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"Look, I told you there's no support number for Google. What do you mean you googled the number and called it and now they're controlling your mouse? Wait, you gave them your password? Okay, look, you need to unplug the router immediately. No, hang up on that person, it's a scammer, go disconnect the router right now and then call me back..... Okay, the router is off? Great. Turn the computer on. 'Weird screen'? It's not taking your password? Okay, you need to go change your Google password and all other important passwords from a different computer that was never connected during any of this" "No, real tech support people never ask to be paid in Bitcoin, why are you asking me this?" "Popups on your phone? What do you mean, 'popups on your phone whenever you open your email'? You need to factory reset it. Yes, last time we did this you had to mail it to me because you couldn't find the option, that's fine, my address is the same". "Look I just don't think it's worth putting 10 hours into trying to understand what's wrong with a Lenovo from 2012 can I please just buy you a new one, I can get something 4x as fast as this thing for like $300"
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Oct 4, 2023 13:41
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No plug the CueCat into the purple plug not the green one
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Oct 4, 2023 13:47
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No, Grandma, Netflix is not the name of your TV, it's a streaming service you access through the Roku I bought you. No, Roku isn't the name of your TV, it's the little box we plugged into your TV. You just need to click on the Netflix button with the remote, like selecting a channel. Okay, what's it asking you to do now? No, that can't be right, what did you click on? Ohhh, no, don't click the little asterisk on your remote, that brings up the options. Just hit the back arrow. No, the little arrow on your remote. Okay. Now click the "OK" button when you have Netflix selected. No, Grandma, I don't know why your microwave is beeping, did you put something in there? Okay well go get your popcorn. Alright you're back? What does the screen show right now? Alright, perfect. Now go to the search button - actually, never mind that, what do you want to watch? Heartland? That's a drama, right? Just... just click down a few times on your remote. Wait, what do you mean it's gone? The screen's gone? What did you press? No, you can't have pressed down, it wouldn't turn the screen off. There's a city on the screen now?
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Oct 4, 2023 14:06
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Your remote isn't working at all? Which remote? The one that works the cable box or the one that works the actual TV? No, the... is it the small remote or the big one? Right, do lights come on when you press the buttons? No, OK, and you've changed the batteries? No, OK, no its OK I'll wait while you look for some spares. Still no lights? OK, can you remember last time when we had to reset the remote by pressing those three buttons until the lights flashed? Sortof? Yeah, so you need to press bottom two buttons on either side and the top power button until it flashes 3 times. So that's the 3 button, the 1 button, and the power button all at the same time... its not doing anything? It didn't seem like you pressed it long enough. Yes, I can come and fix it.
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Oct 4, 2023 14:39
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You're getting a pop up on your phone? When does it happen? Okay, can you go into your settings? No, you can do that while you're talking to me, you don't need to hang up. No, trust me. Just put me on speakerphone, it's fine. Okay can you hear me? Hello? Can you hear me?
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Oct 4, 2023 14:49
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Okay, here's the password. 7. |. No, don't spell out "pipe", just |. Capital letters? No, no letters. Just |. I do not know how to more clearly spell "|" than "|". Hyphen. 3. Grave accent. No, grave accent. Below the tilde. That's an apostrophe, you need a grave accent. To the left of the 1 key, you should see the grave accent.
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Oct 4, 2023 14:58
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You need to press "input" on the remote. What do you mean there's now 3 tv channels playing at once? Press "pip" a few times.
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Oct 4, 2023 15:00
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The bluetooth connection is not integral to it's function. You can ram it up your rear end just fine without it, dad
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Oct 4, 2023 15:20
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Yeah I know it’s gross but it’s just something the algorithm decided people wanted to see a few years ago. Don’t worry, they aren’t really step-siblings, they’re just actors.
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Oct 4, 2023 15:26
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Going to read this for tips thank you goons!!!
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Oct 4, 2023 15:56
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NO DON'T LOOK ON YOUR KEYBOARD FOR A KEY NAMED "ANYKEY" JUST PRESS ANY KEY!!!!!
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Oct 5, 2023 20:38
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No, I don't think $60 a month for PDF viewing software is a good deal
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Oct 5, 2023 20:45
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"God drat, woman. Are you the same person who taught me how to hold a spoon?"
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Oct 5, 2023 20:54
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no, don't pour vinegar and iodine on your keyboard to clean your keys, that's not what sticky keys means
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Oct 5, 2023 20:54
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Ok, your keys are sticky, we can fix that when I come visit to make sure the hospice nurse isn't stealing your meds again
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Oct 5, 2023 20:56
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You’re watching Netflix HOW? You pressed the Netflix button on your tv remote? you need to first power cycle the raspberry pi so it blocks commercials, then use the console to open the lifetime tv app and then login via the QR code with your phone. …you want the commercials? I’m sorry mom I have to go.
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Oct 6, 2023 02:14
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"Yes sir, in order to fix the TV signal I need you to go down to the nearest convenience store and purchase $500 of a card that says Razer Gold. No the person telling you about scams is a fear mongering predator. Okay please read off the numbers on the card for me."
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Oct 6, 2023 03:03
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turn it off and back on. it works now? youre welcome mom. love you.
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Oct 6, 2023 03:10
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Turn it on. Turn it on. T- Yes, it is. Turn it on. Turn it on. Either the top or the front. Kind of a circle with a vertical line in it. Try the front, then. Okay, hold it for 3 seconds. 3 seconds. 1. 2. 3. Did it light up? No, the button. Okay. Okay, check the plug. Yeah, maybe one of the cats knocked it loose. In the back. It goes into- No, it goes into the wall. It's the only one. Okay. Can you turn on a light? Okay, call the power company. Did you pay your bill? Did they send you a notice? They should have sent- Did you opt in for paperless? No, they send you an email. You can check it on your phone. No, cellphone. How, if the power's out? What are you calling from? ... Mom?
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Oct 6, 2023 03:16
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The tech revolution happened during my lifetime too but somehow I managed to keep up. Figure it out.
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Oct 6, 2023 03:18
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Alexa, pacemaker off
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Oct 6, 2023 04:11
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No grandma, that's not me it's just an AI using my voice to trick you into giving it money Grandma: But that's not right, he's standing over there and you're the one on the phone. *suddenly realizing I was the AI the whole time* NOOOOOO!!!!
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Oct 6, 2023 04:15
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Ahh gently caress it. You know what dad? I just got a job at Microsoft and I'm calling to tell you have a virus. Give me your credit card number
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Oct 6, 2023 04:49
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No Grandma, I know that's what you saw in the movies but here in real life we cut the red wire.
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Oct 6, 2023 04:56
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Please stop using your ISP email address. I can set up a gmail account for you. It will copy over all our old emails. You won't lose them. Yes I can connect it to your outlook. You can use the same password. No, you won't have to keep using DSL, that's the point. I can get you fiber for the same price. No, you can keep the land line. Dammit, I will pay for the fiber service, it won't cost you anything. It's not cable, it's fib- Please for the love of God, let me get you faster internet service. Yes, this is why your tv signal keeps dropping out. No, moving the antenna won't fix it. What is the antenna even connected to? No, do not plug it into the modem. Ok fine, don't change anything if don't think you'll be able to remember a new email address.
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Oct 6, 2023 16:59
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I don't talk to any of my relatives
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Oct 6, 2023 17:49
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Oct 6, 2023 18:47
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 I got this within ~8 hours of posting this thread  I told him that it could be anything from a legitimately failing piece of hardware in his 7-year-old mid-tier laptop, to malware and anything else that "could be" the problem until ruled out, and also that he might want to look at event viewer and the system log but that I can't do much remotely. At some point in recent memory, their network got compromised through a scam, and they paid some local guy several hundred dollars to fix up their aging computers. I told him I would replace it all for him instead, nope. He uses two different ~ $400 Lenovos from 5 years ago to do different subsets of the tasks he needs to do. I wanted to kill all that off with fire and replace it with a single high-end laptop (that I'd buy) that I could remotely administer and all that nonsense, and he shot me down hard. Not over the remote admin, over the concept of having a single machine for both CorelDraw and "bank stuff". At some point I think that still becomes the thing we do, but, he's my dad and I love him so I'll support whatever silly tech setup he wants, as best I can.
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Oct 7, 2023 22:44
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Okay, so I'm gonna click "forgot password" and it's gonna send you an email with a code in it, I need you to read me that code. No, I haven't clicked "forgot password" yet; I'm gonna click it right now. Okay, check your email for me? Okay, let's wait a minute or two, it should show up. Oh wow my second cousin I haven't seen since we spent an afternoon together in 1994 got married? Was it a nice wedding? Oh, can you check your email for me again? Still nothing? Okay let's give it another sec. How's Dad managing his diabetes? Oh he's not? Super. Did you ever find that pair of shoes -- oh you got the email? How long ago? Oh the code's expired, I have to click "forgot password" again...
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Oct 8, 2023 05:37
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Funky See Funky Do posted:The tech revolution happened during my lifetime too but somehow I managed to keep up. Figure it out. I spent quite a while teaching digital literacy to more elderly people. Had one client who was talking about how he started off on computers at uni in the 60s doing programing back when you did programing on cards but than and this was all incredibly new, but with changing fields, and life in general and everything after a while he just stopped keeping up. Really cool dude, and very quick learner and was super apologetic about just not knowing what we'd consider pretty basic stuff. But yeah it will happen to us too!!!
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Oct 8, 2023 08:17
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| # ? May 4, 2024 22:51 |
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"so your email isn't working. Okay so lets see, could you just check..." -three minutes later- "yeah so seems like what your saying is the computer isn't turning on, could you quickly check if the power cable's plugged in?"
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Oct 8, 2023 08:22
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