintstones Fandom wiki help me I can't...

It's not even what is happening in this art, Fred is admittedly pretty far off-model here in a Papillon era prisoner's sleeping-gown (maybe Lu Lu killed Fred a zebra too, hey, maybe he's a cool guy to know!) but he's still not wearing god-drat loving does-not-exist-in-the-fuckety-gently caress-Flintstones pants!!!! FRED FLINTSTONE DOES NOT WEAR PANTS.

FRED FILSLNTS DOS NOT SWERE PSWNTS @!!!!$@RED"F

Oh good this endless scene has resumed, now on their lawn at night, and Fred can call Barney names for not remembering from earlier because why would he? But what is happening in this artwork, Barney is shivering in the dark, as Fred looks up at a comet, maybe? It's getting a little abstract now.

I want to make fun of everything on this page so bad, including, finally, the appearance of the drat computer, Barney screaming about asking questions, even the hilarious instance of "Right!" said Fred, but all of that has to wait because what the Hell is happening in this art? Is the last page melting? Is Barney's consciousness shutting down in the freezing cold, is this Flintstones: Ice Age, what is happening, what's a computer, Help

W-wwwhat? Fred's '...babbling about computers' is to use the computer to confirm that Lulu and Charlie would be a good match. I guess that's what people knew of computers in the 70's, computer dating, and I mean that's more popular than ever in a sense so, yeah why not, especially if they're just gonna mess with the results like that, but what the gently caress is going on in the art please? A hunched Fred observes his own ragged shadow billowing like a rough cape, while Barney, vibrating uncontrollably, rises into the sky and dislocates his limbs and stares into infinite cosmic wisdom- how is this artwork for this page of this children's novel about computer-dating cavepeople!?

Is the artist making a comment about real cave-paintings, suddenly? Is that why Barney looks like the world's worst hand-cut Kokopelli stencil? Did the computer illustrate these pages or something!? It's such a mystery what the Hell the artist is thinking here.

Oh gently caress no it isn't. I call bullshit! This is the art from Pg 33 again but with some elements removed, ooooooh. Horaaaaaace!!!!

So clearly the abstraction of the last few pages is a complex exploration of the aesthetic known as "cheap", but I guess good on the artist for getting interesting with it at least. Horace, meanwhile, has wasted seven pages on awkwardly trying to get Fred's dumb idea to use a computer (something he has never seen) to convince relatives they are a perfect romantic match.

One thing's for sure, Barney is wrong, Fred will be able to "rig" the computer just fine. No problems ahead. This is a perfectly normal book.