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If you've got a hateboner and want to read something hilariously scathing Walter Chaw's got you covered. Honestly he sounds like he's overreacting even just going by his own descriptions but that's part of what makes it a fun read: https://www.filmfreakcentral.net/ffc/2023/06/indiana-jones-and-the-dial-of-destiny.html ... Indy 5 tries to infuse some life into itself with the addition of Phoebe Waller-Bridge, whose Helena Shaw introduces herself as a young woman Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) knew at some indeterminate point in the past. Given that Indy's reunion with Marion (Karen Allen) in Raiders of the Lost Ark drops the nugget that she was likely a victim of statutory rape ("I was a child. I was in love. It was wrong and you knew it"), I spent a few minutes wondering if Indy had molested a child Helena. But while Helena--the daughter of new character Basil Shaw (Toby Jones), the obvious replacement for Marcus Brody (the late Denholm Elliott)--remains blissfully clear of one of the darker intimations of the Indiana Jones character, she does function as a hollow doppelgänger for Marion, just as Basil is a hollow shade of Marcus. Meaning that for as bad as the de-aging effects are in this picture, its sparkless attempts to recapture some of the chemistry of the original films are somehow worse. ... Considering the state of this country and its embarrassing, exportable culture, the boring, vaguely malignant fucknuttery of Indy 5 is actually the perfect synecdoche for our time and place. Nostalgia is a hell of a soporific--a deadly barbiturate, addictive and emotionally stunting. Unless you think "Make America Great Again" is a slogan peddling progress. ... Helena's main character trait is that she's a smug, tedious piece of poo poo who likes to gently caress; I've never watched "Fleabag" and I think I'll skip it now. ... It's easily the worst film of a series that has been maddening before, scattershot before, even bad before, but never so facile (including the jungle swinging in Crystal Skull). Never so pathetic. I wish I could dial back time a few hours.
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Jun 29, 2023 01:00
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| # ? May 6, 2024 02:37 |
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My abiding memory of The Force Awakens is 'Oh man, Han Solo got so old'. It genuinally bummed me out, so I think I'll be giving this one a miss.
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Jun 29, 2023 01:09
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I liked part 3 when Indy literally burned 3 people to death on a boat because some lovely trinket needed to be in the back corner of a museum where no one would look at it. *Indiana Jones would probably show up to your house and murder you for your comic book collection. Warm und Fuzzy fucked around with this message at 01:23 on Jun 29, 2023 |
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Jun 29, 2023 01:19
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“Somehow, Indiana Jones returned.”
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Jun 29, 2023 02:18
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Warm und Fuzzy posted:*Indiana Jones would probably show up to your house and murder you for your comic book collection. 
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Jun 29, 2023 02:43
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Looks real bad op
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Jun 29, 2023 02:50
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Indy said punching nazis is cool, so yeah go get em guy.
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Jun 29, 2023 02:50
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Fleabag is cool and good
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Jun 29, 2023 02:53
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Indiana Jones and the Pick of Destiny
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Jun 29, 2023 03:12
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They should just do Indiana Jones in Space, like Jason X.
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Jun 29, 2023 03:24
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i hope they have a scene where indiana jones meets a young elon musk there are nazis in the movie so it's not out of the question
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Jun 29, 2023 03:24
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Indiana Jones and the Retirement Home
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Jun 29, 2023 03:27
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Indiana Jones and the we know where the holy grail fell, let's go back and dig it up.
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Jun 29, 2023 03:40
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The early reviews said the movie was boring and depressing and stated that Waller bridge’s character was “insufferably annoying”. It’s currently on track to lose so much money that Putin might throw Harrison Ford out a window.
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Jun 29, 2023 03:53
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It's the greatest film I've ever seen
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Jun 29, 2023 03:56
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Disney has become really good at destroying the properties it paid billions for.
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Jun 29, 2023 05:47
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The commercials make it look like he is still fighting Nazis but how is he like 40 years older than he was when he was in the old movies but still is fighting the Nazis?
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Jun 29, 2023 05:59
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Somehow, the nazis returned
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Jun 29, 2023 06:00
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The dial is destiny is in my medical cabinet
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Jun 29, 2023 06:11
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I thought it was the Pick of Destiny
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Jun 29, 2023 06:26
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Pick is a furry not a destiny
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Jun 29, 2023 06:27
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Indiana Jones and the Isle of EpsteinBad Purchase posted:yeah, this rings a bell, the woman he had a history with and rescues / helps rescue from the nazis implied that he had been romantically involved with her when she was underage *Indiana fiddling with the dial, putting it on 16 with a sick smile on his face*
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Jun 29, 2023 07:28
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No Mods No Masters posted:Somehow, the nazis returned Look, I think we've all been on the internet here long enough to know exactly how the nazi's returned.
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Jun 29, 2023 07:54
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This is going to be one of those films people watch for nostalgia and the end go "well it was watchable, but why was it made?" To eachother.
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Jun 29, 2023 08:03
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No Mods No Masters posted:Somehow, the nazis returned fairly believable
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Jun 29, 2023 08:32
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dr_rat posted:Look, I think we've all been on the internet here long enough to know exactly how the nazi's returned. I would watch 80 year old Indy punch Proud Boys
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Jun 29, 2023 12:08
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SidneyIsTheKiller posted:If you've got a hateboner and want to read something hilariously scathing Walter Chaw's got you covered. Honestly he sounds like he's overreacting even just going by his own descriptions but that's part of what makes it a fun read: There's no way this movie is very good, but this dude's reviews are loving wild. Like in his 3 star review of M3GAN, the movie about a killer robot doll: Walter Chaw posted:Which brings us to the question M3GAN refuses to confront. If you make a little blonde doll that looks like a 12-year-old Fiona Gubelmann, you're opening an entire hornet's nest of uncomfortable issues that would be fascinating to address. What happens when unfettered tech capitalism collides with pedophilia? I mean, the Replicants in Blade Runner are soldiers, teachers...and prostitutes. Even Spielberg's A.I. recognizes that great leaps in technology are historically tied to warfare and rutting. Or his 2 1/2 star review of The Munsters. Walter Chaw posted:There's a scene in The Munsters where Lily goes to see Herman perform with his band at a club. She sits by herself near the back and Herman puts on an incredible show: uninhibited, rocking, electric (to borrow one of the show's favourite gags, calling back to Herman's laboratory birth). The exuberance of it, the innocence of the next scene when Lily asks for a date and Herman tries, unsuccessfully, to play it cool--all of that is about to be doused by the reality of their marriage being mocked and assaulted in America. They are immigrants in the TV show, shunned, feared, constantly Othered, and yet resolutely moral and fair, even good-natured and happy, in the face of everything. But it's got to cut and, on occasion, it does. The film is before all that, when everything is still hopeful and possible for them; the series is the story of their coming back to earth. Should Zombie get a sequel to The Munsters, it could potentially be as devastating as his Halloween II or The Devil's Rejects--these follow-ups where innocence mellows into noxious experience.
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Jun 29, 2023 13:46
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Toxic Mental posted:I'm gonna see it and hopefully it's fun. 
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Jun 29, 2023 13:50
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It's less embarrassing than Ghostbusters:Afterlife, and less needy than The Force Awakens, but probably not as good. I was entertained and rarely angry at it, but I doubt I'll remember it by tomorrow.
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Jun 29, 2023 13:53
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If a movie was made after 2006 then there's a 91% probability I will not ever watch it. For 15+ -year sequels that probability rises to 99%.
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Jun 29, 2023 14:59
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Dynastocles posted:If a movie was made after 2006 then there's a 91% probability I will not ever watch it. For 15+ -year sequels that probability rises to 99%. badass
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Jun 29, 2023 15:01
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I'm not some loving PLEBIAN who consumes mass media 
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Jun 29, 2023 15:04
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goons have a proud history of being media illiterate the fact that they know names of stuff now is progress
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Jun 29, 2023 15:05
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Honestly I think Indiana Jones has always been a bit poo poo. Raiders isn’t awful but Temple of Doom is absolutely laborious.
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Jun 29, 2023 15:13
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I liked The Fate of Atlantis 
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Jun 29, 2023 15:21
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I still haven't seen any Indiana Jones films and tbh the advice on which of the originals to watch is so confusing. I've heard that there is one of the originals to be avoided at all costs but which one that is changes every time. I guess I'll just do my own watch order as follows: RLM review of temple of doom Fate of Atlantis 🔮 💀 Fleabag (again)
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Jun 29, 2023 15:29
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A Fancy Hat posted:There's no way this movie is very good, but this dude's reviews are loving wild. Like in his 3 star review of M3GAN, the movie about a killer robot doll: dude definitely posts here lol
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Jun 29, 2023 15:30
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Lampsacus posted:I still haven't seen any Indiana Jones films and tbh the advice on which of the originals to watch is so confusing. I've heard that there is one of the originals to be avoided at all costs but which one that is changes every time. I guess I'll just do my own watch order as follows: All three of the original ones are worth watching at least once. The first one is the best one, the second and third are both tonally different. Temple of doom is way more violent and less goofy, last crusade is more cartoonish and silly.
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Jun 29, 2023 15:38
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I guess that was a shitpost but whatever
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Jun 29, 2023 15:38
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Temple of Doom is uh, not good
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Jun 29, 2023 15:42
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