Are you a dude? Do you need wiped?

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Are you a dude? Do you need wiped?

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Toxic Mental: Jun 1, 2019

Reaganomicon posted:

how are these better than papmers baby wipes, which i use exclusevily

# ? Jul 3, 2023 00:59

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# ? May 3, 2024 21:36

Grey Cat: Jun 3, 2023; Doing stuff and things

Toxic Mental posted:

why not just wad up some toilet paper and splash a little warm water on it from the sink

In the public restroom? You want me to waddle, dripping poo poo into my dropped trousers, just to wet wipe my crack at the sink?

# ? Jul 3, 2023 01:00

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

Buce posted:

posting in the july bidet thread

The official Biden bidet

# ? Jul 3, 2023 01:01

Toxic Mental: Jun 1, 2019

Grey Cat posted:

In the public restroom? You want me to waddle, dripping poo poo into my dropped trousers, just to wet wipe my crack at the sink?

yes

# ? Jul 3, 2023 01:04

Grey Cat: Jun 3, 2023; Doing stuff and things

Toxic Mental posted:

yes

Alright well I'll try this next time and report back.

# ? Jul 3, 2023 01:05

greatBigJerk: Sep 6, 2010; My final form.

Wipes are useful when you have a fissure and your shits feel like passing razor blades. loving throw them in the garbage though, only animals flush them.

# ? Jul 3, 2023 01:37

dervival: Apr 23, 2014

specifically beavers and other animals that like to restrict water flows

# ? Jul 3, 2023 18:05

Chinatown: Sep 11, 2001; by Fluffdaddy; Fun Shoe

i just took a huge poo poo

wait is this teh thread for that now or what

# ? Jul 3, 2023 18:07

dervival: Apr 23, 2014

spread 'em, buddy

# ? Jul 3, 2023 18:08

Grey Cat: Jun 3, 2023; Doing stuff and things

Toxic Mental posted:

yes

Ok, this was horrible advice, they kicked me out of the local Walmart.

# ? Jul 3, 2023 18:10

dervival: Apr 23, 2014

that sounds like it was for the best then

# ? Jul 3, 2023 18:20

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

I have a butt

do I need these

?

# ? Jul 3, 2023 22:06

Good Sphere: Jun 16, 2018

Dude Wipes: Hot Spicy Cheetos �Flavor�

# ? Jul 4, 2023 17:59

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

I'm actually working on training my toilet right now. I've started flushing baby wipes and seems to be working okay, plan is to build up strength until it eventually can handle shop towels

# ? Jul 4, 2023 18:04

Colonel Cancer: Sep 26, 2015; Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

If you can flush a firework, you can flush a dude wipe!

# ? Jul 4, 2023 18:07

dervival: Apr 23, 2014

Nooner posted:

I'm actually working on training my toilet right now. I've started flushing baby wipes and seems to be working okay, plan is to build up strength until it eventually can handle shop towels

that sounds like training a fusebox to take coins instead of fuses

# ? Jul 4, 2023 18:16

I. M. Gei: Jun 26, 2005; CHIEFS

BITCH

dervival posted:

you gently caress your mother with that butt?

She fucks YOU with it :dukedog:

# ? Jul 4, 2023 18:36

Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

wiping with friends

# ? Jul 4, 2023 18:39

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

I have a work bidet and a home bidet

I don't ever wipe

# ? Jul 4, 2023 18:41

MakaVillian: Aug 16, 2003; Well, in Whoville they say - that his tiny hands grew three sizes that day.

WAR CRIME GIGOLO posted:

I have a work bidet and a home bidet

I don't ever wipe

What are you, The King of France?

# ? Jul 4, 2023 18:42

Bad Purchase: Jun 17, 2019

if you get a decent pressure washer you can set up an easy side hustle blasting those crusty bricks from dude's asses.

let's say you can do 8 customers per weekend at $80+tip per, and most dudes are gonna want quarterly appointments. build up your client rolodex through friends, family, work, church, what have you until you've got 100 regulars and you're set.

that's $32k in income plus tips per year, and uncle sam doesn't need to know a thing. and that's just for starters by the way.

you can start to add in little extras for an upcharge, a spray of Pine-Sol, rear end wax, maybe even happy endings for those special customers. plus, don't forget the bricks. you can collect them, dry them out, and sell the chips as firestarters.

not long until you can buy a second washer, take on an apprentice or two, and grow the empire. you'll be bringing in the figgies and not even lifting a finger yourself a few years from now.

# ? Jul 4, 2023 19:23

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Bad Purchase posted:

if you get a decent pressure washer you can set up an easy side hustle blasting those crusty bricks from dude's asses.

let's say you can do 8 customers per weekend at $80+tip per, and most dudes are gonna want quarterly appointments. build up your client rolodex through friends, family, work, church, what have you until you've got 100 regulars and you're set.

that's $32k in income plus tips per year, and uncle sam doesn't need to know a thing. and that's just for starters by the way.

you can start to add in little extras for an upcharge, a spray of Pine-Sol, rear end wax, maybe even happy endings for those special customers. plus, don't forget the bricks. you can collect them, dry them out, and sell the chips as firestarters.

not long until you can buy a second washer, take on an apprentice or two, and grow the empire. you'll be bringing in the figgies and not even lifting a finger yourself a few years from now.

Merchandising would produce generational statism op I shant

# ? Jul 4, 2023 19:25

3 DONG HORSE: May 22, 2008; I'd like to thank Satan for everything he's done for this organization

my friend got some free dude wipes (like a whole case) through his marketing job and gave me some and they were pretty dang good. basically baby wipes though which i already use. tho a bidet is superior in both function and feels :3:

# ? Jul 4, 2023 19:25

Icochet: Mar 18, 2008; I have a very small TV. Don't make fun of it! Please don't shame it like that~; Grimey Drawer

Cheese slicer supremacy

# ? Jul 4, 2023 19:33

Treecko: Apr 23, 2008; The Official Demon Girl
Boss of 2022!

This is what happens when nobody can figure out the 3 seashells method.

Those don't flush either btw somebody send help

# ? Jul 4, 2023 19:45

dervival: Apr 23, 2014

uh, if you're using a pressure washer to try and clean some dude's rear end, you're going to get someone hospitalized

possibly yourself, I dunno

# ? Jul 4, 2023 19:59

Smugworth: Apr 18, 2003

wipe me joe rogan

# ? Jul 4, 2023 20:05

Toxic Mental: Jun 1, 2019

I always flush baby wipes after I wipe my lovely rear end in a top hat with them. It says flushable right on the package ya bozos lol

# ? Jul 4, 2023 20:12

Panic! At The Tesco: Aug 19, 2005; FART

Toxic Mental posted:

I always flush baby wipes after I wipe my lovely rear end in a top hat with them. It says flushable right on the package ya bozos lol

sewer monster made of wipes and poop is gonna come get ya

# ? Jul 4, 2023 20:31

Dumb Sex-Parrot: Dec 25, 2020

Bad Purchase posted:

if you get a decent pressure washer you can set up an easy side hustle blasting those crusty bricks from dude's asses.

let's say you can do 8 customers per weekend at $80+tip per, and most dudes are gonna want quarterly appointments. build up your client rolodex through friends, family, work, church, what have you until you've got 100 regulars and you're set.

that's $32k in income plus tips per year, and uncle sam doesn't need to know a thing. and that's just for starters by the way.

you can start to add in little extras for an upcharge, a spray of Pine-Sol, rear end wax, maybe even happy endings for those special customers. plus, don't forget the bricks. you can collect them, dry them out, and sell the chips as firestarters.

not long until you can buy a second washer, take on an apprentice or two, and grow the empire. you'll be bringing in the figgies and not even lifting a finger yourself a few years from now.

think I'lll hold out for that sweet promotion down at the dick sucking factory instead

# ? Jul 4, 2023 20:37

Chinatown: Sep 11, 2001; by Fluffdaddy; Fun Shoe

bossy lady posted:

"need wiped"

# ? Jul 4, 2023 21:01

flubber nuts: Oct 5, 2005

I'm interested in poo poo retention.

# ? Jul 4, 2023 21:01

Treecko: Apr 23, 2008; The Official Demon Girl
Boss of 2022!

No poo poo September is right around the corner, clutch it til Oct. 1st.

Eat some fiber and make an andaconda

# ? Jul 4, 2023 21:52

Toxic Mental: Jun 1, 2019

Panic! At The Tesco posted:

sewer monster made of wipes and poop is gonna come get ya

good i'll fight it

# ? Jul 4, 2023 21:54

Partyworm: Jul 8, 2004; Tired of partying

Are there actual real people out there not wiping because they might accidentally touch their butthole and enjoy it?

# ? Jul 4, 2023 22:06

Treecko: Apr 23, 2008; The Official Demon Girl
Boss of 2022!

Touching your butt rules

It's mine tho, nobody else touch it

# ? Jul 4, 2023 22:13

Tarkus: Aug 27, 2000

Partyworm posted:

Are there actual real people out there not wiping because they might accidentally touch their butthole and enjoy it?

Touching your own anus is gay. That's why I hire a man to do it for me.

# ? Jul 4, 2023 22:14

Henry Lee Mucus: Dec 11, 2003

You wipe your puss with those and your clit is gonna droop hogly

# ? Jul 4, 2023 22:23

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD: Jan 21, 2007

bossy lady posted:

Who needs wipes? Why do you not simply fart so hard that every last bit of poo poo gets blown out like everyone else?

# ? Jul 4, 2023 22:26

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# ? May 3, 2024 21:36

MEIN RAVEN: Oct 7, 2008; Gutentag Mein Raven

As a totally straight guy who loves women, these will totally help me get clean after I get railed by all the big, powerful men who just plow me every Friday night. It�s not gay or anything, I just do it to prove how straight I am. No gay poo poo no sir

# ? Jul 4, 2023 22:27

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Are you a dude? Do you need wiped?

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