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starbucks jennifer hosed up my cold brew again, I said no foam but there's clearly foam on top and it's not even the cold foam, it's that hot "textured" milk (probably cow milk oh no) and I'm too polite to stop drinking it. starbucks jennifer keeps staring at me expecting me to sip it politely and make that small smile like I'm some kind of suburban mona lisa looking motherfucker but I'm trying to discretely scrape the foam off so I don't get the rumbles, god, this is torture. oh no she saw me, and she's frowning, I have to take the L on this. oh god it's cow milk. okay she's smiling again. she's got too many teeth. oh no. oh gently caress. oh wow she just took a bite out of starbucks blair. okay. if I don't nice I don't think she can see me.
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Jun 17, 2023 15:25
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Randy Travesty posted:starbucks jennifer hosed up my cold brew again, I said no foam but there's clearly foam on top and it's not even the cold foam, it's that hot "textured" milk (probably cow milk oh no) and I'm too polite to stop drinking it. Don't worry, she can see through your mind that you are posting in BYOB, therefore you are a chill person therefore there will be no trouble. She's a bitch though. |
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Jun 17, 2023 15:28
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Is she still staring at you, maybe shes got the cooties for you (I don't know how to say that she likes you a lot in a word). |
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Jun 17, 2023 15:55
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there's no winning with starbucks jennifer. I asked for a "/skɒn/" and she said "do you mean /skoʊn/?" the next week I asked for a "/skoʊn/" and she said "actually it's pronounced /skɒn/." I think she might be loving with me but I can't tell. I just want my loving pastry, jennifer.
Manifisto fucked around with this message at 16:26 on Jun 17, 2023
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Jun 17, 2023 16:23
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Manifisto posted:there's no winning with starbucks jennifer. I asked for a "/skɒn/" and she said "do you mean /skoʊn/?" the next week I asked for a "/skoʊn/" and she said "actually it's pronounced /skɒn/." I think she might be loving with me but I can't tell. I just want my loving pastry, jennifer. What's a pastry, sounds like "Pasteles" here in Spain. |
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Jun 17, 2023 16:26
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Starbucks Jennifer handed me an actual authentic macchiato and not the Starbucks version. I... what?
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Jun 17, 2023 16:30
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Billa posted:What's a pastry, sounds like "Pasteles" here in Spain. a pastry is literally un pastel, but in english they're usually specifically sweet snacks or breakfast foods 
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Jun 17, 2023 16:37
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W̴̧̰̬̦̖̯̗̄̿͐͗̾̃͛̿͆̏̎̉̃͝͝e̸̢̛͎̰̺̩̱͈̲͍͖̻̰̭̠̓͆́̀̎̽͒͛̈̃̃̅́͘͜͝͠l̷̡̨̛̛̤͎̳̼̺̦͚̻̭̿̆́͜c̷̢̢͓̖͈̞̹͈̗͖̤̟͙̝̙̻̅͒ͅo̷̡̅͆̇̆̚͠m̸̞͇̖̓ȩ̶̨̛̘͍̗̙̥̊̾ ̷̧̼͖͎͔̘̤͓̳̼͎̟͋̾̿͌̐͆́͑̃̓͜t̸̞͉̘̪̻̊͂̊̏̓̚͝o̵̟̲͒̈̆̈́́ ̵̢̧̧̰͙͚̼̥͇̖͔̬̱̱͍̝͉̤̀̋̀̄́̀̈̓̉͐͛̉͘͝S̶̨͓͔͈̝͍̩̳͊̕t̵̢̳̥̥͎̞̺̮̠͖͇̟͑͆̑̑ͅa̶̧̛̛̯͆̾̈́̀̉͋̕͠r̴̛̰̮̥̞̙̓̀͑̈͒̐̽̅͠b̶̼̬̘̺̤̦͑͐́́̿́́̄̾͐̿̊̂̿ͅú̴̟̘͇̈́̌̉͗͌͘͝͝͠c̷̦̯̹̭̠̐̉̍̏̐͝k̵̢̭̙̞͎̠̟̬̗͛s̴̢̲͉̻̙͙̻͌̓̅͛̑̏̿̚͝.̵͍͇̺̤̦͈̝͓̙͑̈̀̓̂̀̓̃̽̀̕̕͝ ̴̧̢͚̩͚̝͕̺͇̱͍̥̯̥͓͖̭͆̔́̀̄̀́͊͒̔͐̚̕͘͝ ̸̩̖̓̾̈́̑͛̄͊͋̆̆̋͘͝͝M̴̯̭̣̞̩̖̣̟̼̬͇̋̓͌̓͂͛̿͒̑̏͋̎͌͘͘͠a̵̻̟͊̎͌̕̕͝y̸̧̭͕̦̬̮͚̭̪͈̘̦͉͙͙̦̜̋͂̐̍̉̐̋͆̾͌͐̓ͅ ̸̢͉̖̼͍̼̳̺̯̞̻͖̈́̂̿̾̈̇̄͘͘͝͠Ỉ̸̧̦͔͍̝͐ ̴͚̩̫̬͚͕̌̓́́͆͂̀̿̉̀̉͠t̷͚͉̬́̈̌̆̊͑̓̈̂̐̕a̵̼͈͖̺͌̈̅̉͌͌̓ǩ̵͓̭͇͊͗̀͘ȩ̷̞̮̻̫͕͔̝̺̥̦̌̽͐͠ ̴̛͖͓͎̈y̷̡̩̣̭̬͔͕̤͚̾̈̒̿͆̊̕͜͠͝ͅơ̴͍͚͍̗̣͖̽̂û̴̧̫̺̹̣͍̔r̵̡͙͚̭̋̇̈́͑̎̒̃͌̀̚̚͘͝͝ ̶͍̰̲̝͋͐̎̃́͋́͋̈͐͝ͅơ̵̢̮̖̣̲̖̻͇̫̑̇̽͑̔̏̇͌̊͌͆̾̓̐̎ṙ̶͇̘̼̜̭̱͍̱̗͒́̅̂̃̈́͜d̴̢̧̘̤͍͉͚̲̹͐̌̓̏̿͌̓͛̽͑̈́̀̐̆͘͜ͅę̵̡̘̘͖̦͈̩̟̜̏̈́̅̇͂̎̏̿̓̃͒͐̇̚ͅͅr̴̛̻͍͒̊̈́͋̚͝͠?̸̢̮̞̩͇͎͖͇̪͕͔̺͇͎̭̬̻̈́̊̃́̀̅̈́͗̔̌̒̒̄ |
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Jun 17, 2023 16:40
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your friend sk posted:a pastry is literally un pastel, but in english they're usually specifically sweet snacks or breakfast foods Oh I see. Thank you sir! |
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Jun 17, 2023 16:42
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well we can consider this case to be.... STAR BUNKED |
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Jun 17, 2023 16:49
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Khanstant posted:well we can consider this case to be.... STAR BUNKED 
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Jun 17, 2023 16:59
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Starbucks Jennifer asks me if I want my chocolate croissant heated up. I say no thank you. She says yes, yes I do and I get tunnel vision, my heart begins to pound in my ears and I feel what seems to be cold clawed fingers slowly closing around my throat. Yes, I weakly agree. Heated up. Everything returns to normal. None of the other patrons act as though anything unusual has happened. Did something happen? I can't quite remember. I graciously accept my warm croissant. The chocolate chips have melted and get all over everything. This really is better. Starbucks Jennifer knows what she's doing. |
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Jun 17, 2023 17:12
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Starbucks Jennifer is my favorite sumo kimarite |
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Jun 17, 2023 18:05
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I ask for a decaf medium roast. Starbucks Jennifer instead puts sunglasses on the counter. I put them on. My eyes are open. I see what the billboards and the newspapers are really saying. I tell my friend Frank Armitage to put them on, but he refuses. We have a sick rear end brawl in an alley.
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Jun 17, 2023 18:07
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Jennifer Starbuck, Full of Grace, The Grande is with thee. Blessed art thou among stars, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Buck. Wholly Jennifer Starbuck, pray for us sippers now, and at the hour of our morning constitution. |
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Jun 17, 2023 18:14
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I order my venti half-caf no-foam cappuccino, and jennifer snaps her fingers, and when I look over to the barista area . . . it's there, ready for me, with my name written neatly on the cup. I assume this is some kind of gimmick that she and the barista have worked out ahead of time but I swear I saw nothing and the barista was over by the sink, pointedly not looking in our direction.
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Jun 17, 2023 18:43
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"Starbucks Jennifer isn't real, she can't hurt you." Starbucks Jennifer: 
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Jun 17, 2023 18:53
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Zoya posted:"Starbucks Jennifer isn't real, she can't hurt you."
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Jun 17, 2023 18:54
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starbucks jennifer is a powerful enemy. i am drinking a black cold brew now. it doesn't taste quite right. like...chemical, almost. i am afraid to ask for a correction. she keeps staring at me. her eyes don't have any sclera. it's just eyes. black pools staring into the difference. many black pools. thousands. all seeing. all knowing. endless in their depth. like two holes that go straight past hell right into the void. it's probably just a little bit of disinfectant. maybe.
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Jun 17, 2023 20:07
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starbucks jennifer just got out of a toxic relationship and needs some space to be in her eldritch era
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Jun 18, 2023 07:16
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i go to starbucks and the barista asks me what i want. “a cappuccino” i say and she warmly acknowledges it, jotting it down and taking the payment. “it’ll come right up” she smiles and says. a few minutes go by and she finishes the drink, “a cappuccino for jennifer” she says loudly. nobody else seems to take note. she looks at me and says “you’re cappuccino, ma’am”. i’m confused, my name isn’t jennifer but how often do the baristas get your name correct? i walk up and take the cup. it’s not right. i’m not jennifer. i look down and i’m wearing a starbucks apron, my name tag says jennifer. “a cappuccino for jennifer” i say again. there’s no one in the store.
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Jun 18, 2023 13:30
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watho posted:i go to starbucks and the barista asks me what i want. “a cappuccino” i say and she warmly acknowledges it, jotting it down and taking the payment. “it’ll come right up” she smiles and says. a few minutes go by and she finishes the drink, “a cappuccino for jennifer” she says loudly. nobody else seems to take note. she looks at me and says “you’re cappuccino, ma’am”. i’m confused, my name isn’t jennifer but how often do the baristas get your name correct? i walk up and take the cup. it’s not right. i’m not jennifer. i look down and i’m wearing a starbucks apron, my name tag says jennifer. “a cappuccino for jennifer” i say again. there’s no one in the store.
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Jun 18, 2023 13:40
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watho posted:i go to starbucks and the barista asks me what i want. “a cappuccino” i say and she warmly acknowledges it, jotting it down and taking the payment. “it’ll come right up” she smiles and says. a few minutes go by and she finishes the drink, “a cappuccino for jennifer” she says loudly. nobody else seems to take note. she looks at me and says “you’re cappuccino, ma’am”. i’m confused, my name isn’t jennifer but how often do the baristas get your name correct? i walk up and take the cup. it’s not right. i’m not jennifer. i look down and i’m wearing a starbucks apron, my name tag says jennifer. “a cappuccino for jennifer” i say again. there’s no one in the store. |
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Jun 18, 2023 15:12
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The Starbuck's Jennifer is not currently endangered and has a vast habitat throughout North America. |
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Jun 18, 2023 15:15
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watho posted:i go to starbucks and the barista asks me what i want. “a cappuccino” i say and she warmly acknowledges it, jotting it down and taking the payment. “it’ll come right up” she smiles and says. a few minutes go by and she finishes the drink, “a cappuccino for jennifer” she says loudly. nobody else seems to take note. she looks at me and says “you’re cappuccino, ma’am”. i’m confused, my name isn’t jennifer but how often do the baristas get your name correct? i walk up and take the cup. it’s not right. i’m not jennifer. i look down and i’m wearing a starbucks apron, my name tag says jennifer. “a cappuccino for jennifer” i say again. there’s no one in the store. |
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Jun 18, 2023 15:49
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watho posted:i go to starbucks and the barista asks me what i want. “a cappuccino” i say and she warmly acknowledges it, jotting it down and taking the payment. “it’ll come right up” she smiles and says. a few minutes go by and she finishes the drink, “a cappuccino for jennifer” she says loudly. nobody else seems to take note. she looks at me and says “you’re cappuccino, ma’am”. i’m confused, my name isn’t jennifer but how often do the baristas get your name correct? i walk up and take the cup. it’s not right. i’m not jennifer. i look down and i’m wearing a starbucks apron, my name tag says jennifer. “a cappuccino for jennifer” i say again. there’s no one in the store.
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Jun 18, 2023 15:50
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starbucks jennifer: okay that’ll be right up what’s your name? me: it’s l— wait a minute i’m not falling for that one starbucks jennifer: ahhhh you got me! it was worth a try!
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Jun 18, 2023 22:58
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watho posted:starbucks jennifer: okay that’ll be right up what’s your name? starbucks jennifer has a closet full of changelings, where do you think all that foam comes from
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Jun 18, 2023 23:19
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Starbucks Jennifer's eyes start bleeding, thick black veins bulge on her arms and face, and she starts growling like Regan in The Exorcist. I glance over my shoulder just in time to see Dunkin's Stephanie pass by on the sidewalk. |
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Jun 18, 2023 23:50
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google THIS posted:Starbucks Jennifer's eyes start bleeding, thick black veins bulge on her arms and face, and she starts growling like Regan in The Exorcist. I glance over my shoulder just in time to see Dunkin's Stephanie pass by on the sidewalk. Dunkin' Stephanie! the Starbucks Jennifer cinematic universe is expanding...
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Jun 19, 2023 00:01
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dutch brothers jake has been staring in the window of the starbucks for six days now. I can't leave my table. my feet feel glued to the floor. starbucks jennifer is howling in pain from his presence. I try to buffer it, to soothe her mind with mine, as she slowly melds with my brain. I sip my venti honey oat milk triple flat white slowly, savoring each piping hot sip, for days on end. my mouth puckers, refusing another sip. I force the hot liquid into my mouth and down my throat, knowing this is the only way to survive, and keep staring back at dutch brothers jake. the air is electric. time has stopped.
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Jun 19, 2023 00:01
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I used to play bass for Starbucks Jennifer while their other bassist was recovering from a leg amputation. |
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Jun 19, 2023 00:41
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i ask starbucks jennifer for a dry cappucino starbucks brady behind the counter tells me that i've been in a coma for 16 years and starbucks jennifer no longer works here starbucks brady turns the payment terminal to me i tip 38% |
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Jun 19, 2023 00:41
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If you say "Starbucks Jennifer" three times while looking into a rear view mirror the next exit will have a Starbucks This will also happen if you say pretty much anything else but it's still kind of creepy |
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Jun 19, 2023 05:18
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jennibucks starfer
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA |
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Jun 19, 2023 08:52
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Starbuck Jennifer hands me my order then walks over to the piano. She plays All Along the Watchtower, then turns to me and says "my job is done" before disappearing into thin air
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Jun 19, 2023 09:37
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i always stop by starbucks on the way to work. yeah i know stereotypical millennial but it’s a nice ritual to start the day. i enter the coffee shop the same time i usually do and the barista greets me and asks if i want the usual. it’s always a bit embarrassing when you frequent any establishment enough that the staff recognizes you to the point where you have a “usual” but she’s cute enough that i’m more flustered than anything. her name tag says jennifer but i’ve already memorized the name at this point. i reply that yeah i do want the usual, arent i adventurous. she says that hey you like what you like don’t worry about it don’t be so down on yourself, at least you’re not overcompensating like darren. darren is my rear end in a top hat of a manager, i feel self conscious about how much i’ve complained about him to this woman but the comment still makes me laugh. she takes my payment and i can see her expression shift to something more serious. after a brief silence she says that i’m way more qualified to do what he does, that i shouldn’t take his abuse. i am a bit taken aback by the realization of how much of my grievances i’ve shared with one of the baristas at the starbucks i frequent but more than anything i feel validated. he is a piece of poo poo and i shouldn’t take that from him! she’s working the machinery but still talking to me, she says that he deserves what’s coming to him. i’m no longer following what she’s saying, i ask her what she means. she doesn’t elaborate. she reassures me that it’s the right thing to do, i still don’t understand. she says i do. i understand now. she hands me my coffee, i take a sip, i don’t like coffee. i’m late for work. i need to get to work.
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Jun 19, 2023 11:54
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Visiting Gettysburg and putting flowers on the grave of General Starbucks Jennifer. |
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Jun 19, 2023 12:48
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watho posted:i always stop by starbucks on the way to work. yeah i know stereotypical millennial but it’s a nice ritual to start the day. i enter the coffee shop the same time i usually do and the barista greets me and asks if i want the usual. it’s always a bit embarrassing when you frequent any establishment enough that the staff recognizes you to the point where you have a “usual” but she’s cute enough that i’m more flustered than anything. her name tag says jennifer but i’ve already memorized the name at this point. i reply that yeah i do want the usual, arent i adventurous. she says that hey you like what you like don’t worry about it don’t be so down on yourself, at least you’re not overcompensating like darren. darren is my rear end in a top hat of a manager, i feel self conscious about how much i’ve complained about him to this woman but the comment still makes me laugh. 
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Jun 19, 2023 13:36
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| # ? May 6, 2024 19:32 |
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Zoya posted:Starbucks Jennifer: 
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Jun 21, 2023 02:17
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