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*escapes on foot* *defense lawyer raises questions about forensic team's interest in feet*
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Jul 29, 2023 12:45
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 22:49 |
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step 1: Live stream
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Jul 29, 2023 12:55
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I felt threatened, your honor.
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Jul 29, 2023 12:58
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*is Hillary Clinton*
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Jul 29, 2023 13:04
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We get pencilhands as our lawyer Incase we need to fill the courtroom with bullshit
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Jul 29, 2023 13:07
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I would film the entire murder as part of a multimillion dollar project, to create an air of doubt over who did the murder.
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Jul 29, 2023 13:10
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Posting in the future murderer honeypot thread
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Jul 29, 2023 14:00
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ladies and gentlemen of the jury, if chewbacca lives on endor, you must acquit
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Jul 29, 2023 14:18
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Kill two people. Hire Johnny Cochran. Pretend glove doesn't fit.
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Jul 29, 2023 14:18
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I would simply not murder, OP.
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Jul 29, 2023 14:20
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Gifting a diabetic ADTRW poster a Japanese candy subscription box.
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Jul 29, 2023 14:27
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Gang stalk an already slightly crazy person until they get Morgellon's
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Jul 29, 2023 14:32
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How to (not) get away with murder: goon edition
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Jul 29, 2023 14:38
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I'm going to get a goon to do my murder for me for posting cred
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Jul 29, 2023 14:39
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DrSunshine posted:I would simply not murder, OP. 
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Jul 29, 2023 14:47
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Another failed goon murder.
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Jul 29, 2023 14:48
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i'd go for the classic stab them with an icicle, melt the evidence.
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Jul 29, 2023 14:51
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Step 1: Murder the OP with whatever is handy at the time. Step 2: Walk into the nearest police station and confess. Step 3: Walk out shortly thereafter to adoring crowds. Step 4: Get agent. Step 5: Begin monetization: book tours, podcasts, merchandise, etc Step 6: Party all the time.
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Jul 29, 2023 14:53
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Funky See Funky Do posted:Step 1: Murder the OP with whatever is handy at the time. Like OJ you better obey OShea
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Jul 29, 2023 14:54
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Panic! At The Tesco posted:i'd go for the classic stab them with an icicle, melt the evidence. Classic. Remember to pay for the icicle at the ice rink with your own credit card
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Jul 29, 2023 15:05
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Step 1: Be born a white male in a rich family. Step 2: I can do whatever I want.
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Jul 29, 2023 15:09
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Simply buy a load of plumbing supplies at various hardware stores, purchase ingredients for gunpowder from amazon and plant stores, create a bridgewire detonator from an old lightbulb and matches before finally moving into a cabin in the forest, publishing an insane treatise praising luddism and mailing your pipe bombs to people. You'll only get caught if your brother who recognises your insane rants snitches. So to make it foolproof be born an only child or with sisters.
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Jul 29, 2023 15:11
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Write their name in a mysterious black notebook that dropped from the sky.
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Jul 29, 2023 15:29
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Icochet posted:Classic. Remember to pay for the icicle at the ice rink with your own credit card i'll get it from the lighthouse in the OP of pencilhands latest hit thread
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Jul 29, 2023 15:30
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Step one: do not talk about murder in writing Step two: do not talk about murder, at all
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Jul 29, 2023 15:36
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Murder Jeffery in his sleep and then simply be long since dead of old age by the time anyone notices anything is amiss.
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Jul 29, 2023 15:42
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Step 1: sell them on mangosteen Step 2: get them hooked on goldbelly Step 3: out their wife beating tendencies to their consumer base Step 4: laugh as they murder themselves for you.
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Jul 29, 2023 16:11
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Fly a plane into a building
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Jul 29, 2023 16:13
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Schweinhund posted:Fly a plane into a building brb
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Jul 29, 2023 16:18
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1. Murder 2. Wash hands for A FULL 20 seconds You didn’t hear it from me.
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Jul 29, 2023 16:19
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Internalize all your pain and anger while keeping your happy mask on at all times so nobody can believe you’d have a motive Then, I don’t know, kill a person I guess, but it seems like a dumb thing to do
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Jul 29, 2023 16:20
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Step 1: Invent time travel Step 2: find out who's going to be on my murder trial jury. Step 3: Find out who is the person all the jury people hate the most in the world is. Step 4: Kill that person. Step 5: Find out I'm dead as that person was me. 
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Jul 29, 2023 16:37
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Politic your poo poo and create a demand for a face recognition laser the state can seamlessly implement into ID scanning software, but then use a high powered laser instead of the scanning one nanoseconds after you get a positive ID.
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Jul 29, 2023 16:44
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Throw a festive birthday party at the local pizza joint and invite a group of crows.
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Jul 29, 2023 16:45
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Invite a detective and a bunch of squabbling rich folk for a weekend a long at a scary haunted mansion Wait until the perfect murder happens and you hear about it after the detective solves it and tells everyone who dunno it.
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Jul 29, 2023 16:49
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Let your attorney argue to let you say bitch in public again, win your case, then provoke a fight with planted "neutral" witnesses to testify that the fight was 2 ways no matter what the victim does, hold them illegally for 2 or 3 weeks before trial, stage a fake "retaliation" "gang" fight in the joint, obtain a positive ID via blood sample, intimidate victim into pleading guilty to a felony assault charge, car insurance drops them, car dependent previously and currently disabled victim can't personally obtain food firsthand that isn't tampered with, dies of starvation or food poisoning, no cops catch a murder charge.
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Jul 29, 2023 16:52
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Goad your target into a high speed chase, break line of sight with them and quickly paint a realistic tunnel onto a nearby wall.
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Jul 29, 2023 17:11
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lol, *heep heep*
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Jul 29, 2023 17:12
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Make a post so bad that people who read it die
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Jul 29, 2023 17:14
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 22:49 |
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Oh God these tacos are murder on my guts!
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Jul 29, 2023 17:19
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