what do you think happens after youre dead

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > what do you think happens after youre dead

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Wendigee: Jul 19, 2004

vaginite posted:

You get to quit going to work everyday

# ? Oct 29, 2023 04:44

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# ? May 2, 2024 17:00

syntaxfunction: Oct 27, 2010

Wendigee posted:

I mean it will be but

New Game+ ruins way too many games imo

# ? Oct 29, 2023 04:45

Funky See Funky Do: Aug 20, 2013; STILL TRYING HARD

You don't know that. Maybe the afterlife is just as toilsome as this one. You get to the gates, they hand you a mystical scythe, and God gestures towards the infinite Mana fields of heaven that it's your job to reap for all eternity.

# ? Oct 29, 2023 04:48

vaginite: Feb 8, 2006; I'm comin' for you, colonel.

Funky See Funky Do posted:

You don't know that. Maybe the afterlife is just as toilsome as this one. You get to the gates, they hand you a mystical scythe, and God gestures towards the infinite Mana fields of heaven that it's your job to reap for all eternity.

nah I'd be somewhere in accounting

# ? Oct 29, 2023 04:54

Darth Brooks: Jan 15, 2005; I do not wear this mask to protect me. I wear it to protect you from me.

Some cheery thoughts from the Bible.

Genesis posted:

In the sweat of your face you will eat bread until you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken. For dust you are and to dust you will return.�

Job posted:

Like a cloud that fades and vanishes,The one who goes down to the Grave does not come back up. He will not return again to his house, and his place will acknowledge him no more.

Psalms posted:

Do not put your trust in princes nor in a son of man, who cannot bring salvation. His spirit goes out, he returns to the ground; On that very day his thoughts perish.

Ecclesiastes posted:

There is hope for whoever is among the living, because a live dog is better off than a dead lion. For the living know that they will die, but the dead know nothing at all, nor do they have any more reward, because all memory of them is forgotten. Also, their love and their hate and their jealousy have already perished, and they no longer have any share in what is done under the sun.

Whatever your hand finds to do, do with all your might, for there is no work nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom in the Grave, where you are going.

# ? Oct 29, 2023 04:59

Private Cumshoe: Feb 15, 2019; AAAAAAAGAGHAAHGGAH

You get to meet Matthew Perry

# ? Oct 29, 2023 05:01

Turrurrurrurrrrrrr: Dec 22, 2018; I hope this is "battle" enough for you, friend.

I hear the first post on SA-forums after you die is your reincarnation. But only if you posted even once in your life.

# ? Oct 29, 2023 05:11

Private Cumshoe: Feb 15, 2019; AAAAAAAGAGHAAHGGAH

Turrurrurrurrrrrrr posted:

I hear the first post on SA-forums after you die is your reincarnation. But only if you posted even once in your life.

Hillary knew

# ? Oct 29, 2023 05:13

Funky See Funky Do: Aug 20, 2013; STILL TRYING HARD

vaginite posted:

nah I'd be somewhere in accounting

God doesn't need an accountant. He knows everything. What he needs is manual labour.

# ? Oct 29, 2023 05:16

Dragonstoned: Jan 15, 2006; MR. DOG WITH BEES IN HIS MOUTH AND WHEN HE BARKS HE SHOOTS BEES AT YOU
by Roger Hargreaves

Pessimist take: Life is cruel and unforgiving, why would death be any different? (nothing, you die and that's it)

# ? Oct 29, 2023 05:46

lipid: Feb 21, 2001

Welcome. Welcome new Galaxy.

# ? Oct 29, 2023 05:49

vaginite: Feb 8, 2006; I'm comin' for you, colonel.

Funky See Funky Do posted:

God doesn't need an accountant. He knows everything. What he needs is manual labour.

bullshit he don't know what IRS class life a pearly gate is

# ? Oct 29, 2023 06:02

Jelly: Feb 11, 2004; Ask me about my STD collection!

they fish you out of your hot tub

# ? Oct 29, 2023 08:51

Blurry Gray Thing: Jun 3, 2009

Caesar Saladin posted:

personally, i hope i poo poo my pants as a final 'gently caress you' to this dumbass world

Pretty sure your bowels release, yeah, though I have never seen someone die right in front of me and only know this from general pop culture exposure.

# ? Oct 29, 2023 08:54

Funky See Funky Do: Aug 20, 2013; STILL TRYING HARD

vaginite posted:

bullshit he don't know what IRS class life a pearly gate is

You don't need to worry about it now because that's exactly the kind of blasphemy that doesn't get you invited.

# ? Oct 29, 2023 09:05

Blurry Gray Thing: Jun 3, 2009

Funky See Funky Do posted:

You don't need to worry about it now because that's exactly the kind of blasphemy that doesn't get you invited.

Yeah. Anyone who has ever seen 'Christian comedy' already knew that God has no sense of humor.

# ? Oct 29, 2023 09:09

Bad Purchase: Jun 17, 2019

my dead man�s switch will activate, but i shan�t spoil the surprise

# ? Oct 29, 2023 09:12

FoolyCharged: Oct 11, 2012; Cheating at a raffle? I sentence you to 1 year in jail! No! Two years! Three! Four! Five years! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Somebody call for an ant?

Typically after you die, some boring people show up, and then point out how dead you are. Then the jerks get distracted and start talking about the time.

# ? Oct 29, 2023 09:15

flubber nuts: Oct 5, 2005

its in my will im going to get cremated with racing horses. my urn will be full of racing horse bone dust.

# ? Oct 29, 2023 09:16

flubber nuts: Oct 5, 2005

i know whats going to happen after i die because i signed a legal document that dictates it.

# ? Oct 29, 2023 09:18

Cubone: May 26, 2011; Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

it's kinda tough to explain
the continuity of conscious awareness that we mistake for the self goes away, probably, but it kind of never really existed in the first place? the self is really an arrangement, and that arrangement is an instance of a pattern that's part of a spectrum of patterns that's part of a variety of spectrums of patterns that recur in vastly complicated ways that help make up a greater sort of ontological weave. or maybe "pattern"'s not the right word, it doesn't necessarily have to make sense
see not reincarnation or even recurrence per se, but like the way you might roll eight on a pair of dice. eight is just a name we give to this thing that can happen, and so am I

so, "I" go away. forever. y'know? hopefully I was mostly good for people and hopefully I helped a bit. I know I'll have made the most of it.
the people who love me will mourn, but not every day, and one day they'll pass, too. the things I did in life will ripple out, then become blurred and indistinct as if I never even happened
another soul, not mine, but much like it, will appear, by chance, many times, as it has for as long as such things have gone on and will for as long as such things continue to go on. like me they'll be sensitive, apprehensive, affectionate, hopeful, self-indulgent, indecisive, impish, thoughtful, poetic, kinda goofy. and often stressed out and sad for a world that doesn't see things as they see it, how good the world has been to us, how beautiful it was meant to be, and how precious and fragile the precious and fragile things of life are. they'll let their curiosity lead them by the nose through the quiet wonders of a complicated and often difficult world, occasionally finding something beautiful that they can love, and when they do they'll share it with anyone that they can trust not to hurt them for it. then they'll die, too, no wiser for the journey, and if they have time to regret anything it'll probably be that they were just starting to get the hang of whatever this is. if they're lucky, like me, along the way they'll have learned how utterly unalone they really are, how the shape of a soul will see its like countless times across vast infinities
the universe has got plenty of eights, and it will for as long as it keeps rolling dice

I think some people, if anyone made it this far into this post, are probably thinking at this point something like "well, so what? that's not you. you're just saying there's people a lot like you in the world, any idiot knows that." and... man, I wish you got it. I wish I was better at explaining it! it's exactly that but so much more than that

# ? Oct 29, 2023 09:34

Private Cumshoe: Feb 15, 2019; AAAAAAAGAGHAAHGGAH

Cubone posted:

it's kinda tough to explain
the continuity of conscious awareness that we mistake for the self goes away, probably, but it kind of never really existed in the first place? the self is really an arrangement, and that arrangement is an instance of a pattern that's part of a spectrum of patterns that's part of a variety of spectrums of patterns that recur in vastly complicated ways that help make up a greater sort of ontological weave. or maybe "pattern"'s not the right word, it doesn't necessarily have to make sense
see not reincarnation or even recurrence per se, but like the way you might roll eight on a pair of dice. eight is just a name we give to this thing that can happen, and so am I

so, "I" go away. forever. y'know? hopefully I was mostly good for people and hopefully I helped a bit. I know I'll have made the most of it.
the people who love me will mourn, but not every day, and one day they'll pass, too. the things I did in life will ripple out, then become blurred and indistinct as if I never even happened
another soul, not mine, but much like it, will appear, by chance, many times, as it has for as long as such things have gone on and will for as long as such things continue to go on. like me they'll be sensitive, apprehensive, affectionate, hopeful, self-indulgent, indecisive, impish, thoughtful, poetic, kinda goofy. and often stressed out and sad for a world that doesn't see things as they see it, how good the world has been to us, how beautiful it was meant to be, and how precious and fragile the precious and fragile things of life are. they'll let their curiosity lead them by the nose through the quiet wonders of a complicated and often difficult world, occasionally finding something beautiful that they can love, and when they do they'll share it with anyone that they can trust not to hurt them for it. then they'll die, too, no wiser for the journey, and if they have time to regret anything it'll probably be that they were just starting to get the hang of whatever this is. if they're lucky, like me, along the way they'll have learned how utterly unalone they really are, how the shape of a soul will see its like countless times across vast infinities
the universe has got plenty of eights, and it will for as long as it keeps rolling dice

I think some people, if anyone made it this far into this post, are probably thinking at this point something like "well, so what? that's not you. you're just saying there's people a lot like you in the world, any idiot knows that." and... man, I wish you got it. I wish I was better at explaining it! it's exactly that but so much more than that

The universe should stop rolling dice it is very immoral and could lead to dancing

# ? Oct 29, 2023 10:09

Horrorosaurus: Oct 22, 2010

Animals continue to poo poo in the woods, gently caress each other, same as with the human animal species. Someone wins the lottery next week and dies of alcoholism in 15 years. Leaves during the spring, leaves dropping to the ground when autumn comes. Same old, same old.

# ? Oct 29, 2023 11:16

vegetables: Mar 10, 2012

I think it�s probably just one awareness going through space and time endlessly through everything that can be aware; all this �you�re definitely linked to your thoughts and memories as a thing that definitely has free will� seems way more untenable to me; a means to maintain personal uniqueness against a world that does not support it.

I don�t think awareness actually has any influence over anything� but then there is no reason why it can�t bounce around a deterministic universe all over the place; just a weird property of spacetime in the end

# ? Oct 29, 2023 11:20

Blurry Gray Thing: Jun 3, 2009

I can't possibly imagine dying, so I am going to continue to believe that I was born at exactly the perfect time for new life extension methods to outpace my natural aging until, eventually, some form of immortality is invented.

And also that I will somehow be lucky enough to get it despite being poor.

# ? Oct 29, 2023 11:23

erosion: Dec 21, 2002; It's true and I'm tired of pretending it isn't

There's a light you can go towards and if you do, you go inside John Malkovich for a while. Otherwise you can go away from the light and become a spooky ghost.

# ? Oct 29, 2023 11:38

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007

*take hit

What if, like, we're all already dead, and this is Hell. We had some other life, we died, we were judged and DAMNED, and this reality is the Hell we've been sent to. For who knows what purpose.

# ? Oct 29, 2023 12:23

GABA ghoul: Oct 29, 2011

Really depends on if they manage to freeze my head in time or not. So either I'm gonna wake up in an utopian future in a new body hanging out with weird aliens and making art for all of eternity or just never wake up at all and cease to exist

# ? Oct 29, 2023 12:25

pixaal: Jan 8, 2004; All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.

You keep going like you are living until you remember you are dead then you stop existing.

# ? Oct 29, 2023 12:25

Szyznyk: Mar 4, 2008

Ol� J.C. cracks out the scales of justice and weighs it out. Then, all sins being equal, you go straight to hell on a blasphemy rap because of all the goddammits.

# ? Oct 29, 2023 12:59

A Fancy Hat: Nov 18, 2016; Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin

You are given two choices - go on to an immortal existence beyond comprehension full of things beyond your wildest expectations, or haunt a creaky old house by opening some cabinets very slowly.

# ? Oct 29, 2023 15:30

You Are A Werewolf: Apr 26, 2010; Black Gold!

It�s a higher plane of existence where we shed our mortal bodies and our consciousness is free to do whatever we choose.

Also, the plane is full of kittens and puppies :3:

# ? Oct 29, 2023 15:48

Khanstant: Apr 5, 2007

Nothing happens after I'm dead. Nothing happened before I was born either. Hope you enjoyed your brief false existence as part of an advertising simulation made to manipulate me into buying simulation insurance.

# ? Oct 29, 2023 16:13

Shinjobi: Jul 10, 2008; Gravy Boat 2k

SIDS Vicious posted:

i think you maybe get to go to a dream world forever and see some naked ladies etc, and then it just is dreaming for ever, or just ceasing to be, i do not remember anything before being a person so i do not believe likely there is anything to remember or be etc after im done being a person well let me know what you think thanks everyone, i love you

I quantum leap into infinity

# ? Oct 29, 2023 16:24

Deptfordx: Dec 23, 2013

Why all this crazy speculation?

We know perfectly well what happens after you die.

If it was a glorious death in battle you ascend to Valhalla where you feast and fight every day till Ragnarok comes.

If you've died a shameful straw death you go to gloomy Nilfheim where Hel reigns.

Glad I could clear this up.

# ? Oct 29, 2023 16:26

OB-GYN Kenobi: Dec 4, 2017

You turn into a ghost.

Now you're probably wondering, if there have been billions of humans who have died, why aren't there billions of ghosts running around. Well you see, the laws of physics don't work on ghosts, and gravity doesn't keep them on earth. When you die, as earth and our solar system move through the universe, it just leaves all the ghosts stuck floating in the endless void of space, right where they died. Hopefully you die close to someone else so you can talk with the other ghosts, but if it's just you....

# ? Oct 29, 2023 16:31

Gumdrop Larry: Jul 30, 2006

You have to have perception for any "thing" to happen. When you're dead there is nothing for you to perceive because there is no more you. Nothingness is literally incomprehensible because you only have the context of being alive and perceiving; You'll always ever think of qualities, such as darkness or quiet or whatever. Eventually matter in some way will see fit to coalesce in a way that creates another consciousness that is you perceiving things again, but obviously with no possibility for anything like memory of "past lives" so to speak. It's impossible for a "you" to not exist in some form because when you do not there is no perception and therefore no existence or reality or whatever you want to call it.

# ? Oct 29, 2023 16:38

Grey Cat: Jun 3, 2023; Doing stuff and things

OB-GYN Kenobi posted:

You turn into a ghost.

Now you're probably wondering, if there have been billions of humans who have died, why aren't there billions of ghosts running around. Well you see, the laws of physics don't work on ghosts, and gravity doesn't keep them on earth. When you die, as earth and our solar system move through the universe, it just leaves all the ghosts stuck floating in the endless void of space, right where they died. Hopefully you die close to someone else so you can talk with the other ghosts, but if it's just you....

In a book called Everlost, when you die you sink into the planet unless you're standing on dead ground like a burnt forest or house and stuff.
So I'm going with all the ghosts sank to the core of the earth and got compressed into various metals.

# ? Oct 29, 2023 16:38

erosion: Dec 21, 2002; It's true and I'm tired of pretending it isn't

Khanstant posted:

Nothing happens after I'm dead. Nothing happened before I was born either. Hope you enjoyed your brief false existence as part of an advertising simulation made to manipulate me into buying simulation insurance.

"We take good care of our solipsist; if he goes, we all go."

# ? Oct 29, 2023 16:39

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# ? May 2, 2024 17:00

HD DAD: Jan 13, 2010; Generic white guy.; Toilet Rascal

Consciousness/awareness is probably just a fundamental property of the universe and when you die you just kinda continue on as something else with no perception that anything has changed.

Heck maybe we�re just quantum leaping into each other a billion times per second. Death and the self are an illusion. Probably.

(Joke�s on me when I go to giga-hell for not being Pentecostal)

# ? Oct 29, 2023 16:44

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > what do you think happens after youre dead

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