Saalkin posted:

Scrumworth

hot cocoa on the couch posted:

itt we discover smugworth is an agile scrum master

Dick Fontaine posted:

Agile’s the one where you’re supposed to dodge all the poo poo they throw at you, and waterfall is the one where you stand there and suck it all down, right?

hot cocoa on the couch posted:

lol epic. wonder if maybe i'm in the wrong line of work and i should search for a scrum coach master job or w/e and jerk off all day instead of work

MuadDib Atreides posted:

Without these methods how can the business keep engineers on task? They are liable to make a mess of things like the heron messed up the pots and pans in that hilarious tweet from 2010.

Smugworth posted:

Just keep cranking code and ignoring as much agile process as possible

Smugworth posted:

Just keep cranking code and ignoring as much agile process as possible

kronix posted:

This works if you’re a genius and critical for the business. If you’re not this is a great way to end up the cranky rear end in a top hat who’s constantly passed over for promotions.

Catastrophe posted:

My previous company discarded waterfall for agile but then started experimenting with weird things. I've told this story before but I think it's worth repeating that they tried categorizing every project as a fruit for a while. We had to have the entire tech branch of the company sit on a long conference call to try to explain to all of us how the product management team came up with this brilliant idea. Every project was to be categorized as a fruit based off of how difficult it is to eat that fruit. A "grape" project would be easy while a "coconut" project was going to take some time and more effort. We all had to sit and look at a chart in a Powerpoint presentation listing the succession of fruit difficulty and how to apply the correct fruit rating to projects. "I dunno, I only have time this week for an apple. Can anyone else take this pomegranate task so I can get to my pear project next?" .........that idea didn't fly for very long there.

MuadDib Atreides posted:

I'm worried that some engineers in here are going off task and not focusing on the business end of the equation.

Cheesus posted:

The biggest advantage of Agile is it allows the useless or destructive middle manager to put their fingers on the scale and provide value that they'd otherwise not have.

One of their most powerful tools is the ability to Blame with a capital B. Didn't hit the story point target (because it's not effort; they're most certainly time estimates bordering on contracts)? You should have spoken up! You did to say it was poorly scoped? That was on you to reticket and rescope. You did that? How much time did you spend doing that instead of completing the task?

Naturally they don't accept any of the downsides themselves; this is a developer process after all!

Smugworth posted:

Smugworth posted:

You should get certified in Scaled Agile Framework (SAFe)

MuadDib Atreides posted:

*swinigng by the manager office to talk about the weekends little league game (Junior knocked it out of the park I trust?)? Yup I'm not sure why the other engineers can't seem to log their hours and estimates properly... I guess that's why there's engineers and managers Haha well.... I should get back to my desk. Got to bust open this coconut!

frumpykvetchbot posted:

My employer is a subsidiary of some ginormous megacorp you've heard of.

I'm a prototyping hardware engineer with a very narrow specialty that I will not divulge, but it pays well to be one of the very few who can do what I do.

I work from home, halfway around the planet from the office.

I sync with my boss over skype 3 or 4 times a week. I don't attend meetings, I barely get or send any email.

I learned my trade from a former colleague who was nearing retirement and convinced me to become a sort of journeyman or understudy.

Now I have my own lab and makerspace downstairs. My commute is 20 steps. I don't have an alarm clock. I own and manage my equipment and I have no corporate monitoring software tracking my activities. I don't check in or check out.

All they ask of me is that I deliver what I promise. I figure out the rest.

Once a year we have a performance review. I haven't had a complaint.

I should be happy. I know this won't last. There will be some kind of reset, the trap will spring shut and one day I find myself facing the prospect of having to check in to some ghastly open office plan with a company issued HP or Dell laptop and wearing a badge with a lanyard around my neck as a noose. I hope I have enough saved up by then to just walk.

Peggy Edson posted:

open a vein much op?

Tarkus posted:

So, to people who've worked under these systems, do they actually work when implemented correctly? It could be my oppositional defiance coming through but it seems like a nightmare that wouldn't work but at the same time, leading a bunch of people on a big project needs some structure.

Tarkus posted:

So, to people who've worked under these systems, do they actually work when implemented correctly?

Tarkus posted:

So, to people who've worked under these systems, do they actually work when implemented correctly? It could be my oppositional defiance coming through but it seems like a nightmare that wouldn't work but at the same time, leading a bunch of people on a big project needs some structure.