|
|
Is that... it is! No way! How is somebody that wealthy and influential just riding up this office building elevator like a normal person? I would have thought they had their own jet-packs or something. Wild. Uh oh. We've stopped! The power is out!! Can't call for help, can't open the doors, only the emergency light to see by. Who knows how long we'll be stuck here? Well, you only get a chance like this once. So... - ...Warren Buffet, here's my pitch: coke machines that also dispense fat jokes. Pass a law, just like those cigarette packages with nasty surgery photos on 'em. Now whenever anybody buys a coke the vendo drops some dozens on 'em, like "now you two enjoy sharing that soda, oh, oh it's just one of you oh drat" or "oh wow a famous sumo wrestler can I have your autograph!?". You also get a photo of you being offended, printed out like a photo-booth at an old mall, it's a terrific deal! - ...Bill Gates, here's my pitch: everybody thinks you're putting microchips in stuff already so why not have your own brand of snack chips!? Bill Gates' Secret Chips are delicious and the guy on the bag with spiral-eyes and his arms stretched out like a sleepwalker, all-time classic snack mascot, just you wait. - ...Meryl Streep, here's my pitch: it's the not-too-distant-future and you play a vending machine that also dispenses fat jokes...
|
#
?
Jun 24, 2023 02:10
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 6, 2024 00:33 |
|
|
elevator pitches never go very far.
---------------- |
|
#
?
Jun 24, 2023 02:57
|
|
|
Doctor Dogballs posted:elevator pitches never go very far. long time no see dr. dogballs  u should join us in the trashed crew thread it's lively 2nite
|
|
#
?
Jun 24, 2023 03:21
|
|
|
And that’s a second batter hit with the elevator pitch! It looked like it was gonna be a strike but it ricocheted off the walls and hit the batter straight in the balls
Apparently I'm #1 Kotori fan |
|
#
?
Jun 24, 2023 03:47
|
|
|
BoldFrankensteinMir posted:
|
|
#
?
Jun 24, 2023 04:16
|
|
|
I hardly know 'er pitch! |
|
#
?
Jun 24, 2023 04:23
|
|
|
Doctor Dogballs posted:elevator pitches never go very far. they have their ups and downs |
|
#
?
Jun 24, 2023 06:41
|
|
|
|
canyoneer posted:they have their ups and downs the best ones allow them to get in on the ground floor |
|
#
?
Jun 25, 2023 12:57
|
|
|
Areola Grande posted:long time no see dr. dogballs he got cut off in traffic! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA |
|
#
?
Jun 25, 2023 13:25
|
|
|
i'd probably go low and inside, then an upstairs heater, finish off with an outside curve
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA |
|
#
?
Jun 25, 2023 13:26
|
|
|
|
I always wondered if dogs grasp the concept of elevators. You enter a door, the door closes, there's some vague sense of movement, then the door reopens and you're somewhere with a different smell. So far so normal, but, do they understand that they just went 30 storeys into the air? |
|
#
?
Jun 25, 2023 22:37
|
|
|
have they ever thought about the elevator's yaw?
Apparently I'm #1 Kotori fan |
|
#
?
Jun 27, 2023 02:17
|
|
|
In an elevator, already sweating through my deodorant from the walk to the office. I see a man in a three piece suit approach, walking into the elevator with me. I avoid eye contact, obviously. "Wha-f'loor?" I mumble out incoherently while shuffling my feet. He reaches past me with a disapproving frown and presses the button for the 5th floor. Oh god, oh gently caress. I have to make this pitch and make it quick. Sweating profusely now, wiping my brow with a shirt cuff and it's immediately discolored from dampness. Rat football team? no, no, not again. Shower-mounted shampoo reservoir? Maybe, gently caress, gently caress gently caress. Wait, no, berry cologne! "Youeverheardofberrycologne? Itslike uh, uh, like herbal and stolistic, and I make it from local wildlife" I stammer out too quickly. The man turns in utter confusion, unconsciously taking a step back. I start rummaging around in my jacket coat pockets. There's hay falling out and the man thinks he saw a gnat fly out due to the disturbance, before my sweaty face brightens and I exclaim, "Aha! I always keep a bit on me, for samples, you know like a marketing sort of thing" The man starts speaking up, presumably to declare his interest in making a bid immediately, but my enthusiasm roars past his part in this dance of the minds. "You can have a free spray! It smells really good and natty!" I shout, immediately realizing my volume isn't appropriate for this setting but once again realizing too late. I wipe my brow again but it's the hand I'm holding the sample in, and sweat drops got rinsed over what appears to be an emptied out Tic-Tac container. I wipe the cologne sample container on my knee, giving a forced warm smile and chuckle, sort of elbowing the air next to me in a "shucks" type motion, but again realize it's not really how that gesture is meant to work and break eye contact to inspect the floor. "Ding" The elevator just hit the 5th floor, I gotta move quick or its over for me. The man, now backed solidly into a corner with his back against the wall and eyeing the door intently, says nothing. A lot of people are at a loss for words when confronted with genius. "Smile!" I exclaim, not really thinking about that being more for cameras, and I spray the man all over his business-forward face. (Shaking the Tic-Tac container at him, there's no spray mechanism yet -- funding should address that soon). The man starts retching and coughing and choking in sounds not capturable by way of onomatopoeia, his stark white dress shirt now stained some kind of pale yellow, and once he clears his throat and gasps in some air, all he can manage is a, "Jesus, gently caress" He's impressed! It's a strong aroma, to be sure, but so is the taste of a good whiskey or a nice river stone. I start feeling a little dizzy myself, teetering backwards but catching myself on the elevator handrail. The man composes himself, takes a step towards the now open door, but then pauses. "You got something here, champ. And I mean got something good. What's on your schedule for the day? Clear it! Because I'm about to introduce you to my board, my CFO, and a pool of investors we have just waiting for something this good." I wipe a tear from my eye, smiling widely. I shake the man's hand and he only gets a tiny bit damp from it. I blink the tears away and.... Oh...oh no.... I open my eyes and find myself slouched against the elevator wall. The elevator reads "1" and a few concerned police officers are standing around while a fire man is checking my vitals. It happened again 
|
|
#
?
Jun 27, 2023 02:58
|
|
|
More of a paternoster guy, myself. |
|
#
?
Jun 27, 2023 21:47
|
|
|
"Okay, the show is me, Elevator, playing a standup comic also named Elevator..." |
|
#
?
Jun 28, 2023 06:52
|
|
|
|
"Okay, so what if you could turn your pee into ice cold mountain spring fresh, naturally carbonated water?", I say while simultaneously unzipping my fly and reaching into my inside jacket pocket.
|
|
#
?
Jun 30, 2023 06:24
|
|
|
|
Hey, you wanna get high? |
|
#
?
Jun 30, 2023 06:31
|
|
|
|
I pull my trusty baseball out of my pocket...
|
|
#
?
Jun 30, 2023 16:43
|
|
|
I'll admit it, Otis makes good equipment. Time and time again I get told by my clients, sorry, their quote was more competitive, and for a purchase and install cost that's true. But the way they always get you is by soaking you on the maintenance. Total cost of ownership skyrockets once you hit those major maintenance milestones at 5 and 10 years. Lot of these big corporate buyers don't care because it's the other department and the next guys budget by that point. But if it's your own money you really got to go with a Schindler for the best long term cost of ownership for this capital asset you want to get 40 years useful life out of. |
|
#
?
Jul 1, 2023 08:07
|
|
|
|
I have an idea for elevators that take longer so I can include more detail in my pitches |
|
#
?
Jul 1, 2023 10:11
|
|
|
|
canyoneer posted:I'll admit it, Otis makes good equipment. Time and time again I get told by my clients, sorry, their quote was more competitive, and for a purchase and install cost that's true. But the way they always get you is by soaking you on the maintenance. Total cost of ownership skyrockets once you hit those major maintenance milestones at 5 and 10 years. Lot of these big corporate buyers don't care because it's the other department and the next guys budget by that point. But if it's your own money you really got to go with a Schindler for the best long term cost of ownership for this capital asset you want to get 40 years useful life out of. |
|
#
?
Jul 1, 2023 14:16
|
|
|
more like elevator BITCHES
|
|
#
?
Jul 2, 2023 13:38
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 6, 2024 00:33 |
|
|
|
woah this elevator is pitching! hold on!!
|
|
#
?
Jul 2, 2023 19:58
|
|
