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So guys, uh, I know we've all been through a lot, having been imprisoned in a warehouse and forced to run a series of sickening torture-gauntlets and traps by a masked maniac who wanted us to all learn to appreciate life more. but the thing is, the experience has made me realise that he was right, y'know? It is important to make people appreciate life more. so i have decided to become his successor and carry his vital work onwards, which is why i've imprisoned you in this STOP YELLING EVERYONE JUST, JUST STOP YELLING PLEASE I'M TRYING TO TALK STOP YELLING AT ME ABOUT THERAPY I WON'T GO TO THERAPY I DON'T WANT TO
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Oct 19, 2023 07:39
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| # ? May 10, 2024 12:56 |
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Being in these woods where a serial killer in a hockey mask murdered 30 people is turning me on. I'm gonna take my top off.
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Oct 21, 2023 15:21
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It's loving storming and my car just died. I better make a run for that abandoned looking barn over there! I don't know how long this storm will last. Hey, this barn isn't so dilapidated inside, and there sure are a lot of clean and sharpened farm tools hanging from the rafters. Look at this pitchfork: I don't think I've ever seen one with such needle-like tines before. Oh well. I think I'll take a nap on this hay since the storm doesn't seem to be letting up.
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Oct 21, 2023 23:40
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David D. Davidson posted:Being in these woods where a serial killer in a hockey mask murdered 30 people is turning me on. I'm gonna take my top off. I ironically bisect this person horizontally at the waistline.
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Oct 21, 2023 23:54
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Buttchocks posted:We've been trying to figure out why the monster hasn't been eating it's victims. I'm afraid we've found the answer. It's been leaving the bodies near it's nest of eggs. This monster, gentlemen, is the female of it's species. No, you can not have sex with it. Get back here!
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Oct 22, 2023 00:53
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David D. Davidson posted:Being in these woods where a serial killer in a hockey mask murdered 30 people is turning me on. I'm gonna take my top off. Look out, it's the Topless Killer! Legend says that no one has ever seen her face!
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Oct 22, 2023 04:23
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Buttchocks posted:Look out, it's the Topless Killer! Legend says that no one has ever seen her face! https://imgur.com/a/k5cY6KX (NSFW, violence and barely concealed nudity) 
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Oct 22, 2023 04:56
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(creepy music ramps up to a crescendo) (silence for a few seconds) JUMP SCARE
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Oct 22, 2023 09:55
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Ah! What!? Oh, haha, it was just the cat. Silly me thinking there was a monster about to attack me. JUMP SCARE
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Oct 22, 2023 10:13
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i am a dead body that the protagonist found exploring the basement
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Oct 22, 2023 22:26
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God drat, i keep getting calls about spiders the size of horses eating everyone. Bunch of crazies out there, kids out there hepped up on goofballs, even the Reverand says he saw one. But I, the local police captain know they're all full of poo poo because that doesn't exist. Now i'm going to go out and find a black kid to harass because thats the only way i can feel powerful.
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Oct 22, 2023 22:58
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twistedmentat posted:God drat, i keep getting calls about spiders the size of horses eating everyone. Bunch of crazies out there, kids out there hepped up on goofballs, even the Reverand says he saw one. But I, the local police captain know they're all full of poo poo because that doesn't exist. Now i'm going to go out and find a black kid to harass because thats the only way i can feel powerful. I’m the cameraman with a borderline-suicidal need to record the horse spiders up close because “people gotta know, man.”
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Oct 23, 2023 00:56
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Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, we are so glad you could all join us for dinner here at Castle Faulkner. I trust your ride through the remote and stormy hills was not too treacherous. The master of the house will be with you shortly, but in the mean time, he has left a gift for each of you: these smoking jackets and fezzes. You are kindly expected to wear them for the entire duration of your stay. No exceptions. Before dinner, please take the opportunity to view our extensive collection of animatronic suits of armor. Now if you will excuse me, I need to go stoke the many enormously large fireplaces and then practice my wolf howls.
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Oct 23, 2023 02:33
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Goddamn do I love these midnight visits to the Wax Museum. Getting a season pass was the smartest thing I’ve ever done. And, with that killer on the loose, this is the SAFEST place I could be! Hey, check it out, they even put in a new exhibit!
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Oct 23, 2023 03:44
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A Fancy Hat posted:Goddamn do I love these midnight visits to the Wax Museum. Getting a season pass was the smartest thing I’ve ever done. And, with that killer on the loose, this is the SAFEST place I could be!
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Oct 23, 2023 03:51
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thise drat enchiladas
If you can read this, I made a mistake.
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Oct 23, 2023 06:57
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Hmm I seem to have amnesia, what about you? Amnesia as well you say. Hmm, okay, um anyone in this room that doesn't have amnesia put up your hand. No, no, I don't think that mysterious dead body in the middle of the room doesn't have amnesia, pretty sure they just didn't raise their hand cos their dead. Look, no I don't think it's worth doing a seance right now just on the off chance the dead person doesn't have amnesia. ...Fine we can put it to a vote. NO THE DEAD PERSON DOES NOT GET A VOTE!
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Oct 23, 2023 07:55
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https://twitter.com/6abc/status/1278280169841725442
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Oct 23, 2023 10:29
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This antique jack-in-the-box is exactly what my son needs! Sure, it's a little rusty and the music is now being played in a minor key, but that just adds to the charm!
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Oct 23, 2023 12:56
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"Oh god, how is this nightmare continuing this is the third year in a row that Chainsaw Charlie has comeback to life and haunted and killed all the people I love and care about!!!" "Not to victim blame or anything, but um have you ever considered moving away from Chainsaw murder lake?" "But I have so many good memories here!!!!"
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Oct 23, 2023 13:20
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My 5 year old daughter keeps talking about the Tooth Fairy knocking on her window at night, haha, what a jokester. Anyway, better turn on the news to see if there are any updates on that guy who escaped from the mental institution. You know, the one who collects his victim's teeth in a necklace and wears them around.
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Oct 23, 2023 14:03
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Muttering to myself while holding a bunch of legal pads and rhyming dictionaries in my ink-stained hands because I’m the poor bastard that is going to have to rap the events of this thread over the credits
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Oct 23, 2023 14:24
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dr_rat posted:"Oh god, how is this nightmare continuing this is the third year in a row that Chainsaw Charlie has comeback to life and haunted and killed all the people I love and care about!!!"
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Oct 23, 2023 15:10
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Showing up at the house party "hey let's stop partying for a bit, I brought the Ouija board I found in my grandparents attic locked in a chest"
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Oct 23, 2023 16:50
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MacheteZombie posted:Showing up at the house party "hey let's stop partying for a bit, I brought the Ouija board I found in my grandparents attic locked in a chest"
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Oct 23, 2023 17:08
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I'll be right back, babe. I need to go piss, on account of all this beer I've been drinking on this camping trip. You stay in the sleeping bag, naked, so I can continue plowing you when I get back. And hey, keep your eyes closed when I come back. You know it turns me on when you don't look at me.
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Oct 23, 2023 18:18
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Splicer posted:Buy a new house? In this market? The constant flood of tears down the walls is an extra 20K to the starting price of this beautiful fixer upper, . 'Self cleaning walls'.
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Oct 23, 2023 18:23
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Gotta stay awake aaaallllllll night to avoid being murked by the spooky dude with cutlery for fingers. I'll just lay on my bed while wearing these noise-cancelling headphones and rest my eyes for a bit.
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Oct 23, 2023 18:44
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killer_robot posted:The constant flood of tears down the walls is an extra 20K to the starting price of this beautiful fixer upper, . 'Self cleaning walls'. plus I've just discovered an endless staircase in the basement. free storage space!
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Oct 23, 2023 20:02
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Thank you for seeing me, Dr. Nosebleed. My nose started bleeding but I can't tell whether I caught a hemorrhagic zombie virus, had a psychic vision, developed telekinesis, had a curse put on me, put a curse on someone else, drank poison, have a crush on an anime character, did too much cocaine at the topless sorority sleepover, caught a glimpse of a demonic horror beyond my fragile human comprehension, or if I'm just marked for death by cosmic fate. Let me grab my rhinoscope and take a look. Ah, yes your sinuses are haunted. I'll pack them with some gauze. Mind if I put this on my youtube channel? My followers love hauntings, it'll get a million views.
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Oct 23, 2023 22:16
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Buttchocks posted:Let me grab my rhinoscope and take a look. Ah, yes your sinuses are haunted. I'll pack them with some gauze. Mind if I put this on my youtube channel? My followers love hauntings, it'll get a million views.
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Oct 23, 2023 22:35
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I know the farmer told me to stay away from this overgrown pumpkin patch, but just look at how big these pumpkins are! I'd be an idiot not to grab one of these. Especially this glowing one that kind of looks like a human head, that'll look amazing in my front yard!
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Oct 25, 2023 13:45
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Lol Halloweens for dummies, lets go steal some candy off that dummy looking kid who dressed exactly like that famous serial killer who keeps on killing dozen of people in this town every Halloween! YO DUMMY, YA COSTUME LOOKS FAKE AS YOUR MOMS -WHO THE KILLER YOU DRESSED UP AS, FAMOUSLY HAD SERIOUSLY UNRESOLVED ISSUES WITH AND PROBABLY WAS THE CAUSE OF WHY HE STARTED KILLING IN THE FIRST PLACE, TITS... YA DUMMMMMY!!!
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Oct 25, 2023 14:02
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There have been so many cockroaches around lately, I guess it's a good thing that scientist just moved into town. What did she say she moved here for? Something about experiments? Well, I'd love for her to find some way to get rid of these dang bugs! Anyway, time to stomp down the garbage in the dumpster, as I always do in the middle of the night.
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Oct 25, 2023 17:25
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You're the babysitter? That's strange, we didn't call anyone about a babysitter. That's ok, we could use a new babysitter since our previous one died mysteriously. No time to check your references, or ask for a phone number or ID. We'll just head out and leave our infant with you. Try not to let your stigmata drip on the carpet, thanks.
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Oct 25, 2023 18:23
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Well, this must be that new haunted house everybody's been talking about! I know there are no signs, it's so good that they don't even need to advertise except through word of mouth! Hey look, a guy with a chainsaw! Haha, how spooky! He's coming right at us, too!
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Oct 25, 2023 19:00
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It's Spooktober in Spooky Town so every building must have all the lights off, including the schools. [The Goosebumps series on Hulu. I know it's atmospheric but lol it's absurd all the corridor lights are off in a school during school hours. ]
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Oct 26, 2023 02:17
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skooma512 posted:It's Spooktober in Spooky Town so every building must have all the lights off, including the schools. That's not for atmosphere that's just realistically showing the effect of school budget cuts.
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Oct 26, 2023 02:23
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Ha ha! It was all just a practical joke! We weren't actually being stalked by a serial killer. Yeah, two of us were killed as a result, and I was mortally wounded, but that wasn't intentional. I've been planning this for three years and spent mid-six figures on all the rigging in the walls and bribes to the local utilities company, not to mention replacing all the lights and appliances with customized IOT devices and paying someone to make a bespoke phone app to control them. I thought it would be funny to terrorize my best friends, some of whom have recently experienced real-life trauma and are especially vulnerable. Nah, just kidding, it was actually way cheaper and less effort to just hire an actual serial killer with supernatural powers. That's the awesome part. You all assumed I was such a terrible friend that I must be playing an elaborate practical joke, but it was a real killer all along as a practical joke! Still hilarious though, amiright? I love you guys! Promise me you'll all chip in to pay for my funeral. OMG, it was actually you all who hired the serial killer? Because you're tired of my practical jokes? You totally got me, you dicks. You'll all still cover my funeral, right? Also I totally slept with Sandra, bro. *dies* Naw, kidding again. I'm totally fine, it's just fake intestines. The "serial killer" and I were undercover cops the whole time. And we actually spent seven figures of taxpayer money on this sting operation. *blows whistle* We got 'em! Book them all for the murder of the two dead ones, and the attempted murder of yours truly. Now I'm going to get in my police car where there is definitely not a real serial killer waiting in the back seat to ambush me.
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Oct 26, 2023 05:34
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Getting stitched into a human centipede by a nazi doctor: “Oh great, this is just what I need” 
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Oct 26, 2023 05:59
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