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A beautiful sunny day rolls over the pristine suburban neighborhood. The beloved husband sets up his grill, his "Kiss the Chef" apron on full display, tinkering and toying with valves and mechanisms. The doting wife playing with their young daughter and showing her how to sew buttons and fetch beers. Their young lad is milling about, preparing something wonderful. All of a sudden the firework in the boy's hand goes off prematurely, severing his fingers instantly. The cacophony of screams, smoke and blood disorient them as they try to make sense of what is going on. The boy, now trembling and on his knees, sobbingly begs, "please, call an ambulance, please." The heads of the family exchange knowing looks, and the father unholsters the revolver he always carries. "I'm sorry, son, we can't afford that sort of medical bill." As he approaches the son begins to reason with him. "You can't do this! This isn't allowed!" A tear falls from the man's eye, as he grimaces and replies, "Castle doctrine." Cut to black. Fade in text: "Happy 4th of July. Next time try Arby's."
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Jul 2, 2023 09:23
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| # ? May 2, 2024 01:34 |
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And whaddya call this act? The americans 
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Jul 2, 2023 10:03
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Bitchass kid deserved it honestly
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Jul 2, 2023 13:33
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I've always wondered what that would feel like. Would my hand go numb from shock, or more like a thousand bullet ants throwing up in my bones?
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Jul 2, 2023 13:39
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A gender reveal party goes accordingly.
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Jul 2, 2023 13:40
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Colonel Cancer posted:And whaddya call this act? The americans I feel like there’s still plenty of room for the dad to start jacking off the dog in this one. Let’s workshop it.
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Jul 2, 2023 13:51
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well what hte gently caress is the dad gonna do about the funeral bills then
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Jul 2, 2023 14:11
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Rock Puncher posted:well what hte gently caress is the dad gonna do about the funeral bills then suck mom's cock that's what
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Jul 2, 2023 14:13
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Rock Puncher posted:well what hte gently caress is the dad gonna do about the funeral bills then It only costs $15 to pay a hobo to take the body.
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Jul 2, 2023 14:20
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lushka16 posted:It only costs $15 to pay a hobo to take the body. 20 Blunts posted:suck mom's cock that's what dads got the skills that pay tha bills
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Jul 2, 2023 14:20
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lushka16 posted:It only costs $15 to pay a hobo to take the body. Free if you just tell your kids to bury it in the backyard.
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Jul 2, 2023 18:20
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Rock Puncher posted:well what hte gently caress is the dad gonna do about the funeral bills then Wood box
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Jul 2, 2023 21:07
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bury him next to the others. yeehaw
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Jul 2, 2023 21:08
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I hate this holiday. Random fireworks setting off my panics; someone woke us up at 2am with a mortar near the bedroom window today. Bunch of bellends spending $2000 on fireworks to impress the neighbors but can't afford to get their kids clothes. Children and Drunks playing with explosives, lighting things on fire, getting themselves killed. All repercussions are deserved. So hopefully more fingers teach more lessons this year.
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Jul 2, 2023 21:11
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yeah op big true true
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Jul 2, 2023 21:13
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Rock Puncher posted:well what hte gently caress is the dad gonna do about the funeral bills then https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Economy_coffin
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Jul 2, 2023 21:32
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Ah, but here in America, the son also has a firearm. As Dad approaches, arm raised to fire, the son reaches back with his uninjured hand and pulls his own 9mm handgun from his waistband and puts two between Dad’s eyes. “Happy Fourth of JuDIE, pops!”
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Jul 2, 2023 21:45
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do ED doctors and nurses just loving hate the 4th of july or do they think like "i get to treat some badass wounds for the next couple days"?
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Jul 2, 2023 21:47
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see? all this talk of doomerism taking over the forums, but here's a story about someone taking action to improve their life despite being dealt an unwinnable hand more posts like this please
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Jul 2, 2023 21:47
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The living envy the dead this July 4th, 
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Jul 2, 2023 21:50
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Kid: lights firework in his hands, explodes Me: put a mortar tube on top of my head and light it
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Jul 2, 2023 21:51
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You see, Breaking Bad could never have realistically taken place in somewhere like Canada, because Mexico is too far away.
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Jul 2, 2023 22:00
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Buce posted:do ED doctors and nurses just loving hate the 4th of july or do they think like "i get to treat some badass wounds for the next couple days"? I read some 4th of July advice from an ER doctor that amounted to "No fireworks at all, not even sparklers". Thanks doc!
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Jul 2, 2023 23:05
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WORLDSTAR
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Jul 2, 2023 23:14
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| # ? May 2, 2024 01:34 |
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Buce posted:do ED doctors and nurses just loving hate the 4th of july or do they think like "i get to treat some badass wounds for the next couple days"? as I understand it, they absofuckinglutely hate it, because all the normal accidents are still happening, which means they have to divide their care between a 9 year old who got crushed when a drunk driver ran a red light and a Boomer who blew his hand to bits trying to skip an M-80 across a lake.
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Jul 2, 2023 23:17
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