NICSA 22 - Jamaican Jerk is the THINKING MAN'S pumpkin spice!

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Goons with Spoons > NICSA 22 - Jamaican Jerk is the THINKING MAN'S pumpkin spice!

I. M. Gei: Jun 26, 2005; CHIEFS

BITCH

NOTE: gently caress it, thread's open now. I made the food, now I just gotta type how I did it :siren:

In the meantime, pics of the finished food: :hellyeah:

Jerk Bacon :dudsmile:

Stuffed Pineapple :dudsmile:

Yes, you read that thread title right. JAMAICAN. JERK. We goin' CARIBBEAN this Fall! :getin:

This NICSA entry will consist of two dishes:
1. Jamaican Jerk Bacon
2. Stuffed Barbecued Whole Pineapple, Stuffed With Jamaican Jerk Bacon Chunks Mixed With Onions, Garlic, Brown Sugar, Barbecue Sauce, and Pumpkin Spice (also butter)

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⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ IMPORTANT FOOD SAFETY WARNING � PLEASE READ!!! ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

THIS POST FEATURES A HOMEMADE BACON RECIPE THAT HAS NOT BEEN LAB-TESTED FOR SAFETY!! MAKING YOUR OWN BACON RECIPE WITHOUT LAB-TESTING IS A VERY loving BAD IDEA, BECAUSE IT MAY LEAD TO FORMATION OF HARMFUL BACTERIA AND OTHER NASTIES THAT CAN MAKE YOU SICK AND POSSIBLY KILL YOU!! PLEASE DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DO WHAT I AM DOING HERE YOURSELF!! WHILE I HAVE MADE THIS RECIPE SEVERAL TIMES FOR MANY DIFFERENT PEOPLE INCLUDING MYSELF AND NOBODY HAS EVER GOTTEN SICK FROM IT YET, I CANNOT GUARANTEE ITS SAFETY WITHOUT PROPER LAB TESTING!! IN SHORT, PLEASE DON'T TRY THIS RECIPE (OR ANY OTHER UNTESTED BACON RECIPE) AT HOME!!

THIS (LONG AS gently caress) AmazingRibs.com ARTICLE GOES INTO A LOT MORE DETAIL ON HOW TO SAFELY CURE MEATS LIKE BACON, AND WHY MAKING YOUR OWN UNTESTED HOMEMADE BACON RECIPE IS POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS AND A BAD IDEA!

(ALSO YES, I DID GET PERMISSION FROM GRANDICAP TO POST THIS RECIPE FOR NICSA 22, JUST TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE)
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Okay, now that that's out of the way...

When I first saw the theme for this NICSA I didn't think I was gonna enter, since I'm not a big fan of pumpkin and I wasn't sure I could think of a real stand-out recipe that used pumpkin spice. Then I realized that I ALREADY HAD a recipe � one that I had planned to enter in a previous ICSA but never actually submitted because I didn't bother to finish typing my entry thread.

That recipe... was Jamaican Jerk Bacon. It turns out that traditional Jamaican jerk uses pretty much all of the components of pumpkin spice: allspice, cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg. The only one it doesn't always have is the cloves, but that's easy to add since it fits the flavor profile for jerk like a glove.

The idea of Jamaican jerk pork belly bacon is one I'd been kicking around in GWS for awhile before I made my first attempt at making it. The idea seemed pretty sound; pork belly is a cut of meat that takes well to the kinds of flavors you see in Jamaican jerk, and yet when I looked for a recipe online I was never able to find one. Still, a bunch of goons expressed interest in the idea which is why I eventually (stupidly) decided to make it myself, and the result was phenomenal! Since then I've made it about 4 or 5 other times before now, including for a bunch of my extended family and as an entry for ICSA 69 :nice:

which I never finished my entry thread for and thus didn't enter.

Now I'm attempting it once again for NICSA 22...... and once again, my entry thread isn't done by the deadline. :negative:

Why, you ask?

Two words: Pimento wood

Proper Jamaican jerk just can't be done without smoking over real pimento wood from the allspice tree. For awhile, pimento wood was available in the US through various websites like pimentowood.com, who exported it straight from Jamaica. However, in June of 2021 the Jamaican government banned the exportation of pimento wood harvested from live trees within their borders, making it much harder to get ahold of. Allspice trees WERE threatened by over-harvesting for their wood at one time, so this isn't without precedent...... but that was in the late 1800s when people used their wood to make walking canes and poo poo. I'm not entirely sure what's going on right now. As far as I'm aware, pimento wood can still be legally sold and exported from Jamaica, but only if it either fell off the tree on its own, or originated from another Caribbean country.

All that is to say: Pimento wood is harder to get in the US than it used to be. And since bacon can only stay in a cure up to a certain number of days (or else food safety becomes a (bigger) concern), I basically had to time putting mine in the cure so that it'd come out no later than the exact day I HOPED my pimento order would arrive (about October 30th or so, which in this case meant putting my meat in the cure on the 25th or 26th). Sadly international shipping is a gently caress and I placed my order a few days later than I should have, and so the wood I ordered about 3 weeks ago apparently won't arrive until November 3rd. gently caress! :shepface:

Now, I *could* just sub a 60/40 split of apple and pecan wood with a hint of hickory and a heaping fistful of allspice berries � and since I'm already typing this sentence after the entry deadline, I might just do that instead � but drat, I really went all-out on this recipe and using any wood other than real pimento would feel just wrong at this point, even if it means finishing my entry thread a few days after voting starts. Hell, this is the first batch of this bacon I've ever made using real Scotch bonnet peppers, which I also had to special order, and since those are impossible to find in my neck of the woods I made sure to save the seeds for future planting. :hellyeah:

So, until my pimento gets delivered (or I nut the gently caress up and use my other wood instead), I'm gonna use a few unposted pics from my last time making this dish for an N/ICSA (just the pics showing the bacon on the smoker and the finished product) and then replace them with the new photos when this new batch is done.

I also have a second dish I'm gonna make, which is gonna be Stuffed Barbecued Whole Pineapple, Stuffed With Jamaican Jerk Bacon Burnt Ends Mixed With Onions, Garlic, Brown Sugar, Caribbean Barbecue Sauce, and Pumpkin Spice, but that uses the Jerk Bacon dish as an ingredient, so I can't make that until the bacon is done. Double gently caress! :v:

Food Safety Do's and Don't's for Bacon
Before we get started, here's a handy list of things you should and should not do when making bacon. This goes for ANY bacon recipe.

✅ DO use Kosher salt, and specifically use Morton's coarse Kosher salt when making a recipe by Meathead or from AmazingRibs.com. Yes, apparently there IS a difference between this particular salt and other salts, and yes apparently it DOES matter when making bacon, and AmazingRibs has a whole rear end article on the reasons why. If you use a different kind of salt, make sure to change the amount you use according to the calculator in that article.
✅ DO use bottled distilled water, both in your recipe and (wherever possible) when washing and cleaning your ingredients and utensils. If you don't have distilled water, you can use tap water but make sure you boil it for at least 20 or 30 minutes and then let it cool to room temp before using.
✅ DO make sure all of your ingredients, utensils, and bags/containers are clean and freshly washed before using. Sanitation is fuckin important when making bacon!
✅ DO clean and sterilize the CHRIST out of any fresh fruits, vegetables, herbs, or other plant-like ingredients you use! A mix of distilled white vinegar and (preferably distilled) water is great for washing veggies and herbs, though other options may exist that are better.
✅ DO clean your cooking utensils and containers often while making your bacon.
✅ DO only use pasteurized ingredients! If a recipe calls for vinegar, please don't use that hippie unpasteurized apple cider vinegar with "the mother" or whatever the gently caress!
✅ DO use Prague powder #1. DON'T use any other type of curing agent or any other number of Prague powder.
✅ DO keep your meat between 34� and 38�F. Get a good fridge thermometer if you want to make sure your fridge is the right temperature. Thermoworks makes some really great ones.
✅ DO keep your meat fully submerged in the cure throughout the curing process.
✅ DO use the curing calculator in this AmazingRibs article to calculate stuff like how much Prague powder #1 to use and how long to cure your meat for.

❌ DON'T make any untested bacon recipe (like this one). Just because it's never made ME sick before, that doesn't necessarily mean it CAN'T.
❌ DON'T use any meat or other ingredients that have patches of mold, or that have anything on them that look or smell even a little bit "funny". I don't care how much food it is or how much money you spent on it; THROW THAT ENTIRE poo poo AWAY! DO NOT cut off the "bad parts" and then attempt to use the rest! Don't even worry about starving Africans or whatever; those Africans would get sick from eating that poo poo too! Remember: When in doubt, throw it out!
❌ DON'T use any unpasteurized ingredients like that cider vinegar I mentioned above! It sounds silly, but there is a whole rear end Forensic Files episode about a bunch of kids dying because they drank unpasteurized apple juice.
❌ DON'T use any batch of cure more than once.
❌ DON'T stack multiple pieces of pork belly on top of each other, or touching each other, in your cure.
❌ DON'T smoke your bacon under 225�F. And DO remember that a lot of the bad stuff that can form in bacon can survive higher temps than what you cook it at before eating!

And finally...
❌ DON'T attempt to make this jerk bacon recipe I'm making! At least not until AFTER I have it lab tested for safety. :v:

_{^{Whenever I figure out how the gently caress to do that.}}

Ingredients

Jamaican jerk pretty much lives and dies by the freshness of the ingredients, so try to get the freshest of everything that you can find, and remember to wash and clean your fruits, vegetables, and herbs THOROUGHLY before using.

� Morton's coarse Kosher salt (the amount will vary based on factors like the weight and thickness of the pork belly. I used this calculator to get the amount I used, which was 1 1/2 Tbsp. Use ONLY Morton's coarse Kosher salt; yes, apparently it matters. If you can't use Morton's coarse Kosher for some reason, use this conversion calculator to see how much to use of whatever you have. Also note that my photo shows sea salt because that's what I grabbed for the staging, but I used Morton's Kosher salt in my actual recipe.)
� 1 Tbsp fresh-ground black pepper
� 1 to 2 Tbsp fresh ginger, chopped
� 1 Tbsp fresh-ground whole allspice berries
� 2 tsp freshly-grated nutmeg
� 1 1/2 tsp fresh-ground cinnamon stick
� 1 tsp fresh-ground whole cloves
� ~3 to 5 Tbsp fresh thyme leaves, chopped (the fresher, the better! I used about 4 Tbsp.)
� 8 to 12 scallions, diced (I used 8, and in retrospect I feel like I should've used more.)
� 6 cloves garlic, pressed (or finely diced, I guess. Note that I really like garlic and my definition of one "clove" is however much I can fit in the hopper of my press and still close it.)

� 1 1/2 Tbsp* soy sauce (your amount may vary. Record the exact amount you use; you'll need this to calculate how much Prague powder #1 to use.)
� 1 1/2 Tbsp* dark brown sugar (your amount may vary. Record the exact amount you use, for the same reason above.)

� 2 Tbsp* apple cider vinegar (again, your amount may vary. Again, record the amount you use.)

� 1 to 2 combined cups*** fresh lime, orange, pineapple, and/or mango juices, plus dark Jamaican rum (optional) and/or Coke with real sugar (optional) (my recipe used 1 1/2 combined cups. Record the amount of combined liquid you use, for the same reason as those other 3 things above.)

� 1/2 cup fresh flat-leaf parsley leaves
� 1/2 cup fresh cilantro leaves
� 2 Tbsp fresh marjoram leaves
� 1 onion, roughly chopped
� 6 to 12 Scotch bonnet peppers, roughly chopped (I used 12)

� 1 pork belly, about 2 to 4 lbs (mine is about 3.09 lbs)

� Prague powder #1, aka Pink curing salt (use the calculator on this page to find out how much to use)

*** I mixed 6 Tbsp each of all 4 fruit juices, plus 1/4 cup rum and 1/2 cup Coke, in a separate jar, and then mixed 1 1/4 cups of that mixture into my jerk cure. The total volume of liquid in my recipe (before processing it into mush) is 1 3/4 cups. The volume after processing is about 1 1/4 �quarts�.

=== COMING SOON (this is the poo poo I'm still typing lol) ===
Equipment Needed
* Notes
* Important Links

Instructions (for the Bacon)

:siren:

STUFFED PINEAPPLE WILL BE ~~COMING SOON!! STAY TUNED!!~~ technically already posted above I guess. :siren:

I. M. Gei fucked around with this message at 23:43 on Nov 7, 2023