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The scienticians at the American Association for the Authentication, Assimilation, Ajudication, and Dissemination of Technical Methods (AAAAADTM) have finally released their long-awaited study regarding human flatulence. Over many years these dedicated scienticians have devoted hours of exhausting research to the understanding of Why Humans Gotta Fart. More importantly, and quite unexpectedly, the scienticians at the AAAAADTM discovered different forms of flatulence, which they hypothesize may be the result of the mood of the perpetrator, or perhaps be a result of subconscious attitudes or maybe something they ate. The Standard Fart: As the name implies, this is the most common form of flatulence. It is a simple, short and mildly audible eruption of gas. Generally smells mild-to-medium in offensiveness. The Poot: Slightly lower in volume than the Standard, it also is generally milder in odor. The Roast Beef Fart: Very large in volume, with a full-bodied rumble to announce its presence. Generally produced by old men and those who eat lots of legumes. The Chinese Firecracker: A series of short, intense cracks, generally lasting no more than 15 seconds. The G&L (Gambled and Lost): When one is not sure whether the fart is question is really a fart, and tries anyway. The end result is regret. The Humid Fart: When emitted, it creates a warm sensation, along with a slight amount of tropical moisture between the cheeks that causes the producer to feel just a tiny bit uncomfortable for a few moments, until they are sure this was not some form of G&L. The British Banker: The type of fart you would imagine a proper British Gentleman to produce. Produces a "Thip"-type sound. The Harvard Fart: They type of fart produces by a graduate of Harvard. Similar to the British Banker, but with more of a "Thap" quality to the audible portion. The Chico State Fart: Similar to the Roast Beef, only far more intense, with a more powerful odor. Common after beer bashes. The Exhale: A single, large expulsion of wind, which makes little, if any, sound. Those that experience it report it is similar to a Humid Fart, but with no cheek involvement. Imagine breathing out through your mouth when it is opened to its fullest extent. Poltergas: A fart in a crowded room which nobody will claim. Generally silent, but with a powerful olfactory component. often present in crowded elevators. The Dog Fart: a far more intense version of Poltergas, it contains room-clearing characteristics. The Shortripper: A very intense outgassing event, loud and powerful. Those that experience this event will swear that they sustained some form of tearing injury to their external sphincter. The study and classification of outgassing is an ongoing process, and the AAAAADTM needs your help. Please add any further classes of flatulence that you have discovered in your studies. Your input will be added to the register of Human Crepitation in a future edition of The Journal of Wind Breakage.
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Aug 28, 2023 04:13
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Aug 28, 2023 04:15
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Again?
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Aug 28, 2023 04:28
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The Bench Fart when a fart with normal volume & velocity reverberates off whatever you're sitting on, making it far louder and somehow smellier.
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Aug 28, 2023 04:32
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coughart
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Aug 28, 2023 04:46
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjJA3s391TY
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Aug 28, 2023 04:48
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Aug 28, 2023 04:51
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Fartstep https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBTUgYIQGFo
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Aug 28, 2023 04:51
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ive been on antibiotics this week and let me tell you, the farts are unreal. sounds like a lawnmower that is having trouble starting
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Aug 28, 2023 04:57
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Aug 28, 2023 05:21
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how much a fart cost? any denomination.
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Aug 28, 2023 06:06
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flubber nuts posted:how much a fart cost? any denomination. 3 rear end Pennies.
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Aug 28, 2023 06:07
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yeah, no, you got it in one; a thread titled farts is just asking for a sooner rather than laterhow did you manage to make a thread more regurgitated than "Vomit!"? I'm genuinely impressed
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Aug 28, 2023 07:31
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The Going Up Stairs Fart: when you go up (or down) stairs and fart on every step
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Aug 28, 2023 07:40
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYZMHL2o0Xk
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Aug 28, 2023 08:02
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tk-5RVMerfI I very good friends with the bloke that did this fart. And have been treated to many a live performance. Few as musical asthis one though.
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Aug 28, 2023 11:28
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I forgot what the topic of this thread was and just assumed genesplicer had made a third thread about unpleasant bodily functions. He probably will, too. Who wants to take bets on if it's belching, pissing or boogers?
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Aug 28, 2023 11:35
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Secks Cauldron posted:The Going Up Stairs Fart: when you go up (or down) stairs and fart on every step poo poo de l'escalier
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Aug 28, 2023 12:20
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The Vinyl "Fart": the noise made when you sit on a well-filled vinyl restaurant bench or other similar seating wearing shorts and then you scoot over, with the friction between the skin of your legs and the shiny, sparkly vinyl making a loud noise not unlike a powerful bout of flatulence and what are you laughing at that WASN'T a fart GOD YOU GUYS
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Aug 28, 2023 12:34
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kzkda8WOqPo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIf-FMkGV-Y (off topic) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7EyVsvJIb4
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Aug 28, 2023 14:25
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the Brute Force - no squeaking, squelching or bassy tones. this fart is just a pure push of air and sounds like a car slamming into a cement wall. cats and dogs jump and run out of the room. your wife spills her drink
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Aug 28, 2023 14:41
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I took a HUGE poo poo now my rear end is sore!!
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Aug 28, 2023 14:52
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The Marvin A four part fart, due to trying to release a big one surreptitiously. Ends up sounding like Marvin Gaye's Let's Get It On
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Aug 28, 2023 15:02
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the slide whistle A high pitched fart that goes up a full octave before completion
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Aug 28, 2023 15:51
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The Hot Tamale Announces it's presence long before it can be detected by the olfactory system. It has somehow exceeded the the standard human body temperature by as much as 55 degrees Celcius, approaching the boiling point of water at sea level. It is usually whisper quiet, but escapes quickly and with purpose. Holds the highest room clearing potential to volume ratio. It cannot cannot be blamed on the dog. Tread lightly and expell in an unpopulated area if you value human friendship. Szechwan fucked around with this message at 16:58 on Aug 28, 2023 |
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Aug 28, 2023 16:37
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This guy used to be on Howard Stern all the time. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKIopnx5VuE
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Aug 28, 2023 16:47
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That's a pretty good bit, the guy farting on the phone. Even if he's some kind of chud and I think he's faking the craigslist part? Solid bit. I think they should sell food that advertises itself as promoting flatulence. Hell they can make it some kind of health trend. Make America fall in love with the flapping wet anus all over again. Something you can eat or take, like a pill maybe? And before anyone says anything, YEA I know about fiber one bars. Just trying to bust rear end over here. Haha farts.
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Aug 28, 2023 18:29
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some sort of... reverse beano? but what could possibly accomplish such a feat...
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Aug 28, 2023 18:54
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Bloodfart McCoy posted:3 rear end Pennies. Yo. Also, don't listen to the haters, genesplicer, you are a treasure to these here forums.
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Aug 28, 2023 19:15
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Aug 29, 2023 07:28
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gently caress the haters. There can never be too many fart and poo poo threads.
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Aug 29, 2023 16:12
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Mozi posted:some sort of... reverse beano? but what could possibly accomplish such a feat... Beanyes
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Aug 29, 2023 16:13
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The Foamer: This one caused a bit of controversy in the halls of the AAAAADTM. There was much debate as to whether it should be included in the category of "fart", or in "poo poo". It was determined that it contained the requisite characteristics to be included in both. The Foamer is a fart that occurs during extreme digestive system distress. The result is diarrhea that is powered by intestinal gases. However, it does not provide the powerful spray pattern that most people dread. Due to high mucus content it creates a dense foam that drips from the orifice. Definitely distressing, but less so than the spatter that can occur. The sound is generally much lower than a spatterfart, but the odor may be just as great.
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Aug 29, 2023 17:25
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Aug 29, 2023 23:49
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This guy seems like he knows what he's talking about
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Aug 30, 2023 01:21
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Aug 30, 2023 03:02
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